Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it be offensive & rude to ask a family member to stop sending me pics of their dc?

157 replies

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:32

I just want to check if I'm being rude here. I want to ask (nicely) a family member not to send me pics of their kids. I'm not interested in a 100 pics of what Johnny ate for breakfast, Johnny getting the bus, Johnny eating his ice cream, Johnny at soft play, Johnny having his afternoon nap etc. You get the idea. I told a friend I want to stop the pics and she said there's nothing I can say that won't cause offence. What d'you think? Aibu? How can I handle this better?

OP posts:
savagegrant · 02/05/2022 04:54

Suggest to him/her to create a group for the pics because you want to see even more of them and all in the one place for convenience. lol

expat101 · 02/05/2022 05:16

That's a tricky one. I receive photos of my Cousin's kids, and to me, the oldest one is a definite bully. Do I say something? No.

I take the easy way out and delete them. 😁

PlainSpeakin · 02/05/2022 05:43

I wrote an essay. :) In advance, my apologies for the length. But I really needed to respond to this.

As far as I'm concerned, it's within your rights to feel annoyed by this. Even more so as general opinion seems to be you should shut up and accept it because it would offend her. Quite frankly, that's her problem not yours. Any reasonable person would feel this way and I think it's ridiculous, and ironically, even more offensive that as a whole, a score of women in this day and age is telling another to silence her voice and feelings. Get real.

What she needs to do is back off, she's disrupting your life by barraging you constantly with photos and messages that actually have very little point. Yes, you welcome the milestones, everyone does; first word, saying their name, riding a bike, etc. But otherwise it is akin to being told on social media every time someone has farted - there's been plenty of those types, and they're not welcome. You understandably become a little resentful and even dread getting messages. Completely normal. Not only that, but if this behavior is also on a public setting, that child's life has been seen and can be tracked by how many people? What about consent?

As said before, she needs to back off and RESPECT your boundaries, if she can't understand and do that, well, that shows what type of person she is doesn't it? Besides, honesty is always best, and even if hearing it people get offended in the beginning, if it makes your relationship richer (because it's a two way street people!) then all the better, right? A good analogy for a relationship (any one) is it's like a garden, you have to feed it, water it, and prune it, to make it flourish.
Also, why on earth do you have to go to a forum discussion to ask a question like this? Get some dignity and self respect woman! Own your feelings, you're allowed to feel them, it's why we have them.
A better question would be: How do I phrase this so it causes the least offence?

In conclusion, you need to get your big girl pants on, and tell her. Sharing opinions and feelings isn't disrespectful, it's HOW you deliver them. And you don't need to justify them, when they are your right.
Don't block her, don't be petty, don't be mean. Simply tell her.
Cause if you never say anything, nothing will ever change.

And maybe she'll be a little hurt initially, but if she gets offended and lashes out, quite honestly, she needs to put HER big girl pants on. Then again (as I don't know her), she might merely be embarrassed and sorry for not realizing the impact that it was having on you, that she got a bit overzealous. You know her, you know how to speak to her. Do it.

To everyone:

  • Just because an opinion might cause offence to someone doesn't mean you should have to sit down and shut up. I thought this was something we have been fighting against?
  • Communication and honesty allows people to gain a true relationship; knowing where each person stands, and being able to trust that person. (I've been able to have some really great relationships because I was honest, not cruel, but honest. Others felt they could be the same way with me. There was no judgement, there was no cruelty. Just opinions that were constructive, pointed out the flaws, and showed us where we erred, and what we could fix. So we could grow. There may have been a little bit of hurt initially (which is understandable), but in the end what came out of it all was strong and pure.)
  • Respecting a person's boundaries is important. If you can't do that, you show you don't respect them
  • No one should ever make you feel guilty for having feelings and opinions, it's your right to have them, it's your right to voice them.

Please remember:

Equal rights.

Respect.

Don't just say them. Live them.

NoCleverNickname · 02/05/2022 06:24

The problem with muting the WhatsApp chat, is that they will know you aren't looking at the pics.

Whenever you send a message in WhatsApp, regardless if it's text or pictures, 2 little grey ticks appear in the bottom right of the message. Those grey ticks go green when the message is seen.

The sender will know you're not looking at the pics.

Depends how close you are to the relative as to whether you say something or not.

I would say something but I'm neurodiverse and even though I really try my best, I can't help myself, I have to say something!

RedHelenB · 02/05/2022 06:45

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:32

I just want to check if I'm being rude here. I want to ask (nicely) a family member not to send me pics of their kids. I'm not interested in a 100 pics of what Johnny ate for breakfast, Johnny getting the bus, Johnny eating his ice cream, Johnny at soft play, Johnny having his afternoon nap etc. You get the idea. I told a friend I want to stop the pics and she said there's nothing I can say that won't cause offence. What d'you think? Aibu? How can I handle this better?

