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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum slapped me

298 replies

Ohdearrr · 30/04/2022 18:55

i don’t even know why I’m writing this but I just need to get it out and rant. I have my own home but I’ve been at my parents for a bit whilst they have been away watering their plants, putting their bins out etc. I left a bag of my DDs toy in their porch that they have at their house as I want to sort them out for charity, as some of them she has outgrown.

They came back today. My mum was annoyed that I’d left the bag of toys in the porch. She said ‘you could have sorted them instead of being sat on your arse’ I got really annoyed at this and said I’ve been fucking helping out putting your bins out etc. She then slapped me straight in the face saying don’t you swear at me in my face. I’m so cross. I’m 26 year old. Don’t even know what to think about this.

OP posts:
Pyewhacket · 01/05/2022 11:53

I would have slapped her back. And hard.

woodhill · 01/05/2022 11:57

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 11:42

@SinisterBumFacedCat yes he knows she hit me. His response is that I shouldn’t have sworn. It’s all been turned on me!

I would keep right away from her till she apologised

So what if you swore at her in the context of her slapping you

The toys in the porch isn't a huge deal

Norush4 · 01/05/2022 12:00

Pyewhacket · 01/05/2022 11:53

I would have slapped her back. And hard.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 FFS. Surely there must be a back story to this OP?

Why would you have needed to stay over at your parents house? Why not just pop in and out?

What your mother said to you implies as though you possibly live at her house and she is fed up of you?

angieloumc · 01/05/2022 12:07

Norush4 in the OP, she says she has her own home.
OP you must be feeling a bit fragile and it's unsurprising; your dad is clearly enabling your mother and she's brazening it out, she was really unpleasant firstly to you. Neither of them sound very nice.
I'd keep my distance from them both and I'm afraid I'd be keeping my child away too. If she can slap a grown adult without thinking she's done anything wrong she could hit a child too.

Ijsbear · 01/05/2022 12:12

Is this typical for them? This is behaviour from your dad that is really unfair and unacceptable.

Is this a pattern of behaviour?

Im so sorry. You must feel like your world has suddenly crumbled; parents provide the foundation for our sense of safety.

JackieQueen · 01/05/2022 12:16

woodhill · 01/05/2022 11:57

I would keep right away from her till she apologised

So what if you swore at her in the context of her slapping you

The toys in the porch isn't a huge deal

Show quote history

I agree with this I would stay away from both of them until I got a sincere apology, I'd keep my kids away too, just in case.

Original poster
Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:20

I do own my own house but whilst my parents were away they wanted me to look after the house and make sure every thing was in order. I don’t live very close so it was easier for us to stay here rather than nipping back and forth.

Thinking about it, my dad hasn’t been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes to call me a ‘freak’ and a ‘weirdo’ for this. He sometimes still speaks to me like I’m a child too if I’m honest

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 01/05/2022 12:21

This is awful, OP. Nothing justifies her hitting you!

No visits, no favours and keep your DD away too. This was assault and it’s not acceptable. A massive, groveling apology is in order and even then, I’d be inclined to keep them at arms length.

ChaToilLeam · 01/05/2022 12:22

Just read your update: your father sounds unpleasant too. I wonder if there is more to unravel than you think.

ldontWanna · 01/05/2022 12:23

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:20

I do own my own house but whilst my parents were away they wanted me to look after the house and make sure every thing was in order. I don’t live very close so it was easier for us to stay here rather than nipping back and forth.

Thinking about it, my dad hasn’t been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes to call me a ‘freak’ and a ‘weirdo’ for this. He sometimes still speaks to me like I’m a child too if I’m honest

Did your mum ever hit/smacked you as a child/in your teens?

Original poster
Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:24

I really don’t understand why it started all because of a bag of toys in the porch but I think it’s because my mum was already in a bad mood to start with so just took it on me when she saw them. I say this has never happened before meaning she has never slapped me before but she has made sarcastic comments to me in the past. I’m starting to feel like nothing I do is good enough!

OP posts:
woodhill · 01/05/2022 12:25

Have you got DH, OP supporting you or other siblings to speak to

Toxic, they don't deserve you

woodhill · 01/05/2022 12:26

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:24

I really don’t understand why it started all because of a bag of toys in the porch but I think it’s because my mum was already in a bad mood to start with so just took it on me when she saw them. I say this has never happened before meaning she has never slapped me before but she has made sarcastic comments to me in the past. I’m starting to feel like nothing I do is good enough!

Yes she was just taking out her bad mood on you but still disgusting behaviour imo

pigsDOfly · 01/05/2022 12:26

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:20

I do own my own house but whilst my parents were away they wanted me to look after the house and make sure every thing was in order. I don’t live very close so it was easier for us to stay here rather than nipping back and forth.

Thinking about it, my dad hasn’t been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes to call me a ‘freak’ and a ‘weirdo’ for this. He sometimes still speaks to me like I’m a child too if I’m honest

Thinking about it, my dad hasn't been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes call me a 'freak and a 'weirdo' for this.

This pair of them sounds vile tbh OP.

Might be time to distance yourself from them for a while.

Original poster
Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:27

@IdontWanna no never. This is the first time

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/05/2022 12:29

Thinking about it, my dad hasn't been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes call me a 'freak and a 'weirdo' for this.

They sound like a pair of bullies OP, I'm so sorry what a horrible thing to have happened on top of them name calling Flowers

NameChanged2022 · 01/05/2022 12:29

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 11:28

I really can’t believe it. My dad has taken my mums side on this. I’ve spoke to him about it and he said ‘you shouldn’t of sworn at your mother’ I’ve no idea what my mum has told him. He wasn’t there so she may of tried to make it out to him that it was justified.

