To think we have ruined childrens play

[Beepbopblop]

I grew up on a working class estate, in a northern mill town. I am almost 34 and I had the best time with my friends growing up. I am comparing my child DS8, to my child hood and I am feeling a bit sad. Because;

1. From aged 8 I could ride wherever on my bike all over town
2. we had the most imaginative play, we kept up for the whole six weeks holidays that the mills behind us was haunted, I convinced a peer to trap a bee in a jar to save my life - we all knew it wasn’t true but played along as it was all part of the story, and ate a mud pie after sacrificing the bee…
3. I was allowed out to play from when my parents left for work until tea, and then from there until it got dark
4. we had secret woods, haunted woods, various (unsafe) rope swings and biking routes

In comparison DS8 gets to go on “play dates” and prearranged activities..

AIBU to grieve for the good times being a child and wonder why we are so closed off with our children

around the same age as you and also don't really recognise the childhood you describe - did lots of outdoors activities as part of structured clubs or with parents, and from about 11 could ride my bike to a friends house or to the park etc. didn't disappear out all day or anything. My own kids are still little (3 and 5) so not at stage of doing anything unsupervised really but we do take trips to Woods etc, build dens, have been camping... also lots of imaginative play at home or out and about wherever. I imagine that will continue and they'll get more freedom as they get older. I do feel it is sad when I hear about children who have stopped "playing" other than online by the age of 7 or 8... but I don't know how common that actually is.

I think a large part of the reason that children have 'more' mental health issues nowadays is because mental health is actually talked about.

I was born in the 80’s and my childhood was nothing like you describe. Not left free to roam. We regularly asked and were allowed to play in the gardens of the neighbours kids, but we never strayed out beyond the gardens, never actually went more than 20-30 meters from our own homes.

Why don’t you let your kids have the freedom you have is the real question here.

Bollocks.

Given your age I think this is more differences in parenting choices rather than cultural shift. I am a few years younger than you and none of that featured in my childhood. I barely played out but when I did I wasn’t allowed out of sight of my house, used to be ferried to play dates, had to tell them where I was going and who with, never really went to the park. But had huge amounts of imaginative play at home and at school break times.

My daughter is out every day after school and literally all day on weekends with friends on the local livery yard. They ride and take care of horses and gossip in the yard cafe. We're in London, so not even rural. There are outdoorsy activities your son can do

Oh, and I'm not there. She's just there with her friends and obviously the livery staff

The reason all this ended was because kids were getting kidnapped, raped, murdered, or dying in stupid accidents playing where they shouldn't be.

And none of this happens nowadays?

for one thing, if my children started killing insects for fun I’d like someone responsible there to talk to them about why that’s not ok.

you’re romanticising your childhood.

Google childhood mortality rates over the last few decades and see how much they have dropped.

part of the reason for ‘playing out’ especially among the working classes in the past was the lack of a social security safety net, lack of childcare. If you were poor you had to work to live. If you were poor you had limited access to contraceptives and family planning and some women couldn’t physically supervise and care for all their children at once.

if you really thought the streets are so great, you’d be sending your daughter out as your parents sent you.

Anyone remember the public information films from the 70s? Enough to give you nightmares. 3 children in my Primary school peer group got knocked down by cars whilst playing out, one died. Many children were assaulted by older children whilst playing out but didn't dare tell anyone. This was in the idyllic childhood of the 70s.

I am 51 and was never allowed to play unsupervised all day as you were. My cousins had more freedom than me but they were always getting into scrapes. I could have a couple of hours but only if with friends and our whereabouts known.

I think it stemmed from my mother narrowly escaping being sexually assaulted when out unsupervised in about 1948. She lost her shoe whilst escaping and got her bottom smacked by her mum for it. Her dad did go looking for the perpetrator (a travelling brush salesman who passed through the village each year, my Mum recognised him). He didn't find him and he was never seen again.

My mother was perhaps more attuned to what could happen and how defenceless children are than yours was.

