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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would it be offensive & rude to ask a family member to stop sending me pics of their dc?

157 replies

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:32

I just want to check if I'm being rude here. I want to ask (nicely) a family member not to send me pics of their kids. I'm not interested in a 100 pics of what Johnny ate for breakfast, Johnny getting the bus, Johnny eating his ice cream, Johnny at soft play, Johnny having his afternoon nap etc. You get the idea. I told a friend I want to stop the pics and she said there's nothing I can say that won't cause offence. What d'you think? Aibu? How can I handle this better?

OP posts:
Wantosleep39 · 01/05/2022 20:53

Some parents can not realise that some people may not adore other’s kids as much as their own parents. Why don’t you send them lots of random pictures like your dog or cat (if you have one) or anything else. Hopefully they will get the message

LovePoppy · 01/05/2022 20:53

You asked
people answered

you don’t like the answer.

just do what you want.

Maydaysoonenough · 01/05/2022 20:55

Dh has taken several of the light bulbs out so dc can't leave lights on.
TV is on but no lights in the whole house..
Sorry for being skint!

VladmirsPoutine · 01/05/2022 20:55

It depends how much you care about the upset it would cause. I would just mute the conversation and carry on with my life. If it's something that could spiral then only you know how bad the fall out would be.

I'm part of a much wider WA group with someone who sends random videos and memes almost hourly. I have muted it and remained at peace with everyone.

PeekabooAtheZoo · 01/05/2022 20:56

I have a relative who does this (are we related lol). It feels like competitive "my life is better than yours"-ing. I get all sorts of shite like weird angles of her advent calendar.
IDK how to deal with it without causing offence but YANBU to want it to stop.

PeekAtYou · 01/05/2022 20:56

The sort of person who does this will be offended because it's inconceivable to them that you wouldn't be desperate for an update.

CorsicaDreaming · 01/05/2022 20:56

@FabulousFlowerpots - what is your relationship with the person sending the pics?

And what do you most resent about getting them?

Baystard · 01/05/2022 20:57

OMG DMIL - is that you?! I only send them because I think you'll be happy to see little Johnny's every move and not feel like you're missing out on him growing up...

[Seriously though, does this person think you're lonely or will enjoy seeing these?]

Norush4 · 01/05/2022 20:59

HeadToToesNo · 01/05/2022 20:34

How are they sending them? If its WhatsApp you could mute the conversation but periodically throw in a 'that's nice'.

My thoughts too or don't respond back

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 01/05/2022 20:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Smartiepants79 · 01/05/2022 21:00

Depends a bit on how close a family member they are. It doesn’t take long to send a quick smiling emoji or a ‘looks like a good day!’ For the sake of family harmony. They will eventually have better things to do with themselves as the kids get older!!

NewMum0305 · 01/05/2022 21:01

Just ignore/mute - they’ll soon get the message

Veol · 01/05/2022 21:02

Even if they don’t show you straight away, they will actually hate you for it. If that is what you want then tell them. Otherwise just ignore the pics.

Needmorelego · 01/05/2022 21:04

Is it Facebook? I use Facebook as a kind of online diary/scrapbook of my life. So there will sometimes be pictures of my child but there will also be pictures of random stuff I find interesting (like street art), a squirrel I saw in the park, memes about cats and pictures of my Lego.
@FabulousFlowerpots If you are restoring a motorbike why do you think you can't put pictures of the Work In Progress? I'd find them interesting - not because I like bikes (I know nothing much about them tbh) but because I know that it's your life, what you enjoy and that's what you are up to.

1000yellowdaisies · 01/05/2022 21:05

It depends on how much it annoys you vs how prepared you are to upset them, because she will likely be upset no matter how gently or reasonably you word it.

I dont think you would be unreasonable tho... my DM told me i was sending too many pics of DC1 years ago when she was a baby... i got huffy at the time but looking back i did go OTT.... proud first time mum an all :)

Heathyou · 01/05/2022 21:06

I wouldn't ask them to stop, no!
What relative is it? I love receiving pics of my brother's child. They can never send too many. Maybe I'm alone haha.

