Why are people on here so pressed about the existence of SAHMs?

[DaffodilsandCoffee]

It’s fair enough to point out the existence of certain downsides are risks, but there seems to be so much spite and resentment on here. Why are some posters do angry at the existence of women who prefer to do all the childcare themselves rather than outsource some of it? Also, are they equally as angry at SAHDs? (I know it’s not as common but I personally know 3)

If you reframe the question as: If you won £10 million on the lottery, would you stay working? then most would happily give up working. Spend time with their children, volunteer, or take a part time job to keep you busy rather than pay the bills.

I would still work yes & I would also outsource childcare!

As though if they were millionaires they'd still insist on continuing their job, just for the fun of it. Clearly with zero desire to want to retire.

Plenty of men to do this, all this criticism directed at Elon Musk recently has any of it centred on him retiring & spending more time with his dc?

Tbh I’m jealous rich people who seem to just swan about having nice lunches all the time, but that also includes celebrities and people in certain types of work.

I only find them annoying when they complain about not being able to re-enter the workplace at a high level or employers over looking them because of a long time out of the labour market.

I think the problem is that we are too quick to read a negative implication into a comment

I’d be bored as a sahm, I’d go out of my mind so you must be dull or dim witted to stand it

I couldn’t leave my children unlike the callous bitches who would rather work

ime most mums are insecure about their choices at some level, and we’re living in a society where we can’t do right anyway and the judgement is constant, so it’s no wonder we bristle.

Look I’m not someone who you’re describing because I’m not savage to SAHPs just like I’m not savage about how anyone chooses to spend their time, I don’t have to live their life.. they do.

BUT god this thread has been interesting to read, even if I won millions I’d have to be doing something intellectual stimulating, maybe a job/study/volunteer/set up something to ‘give back’ I don’t know but I won’t be ‘parenting’ 24/7 just like I don’t now. I do t find changing nappies and cooing intellectually stimulating. That’s the simple matter of it, other people wouldn’t find what I’m into stimulating either they tell me all the time at work🫣😂.

I can’t do anything 24/7 let alone the most intense job there is, and it is intense because we all care so much about the outcome.. how our children are raised, we give it our all.

Thats probably because we still look after the kids and the household when we get home from work in a way that hasn’t trickled down to all working dads yet. I’m in no way jealous of mums that stay at home, especially the ones that stay at home after their kids have started school but equally don’t hate them or think they are somehow lesser or superior.

I think it’s because a lot of the time people make horrible comments like ‘I could never put a child under 2 in daycare, the best place is for them to be with their mum’. I read a thread recently where there was a lot of these type of mean and unhelpful comments. Oddly this is never directed at dads who work a full time job.

There's a vast difference between giving up work to spend time pleasing yourself, going on holiday, hobbies, at no one's beck and call because you're retired or financially free; than giving up work to do a different type of work, looking after a home and children, which many women genuinely do find boring. You can believe what you like, but I assure you I preferred my paid work to being a SAHM.

That’s interesting @Trivester 😊 Makes a lot of sense.

God me too!

It’s as toxic on here as bf/ff threads. I can’t help but feel that if people are 100% happy and secure in their own choices they wouldn’t get so bloody worked up about other peoples.

But I know some SAHMs with kids at school who outsource all their housekeeping. Ladies who lunch is a better term ......

My mum gave up work when she had us & we also had nannies & cleaners etc, she was still a good mum so what's the issue. When I've been on subsequent maternity leaves I've used childcare/help for older siblings.

Surely you can see the difference between winning the lottery and being financially dependent on one man?

Oh nice little added dig at the end there too 🙄

I don't know. I have a good work life balance (part time) but couldn't wait to go back to work at 9mos in to have some adult interactions and brain stimulation. I admire sahps for not going bonkers. It's all different strokes as pps have said. Personally I'm a better mother when I have the variety/change of scene work offers but some people can be fully enriched by being a sahp.

It's not just about the kids either. As a sahp the lions share of housewives tends to fall on you and some enjoy that and some find it drudgery. I'm in the latter camp sadly.

I would genuinely continue some form of working if I won the lottery, I need the stimulation.

I really truly admire women who enjoy spending time with small children. I don't think they're boring or stupid at all. I lack the imagination and patience to do it and I wish I didn't.

I'm a great mum of older children but I've never liked babies and I only like small children in small doses. The sticky hands and snotty runny noses make me feel a bit nauseous. Even my own children! So that phase was a bit of a hump to get over for me.

My sister always said she felt that other women judged her and thought her stupid for being an SAHM. She has a 1st from Durham.

I would be worried about her mental state to be honest, especially as she was going on about it twice after. Did you not say anything to her at all? I think I would have firmly told her it was not something she needed to concern herself with.

I completely agree with the above. I think everyone - male or female - needs to prioritise having some qualifications and job skills to be able to support themselves. You can’t just rely on someone else - life is full of unexpected events.

Where was this thread with viscious things about sahms? Sounds a right laugh

I've never understood why sahms are so defensive and easily upset

Or why they let their ohs duck out of equal parenting

Or why they can't see the inherent sexism in their choice but other than that crack on 🤷‍♀️

I think each to their own .we have had dogs as well so when dc dropped off , straight out to meet doggy pals. I am a sahm now .have full pension though and private one too. I see a lot of young mums when out and about. So maybe more out of London?anyway whatever works best .wouldn't dream of judging anyone else or them me luckily

Yes, I also read that and thought 'but those things aren't equivalent'? If I won the lottery today I wouldn't be going to work on Tuesday but nor would I spend every day looking after my children. I'd probably use as much childcare as I do now but have a load of leisure time rather than spend every minute I have childcare working! It's pretty clear that most people wouldn't spend 24/7 with their children if they were very rich because that is never what very rich people actually do. The wives of billionaires may not work but they have teams of nannies...

even if I won millions I’d have to be doing something intellectual stimulating, maybe a job/study/volunteer/set up something to ‘give back’ I don’t know but I won’t be ‘parenting’ 24/7 just like I don’t now. I do t find changing nappies and cooing intellectually stimulating

But sahms often do the study/volunteering stuff too. Not working doesn't mean missing out on the intellectually stimulating or at least it doesn't have to. My eldest was eight months old when I started my 2nd degree, I studied all through pregnancy and the newborn stage with dc2 and am currently on degree number 3. I also volunteer for 3 different charities. I don't know any parents, stay at home or not who parent 24/7 in the way you seem to be implying.

In answer to your question - I’ve not seen this anger. My view is that each family unit has its own choice and no doubt that means a mix of outcomes. I am not angry at SAHM or SAHD. Are you?

Weird q imo

I think it comes down to SAHPs being seen as lazy. I understand a mum (or dad) may want to stay home until the youngest is in full-time school but after that, I would certainly be telling my partner to get a job. Nothing is more unattractive to me than a person with no work ethic or ambition.

Laziness aside, I imagine SAHPs get a lot of stick on here because they make out that they are significantly busier and more stressed/work harder etc than any employed person. The truth is quite the opposite, if you are a SAHP and your children are in school (with no additional needs) you're life is virtually easier than any employed parent. That is because most of the time, they will have to work full time AND come home and do all the household chores that a SAHP does leisurely during their day.

Everyone is different but even if I won all the money in the world, there is not a chance I wouldn't work. I couldn't think of anything worse.

I say crack on as long as you are ok financially if things go pear shaped. I do hate the assumption that women either HAVE to work or do so to afford luxury items though. There are many women who enjoy work and fund it fulfilling!