To think we have ruined childrens play

[Beepbopblop]

I grew up on a working class estate, in a northern mill town. I am almost 34 and I had the best time with my friends growing up. I am comparing my child DS8, to my child hood and I am feeling a bit sad. Because;

1. From aged 8 I could ride wherever on my bike all over town
2. we had the most imaginative play, we kept up for the whole six weeks holidays that the mills behind us was haunted, I convinced a peer to trap a bee in a jar to save my life - we all knew it wasn’t true but played along as it was all part of the story, and ate a mud pie after sacrificing the bee…
3. I was allowed out to play from when my parents left for work until tea, and then from there until it got dark
4. we had secret woods, haunted woods, various (unsafe) rope swings and biking routes

In comparison DS8 gets to go on “play dates” and prearranged activities..

AIBU to grieve for the good times being a child and wonder why we are so closed off with our children

@toomuchlaundry yes but in those countries it has been that way for generations, and people tend to get married a lot younger than they do here. And the difference is, let’s take India as an example, is that children are seen as more like ‘mini adults’ than having a distinct phase of childhood (the idea of childhood itself is a social construction). So they would be expected in many cases to work, look after younger siblings and do far more to help generally. In much the same way that childhood was here, if you think back to what we know of Victorian times.

Whether the way we do things is good or bad is subjective of course, but if you look at our terrible standards of child/adolescent mental health, childhood obesity etc, you do have to question whether we have got it right. Yes our children may be ‘safer’, but

@toomuchlaundry yes but in those countries it has been that way for generations, and people tend to get married a lot younger than they do here. And the difference is, let’s take India as an example, is that children are seen as more like ‘mini adults’ than having a distinct phase of childhood (the idea of childhood itself is a social construction). So they would be expected in many cases to work, look after younger siblings and do far more to help generally. In much the same way that childhood was here, if you think back to what we know of Victorian times.

Whether the way we do things is good or bad is subjective of course, but if you look at our terrible standards of child/adolescent mental health, childhood obesity etc, you do have to question whether we have got it right. Yes our children may be ‘safer’, but at what cost to them?

@toomuchlaundry thats because we were not allowed in pubs , nowadays many do allow kids so you take them in
I loved going to the pub and getting lemonade and crisps as fizzy drinks were a treat
Mostly my parents used to pick ones with beer gardens and play equipment though but occasionally the car very briefly .

To all those saying to the OP why doesn't she let her child have same childhood its because it many areas you now can't, there may not be other kids out playing , the fields once played in may bow be houses, the quiet road is now an A road etc
My own council estate i lived in where we all played out is almost a no go place now
Times change

I'm 44 and did not have that childhood. Sounds more like how my DM would describe hers though. And she came from a large family, so was often out in a group with siblings.

One possible reason for the change could be the development of land for housing/other uses. The fields where my DM and aunts & uncles roamed has largely been built on.

Also cars - cars may be safer and driving tests more thorough, but there are so many more cars now. Most places near my house, if you want to cross the road you have to do it from behind a parked car, or go considerably out of your way. When I was a child, in this area there were no cars parked on the road, a car in the pub/shops car park was an unusual sight - I used to practise riding my bike there. Where I'm sitting now I wouldn't have been able to see any cars, now I can see six.

I do and I don't have fond memories of my 70s/80s outside play experience.
The negative was that we were forced out, whether we wanted to or not. This was brutal if your friends were unavailable.
The positive was the reasons you've pretty much outlined in your OP. Loads of child led fun.

@VeryGoodVeryNice i think that sounds right but some on here are adamant it was abusive or neglectful parenting, maybe our kids will loon back and think they had a crap childhood and were restricted etc who knows , times change and with that so does attitude
I disagree that the reason we have more mental health issues etc is all down to knowing better , yes to an extent it is but also modern life and how we see things and especially internet plays into that
We see these perfect facebook lifes and compare
Years ago people didn't expect much life was more basic
You knew your neighbours , people talked actually talked got things of their chest
We all talk in person a lot less these days and have smaller circles

I'm glad you enjoyed your childhood. But actually, it sucks that you had no adult support between breakfast and tea for your summer. That's dreadful. This for me is one of the many items on a childhood of neglect and indifference from my own parents. Years of being left to my own devices led me to very risky situations, which my classic 70s parents still blame me for for being a stupid willfull child.

@Onlyforcake but they never said they had no support just they were allowed
I was allowed out most of the time but i wasn't forced out, i also had friends in to play and my parents were there if needed.
We all wanted to be out most if the time thats the difference

Rochdale estate, 1980s. The freedom to nearly kill yourself!

We overlook two parks and I also grew up in the same building.

In the spring and summer, from about seven to around 14 years old, me and my younger sister would play in the park unsupervised for hours every day with a large group of neighbour's children, only coming home for dinner.

Those parks just have dog walkers in them now - I don't get it, as there are still loads of children living there.

I'm glad you enjoyed your childhood. But actually, it sucks that you had no adult support between breakfast and tea for your summer.

Total nonsense. We had both support and freedom - we could go home any time we wanted, but we mostly preferred to be out with the other kids.

But actually, it sucks that you had no adult support between breakfast and tea for your summer.

We didn't need "adult support" to play. What a bizarre thing to say.

I do feel sorry for my DS3 (7). He has nobody his age to play with. And playing outside all by himself - oh well... There are simply no young families left on our street. Kids either grown up, or moved out.

I had neighbours who were turfed out in the morning all summer long and told not to come back until dinner time. They had to knock on other people's doors to use the loo

What is neglectful is parents that don't allow children any freedom, parents that don't allow their children to experience life.

YYY to this.

Weird thing is, I don't remember as a child ever NEEDING the loo. All day And although I ate like a horse at home, I'm sure I used to go all day without food too.

I don't remember miserable rainy days either Actually, maybe I do, but they were all about staying in reading and eating sweets and watching Knight Rider.

Nobody would have thought that was okay at the time either.

I have seen people talk about parenting as if it was the 70s and 80s norm when in reality it would have been seen as neglectful parenting then as well.

Absolutely, @lameasahorse . My mum was horrified and not just because she was one of the mothers on the road who used to let those girls in to go to the loo, and often ended up feeding them a tub of yogurt or a cheese sandwich or a banana too.

The home those children came from was kept so clean you could eat your meals off the floor, if only anyone was allowed to eat there during the day. Refusing to allow the children in at all was done because that man was "difficult", and the lack of care during the summer days was part of a wider pattern of treating the children as nuisances.

Mum (born 1930s on a little farm in Ireland) very accurately predicted the lives those children would end up living. Suffice to say, there was lots of wasted potential, lots of anger they turned in on themselves.

'That man' being the way my parents always referred to the girls' father.

I think it depends where you live. Mine play out for hours all around our village. They are both below 10 and fairly responsible. We use a GPS watch to give them a call to check on them.