To think we have ruined childrens play

[Beepbopblop]

I grew up on a working class estate, in a northern mill town. I am almost 34 and I had the best time with my friends growing up. I am comparing my child DS8, to my child hood and I am feeling a bit sad. Because;

1. From aged 8 I could ride wherever on my bike all over town
2. we had the most imaginative play, we kept up for the whole six weeks holidays that the mills behind us was haunted, I convinced a peer to trap a bee in a jar to save my life - we all knew it wasn’t true but played along as it was all part of the story, and ate a mud pie after sacrificing the bee…
3. I was allowed out to play from when my parents left for work until tea, and then from there until it got dark
4. we had secret woods, haunted woods, various (unsafe) rope swings and biking routes

In comparison DS8 gets to go on “play dates” and prearranged activities..

AIBU to grieve for the good times being a child and wonder why we are so closed off with our children

YABU. A lot of children were neglected, bullied by older children, couldn’t go home if they felt uncomfortable while out, got flashed at or worse.

Children can still have plenty of imaginative play - just take the iPad’s away and let them run in the park, woods or nearby countryside. If they’re old enough they’ll run around while you sit with the picnic. Far safer, and they still get a lovely day out.

Years ago no children had autism, for example, not because it didn’t exist but because it wasn’t diagnosed. The same with depression, anxiety and the like. Children with problems were just sent to reform schools or kept at home.

I disagree. I grew up in a small rural town - if there were any kids who had been sent to reform schools or kept at home the whole town would have known about it. I can think of a couple of kids who were a bit odd and probably these days would have been diagnosed with something but that's all. I can guarantee that even at that school there will be several children who have some sort of problem now. All these kids with sensory issues - I never even heard of such a thing until fairly recently. I knew one girl who had asthma, and no-one else with any of the numerous allergies people have now. Things have definitely changed.

OP, i am older than you and did not have that amount of freedom aged 8

But it would be more unsafe for a child to be out alone than in a group so they would be different scenarios. Children's development is different now, a lot of stimulation comes from screens and structured activities and play- it's the way it is but also has consequences which will spiral over time I suppose.

Personally think kids just over 5 playing unsupervised is madness. Perhaps it is because of the experiences I, members of my family and friends have had in our professional lives that make us realise more than the average person just how unsafe this is. Yes statistically more likely than not the child will be fine. But there is a very clear risk that they will be that statistic that isnt. Why risk it? I'm not suggesting bubble wrapping kids forever more but that age is way too young to be able to properly make informed decisions about their own safety and other kids, even if a bit older, shouldn't be tasked with the responsibility of watching out for them nor left with the guilt of failing to do what is an adult's job if something went wrong. Sarah Payne was playing out with other kids when she was taken. Why risk it.

My kids still do all those things and have done since aged 6/7

I'm in Scotland.

In a lot of areas people have ruined it for themselves by having too many cars.

I played out in the 1970’s, roamed for miles and lots of near misses spring to mind. So with my dc they were allowed out but not for miles. I can remember cycling to a huge park that was about 3 miles away, myself and my friend took our younger sisters many times. We were 12 and our sisters were 8. I remember deciding to go swimming with friends in the sea in January, it was snowing, no towel and no one about, all aged between 8 and 10. Got a good hiding for that incident when I got home and no dinner.

Things have changed no doubt because practitioners have advanced their knowledge. I have just been diagnosed ADHD as an adult with strong autistic traits. Sibling and other family members the same. There is no doubt we have it... and always have. But it wasn't picked up before as in the late 80s early 90s ADHD wasn't as much on the radar and it wasnt appreciated as much that you could do well at school and even secure a professional career with it. So yes, there are environmental pressures and factors which may also be at play but logically a lot of increases in diagnosis will be because of advanced practice.

Exactly.

People today: ‘why can’t kids play out anymore?’
Also people today: ‘oh my god, how did Jimmy Saville get away with it? Did no one notice?’

It wasn't idyllic.

You hung out with the kids where you lived because your parents DIDN'T organise for you to see the kids you actually wanted to play with.
Often, because there was such an age range, there would be a random mum with tinies at the park, which would kind of give you someone to look out for you. All the neighbours knew your parents, so they would snitch.

There was an awful lot of boredom.
Other kids would turn up and ask you for fights.
The boys would chase you with sticks or plastic knives or throw stones.

My parents thought our childhood wasn't as idyllic as their's.

3 kids had been run over and killed by the time I was 14. We didn't live in a particularly busy area. I have met hundreds and hundreds of children over my career and have not heard of any being run over. Now, I know anecdata is bollocks, but considering the number of cars on the road now, it does seem odd that it was a more normal occursnce then.

We played out because parents were at work. It was mostly boring. I got bullied. I hung around outside factories.