CheeseBoard2022 · 01/05/2022 21:07

I'd be quite happy to be spammed with motorcycle updates Smile

YANBU. However if it's over Facebook YABU just hide their updates.

JollyWilloughby · 01/05/2022 21:07

OP are you me? Was thinking about posting something very similar although mine is my best friend with her new baby. I get multiple updates and photos daily sent to me on WhatsApp. I have ended up putting the odd heart emoji as I’ve ran out of things to say.

i know I can mute this conversation but I still feel rude not responding as she sends these to be direct.

YANBU.

JollyWilloughby · 01/05/2022 21:08

Actually when I say “new” I now mean 6 months old. This is not her first child.

BattenburgDonkey · 01/05/2022 21:08

I agree it’s not possible not to offend. Also if a relative was really passionate about their bike and wanted to send loads of photos and updates I wouldn’t say anything about that either, can’t say I’d give a crap or make much effort to respond but it’s not exactly doing any harm either.

stimpyyouidiot · 01/05/2022 21:09

Heathyou · 01/05/2022 21:06

I wouldn't ask them to stop, no!
What relative is it? I love receiving pics of my brother's child. They can never send too many. Maybe I'm alone haha.

I'm the same. Love seeing photos of my many many nephews!

SewingMum46 · 01/05/2022 21:09

About 20 years ago one of my DSILs used to send us emails which always contained sexually explicit “funny” pictures - think naked man holding hot dog roll with something other than a hot dog inside the roll, as an example. It was long before smartphones and we lived in a very conservative country where emails were monitored for offensive content - and I often used to open mails with DD as they were a bit of a novelty. So I always had a bit of a sinking feeling when I saw something from her in my inbox.
I actually had to email DSIL and ask her to send me family photos and not the stuff that she thought we’d find funny but could land us in serious trouble.
After I’d emailed though, we didn’t get any more photos. At all. And she’s not married to DBIL any more either.

Time2ChangeName · 01/05/2022 21:11

When they send the next picture reply with the usual how lovely and tell them about your motorcycle with some pictures they might learn something from you and the next time you meet face to face hopefully they’ll ask you about it rather than maybe talking about their children.

MyCatIsAJerk · 01/05/2022 21:12

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:32

I just want to check if I'm being rude here. I want to ask (nicely) a family member not to send me pics of their kids. I'm not interested in a 100 pics of what Johnny ate for breakfast, Johnny getting the bus, Johnny eating his ice cream, Johnny at soft play, Johnny having his afternoon nap etc. You get the idea. I told a friend I want to stop the pics and she said there's nothing I can say that won't cause offence. What d'you think? Aibu? How can I handle this better?

Do it.
Message your family member & tell them you are absolutely, positively sick to death of all the pics they send of little Johnny and to knock that shit off!

This will be a win-win for you: no more boring pics of little Johnny and no more messages from his overly-enthusiastic parent, who seems equally annoying.

Do it, since you’re so put off. I dare you.

BattenburgDonkey · 01/05/2022 21:12

SewingMum46 · 01/05/2022 21:09

About 20 years ago one of my DSILs used to send us emails which always contained sexually explicit “funny” pictures - think naked man holding hot dog roll with something other than a hot dog inside the roll, as an example. It was long before smartphones and we lived in a very conservative country where emails were monitored for offensive content - and I often used to open mails with DD as they were a bit of a novelty. So I always had a bit of a sinking feeling when I saw something from her in my inbox.
I actually had to email DSIL and ask her to send me family photos and not the stuff that she thought we’d find funny but could land us in serious trouble.
After I’d emailed though, we didn’t get any more photos. At all. And she’s not married to DBIL any more either.

Im not sure the naked man holding a hotdog is comparable to photos of a toddler having lunch or whatever, your relative sounds very strange though!