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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum slapped me

298 replies

Ohdearrr · 30/04/2022 18:55

i don’t even know why I’m writing this but I just need to get it out and rant. I have my own home but I’ve been at my parents for a bit whilst they have been away watering their plants, putting their bins out etc. I left a bag of my DDs toy in their porch that they have at their house as I want to sort them out for charity, as some of them she has outgrown.

They came back today. My mum was annoyed that I’d left the bag of toys in the porch. She said ‘you could have sorted them instead of being sat on your arse’ I got really annoyed at this and said I’ve been fucking helping out putting your bins out etc. She then slapped me straight in the face saying don’t you swear at me in my face. I’m so cross. I’m 26 year old. Don’t even know what to think about this.

OP posts:
SpaceshiptoMars · 30/04/2022 19:57

Not good slapping people around the face. Unless you're on the Underground and some pervert sticks his hand up your knickers.

You didn't deserve it, OP. One word though. Perimenopause? It can catch women out and give them the rage completely unexpectedly.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2022 19:57

I've seen my mother once in 11 years - at a funeral - because the last time I saw or spoke to her, she gave me a black eye after I'd been scrubbing, chiselling years of ingrained filth off the kitchen floor, clearing a pathway through the crap stacked up in the living room and kitchen so she could get out of the back door if there was a fire and generally working my arse off for her benefit for three days.

The day to day existence is far more peaceful without that level of poison in my life and to not have to wonder whether I'm suddenly going to be attacked if she decided I've offended her in some way is freeing. She isn't my problem anymore and whilst I miss having A Mum, in all honesty, I never really had one in the first place, so walking away from the poor attempt at one that I was inflicted with didn't change anything other than ensure my continued safety.

HillProp · 30/04/2022 19:58

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/04/2022 18:58

HmmI would never swear at my mother.

As if that makes it okay to slap someone! Are you for real?!

Discovereads · 30/04/2022 19:59

@PumpkinsandKittens
Didn’t realise children can “provoke” adults into hitting them wow 😳
They can’t and my post doesn’t say that they can. Work on your comprehension. Just because I said OP did not provoke her mother, it doesn’t mean a child in another situation can or did.

Ownedbymycats · 30/04/2022 20:02

Did your child witness her slapping you, if so that would really concern me.

HTH1 · 30/04/2022 20:03

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/04/2022 18:58

HmmI would never swear at my mother.

Swearing, unlike assault, is not a criminal offence (same face right back at you).

OP, go very LC and don’t do them any favours again unless there is serious grovelling (and even then….)

SomersetONeil · 30/04/2022 20:04

The whole thing just sounds ridiculous.

She’s way of out of line to be slapping you, especially when you’ve been helping her out at her house. And over a bag of toys.

But likewise, I can’t in a million years imagine talking to my mother like that.

I don’t live a particularly sheltered life - but no-one I know has effing / blinding / slapping exchanges with family members. It all sounds a bit … unnecessary.

cansu · 30/04/2022 20:04

She is completely out of line. She can be angry but she has no right to hit you. My mum pisses me off no end but I would never ever hit her. I would wait for her to apologise before I did anything else for her.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/04/2022 20:05

OP, Does your mother think your lazy?

Personally I wouldn’t curse in front of my mother however that does not excuse or justify her assaulting you.

Id text her saying -

I apologise for swearing at you however I was shocked at your ungratefulness in taking the time out to house sit the house, however my using curse words or leaving a bag of toys out does NOT give you the right to assault me, your actions are completely unacceptable not to mention assault!!!

I am your daughter however your actions now mean I have lost respect for you, you’ve upset me greatly and I won’t tolerate this behaviour or assault again.

SarahShorty · 30/04/2022 20:08

Swearing is verbal assault, slapping in physical assault. Don't visit her for a while. If she reaches out and tries to smooth things over, let her, but make sure she knows the trust has gone and then gradually mend the relationship with your mum.

SarahShorty · 30/04/2022 20:09

is*

Babyroobs · 30/04/2022 20:09

She needs to apologies. You shouldn't have sworn at her but there's no excuse for slapping you. Do not do anything else for her.

