Is this racist?

[ToastedWaffle]

Okay.... so my ex was over at my house tonight to see our kids (he often does this).

Eldest DC was brushing their teeth whilst the same time trying to ask my ex a question.

Because you couldn't make out the words DC was saying with the toothbrush in their mouth, ex then proceeds to imitate the 'sound' saying something like "wah sah wah ha insert random sound here Are you Chinese or something?"

I've just had my arse handed to me by my ex for pointing out it was casually racist and could he not say things like that.

He has kicked up a massive stink which involved shouting, swearing, in which I asked him to leave. Still, the kids overheard him as he was being deliberately loud in shouting at me.

I'm sat here confused as hell.

I am shocked so many people think this was ok behaviour from your ex.

Because he is a kid and makes mistakes. I wouldn't tell him off for asking a question whilst brushing his teeth.

Just realised that was the case.

Not at all appropriate! You have done the right thing by calling him out on it , in front of the children 👏.

Yes agree with this

It is racist but your ex won’t care (as evidenced by his OTT reaction). Can you send him a message explaining that regardless of he thinks it’s racist, school will and your child will be in trouble if he mimics his dad at school. Will that be something he cares about?

It’s not actually casual racism. Casual racism are comments often presented as jokes said to a person of a different ethnic group. The comment in question wasn’t made to a person of East Asian heritage so it’s not casual racism.

Saying “are you Chinese” as a joke by a white man to a white kid because he couldn’t understand what the kid was saying is just a variation on the “it’s all Greek to me” type of comment.

Now of course racism can include white people sitting around and saying derogatory shit about other ethnic groups when they’re not present. But “are you Chinese” is a neutral comment it isn’t derogatory towards Chinese heritage people at all. So it’s not that kind of racism either.

I don’t think it’s offensive at all.

Yes, it's racist. Making random animalistic sounds, and pretending it's another very real language is dismissive and mocking of the actual language. Absolutely racism. I recently pulled my 7 year old up on similar - she got it straight away and felt bad (and was reassured as she had no ill intent. Just told not to again). How embarrassing: he has ctitical thought skills lower than a young child...

Seperate to that, kicking off at you is just dickhead behaviour. I'd not let him in again, personally.

I wouldn't view it as racist. He was saying in relation to not being able to understand what your child was saying due to the toothbrush, referring to it sounding like he was speaking a different language.

every person who has said this is not racist is definitely a white person.

Nice try but he was also making up words that he thought sounds Chinese. Clearly racist.

I view that comment as racist

But “are you Chinese” is a neutral comment it isn’t derogatory towards Chinese heritage people at all. So it’s not that kind of racism either.

But it isn't neutral because of the context. DC speaking in unintelligible way and having it likened to a minority ethnic language is racist.

It would be no different than if the child had a tangled mass of hair and the dad said 'why is your hair looking like that, are you black?' (Real life example, unfortunately)

I respectfully disagree with every word you have said here.

That's not how casual racism works. Taken from someone who has experienced it.

He was mimicking 'wah sah wah' which is a common way that people make fun of the Chinese language

That’s not true, in fact the one Chinese person who has posted has said they are not offended at all.

It's racist.

Many will still overlook forms of stereotyping and 'casual' racism like this but it's still racist. Calling the Chinese a chiny is still racist, referring to the corner shop as the p* shop is still racist, referring to any asian person as a P** is racist and NO IT IS NOT SHORT FOR PAKISTAN.

Mimicking accents, appearances in a derogatory manner is never ok. Your ex sounds like a tosser and I'm really sorry he reacted so aggressively. Do not have him back in your home again, you deserve to be safe without being verbally abused for challenging behaviour. He's an utter tosser.

@NippyWoowoo I just took it as a kid making funny sounds and not being able to understand them. I still don't see it as racist.

Strike through fail.

"Why did your son ask a question while brushing his teeth? It's really rude just like someone talking with their mouth full"

Quite. And also- not the point of the thread. At all. On the "bad things that happened in this scenario" scale I'd say the relative positions would be
Shouting and swearing at OP + in earshot of the children and
Casual racism in front of OP (normalising this old crap in society) + in earshot of and actually directed at a child (thus perpetuating this crap for future generations)
score highly and
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Speaking with mouth full, to a parent in a private bathroom

might just about register

Anything like that is racist. You were right to point it out OP.

He's an utter tosser.

The very reason he is an ex.

And mimicking the accent as well? People will contort themselves every which way to avoid seeing racism

He also mimicked a chinese accent derisively.

It's the exact same ilk as a child coming back dirty and saying 'you look black' or pulling your eyes into slits and saying 'look I'm chinese'.

Man makes racist comment. And it is racist.

• that's not racism

-it's OP's fault -the kid was rude

What's next? His mother didn't love him enough ? A Chinese kid once stole his packed lunch? He has dementia? He's actually 75, and it was ok in his day?

It didn't happen,if it happened it wasn't that bad, and if it was it wasn't his fault anyways.

Fuck me..