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AIBU?

Would it be offensive & rude to ask a family member to stop sending me pics of their dc?

157 replies

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:32

I just want to check if I'm being rude here. I want to ask (nicely) a family member not to send me pics of their kids. I'm not interested in a 100 pics of what Johnny ate for breakfast, Johnny getting the bus, Johnny eating his ice cream, Johnny at soft play, Johnny having his afternoon nap etc. You get the idea. I told a friend I want to stop the pics and she said there's nothing I can say that won't cause offence. What d'you think? Aibu? How can I handle this better?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

814 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
65%
You are NOT being unreasonable
35%
Ellmau · 08/05/2022 21:16

No way to say without upsetting your relative.

Just delete the messages unread.

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Thepeopleversuswork · 08/05/2022 17:30

I agree that asking not to get the photos will 100% cause offence and I don’t think it’s worth the candle. I think you have to suck it up and respond minimally

I have to say, though, that I marvel at the lack of self awareness of thinking everyone wants to see multiple pictures of your children every day. Even when my DD was a new baby I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing this. I would never assume anyone wanted to see pictures of my kids. It’s grotesquely self centred.

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Georgeskitchen · 08/05/2022 16:31

Just thank your lucky stars this wasn't before smartphone/social media was invented. An ex friend of mine had 3 kids and used to let them take pictures on her camera. Rolls and rolls of them. She would bring round her latest 4 films worth of photos , pictures of someones foot, the sky, the wheel of a bike and so on and so on. Having to smile politely and comment how wonderful they were.
I was so thankful when she fell out with me!!

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hangrylady · 08/05/2022 16:00

You will 100% cause offence. I have zero interest in picture of BILs holiday, MILs garden and FILs pub lunch and am soo tempted to delete myself from the family WhatsApp group. I am aware though that this would make me look like a miserable twat so instead I have the group on mute and rarely contribute.

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madddness · 08/05/2022 15:52

I’ve been in a very similar position. I had my best friend constantly send me multiple Snapchat’s a day of her almost 2 year old son while I was grieving losing my own child. I ended up telling her straight out to please not send me anymore snaps of her kid at the time. I didn’t get a response but haven’t received anymore snaps really at all since then and that was about a year ago. We still speak through text but not as much as every time I ask how she is, I get a response of how her child is. Not her. And it upsets me as I wish I had the chance to say how my child is too, and I would also like to know how she is as she had mental health issues before having hers. I’ve just taken it as a semi-loss of a friendship at this point but I’m still grateful that she’s still apart of my life in some way and I hope to repair our friendship & be an “Aunty” when I’m feeling okay being around children again. I even turned my Snapchat notifications off for a time but doing that started to affect my other friendships & my relationship.
But sometimes, you just have to say or do something so your mental health doesn’t get affected. It sounds like it’s bothering you to a point where you need to talk to someone that understands or it could go an argumentative way if you try to handle it yourself & it goes bad. That could be by saying something about it (hopefully in a better way than I did. Maybe say it’s distracting you from studying or along those lines?), doing something about it like deleting, muting or blocking or straight out ignoring it. Some people usually get the hint if you don’t open messages for a few weeks but that could also come with an argument too, depending on the person you’re talking about. I hope you come to a solution because I do know how annoying it can get having this stuff in your face when you either have no interest or it literally upsets you to even look at.

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me4real · 04/05/2022 20:46

People might ‘care’ a bit, but please tell me you don’t go through life thinking everyone needs or wants hundreds of photos of your child on their social media? People like you scare me - totally self obsessed and think that everyone else’s world revolves around you

People's own social media feed is theirs to do what they want with. I'd rather pics of kids than someone moaning about life in every post or something.

I do have one FB friend who posts the same pics again and again, that we've all seen before. I think its her reposting all her FB memories IDK. That does get odd and boring. But she has issues and/or some sort of learning disability or something. I still wouldn't ask her to not do it- I just don't look at her wall much.

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Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 02/05/2022 18:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Herejustforthisone · 02/05/2022 09:26

Ugh. I feel you. I get bombarded by pictures in an in-law family WhatsApp group. I tried to leave once, I lied and said my WhatsApp had been hacked, but I got pulled back in.