I agree with you a bit OP. My mum tells me stories of going out to play at 9am with a bottle of water, packet of lemonade powder, egg butties and her bike, adventuring all over and just having to get back for street lights on. No one had a clue where they were. I’m mid twenties and I was allowed in my front yard, twenty feet up the street, twenty feet down the street and that was it. My sister is 14 years older than me and she remembers much more freedom than I had. Her kids are young and don’t even play out.

it’s a worry if I’m honest - I feel like they’re going to grow up with no street smarts at all!

it’s neglectful what parenting was like for the majority of kids in the 60s/70s/80s/90s

What utter rubbish - and there are plenty of neglectful parents around these days.

Childhood may be safer in the physical sense, but mentally, socially and emotionally our children are suffering for it.

I do agree with that.

I just think you have rose-tinted glasses, Roaming that way isn't really desirable. Imaginative play is still a massive thing.

Focus on what you can give your kids now. Mine seem happy enough.

It could be about where you live now? If you moved to a small town or a working class estate, maybe you'd feel more able to give them the same freedom?

We are lucky enough to live in a place where our kids can have exactly that kind of childhood, where you yell off the front doorstep for them to come home to dinner. And now there's a WhatsApp group of neighbourhood Mums with messages saying, 'anyone got Jimmy? He's due home for tea' etc. If you live in a smaller/closer community that's more possible.

There's also pressure to keep kids up with school work and extra activities so there's less free time.

If it is freedom to run riot in the wilds for your kids . Get them in the scouts they really do let them do all sorts safely . My sons bloody loved it .

I grew up on a remote farm, then a country town. I often wonder how we survived when I think of the stupid & dangerous situations we got into. Some were truly horrifying. The memories of freedom are lovely though. Tbh it was because my parents were uninterested. Day or night had no concern where we were. DM has admitted recently that wasn't good in hindsight.

However, I do feel kids are now over entertained. People whinge on our local FB pages about nothing to do & how they expect council & community to provide endless, free entertainment for them & their DC. There's heaps to do if you can be bothered taking the initiative, but apparently they need someone else to do the work!

There's a balance, I think.

Agree about the bee, why would you remember that fondly?

I don't think your childhood sounds that great to be honest. You may have enjoyed it but who were you to judge what you needed to develop and be safe?

If you really thought it was better your kids would be doing it.

I don't think your childhood sounds that great to be honest. You may have enjoyed it but who were you to judge what you needed to develop and be safe?

It sounds like a perfectly normal childhood of the time to be honest. I am a lot older, but we also had so much more freedom than children have today.

As for judging safety, I have heard experts several times say that because kids these days don't do all the stuff they did in earlier times they don't learn anything about taking risks and keeping themselves safe. I can only think of a couple of kids who died due to accidents when I was a child, which were drownings. There are still child drownings today, even though there are numerous rules around swimming pools which there weren't when I was young.

it’s neglectful what parenting was like for the majority of kids in the 60s/70s/80s/90s

Yes I think that is true. I was a kid in the late 60's and 70's, and it was pretty horrible what used to happen to some kids. I played outside with a friend from morning until dark while my parents worked in our grocery shop. On many occasions we were approached by pedophiles wanting to get us into the bushes , old men with their penis poking out of their pants , saying "I'll give you sixpence if you come with me", that sort of thing, it was really disgusting. And if you told you parents, they'd say well don't play around the bushes , go somewhere else.

Life wasn't all roses and unicorns for kids then. I'd never consider leaving kids to play alone , but for our parents it was perfectly normal.

Anecdotal evidence, but as a child I did seen the dangerous consequence of playing out unsupervised…. one kid was run over by a car and broke his leg…..another child climbed a wall, it collapsed and killed him….. lots of girls shoplifting from boots etc and getting arrested…. underage girls getting groped or having sec with men in 20s/30s

I’m not saying there weren’t lots of benefits but looking back now I can see how risky it all was. I don’t think our parents could see it at the time.