To think we have ruined childrens play

[Beepbopblop]

I grew up on a working class estate, in a northern mill town. I am almost 34 and I had the best time with my friends growing up. I am comparing my child DS8, to my child hood and I am feeling a bit sad. Because;

1. From aged 8 I could ride wherever on my bike all over town
2. we had the most imaginative play, we kept up for the whole six weeks holidays that the mills behind us was haunted, I convinced a peer to trap a bee in a jar to save my life - we all knew it wasn’t true but played along as it was all part of the story, and ate a mud pie after sacrificing the bee…
3. I was allowed out to play from when my parents left for work until tea, and then from there until it got dark
4. we had secret woods, haunted woods, various (unsafe) rope swings and biking routes

In comparison DS8 gets to go on “play dates” and prearranged activities..

AIBU to grieve for the good times being a child and wonder why we are so closed off with our children

I thought this was going to be more about kids not playing games now rather than the old issue of freedoms. Like WingingIt what concerns me more is the groups of kids who don’t seem to know how to play, or have any games - it all seems to be fighting rather than hide-and-seek, swearing and practicing being a gangsta rather than playing on climbing frames. They don’t seem to have so many outdoor toys, or places to play with them, or easy access to them now.

I was one of those babies ‘borrowed’ by older girls with a mother who just wanted me out from under her feet. While out with them, someone pushed me off a wall and gave me a lifelong injury which is starting to give me rheumatism and may make me housebound eventually. I saw kids knocked down on bikes. I had freedom to roam and used it, but had to run from men a few times. As others said it’s a question of risk, and care, and how much were prepared to take.

We’re

I was a 1980s child, and I wasn’t allowed to roam or “play out” - my mum was a children’s social worker and very alert to the dangers that were out there (she had seen all sorts of awful things in her job 😞) I was allowed to play on the field behind our house from around 8-ish without supervision, but it was enclosed and each bit of it was within easy sight of the garden. My DD probably has a little less freedom than I did - we don’t have a field nearby and sadly have a minuscule garden! - but not that much less.

I wish we had more access to spaces where she could play safely, or a bigger garden, but economics plays a part here too and 1. affordable houses and gardens are tiny these days for young families compared to the boomer era; and 2. many of the green spaces, parks and woods around in my childhood have been enclosed or sold off for housing developments. Something which isn’t always acknowledged when we talk about the impact on children’s lives - in the last thirty years we have privileged profits for housebuilders and a house price bubble over preserving green spaces for families and children.

Whilst I do think there's some rose tinted nostalgia in some posts, seems to be some very extreme negative recollections as well! Not doubting either are true and peoples lives experiences, but for a more balanced view- I grew up on a council estate but the wider area was pretty mixed. During school holidays a group of probably 10 or so of us would be out at the park until the streetlights went off! Playing rounders, climbing, games, chatting, having races etc- but most of the parks were overlooked by houses, a lot of which has been built on now. Guess we were just lucky but we weren't forced out, always welcome at home if we wanted, and no one was injured or had crimes committed against them.

It is a shame there isn't more of a middle ground now, but I think it's a lot more complex than parents are scared or whatever. There's been a loss of amenities such as green spaces that aren't secluded or out of towns, the pressure of social media, the constant bombardment of news etc from the Internet, the dawn of games, films, TV on demand really; just as toys a few decades ago were different from toys in the war, it's another era. It is a shame really as organised activities etc are fine but some families can't afford them, and some feel (wrongly) too ashamed to have their children's friends around to play due it being harder to get a reasonable sized property etc. For those children must be isolating and they will invariably be missing out.

It was quite notorious how many kids got hit by cars in the 70s-early 80s though - that was the reason why we had all the “kill your speed” public campaigns from the 1990s onwards, and now have so many speed restrictions and street markings near schools, playgrounds etc. I knew a fair few kids at primary and even at secondary school who had been “knocked down”, though thankfully I didn’t know anyone who was killed.

I was a bit later than that which might be why it wasn't such a big thing.

Kids could definitely play out where I live, there are wide pavements with verges and few car movements. I think times change.

There were many Highway Code initiatives when I was a child. We even had the Green Cross code man visit us at my Primary School.

Parents thought nothing of throwing in as many children as they could in a car, including in the boot. This probably reflects the attitude to risk parents had in those days

I think some posters are using rose tinted glasses.
If I look back on my holidays, I can remember spending what (in my mind) seems like hours pedalling on our bikes or playing in people's gardens, but, in reality, it would have been a couple of hours in the afternoon. It's a bit like if I remember holidays we spent days on lovely sunny beaches having picnics, ice cream and getting sunburn, but in reality, there were as many wet and rainy days as we have now - we just hold on to fond memories better.

I am sure there were some children that lived in quieter places, whose parents let them out from dawn till dusk, but I bet a lot of it is like those nostalgic mems you see, and isn't the reality for most children at all.

Totally endorse @plinkplinkfizzer 's recommendation for Scouts though if you want your dc out in the fresh air, being active from dawn til dusk, learning how to build shelters, light fires, identify trees and insects, and so forth. (Plus sailing, kayaking, climbing, hiking, putting up tents etc etc).

Haven't RTFT, however, I was approached twice by perverts before I even reached 5 in the 80s. One was a man who called me to his car where he sat with his cock out The other was an old man who wanted me to play 'hide and seek' until a neighbour spotted him and went for my mum.

I judge my parents that the second incident was allowed to happen to be honest (actually I judge them for the first too, I wasn't even 5 ffs but accept parenting was different then) Both times I interacted with these men so obviously wasn't aware of stranger danger either.

