DS Bullied By Child with SEN

[ellie21]

My son who is at a mainstream Primary School is being bullied by another child who is undergoing assessment for ADD.
Initially this was low level bullying ( name calling etc) but has developed into threats of violence. In the last two weeks he has been physically assaulted three times by this child. The school have confirmed that this is one sided and is happening to other students too.
I have been into school a number of times to talk to staff and whereas they are sympathetic they say they have a duty of care to the child with SEN as he is struggling to cope at school.
AIBU to think that this is separate issue? I am absolutely furious my child is being hurt.

Some children don't have the cognitive ability to learn to control themselves,and there is violence in special school,s too,so presumably you also want children with severe learning disabilities,who hit out for a variety of different reasons ,including frustration etc ,just not being able to Access education because "they can't control themselves"?

These threads always go the same way ,it's depressing posters are generally happy for children with SEN to go mainstream as long as they are quiet and sweet ,and can be a "learning experience" for their own child ( have seen this on threads )
But the minute there is any disruptive behaviour,they want the disabled child immediately removed .

Children with Sen were also used when people wanted schools to stay open/re open during covid. It was all ' think of the vulnerable children'. Back to the normal dislike now.

And when people took a dislike to masks and got themselves Amazon sunflower lanyards so they didn't have to wear them. (Several people at my kids school admitted to this).

Disabled children are handy when it suits.

presumably you also want children with severe learning disabilities,who hit out for a variety of different reasons ,including frustration etc ,just not being able to Access education because "they can't control themselves"?

They want all children with additional needs (except the sweet kind sort) in a box at home with nobody ever having to see them. We've observed this at church, dancing, music classes, etc. etc. as well as bullying by parents at one of DS schools.
The parents who rounded up support on Whatsapp (that they never invited me to join) to get him excluded, and who never invited him on playdates, and wouldn't let their children go to his party, were WAY more bullying than my son who did get upset and hurt some people but who never targeted any individual.

Totally agree with this, I’ve posted about the green paper thread a few times on this thread but unless there’s been any since when I look this morning there’s no questions on there about the effects on all children including nt.

there’s been some people on this thread posting about how they don’t give a shit about sen if their kid is being battered but still can’t seem to see the connection on how it’s going to be so much worse if some of the suggestions in the green paper come into being.

I don’t need to care or be bothered as my child is now in an appropriate secondary specialist which goes up to 18 so these changes will have minimal effect on me but I do because I care about what happens to others.

People just arguing amongst themselves and sleep walking into potentially one of the worst disasters for mainstream schools, believe me mainstream is about to get a hell of alot worse for all kids. So glad I’m out of it

Agree there are some pretty astonishing claims and vitriol on here aimed at young children with disabilities. But then I'm not surprised when I've heard things repeated ad nauseum like "have you tried rewards and consequences?" And "just make her walk in the wet without her shoes and socks, she'll soon learn she doesn't like it and comply". Oh, and "you're the parent in this relationship, make her wear her seatbelt. When I told her we had restrained her using a makeshift strap around her booster seat but that she had simply broken her seat in two to escape, that did shut them up. And that was after pur poor ds had sat in the back with her and been punched, spat at, scratched and pinched for trying to keep her seatbelt on.

There were also alot of posts complaining thst children with ehcps were being allowed into school in the second lockdown when they were having to home school and it wasn’t fair.

There were also alot of posts complaining thst children with ehcps were being allowed into school in the second lockdown when they were having to home school and it wasn’t fair.

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Oh boo boo.

I've heard all this too.

My child remained in school throughout the lockdowns at the SENCOs request as it would be detrimental to his (very slow and small) progress and to his mental health. Bet anyone who moaned wouldn't be willing to take on everything that comes with a child that needs an ehcp!

if its Will Quince in charge of this, God help us.

I think a lot of the time a blind eye is turned as the school isn’t doing whst they are supposed to he doing in the first place and don’t want to highlight this. I’m not blaming schools in anyway as they have to make difficult decisions to make on budgets. There’s plenty of cases where schools are reviving funding for 1-1 full time ta for a child but to make up for cuts in other areas the ta is used for other kids too thst don’t have any funding. If something happens when the ta isn’t there and the child is supposed to have full time 1-1 in order to prevent incidents I can see why they might want to sweep under the carpet. Worst I had when my child was in mainstream was thst I turned up early one day and my child was having a meltdown abd throwing stuff and there was only his 1-1 looking after him and two full classes ie 60 children.

I think a lot of the time a blind eye is turned as the school isn’t doing whst they are supposed to he doing in the first place and don’t want to highlight this. I’m not blaming schools in anyway as they have to make difficult decisions to make on budgets. There’s plenty of cases where schools are reviving funding for 1-1 full time ta for a child but to make up for cuts in other areas the ta is used for other kids too thst don’t have any funding. If something happens when the ta isn’t there and the child is supposed to have full time 1-1 in order to prevent incidents I can see why they might want to sweep under the carpet. Worst I had when my child was in mainstream was thst I turned up early one day and my child was having a meltdown abd throwing stuff and there was only his 1-1 looking after him and two full classes ie 60 children.