Yabu. I agree with your friend. It takes what, a minute of your time tops to look at them

RedHelenB · 02/05/2022 06:47

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:41

I see no one's saying tell them. I bet other people would be annoyed with me if I spammed them with pics of every bit of my motorbike that I'm restoring.

If you can't see the difference I feel sorry for you but I've a feeling you're on a wind up. And yes, a true friend would put up with pics of a motorbike if it was of great interest to you.

balalake · 02/05/2022 06:50

I wonder if asking who else they are sent to could be a starting point, if you don't know. Concern that it could lead say to their house being burgled because too many people will know when they are not at home, for example. Or asking do you get agreement from others in the photos if they are any.

Indicatrice · 02/05/2022 06:55

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:41

I see no one's saying tell them. I bet other people would be annoyed with me if I spammed them with pics of every bit of my motorbike that I'm restoring.

Well, there’s your answer. Spam them with pics of your motorbike, labelling each one such as ‘fixing my baby’s motor’ etc and don’t acknowledge the pictures relative sends.

Alternatively, you could use your mobile as an excuse. Say you have very little storage and the daily pics fill it up very quickly, could you limit it to one a day?

Pancakesbeforesunset · 02/05/2022 07:10

Don't ask. Block and report for spam.

Seabreeze18 · 02/05/2022 07:16

Just say it’s making u stressed making sure u look through all the pictures and then having to delete them from your phone as it blocks your storage. Say the kids are gorgeous but please just send the best pic once a week. I don’t see how anyone can get stressed about that.

Billandben444 · 02/05/2022 07:18

Do it, since you’re so put off. I dare you.

This.

Lightningrain · 02/05/2022 07:21

i suppose you could tell them your phone is low on storage and it’s causing you problems having to delete lots of photos every day.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 07:23

mute them
delete the pictures

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/05/2022 07:26

'Sorry not sure what you actually sent there, my storage is full so I can't recieve any new photos'

Not sure if that would wash but agree with PPs there probably isn't a way without causing offence.

carefullycourageous · 02/05/2022 07:46

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:41

I see no one's saying tell them. I bet other people would be annoyed with me if I spammed them with pics of every bit of my motorbike that I'm restoring.

I think it may be a good idea to work out why it is annoying you so much.

I get that you don't care for the updates, but how many are they sending each day, via what medium, and how much time does it take you to just not interact with the pictures?

BanjoVio · 02/05/2022 08:05

Stop opening the messages. No blue tick = not interested. On a similar note, I muted my best friend’s Insta because it was just a thousand ‘my world’ and ‘#blessed’ pictures of her baby. It’s been over a year and she hasn’t noticed that I never interact with her posts.

Roselilly36 · 02/05/2022 08:11

You definitely can’t say anything OP, it will cause a family fall out otherwise, just ignore it, and send the odd reply etc.

pictish · 02/05/2022 08:33

This would get on my bloody nerves too. I’d ignore the majority and only comment on or thumbs up the notable ones, ie, very few. Deluded self-centred parents are a pain in the arse.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 02/05/2022 08:35

A bit like social media just scroll past and say nothing.

pictish · 02/05/2022 08:40

As for working out why it annoys you as a pp suggested, I can help you with that.
It annoys you because it’s intrusive. Manners dictate a response so it places a regular demand on you to interact over something you don’t give a shit about, just to feed the parent’s already over-inflated ego. And you can’t say no because it’s not polite.
Ugh.

Fizbosshoes · 02/05/2022 08:52

@Cameleongirl
I've had to mute the family chat (DH's side), because it also got ridiculous with the photos. I send the occasional photo that everyone might actually find interesting....but I don't need to see what you're having for dinner unless it's something really spectacular or unusual (yes, one SIL really does this sometimes)

sounds like our family Whatsapp! We got a video of someone's cereal the other day!

SmiledWtherisingsun · 02/05/2022 08:57

How are you related op???

LookItsMeAgain · 02/05/2022 09:12

What you could do (but you may have to prepare yourself for some kick back) is to set up a new family group without this family member in it and you could say this is for chats but no pictures. If you set up the group you can make yourself the admin and set the group to not save images to your phones gallery. (I'm not sure if that would apply to everyone in the group but it would be helpful if it could be set at a top level and only if someone wanted to save the images would they be able to turn it on).
Would that be an option for you?

RantyAunty · 02/05/2022 09:19

Just mute them.
I've done this with constant baby photos and another friend who collects dolls.
Every once in awhile, as in once or twice a month, I say oh that's nice.
Saves your nerves and keeps the peace.

Herejustforthisone · 02/05/2022 09:26

Ugh. I feel you. I get bombarded by pictures in an in-law family WhatsApp group. I tried to leave once, I lied and said my WhatsApp had been hacked, but I got pulled back in.

The worst bit is listening to/reading the grandparents fawn all over them (the favourite grandkids) and then totally ignore the occasional pic my poor H sends of our child.

Hopefully they’re sending them via WA so you can do what I did and mute mute mute. And possible even archive.