I do agree though that 'play-time' is too structured and parent-led now though, but can understand why; it's sad, but then, I don't think the 80s were innocent times when children roamed free. There were dangers then, just as there is now - what happened to me was only known by my mum, now it would probably be put on FB as a warning to other parents. We have more awareness now and act accordingly.

Eh? I grew up in an ordinary neighbourhood in the north, and pretty much everybody had a garden big enough to play in, council houses included.

Whereas now I live in the south east and most young families I know live in flats and new build shoeboxes with gardens the size of a hanky, if at all. That wasn’t the case when I (or my parents in the 1960s) grew up.

What’s the point in pretending something that’s simply not true (“most people in the 80s didn’t have a garden big enough to play in”)? It just wasn’t the case. And tbh nearly everyone had a reasonable sized house and a garden, working class upwards, on one salary.

@BettyForgety

My DC play out from morning until I have to drag them in for tea. The neighbours kids all do the same

Same here. Everywhere in my town is like that. And now that I wfh I don't bother with after school club anymore as the kids just go out to play after school.

I hate this rose tinted nostalgia almost as much as I hate the insta-nostalgia of ‘hashtag making memories’. It’s false. You remember the good stuff and not the bad. The hand-wringing ‘think of the children’. They are fine.

What @Gizacluethen said 🙄

OP hasn’t been back. Seems you could’ve done with more supervision yourself, convincing a peer to trap and kill (“sacrifice”) a bee and eating mud at the age of 8 & being in unsafe situations I wouldn’t consider idyllic but neglectful and the behaviour antisocial.

I’m fairly sure their were holiday camps in the 80s otherwise why was Hi-de-hi always on the telly?!

You know that you don't just have to guess (and be wrong)?

The data are available:

Figures for reported deaths, serious injuries and slight injuries have generally decreased since 1966. Since 1992, the ten-year drop in killed or seriously injured casualty numbers reported to the police, compared with the previous five-year average, has been about 40%.[2]
In 1987, the government set the first national casualty reduction target. The target set was that road casualties should drop by one-third by the year 2000 in comparison to the average numbers for the years 1981 to 1985. The target was exceeded, with the number of fatalities dropping by 39% and the number of serious injuries dropping by 45% over that period.[3]
In 1999, when Great Britain had the safest roads in Europe apart from Sweden, the government set a new national casualty reduction target, to be met by the year 2010. The target for 2010, compared to the average for the years 1994 to 1998, was a reduction of 40% in the number of people Killed or Seriously Injured (KSI) casualties, a reduction of 50% the number of children KSI casualties and a reduction of 10% in the rate of people slightly injured per 100 million vehicle kilometres.[3] By 2009, the results were: killed or seriously injured 44% lower; children killed or seriously injured 61% lower and the slight casualty rate was 37% lower.[n 4]

I certainly remember in the late 50s taking neighbours' babies out for a walk round the block, one woman had twins and I was horrified to see them about 10 years ago, all grown up, must have been in their 40s/50s!

I was born in 1977, so grew up in the 80’s and early 90’s.

And it’s true we had a whale of a time. No mobiles etc. Very much a time of using your imagination to the fullest!

But don’t necessarily think it’s down to todays parents that has changed things. I think the world has changed quite dramatically from when we were kids.

We didn’t have social media back then to warn us of the immediate dangers on our doorstep. People are far more aware of these dangers due to being able to see what’s happened locally at the click of a button. We’ve had a rise in terrorism. We’ve got more traffic on the roads etc. More gangs, more stabbings. List goes on. Plus, I find, many people are a lot more entitled now and selfish and don’t support or look out for each other as much (just look at all the arsehole neighbour threads on here!) Many people still have morals and decency, but those that don’t make it more difficult for those that do.

Just a lot has changed and I think people have had to change and adapt with it.

Do I feel sad for kids today that don’t necessarily have some of the freedoms we had as kids? Yes, I do.

But in all honesty, if I was a parent in this day and age, I’d be a lot more cautious too. I don’t think it’s parents purposely being more closed off. Just an awareness of how the world has changed and having little choice but to change with it. Not to mention many laws have actually changed and therefore this forces people to change their approach also.

Hmm I grew up in the 80s and 90s, never played in a street, and was always taken to my friend's houses to play or they came to our house. It was a quiet village with quiet lanes but not the sort of place where children played out in the roads. However I did have a lot of freedom in a way as I rode my pony all over by myself from about age 8 or 9. I have two children (8 &10) and live somewhere even quieter and more rural than where I grew up. My children are all over our farm, playing in the fields, looking after animals and helping with harvest. They don't really go off our land much by themselves (although they do sometimes walk a mile across neighbouring farmland and footpaths to their friends house), but do have a lot of freedom. They play endlessly - either sports or just imaginative games, but they don't bother with tech yet so don't have that lure away from real play.

My DC are nearly all grown but they had playmates. We went to the woods and built forts, dens and played games. We had movie days and games night. They also played together in the garden or over the park.
Your DC's childhood is what you make it.

Completely agree with @plinkplinkfizzer
I help with a scout group and I think young people really get loads out of it. Yes, it is supervised, and safer than the old days of "roaming play", but at camps and at regular sessions they do loads of outdoorsy and free / imaginative stuff as well as learning some decent skills. No phones, no tech. I realise that not everyone has access to a scout group, and many are full, but part of the reason for this is that people are unable or unwilling to step forward to volunteer. BTW, I do understand some of the reasons why they don't, but sometimes, if you want something to change, you have to be the change.