IReallyLikeCrows · 30/04/2022 20:10

"You shouldn't have sworn at your mum!" You probably shouldn't have but clearly, she was being rather dismissive of you and words are just words. A slap? No, that is not okay at all. I'd expect a full apology and she'd get nothing from me until I got that apology. She's the one who is out of order in all of this. Not you.

Original poster
Ohdearrr · 30/04/2022 20:12

Thanks for all your comments. There is a mark, my cheek is still red! It stung for a while after too. She didn’t apologise. In fact after she slapped me she said ‘that was completely unnecessary of you to swear’. I just walked off and left not long after. My dad was outside with my DD so neither of them saw.

Me and my mum generally have a good relationship. We sometimes have little disagreements but nothing major. This has come as a big shock to me.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 30/04/2022 20:15

She doesn't see you as an adult, she sees you as still being within her purview to control and discipline/punish. She will not see fault in her behaviour, only in yours.

User135792468 · 30/04/2022 20:16

What did your dad say when he found out what happened?

I would cool off seeing her as that’s just completely inappropriate behaviour. I would tell your dad that he can visit with dd at your house but that your mother isn’t welcome for the time being.

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2022 20:16

I would have a hard time reporting my mother to the police for a single slap, even though I wouldn’t hesitate if it were someone else.

what I would do is send her (and your father or her partner if that is appropriate) a written message stating that this was out of character for her and you think she should talk to her doctor.

i would then quietly step back from seeing her for some time, just to give the relationship some space and give her some time to follow up with her doctor. Going forward, there would definitely be no unsupervised time with grandchildren.

pointythings · 30/04/2022 20:19

I'd want a grovelling apology from her and even then I would not be doing her any more favours. Ungrateful aggressive awful behaviour from your mother.

Swearing at your mother under provocation is not worse than your mother actually slapping you hard across the face!

Mycatsgoldtooth · 30/04/2022 20:21

Omg that’s awful. Swearing at someone who insulted you is understandable after you’ve spent a week doing them a favour. Slapping some is hideous. I’d be tempted to tell your mum you’re thinking of reporting her to the police and keeping well away from her.

JudgeJ · 30/04/2022 20:22

Maydaysoonenough · 30/04/2022 19:01

Wl leave her to stew. Next holiday she can pay someone to mind her house.. And tell her your dd won't be visiting either.

Yes, use your daughter as a weapon.

TheOriginalLadyFT · 30/04/2022 20:22

My mum slapped me very hard across the face when I was 18 or so and I’ve never forgotten it. If she did it again now, I would be furious beyond words and certainly not see her again for some time. It’s totally unacceptable, regardless of what you said

Whitewolf2 · 30/04/2022 20:24

im really sorry this happened to you op. I’ve found my relationship with my mother testing as she’s gotten older, she’s become more narcissistic, unpredictable and unkind, though she’s never slapped me. I guess you’ll have to work out how or if you can get past this. If she can’t see she was wrong to slap you you might have to reassess how much you and your family see her.

Sometimeswinning · 30/04/2022 20:24

Was about to come on and say she was out of line and then read about reporting it to the police! It has turned this thread into a joke. I do worry about people on aibu!!!

Philisophigal · 30/04/2022 20:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Schlerp · 30/04/2022 20:27

Parents do not command respect purely because they gave birth to or raised you. Those who’d never dream of swearing at their mother clearly didn’t have the kind of relationship where sometimes swearing is the only power you have within that dynamic. There’s also a huge difference between swearing within a sentence “fucking bins” and swearing at someone “fuck off”, neither of which prompts physical violence. OP didn’t tell her mother to fuck off but imo she was well within her rights to.

and yes sometimes there are occasions where people have to call the police on abusive and assaulting parents in adulthood. Just because your rosy upbringing didn’t call for that doesn’t mean others have the same experience.

op I’m sorry you had that experience. I’d stay away a while and see if she’ll apologise. If she doesn’t then consider reducing contact.