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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of group child parties where I'm expected to buy at three gifts etc??

241 replies

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:10

Hi,
My 6 year old son really enjoys going to other children's parties which I realise are expensive for parents and I don't mind bringing gifts but it annoys me when its three or more kids together and I have ti buy multiple presents. I also don't like buying rubbish as a rule and I find its impossible to get a present under a tenner these days. Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out? Or say my child can't attend?

OP posts:
ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 10:23

HouseofGods · 04/05/2022 10:20

It's not about feeling "hard done by". The parties have all been activity parties so by inviting fewer people they'd still have been able to have a party rather than teaming up with another child to double the attendees (half class vs full class, I'm not suggesting they should only get 2 friends).

I'm hardly going to lose sleep over it but yes, I did say to DH, god I've never even heard of X but we'll need to get him a present too. For families that are struggling it's much easier to attend 1 party with 1 gift and then politely decline another rather than leaving your child going to no parties because you can't stretch to 2/3 gifts. And yes even the good old £5 in a card will be too much for a lot of people to manage multiples of at the same.

Show quote history

Then that’s a different issue to the one in the OP. She’s happy to spend the money on presents, she just wants her child to have more parties to go to in return.

LouisCatorze · 04/05/2022 10:30

It's easier in terms of logistics and even present-buying having several classmates have a joint party. Clearly OP is still in the honeymoon period of her DS (presumably PFB?) going to parties. The excitement and novelty soon wear thin. It's probably a good way for parents to share the cost. With prices of everything increasing (apart from salaries!), joint parties will become more the norm, so get used to it OP.

BubblegumIceLollies · 04/05/2022 10:33

£5 in a card is far more exciting at that age.
Money to buy sweeties at the shops, pick something out at toy shop etc.

katepilar · 04/05/2022 10:44

OP, you are not a miserable sod, as some people on here suggest. I understand what is going through your head.
I think these parties should have no gifts as they seem to be a whole load of rubbish that is not needed anyway. They should be just about having a good time imho.

lanthanum · 04/05/2022 10:45

DD was invited to a party for four boys, and the invites said "just bring one present and we'll share them out between them". Brilliant - only needed one, and didn't even have to worry about whether they already had it. The whole class was invited, so they'd still get a few presents each.
Perhaps you need to start the trend...

mowglika · 04/05/2022 10:48

YANBU op, just don’t get presents for all the kids, only the one who is your dc friend.

If all 3 are friends, I would just stick fivers in a card for each kid, would normally spend a fair bit more than that but buying £30-£40 worth of presents for one primary school party is a bit of a slap in the face 😂 don’t care if people think that’s spiteful or nasty. The people doing the inviting are also spending less - half to a third of what they normally would so I think a fiver is fair enough.

It is annoying but I would just suck it up and go if your dc enjoy parties.

Lipsandlashes · 04/05/2022 10:51

tomatoandherbs · 04/05/2022 06:49

@Simplelobsterhat

My son is about to have a joint party and it hadn't occurred me that people might see it as a bit grabby expecting 2 presents for one party

a few negative people who look for the shadows in life will.
but I assure you that I wouldn’t think grabby and in RL I have never come across a friend or family member thinking grabby either

It honestly never occurred to me to consider children having joint parties anything other than good economics. I think it's a great idea; it saves money (for the birthday child's parents) and resources and stops the endless stream of weekends being taken up by other kid's birthday parties. I agree books or a board game are always a good present too.

Fizbosshoes · 04/05/2022 10:59

Argos 2 for 15 was my go to when kids where younger. Thankfully now they dont do parties 😂

same here , for kids (more for DS friends, DD didn't seem to be as popular, or get invited to many) probably between the ages of 4 and 8 there were (iirc) some reasonably good presents in the 2 for 15 or 3 for 2 offers.

prescribingmum · 04/05/2022 11:03

would normally spend a fair bit more than that but buying £30-£40 worth of presents for one primary school party is a bit of a slap in the face 😂 don’t care if people think that’s spiteful or nasty.

Nothing spiteful or nasty about not being able to/wanting to spend that amount on gifts. As many have said, completely reasonable to get a cheaper gift/stick £5 in the card. Spiteful is turning down the invite even though you know your child would love to go and the birthday child(ren) would love to have them there just because they have chosen to combine resources.
You are not buying a ticket to a party with your present, you are attending an event the host would like your company at.

Keepitonthedownlow · 04/05/2022 11:05

Everyone should stop buying plastic crap for kids parties.

MoHunter · 04/05/2022 11:06

YANBU I feel like this is quite a recent trend?? Went to one joint party for 3 children in DS class, all three had presents from the whole class so near enough 90 presents were piled onto three tables. It felt awfully grabby to me and like they were doing it on the cheap but still expecting mountains of presents for all three. (No word whatsoever on limiting presents.)
There were some big presents too, if I'd just showed up with a book for each child I would've looked cheap.
This may sound bad but yes I'd prefer if they did 3 separate parties because I'd feel like I'd then get "my money's worth" and would be happy to buy a gift for £10 for the birthday child. My children love parties!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 04/05/2022 11:06

Snowwhite83 · 04/05/2022 06:10

Hi,
My 6 year old son really enjoys going to other children's parties which I realise are expensive for parents and I don't mind bringing gifts but it annoys me when its three or more kids together and I have ti buy multiple presents. I also don't like buying rubbish as a rule and I find its impossible to get a present under a tenner these days. Am I being unreasonable and should I stop grumblimg and fork out? Or say my child can't attend?

