To think we have ruined childrens play

[Beepbopblop]

I grew up on a working class estate, in a northern mill town. I am almost 34 and I had the best time with my friends growing up. I am comparing my child DS8, to my child hood and I am feeling a bit sad. Because;

1. From aged 8 I could ride wherever on my bike all over town
2. we had the most imaginative play, we kept up for the whole six weeks holidays that the mills behind us was haunted, I convinced a peer to trap a bee in a jar to save my life - we all knew it wasn’t true but played along as it was all part of the story, and ate a mud pie after sacrificing the bee…
3. I was allowed out to play from when my parents left for work until tea, and then from there until it got dark
4. we had secret woods, haunted woods, various (unsafe) rope swings and biking routes

In comparison DS8 gets to go on “play dates” and prearranged activities..

AIBU to grieve for the good times being a child and wonder why we are so closed off with our children

I grew up in the 60s and 70s with a lot less restrictions and lived. Is it mere coincidence that parent and paranoid begin with the same three letters?

speak for yourself mate , as a child growing up in the 80s that was allowed to play outside until it started to get dark i bloody loved it and it has never occurred to me then or now that my parents were neglectful of me , and i never felt unsafe either , it was a different era then

Yay! You're alive! What do you want? A cookie?

Yes, complete coincidence, parent is of Latin origin meaning to bring forth, paranoid is Greek meaning 'of irregular mind'.

It is you as the parent that stops your children from having the childhood you did. Two of my brothers have made sure their children had had the same upbringing they had where their children have been allowed to play outside for hours, making their own fun. They kick their kids out after breakfast and only expect them back when they are hungry. So it still happens!

My DC2 is out all the time supervised throughout the day, there is a group of about 20 DC in a very diverse neighbourhood playing all the usual tag, hide & seek etc games.

DC1 doesn't bother she is an introvert who likes reading, I'd have liked to be an indoors DC it wasn't allowed.

Maybe you need to move OP.

My childhood years were more helping with chores, around the home, cutting wood, helping with different projects, learning about cooking, mending and using tools, etc

I’m with other posters - people changed because of bad experiences.

There are kids who play out near me and they behave so badly. Everything from selfish pavement hogging and intimidation to murder.

But, I know other people who live on new build estates and their kids all meet up to ride bikes and play in each other’s houses.

Sorry didn't see when this was posted before scrolling to the bottom and CBA to go all the way to the top I'm nearly 30 and had a great childhood like u mention you had it's better to keep our children safe now a days as we got older the outside got more dangerous for children to be roaming freely around its upsetting that it's come to this but I also feel my child is missing out alot like you said prearranged playdates pretty much is it but I look at the world now and I look at my sons and think to myself I would rather keep them safe than let them go out freely without me I know it's hard to watch their childhood go by without the abilities we had but there are too many terrible people out their your doing the best at protecting them by not giving them the freedom we had as kids

Agree with @Rikitikitardis.

The sociology of childhood is something that I studied for my degree, and yes childhood HAS changed.

The real turning point was the moral panic caused by high profile cases such as Jamie Bulger, and the Soham murders. There was a perceived greater risk to leaving children unattended, and gradually social norms have shifted so that anyone who does give their child those freedoms is seen as neglectful by the rest of society.

But the truth is that children are at no more risk than they were in the 70s, statistically speaking. I remember reading an article when I was studying that said a child (in modern times) would need to sit on a wall for 10,000 years before they were abducted, that’s how rare child abduction actually is. What hasn’t changed is that the greatest risk to children, in terms of predators, comes from within their own family or those well known to the family.

You do realise that attitudes have been gradually changing in countries all over the globe , that have never heard of the Soham murders or James Bulger right?

Switzerland the British child-rearing ideal would be thought semi-abusive. Children there get lots of freedom and are expected to travel to school alone if physically possible from a very young age.

Switzerland has the infrastructure and support to ensure the very safe journey for DC walking to school.

There is community police, school staff, safe zebra crossing at every exit.

I'm sure if the government raised taxes and invested in safe spaces for DC travelling to school people would allow them walk alone.

The local school is like a rally track, rushing parents bad parking, it isn’t safe to send a young DC to school alone.