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This is exactly the problem and why funding is such an issue.

If a child needs round the clock 1-1 supervision abs has funding for that, they absolutely shouldn't be using this TA for anything else. This is why other children are being hurt, because they either don't have the 1-1 funding therefore no TA for the child who needs it, or they are being used when they shouldn't be elsewhere. An ehcp is a legal document that should be followed to the letter.

I was annoyed my EHCP children were marked as authorised absence, rather than attendance frozen like my non EHCP children. I was told it was because they should have been in school, even though they tried and couldn't deal with the Covid changes.

That was the DfE decision, schools had no say in codes.

I complained to my MP, not just whinging on social media.

The mainstream school my child was in told me on at least 3 occasions that he was causing a budget deficit with exaggerated finger counting.
The head offered to fund my younger one in wraparound care, if I moved the EHCP child to another mainstream. This was in front of an LA representative. Who said nothing.

** Autienotnaughtie
And for those condemning these violent Sen children, you are aware a Sen child is far more likely to be bullied than be a bully. Probably by your little darlings who are brainwashed with all your vitriol .
I found this when mine was in mainstream. Not saying this is the case for the op or others in the thread but there are nt children who will wind Sen kids up on purpose because they know they will blow and get the blame. Often Sen kids are not very articulate in explains what has happened. Luckily when this happened to us there were some quiet sensible kids in ds’s class who reported back to the teacher what was actually happening.**

We have this exact experience. Other kids goading my SEN child until he snaps, then telling teacher, while my SEN child doesn't have the quick-thinking skills to verbally defend himself/explain. We've also had NT classmates making up lies about him - because they know he can't stand up for himself or isn't able to defend himself.

I've asked for school to keep him away from a couple of kids as far as possible (not put them on the same table etc) as I'm so sick of it.

I wonder if the other child/children's parents in our case is getting a similar response to the OP, that's it's a sensitive issue, rather than telling them their child is deliberately provoking to get a reaction (in our case).

I remember when ds was in mainstream and there were a lot if incidents at lunchtime. The school insisted that he was having 1:1 at all times. I eventually discovered that he was in a room with 6 children all with sen and his 1:1 was the only adult in there but the school continued to argue that he still had 1:1 because his 1:1 was there.

Of course not, that is a completely different situation and you can’t compare the two. The person in a wheelchair isn’t running others over and hurting them are they.

violence does not belong in school, where children are getting physically injured. The reason the violence is happening is not important here, the fact that children are being injured is what is wrong. A child’s right not to be injured trumps another child’s right to education. Every time. I actually can’t believe there are people that think otherwise.

Not sure I’ve only seen his name mentioned on
the mumsnet post so maybe he’s just doing that. I’m going to one of the in person sessions and looks like it’s d of e running

To the point that sunflower lanyards are no longer recognised for their true purpose and most just think they are mask exemption

Will is the 2nd or possibly 3rd to be handling this. It's taken forever to get to this point.

Special Needs Jungle have some excellent write ups on it.

"violence does not belong in school, where children are getting physically injured."

You put the provision, support and supervision in place to stop other children getting injured. You don't lock disabled children away.

Your belief that children who cannot control themselves shouldn't be allowed out would mean no special schools.

Remember this could be anyone's child and could be your child.

God yeah ,I had forgotten that,all the earnest we must keep schools open for vulnerable and disabled children threads
Ironically the most vulnerable children in my LEA still ok couldn't go to school as the special school,s were shut!

who never invited him on playdates, and wouldn't let their children go to his party, were WAY more bullying than my son who did get upset and hurt some people but who never targeted any individual.

why do you think not inviting someone for play dates or parties is part of bullying? It’s completely my choice who I invite into mine and my child’s home, and parties that I’ve paid for and organised. I wouldn’t ever invite someone my child didn’t like or want to invite, and I certainly would never invite someone who physically hurts others. Why would I put my child, and my child’s friends, at risk of being injured voluntarily, just so your child can get a play date experience?

that has nothing to do with SEN by the way, before someone comes along and says I hate all SEN children. I have friends with children with SEN and disabilities and they are round for play dates all the time, and of course they get invited to parties as my child likes them. But they’re not violent, I would never invite someone who was, SEN or no SEN.

I actually agree with the change of coding for the second lockdown for children with ehcps. Children with ehcps were supposed to be allowed into school first lockdown but it was very few and far between. Even when all children went back there were a lot of cases where sen children weren’t allowed back as they were being risk assessed out due to not being able to social distance or their 1-1 tas being used to supervise another bubble. I was randomly on an ofsted parents panel after the first lockdown and some of the stories of very vulnerable children being abandoned for months and months on end with no support or therapy’s were harrowing. The change in coding at least would highlight any anomaly’s where high numbers of children with ehcps were absent. Accept it’s not perfect and wasn’t ideal for your situation but I think it was the best of the two ways

God forbid it happens but anyones child could have a car accident or get a virus where they end up with a brain injury which means they end up lashing out when confused, scared and they don’t know what’s happening (fight or flight mechanism).