Is this racist?

[ToastedWaffle]

Okay.... so my ex was over at my house tonight to see our kids (he often does this).

Eldest DC was brushing their teeth whilst the same time trying to ask my ex a question.

Because you couldn't make out the words DC was saying with the toothbrush in their mouth, ex then proceeds to imitate the 'sound' saying something like "wah sah wah ha insert random sound here Are you Chinese or something?"

I've just had my arse handed to me by my ex for pointing out it was casually racist and could he not say things like that.

He has kicked up a massive stink which involved shouting, swearing, in which I asked him to leave. Still, the kids overheard him as he was being deliberately loud in shouting at me.

I'm sat here confused as hell.

@Discovereads

The other Chinese poster said it wouldn't offend them. Not that it wasn't racist.

I've also said it wouldn't offend me either but from what's been described, I'd say it was racist. In the grand scheme of things, lowish level but that's what east Asians have to put up with. Lots and lots of low level racism. The jokey type that gets passed off as humour or, "I'm just having a laugh mate". The sort where you get told to lighten up if you don't laugh along.

It's probably why it's mostly water off a ducks back as I find it hard to get upset about when racism is so intersectional and others get it so much worse.

What did you do? Stretch to the moon and back to come up with that? The n word is not even remotely comparable in the slightest to the OPs situation.

I see it as racist so called it what it is.

Having being the victim of 'actual' and not so 'actual' racism in life I think I would understand what constitutes as racist. Some people wouldnt offended by it, just as some people would be offended by casual sexism. Doesn't mean they arent those things.

That is utterly disgusting and if that was my child I'd be having pretty strong words with them. You handled it well by ignoring it but you shouldn't have to witness it at all.

Thanks. I'm sure you would but sadly racist parents often breed racist kids.

But I should add that I'm sorry your ex gave you such a hard time. Quite worrying so hope you're ok and likewise, you shouldn't have to witness that for trying to do the right thing.

It more my kids I feel.sorry for. Eldest came down asking for water and ex was yelling at me. I said shhh to ex and he carried on even though dc was stood there.

Yes it is racist but white, 'naice', middle class Mumsnet will try to tell you different

Yes it was racist. As a mixed race person (one half being SE Asian) - what he said is racist and very rude. As an adult he should have just said to your daughter to speak with him when she finished what she is doing. There was no need for it. It's casual racism and this is the sort of thing that people don't even realise trickles down and causes issues - especially with younger generations. I can understand why some people think it's no big deal and they couldn't get upset about it, but as someone who has seen and been on the receiving end of racism I can only urge people to think how they would feel if something like this was directed at them or they overheard it.

How he responded to you was equally unnecessary and uncalled for.

I feel for you OP.

I would be explaining to the children that what he said and how he behaved was inappropriate and why.

Its obviously racist. Whether it is a particularly offensive example or not isn’t for me to say, but OP was absolutely right to call it out.

This ^

Well done OP he clearly didn't like being called out on disgraceful behaviour!
Yes I would consider it racist and yes I would challenge it.

Sorry I said daughter I meant son!

Yes. Racist because of the old racist trope around it all being 'gobbledygook'

Yes, racist. What an unpleasant man.

You were in the right. He was setting a bad example to your child. You called him out on it and he became abusive, therefore doubling his bad example to the children.
I can see why he’s your ex.

Wouldn't bother me. The screaming and shouting would
.

I think ex needs to take the kids out from now on. He wouldn’t be allowed back in my home after that. I would also be evaluating whether my kids should be around someone who is ranty and sweary as well as casually racist.

every person who has said this is not racist is definitely a white person

🤣🤣

Of course it was racist. Mimicking the Chinese language in a derogatory way is racist.
Do some people think that there is some kind of level below which racism doesn't count or is not worth bothering about?
Being subjected to casual racism in childhood is how this crap is perpetuated.

Well done OP for calling it out for what it is.

I am also Chinese and I am not offended by it, so much as weary that this sort of crap still goes on.

I am guessing that those who don't find it racist haven't been subjected to that sort of ridiculous behaviour. Or may be have been subjected to so much of it, it has been normalised or desensitised for them.
Whatever the reason, do better, don't stand for it and don't excuse it.

He needs to make other arrangements to see the children from now on, doesn't he?

Not just because you were right, but because of his reaction, the arsehole.

No, I would not say it's racist.

Oh, apparently Chinese people call westerners "Round eyes" so it's all okay.

You would not believe the horse shit that comes out of a 50 year old man's mouth.

For the record I'm white.

I am mixed race (one of my parents is Chinese) and yes I would find this offensive. I can see why some might believe it’s not racist, because taken as an isolated incident it’s relatively tame and nowhere near as bad as some of the racism I’ve been subjected to. But after a literal lifetime of racist abuse your tolerance can wear a bit thinner. None of this shit exists in a vacuum and that is the real issue, not how hurtful an individual incident might or might not be.

I love the way the racists here try to justify their racism.
Of course it was racist. Well done for calling him out.