I know my first post in response to your OP was long and detailed, but now you've added this I shall add that I got away from my mother and ran to find my father with her hot on my heels. I said to him "do you remember the conversation we had about my putting the cash into the debit card like everyone else?" He and I had discussed it in my home a few weeks earlier and he had said "your mum wants to do the same so she feels like one of the girls (my siblings are all female).

He denied the conversation ever took place. I felt enormously let down. I learnt on this board that he was my mother's enabler. And that throughout my childhood and well into adulthood he had never, ever protected me from her. When he and I used to hang out alone (she will not let me be alone with him anymore) he will laugh about her behaviour and reassure me that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do about her. And yet when it really matters he's a coward, and refuses to call her out on her behaviour.

I'm so sorry this has happened. And I know how lonely you must feel right now. Can you speak with your DH about all this? Do you have any siblings?

FavouritePi · 01/05/2022 12:34

Post their key back through their door and back off from contact for a while if you can.

They seem like very unpleasant people.

orbitalcrisis · 01/05/2022 12:42

So you do your parents a favour, in return your mother insults you and swears at you, you swear back at her, she hits you, you don't retaliate, yet somehow you're in the wrong... Your parents are ungrateful, abusive arseholes and you shouldn't do them any favours until they have apologised. You should consider going to the police too, I can't believe so many people think it is ok to ignore an assault.

Discovereads · 01/05/2022 12:46

Sounds like the slap isn’t really that out of character but an escalation of many years of emotional and verbal abuse. I’m not surprised at all you have anxiety given the added context you’ve posted about your relationship with your mum and dad. Children raised in a toxic environment where they are belittled, made fun of, name called and chastised for perfectly normal behaviour often grow up with that walking on eggshells feeling (that they can do nothing right) that then evolves into an anxiety disorder.

I agree they’re a couple of bullies. And I agree do not leave your DC with them ever.

TheCatterall · 01/05/2022 12:51

Your dad calls you a freak and a weirdo for handing insecurities.

your mums response to returning form holiday to a house you’ve been looking after is to immediately whinge and make a snide remark about one small thing and when you retaliate verbally in anger and swear - resort to violence. You both could have done things differently but only one of you seems able to accept that.

I’d distance yourself from them. Slowly but surely. You don’t have to have a full on relationship with them just because they are your parents. Birthing you doesn’t make them good humans.

distance. Keep your distance. Minimal interactions.

Chica10 · 01/05/2022 12:52

This is shocking. OP is a grown woman who instead of being thanked for house sitting, for helping out, was insulted. She responded by swearing- - because she can swear because she is an adult. And another woman, her mother - slapped her and now refuses to apologise because she probably thinks she can get away with it because she is “the mother”. What utter nonsense.

OP I would definitely step back from them, not house sit for them again, and create strong boundaries. And make it clear to them that you see the slap as a physical assault which is unacceptable. You did nothing wrong OP

Ijsbear · 01/05/2022 13:02

My dad likes to call me a ‘freak’ and a ‘weirdo’ for this. He sometimes still speaks to me like I’m a child too if I’m honest

I'm sorry to say that I don't think your parents are as nice as you have been believing.

It's a very sad realisation to go through.

I hope your husband can support you, and do you have a trusted friend you can talk it over with?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/05/2022 13:17

Ohdearrr · 01/05/2022 12:20

I do own my own house but whilst my parents were away they wanted me to look after the house and make sure every thing was in order. I don’t live very close so it was easier for us to stay here rather than nipping back and forth.

Thinking about it, my dad hasn’t been very nice at all to me either recently. I suffer from anxiety which I am on medication for. I wash my hands a lot as I have health anxiety and worry about germs and getting unwell. My dad likes to call me a ‘freak’ and a ‘weirdo’ for this. He sometimes still speaks to me like I’m a child too if I’m honest

Ah right, so they're both abusive.

Guess they've made their choice then.

No daughter in their lives. No granddaughter in their lives (because they will take their moods out on her as well). And paying people to look after their house from now on.

It will improve your wellbeing to stay way from them permanently after this. If you go back, they will continue abusing you psychologically and now the barrier has been crossed, physically. Hit one 'child', then there's no real difference in hitting the smaller one as well (DD1 can confirm this - the only grandchild who was physically assaulted, the daughter of the only child who was physically assaulted out of all who had children).

Out of the people who are saying they'd hit them back, it doesn't actually work that way once you're in the situation. Because you aren't in the habit of assaulting people or being assaulted - you're shocked, horrified, scared - but you don't raise your hand to them because you aren't violent and abusive yourself. It's one of the reasons why they do it - because they don't want to be hit back, they've chosen a target who won't thump them one or report them to the Police for assault.

StageRage · 01/05/2022 13:17

No wonder you feel down OP.

They do sound like bullies, and emotionally abusive.

Has this been going on in small or bigger ways since you were a child/

No wonder you have anxiety.

Time to disengage. And maybe do some reading about toxic parents and abusive relationships.

You don't owe them anything, and your Mum is certainly not safe to look after your Dd. What if she innocently did something to invoke your Mum's violent temper?

Have you got other people in RL who are on your side? Dp or DH? Close friend? Get strength from those who know you are not in the wrong and will help give you the perspective that is good for your self esteem.

You did nothing wrong, OP, and it is a cold shock to realise just how bullying your parents are. The people you should be able to trust to treat you as valuable.

Put yourself first and take care of yourself.