I remember so many times I’d be miles away and no one knew and I can’t believe it now. Also my kids have a great time and have the same kind of prolonged imaginative adventures that you did, just we’re pretty close by.

I agree with you OP I had a really wonderful childhood out on my bike with friends, we would stay out all day and then decide whose house to sleep over at that night. Lots of fun. But we lived in a pretty safe beach town. And maybe we were lucky that nothing bad ever happened! But I also feel like we had good stranger danger and were always in groups of two or three girls. Pre mobile phones and tablets! I miss the 90s!

There seem to be fewer kids around these days too. My estate had loads. The place I live now has 6 kids on it. But they range from 2-12, so not really much chance of meeting up and playing out.

Can't even send my two to the park to play some, because it's covered in glass, dog shit and drug dealers.

I remember a similar thread a few years ago and someone saying they used to knock on strangers’ doors as children and ask if they had a baby they could take for a walk. And the mums would just hand over the baby in their pram. It just seems so weird now!

I'd have happily given my kids more independence with friends sooner - but you can't find any other parents who are willing to let their kids do the same!

In our childhood it was very much stranger danger. Abuse within families and friends was never talked about or acknowledged

This might be one reason.

 The number of children seriously injured has fallen every year since 1995. The highest annual figure was 11,822 in 1979 and the lowest annual figure was 1,932 in 2013, 87 per cent lower than the 1979 total.

And that's just about road traffic accidents and not including deaths.

There are still lists of places in the UK where children go out to play.

I do agree with @TheMoth

I think there is a tendency to look back nostalgically and it was a very different era in many ways. My own parents meant well but they were very much of the opinion that children should be given freedom which resulted in me nearly drowning, being flashed at, being bullied …

It’s not for me!

I think you're wearing rose tinted glasses.

I grew up in a similar area and saw things by the age of 13 I'm glad my DD age 13 is sheltered from.

I'm very clumsy, DD has dyspraxia. I nearly died many a time doing stupid things, I'd sex far to young, saw drug addiction from about 8, had a joint at 13.

We're back in the area though a quieter part.

Parents didn't give a fuck about DC back then as long as they weren't in the way.

Those type of parents are still active today, DC out dawn till dusk alone in all weathers, feckless parents it's more frowned upon today but some think it was good enough for me to be street reared so I'll keep giving birth and minding the baby until my next one comes out, then 2 y.o is out with the others.

A local family are very much kick the children out early in the morning and ignore them the rest of the day. They are friends with a similar family. Quite a few children involved so keep each other company. The youngest was knocked down by a car the other day as they play in the road. Luckily not badly hurt.

I think these kind of threads are really interesting. Its one of those issues where everyone believes they are 100% right about. I do mourn the loss of freedom for kids, but I do think its societal change. Juries out on whether it is better/ worse for the kids surely the proof is in what kind of adults they are - the older teens/ young adults do seem a lot more responsible than we were.

I have an anxious self-harming teen with one of those new fangled SEN diagnosises. As i pay out £100s on tutoring and therapy I sort of hope what we are doing is bringing forward the self awareness that used to come later and they won't be dragging feelings of shame and inadequacy into adulthood that so many of us did.

It just seems a lot to put on undeveloped brains - there were some advantages to treating children as not full members of society.

Also not being supervised doesn’t have to equate with not being outdoors. Surely parents take kids out far more than they ever used to? I know we do.

I have always been very aware of my DD potentially not having the same kind of fun that I did as a child and therefore I try my best to make sure she does have a childhood as similar as is possible. I didn't allow ipads/phones when younger. She is 9 now and still doesn't have a phone but does have a tablet now. In my street the kids are out for hours. They build dens, play in the woods, have water fights, play hide & seek, play imaginary games, go on bike rides (short ones), go to the local shop and buy sweets. Wee go to the wigwams where we play cards/board games & have camp fires. She plays in others gardens & they play in ours. She has her friends in her room playing and has had a few sleepovers (at our house). I told her a couple of weeks ago that I used to pretend my bike was a car and I used to ride up and down pretending to reverse it/park it. I also told her there were barely any cars on the road back then so it was fine but she wouldn't be able to do that now. She came in a few days later saying that she was pretending her bike was a car (on the path) and loved it.

You can definitely make your children's childhood as fun and as imaginary as possible. If it helps my DD has the spacetalk watch so when she is in the woods at back of our house or going to the shops I can track her and we can call/text.

Also, my DD gets lots of things I never had in childhood. We have done/still do lots of baking/pizza making/Friday night movie nights/ 'camp out' nights in livingroom/girls nights with facemasks/nail polish, games nights, days out/holidays - and I never got any of this stuff when I was a kid. Their childhood is what you make it and you can definitely give them an amazing one that involves lots of different types of play and lots of freedom (to an extent).