Give them some cash, my DC love it when people put cash in a card, it doesn't happen much but it always impresses them when it does. I love the idea of a fiver party, just cash and cards, no new toys to find room for, no one spends a heap.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 11:17

There were some big presents too, if I'd just showed up with a book for each child I would've looked cheap.

This is just silly and entirely on you. Buy a book if that's what you want to do. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 11:20

You are not buying a ticket to a party with your present, you are attending an event the host would like your company at

This. When did social events become so transactional?

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 11:22

If all 3 are friends, I would just stick fivers in a card for each kid, would normally spend a fair bit more than that but buying £30-£40 worth of presents for one primary school party is a bit of a slap in the face 😂 don’t care if people think that’s spiteful or nasty

No one has said that putting £5 in a card instead of buying extravagant presents is spiteful or nasty, quite the opposite. That’s what people are suggesting others do. Spending ‘a fair bit more than that’ is ridiculous, in my opinion.
I think it’s spiteful to turn down a joint party invitation, when your child would love to go, just because you don’t think you’re getting enough bang for your buck. Which is what the OP was suggesting she will do.

TheKeatingFive · 04/05/2022 11:23

You are not buying a ticket to a party with your present, you are attending an event the host would like your company at

exactly

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 11:23

It felt awfully grabby to me and like they were doing it on the cheap but still expecting mountains of presents for all three

Did any of the party children or parents say that they were expecting mountains of presents?

VestaTilley · 04/05/2022 11:26

Go to The Works and buy them one children’s book each. I think The Works do four or five children’s books for a fiver.

I wouldn’t decline parties for this reason! If you can’t afford it then go with just a card or bag of sweets - that’s more than enough! Most parents would just be glad their DC has party guests, and there’ll be more than enough presents from other children to cover you if you can’t afford them.

bringonsummer2022 · 04/05/2022 11:35

Buy a book from the works or similar cheap place. Or if it's my kid, don't buy her anything. We have enough stuff and what she actually wants is a party with her friends and to be sung happy birthday to.

updownleftrightstart · 04/05/2022 11:41

At DD recent party one child didn't bring a gift at all. Didn't matter to us - she had so many things anyway she didn't notice and I'm happy the child came anyway. I'd hate for children to miss out and decline invites as their parents can't afford to get a present

FateHasRedesignedMost · 04/05/2022 11:53

Make the most of 2 for the price of 1 offers, sales etc and have a stash ready?

I think if it’s a joint party or for 3 kids nobody will expect the usual £10 gift each?

kimfox · 04/05/2022 11:54

Organise group presents and suggest people put in £5 each. Ask the parents what gift birthday DC would like. If it's too expensive they get a gift voucher to go towards it depending how many takers you get.

MoHunter · 04/05/2022 12:37

ReadyToMoveIt · 04/05/2022 11:23

It felt awfully grabby to me and like they were doing it on the cheap but still expecting mountains of presents for all three

Did any of the party children or parents say that they were expecting mountains of presents?

That's not how it works, is it? When an invite is sent stating it's from these 3 children in their class (none of which DS is more or less friends with than the other 2), and there is no mentioning of limiting presents either on the invite or in the many related messages re the party on Whatsapp, you can't possibly choose to just give a present to one of them...IMO.
27 presents per child no matter if big or small is an awful lot. I'd hate to get that many (mostly unwanted) things personally for my child.
Each to their own I guess but if it was me I would've coordinated presents to avoid this exact thing.

prescribingmum · 04/05/2022 12:58

MoHunter · 04/05/2022 12:37

That's not how it works, is it? When an invite is sent stating it's from these 3 children in their class (none of which DS is more or less friends with than the other 2), and there is no mentioning of limiting presents either on the invite or in the many related messages re the party on Whatsapp, you can't possibly choose to just give a present to one of them...IMO.
27 presents per child no matter if big or small is an awful lot. I'd hate to get that many (mostly unwanted) things personally for my child.
Each to their own I guess but if it was me I would've coordinated presents to avoid this exact thing.

Show quote history

Had each of the 3 children held their own class party, they also would have received 27 presents each. I agree, it is too much and unnecessary but not really the point of this thread.

As many others have suggested, £5 in a card/sweets/any other consumable present is a good option

blueseahorse · 04/05/2022 13:24

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 11:20

You are not buying a ticket to a party with your present, you are attending an event the host would like your company at

This. When did social events become so transactional?

I’ve never understood why weddings are so transactional. I’ve seen discussions on here where people are told they’re being stingy giving £30 as a wedding gift and that they must cover the cost of the food (never mind their income). This seems to have been a rule for a long time but it’s the same thing in my eyes.

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