The worst bit is listening to/reading the grandparents fawn all over them (the favourite grandkids) and then totally ignore the occasional pic my poor H sends of our child.

Hopefully they’re sending them via WA so you can do what I did and mute mute mute. And possible even archive.

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RantyAunty · 02/05/2022 09:19

Just mute them.
I've done this with constant baby photos and another friend who collects dolls.
Every once in awhile, as in once or twice a month, I say oh that's nice.
Saves your nerves and keeps the peace.

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LookItsMeAgain · 02/05/2022 09:12

What you could do (but you may have to prepare yourself for some kick back) is to set up a new family group without this family member in it and you could say this is for chats but no pictures. If you set up the group you can make yourself the admin and set the group to not save images to your phones gallery. (I'm not sure if that would apply to everyone in the group but it would be helpful if it could be set at a top level and only if someone wanted to save the images would they be able to turn it on).
Would that be an option for you?

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SmiledWtherisingsun · 02/05/2022 08:57

How are you related op???

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Fizbosshoes · 02/05/2022 08:52

@Cameleongirl
I've had to mute the family chat (DH's side), because it also got ridiculous with the photos. I send the occasional photo that everyone might actually find interesting....but I don't need to see what you're having for dinner unless it's something really spectacular or unusual (yes, one SIL really does this sometimes) 

sounds like our family Whatsapp! We got a video of someone's cereal the other day!

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pictish · 02/05/2022 08:40

As for working out why it annoys you as a pp suggested, I can help you with that.
It annoys you because it’s intrusive. Manners dictate a response so it places a regular demand on you to interact over something you don’t give a shit about, just to feed the parent’s already over-inflated ego. And you can’t say no because it’s not polite.
Ugh.

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PatientlyWaiting21 · 02/05/2022 08:35

A bit like social media just scroll past and say nothing.

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pictish · 02/05/2022 08:33

This would get on my bloody nerves too. I’d ignore the majority and only comment on or thumbs up the notable ones, ie, very few. Deluded self-centred parents are a pain in the arse.

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Roselilly36 · 02/05/2022 08:11

You definitely can’t say anything OP, it will cause a family fall out otherwise, just ignore it, and send the odd reply etc.

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BanjoVio · 02/05/2022 08:05

Stop opening the messages. No blue tick = not interested. On a similar note, I muted my best friend’s Insta because it was just a thousand ‘my world’ and ‘#blessed’ pictures of her baby. It’s been over a year and she hasn’t noticed that I never interact with her posts.

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carefullycourageous · 02/05/2022 07:46

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:41

I see no one's saying tell them. I bet other people would be annoyed with me if I spammed them with pics of every bit of my motorbike that I'm restoring.

I think it may be a good idea to work out why it is annoying you so much.

I get that you don't care for the updates, but how many are they sending each day, via what medium, and how much time does it take you to just not interact with the pictures?

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Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/05/2022 07:26

'Sorry not sure what you actually sent there, my storage is full so I can't recieve any new photos'

Not sure if that would wash but agree with PPs there probably isn't a way without causing offence.

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MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 07:23

mute them
delete the pictures

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Lightningrain · 02/05/2022 07:21

i suppose you could tell them your phone is low on storage and it’s causing you problems having to delete lots of photos every day.

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Billandben444 · 02/05/2022 07:18

Do it, since you’re so put off. I dare you.

This.

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Seabreeze18 · 02/05/2022 07:16

Just say it’s making u stressed making sure u look through all the pictures and then having to delete them from your phone as it blocks your storage. Say the kids are gorgeous but please just send the best pic once a week. I don’t see how anyone can get stressed about that.

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Pancakesbeforesunset · 02/05/2022 07:10

Don't ask. Block and report for spam.

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Indicatrice · 02/05/2022 06:55

FabulousFlowerpots · 01/05/2022 20:41

I see no one's saying tell them. I bet other people would be annoyed with me if I spammed them with pics of every bit of my motorbike that I'm restoring.

Well, there’s your answer. Spam them with pics of your motorbike, labelling each one such as ‘fixing my baby’s motor’ etc and don’t acknowledge the pictures relative sends.

Alternatively, you could use your mobile as an excuse. Say you have very little storage and the daily pics fill it up very quickly, could you limit it to one a day?

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