I'd imagine Switzerland leisure time is spent with family or doing activities not allowing DC run the streets freely.

I used to feel like that about the good old days but then I remembered how I ended up as a young teenager getting into situations that did me no good at all on any level and I think there’s positives and negatives to all situations. In this day and age protecting your children is so important there are so many predators. Let them enjoy some freedom if they can but just be very aware of what can happen

No, it really wasn't. What is neglectful is parents that don't allow children any freedom, parents that don't allow their children to experience life.

Nothing much to add but I agree. I'm also struck by how young you are/the idea that this sort of childhood was still going on so recently – I'm 47 and had pretty much thought y generation was the last to have 'free-range' childhoods.
You did make me nostalgic for it 😃

my generation not 'y'!

But they haven’t. Many countries have changed very little over time. The way that our children are mollycoddled and kept inside unless supervised is specific to the UK, and that change was driven by the British media. We also have what’s called the extended childhood here, where children are living at home far longer, often well into their twenties. Partly for financial reasons, and partly because they are not given the chance to learn to become independent at a younger age due to the change in parenting styles.

We also have one of the lowest rates of child wellbeing in the world, which isn’t a coincidence.

@VeryGoodVeryNice I think there are many countries where children live at home until they get married, or indeed culturally some still live at home when married.

Many adult children still live at home now due to housing costs

I must admit I can't see the benefit in some countries where very young children walk to school alone. I'm assuming is something was to go wrong they wouldn't be independent enough to sort it out and would be looking for an adult to help them

I was born in the 70's and had a similar childhood on the 80's . We lived on a big estate and al played out , we walked to the shop for our parents down the end of the estate and were allowed to all the different parks on it and to various other parks around us, we did have to say if we were leaving the estate though or going into someones house
We hang out in large groups though.
Going into town was when we were 11/12 and we did have to ask
We had onky an hr or so or kids tv and no computer etc so that meant being outdoors was more fun often
My own boys used to play down the local park and I allowed them into town at similar ages , not as much freedom as me but still some and having mobiles meant they could always tell me if they were at the park and then going to a friends house

I was born in the 70's and had a similar childhood on the 80's . We lived on a big estate and al played out , we walked to the shop for our parents down the end of the estate and were allowed to all the different parks on it and to various other parks around us, we did have to say if we were leaving the estate though or going into someones house
We hang out in large groups though.
Going into town was when we were 11/12 and we did have to ask
We had onky an hr or so or kids tv and no computer etc so that meant being outdoors was more fun often
My own boys used to play down the local park and I allowed them into town at similar ages , not as much freedom as me but still some and having mobiles meant they could always tell me if they were at the park and then going to a friends house

I was born in the 70's and had a similar childhood on the 80's . We lived on a big estate and al played out , we walked to the shop for our parents down the end of the estate and were allowed to all the different parks on it and to various other parks around us, we did have to say if we were leaving the estate though or going into someones house
We hang out in large groups though.
Going into town was when we were 11/12 and we did have to ask
We had onky an hr or so or kids tv and no computer etc so that meant being outdoors was more fun often
My own boys used to play down the local park and I allowed them into town at similar ages , not as much freedom as me but still some and having mobiles meant they could always tell me if they were at the park and then going to a friends house
I lived in london as a child but we moved , I wouldn't allow my kids the freedom i had in london now, where we live is a bit more countryside/ urban so seems similar to london in the 80's as such on a smaller scale

I was born in the 70's and had a similar childhood on the 80's . We lived on a big estate and al played out , we walked to the shop for our parents down the end of the estate and were allowed to all the different parks on it and to various other parks around us, we did have to say if we were leaving the estate though or going into someones house
We hang out in large groups though.
Going into town was when we were 11/12 and we did have to ask
We had onky an hr or so or kids tv and no computer etc so that meant being outdoors was more fun often
My own boys used to play down the local park and I allowed them into town at similar ages , not as much freedom as me but still some and having mobiles meant they could always tell me if they were at the park and then going to a friends house
I lived in london as a child but we moved , I wouldn't allow my kids the freedom i had in london now, where we live is a bit more countryside/ urban so seems similar to london in the 80's as such on a smaller scale