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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum slapped me

298 replies

Ohdearrr · 30/04/2022 18:55

i don’t even know why I’m writing this but I just need to get it out and rant. I have my own home but I’ve been at my parents for a bit whilst they have been away watering their plants, putting their bins out etc. I left a bag of my DDs toy in their porch that they have at their house as I want to sort them out for charity, as some of them she has outgrown.

They came back today. My mum was annoyed that I’d left the bag of toys in the porch. She said ‘you could have sorted them instead of being sat on your arse’ I got really annoyed at this and said I’ve been fucking helping out putting your bins out etc. She then slapped me straight in the face saying don’t you swear at me in my face. I’m so cross. I’m 26 year old. Don’t even know what to think about this.

OP posts:
Feckingfeck · 30/04/2022 21:11

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/04/2022 18:58

HmmI would never swear at my mother.

This 😂

pretty sure I did once, same thing happened.

Outlookmainlyfair · 30/04/2022 21:13

Partyof2 · 30/04/2022 20:27

Shocked some people are even thinking this is remotely okay. And victim blaming. I can remember being slapped round the face as a teenager by my mum and I’ve never forgotten it. I would be distancing myself very much if it happened now. Sorry this has happened to you OP how upsetting x

Totally agree!

YukoandHiro · 30/04/2022 21:14

Give yourself some significant distance. And absolutely never, ever do a favour like that for them again. Even if you manage to repair the relationship in time (I would say it would need a serious apology from her) it's worth finding a way to not do any of that added extra stuff.
Is there something else going on for her? If she's never shown any signs of this kind of thing before, 26 is a very late age for it to suddenly come out

Cliftontherocks · 30/04/2022 21:16

Discovereads · 30/04/2022 18:59

You could report her to the police as that is assault/domestic violence. I’d be tempted to do so just to see her hauled off in handcuffs and get a talking to a pit how assault is terribly wrong. She had no right to slap you whatsoever.

As it is, I definitely wouldn’t be doing her any favours in future. No house sitting, putting bins out, watering plants.

This my parents hit me. The last time they threatened to I was in my 40s and went no contact. It’s been a tough tough road but I’m much happier now. I didn’t realise how abusive they were until I sought counselling. Go no contact for a bit - but if you want report it to the police it is a crime. Where was you daughter? Personally they wouldn’t be having any access to my children after that I couldn’t trust them - it’s hard but step away and don’t contact them. This is at least the first red flare - look back ? Any others ?

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/04/2022 21:16

No matter what my (adult) daughter did/does I could never imagine slapping her or harming her in anyway.

I don’t swear in front of my parents but know that if I did they would never physically assault me (my mum is an emotionally abusive twat but even she wouldn’t).

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 21:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Do women slap? I never have.

Merryoldgoat · 30/04/2022 21:17

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/04/2022 18:58

HmmI would never swear at my mother.

Ok. If you did is it ok for her to slap you?

what about if you swear at your husband or partner? Can they slap you?

redheadmary · 30/04/2022 21:17

Have u confronted her about it since

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 30/04/2022 21:18

If my daughter swore at me I’d probably shout and ask for an apology, I would let hit her though, that’s not normal

Discovereads · 30/04/2022 21:19

JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 20:59

Clearly some people on this thread are ok with downplaying a slap. Hm.

Yes, it is like an alternate reality compared to the thread about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock.

Booboobagins · 30/04/2022 21:21

CuriousCatfish · 30/04/2022 19:00

I would never slap my daughter around the face.

Show quote history

I have never sworn at my mum, but we both swear (occasionally) in conversation. She has a potty mouth which brings out the wheat in me, lol)

I understand why you swore at her, you'd put yourself out for her and she showed my gratitude! But there's more to this - she came home from holiday grumpy, her perception of you is you sit on your arse all day, wtaf! Well done for defending yourself. Frankly your mum is OOO.

Presume she doesn't help you out cos your sitting on your atse all day long 😅 so I'd wait for her to call me or call her, tell she was out of order and she can call you when her behaviour improves. Leave it at that, let her stew. Cos no matter what you said, physical violence is completely unacceptable.

Sometimeswinning · 30/04/2022 21:23

Partyof2 · 30/04/2022 20:27

Shocked some people are even thinking this is remotely okay. And victim blaming. I can remember being slapped round the face as a teenager by my mum and I’ve never forgotten it. I would be distancing myself very much if it happened now. Sorry this has happened to you OP how upsetting x

It does depend on the relationship. If this happened to me. I'd be shocked and concerned for my dm. (But then I can see outside of my own wellbeing) There is a huge difference between a violent attack which has happened often and someone who has done something totally out of character. I'm more shocked at the need to be a victim in this world.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/04/2022 21:23

I can’t believe anybody is focusing on the swearing here! And the mother already accused the OP of ‘sitting on her arse’ so clearly isn’t shy of swearing or coarse language herself anyway!

She was absolutely in the wrong to slap you, and if you wanted to report it you would be within your rights. I can’t believe people are saying just because it’s your mother you shouldn’t report it, I’m fairly sure if a woman was slapped by her husband, brother or father they should report it! It doesn’t matter who the person assaulting you, slapping and physical assault is never okay and if somebody commits a crime against you it’s reasonable to report it if you want to.

That would be the end of the relationship for me, I wouldn’t want to see her again and definitely wouldn’t be helping out ever again.

godmum56 · 30/04/2022 21:27

Something is wrong here. OP says its totally out of character and her dad says the same. I'd be at least considering an illness or head injury. It wouldn't need to be a massive knock on the head if it was in the right place

Original poster
Ohdearrr · 30/04/2022 21:30

I forgot to mention she did seem like she was already in a bad mood before she mentioned the bag of toys. I feel really sad about the whole situation!

OP posts:
HappySM1 · 30/04/2022 21:34

Sorry this happened to you OP, slapping is never right.

I would be worried that this is displaced anger and there is something really awful going on for your mum. Once you have got a bit of distance, perhaps you can have an adult conversation and see why she took that drastic and out of character action?

HiKelsey · 30/04/2022 21:35

Op I'd both cool off. And you obviously both lost your cool but physical assault is still assault. If I were you I wouldn't be letting DD near for a while and never alone even if she was just in your dad's care. I'd be really concerned that your mum would lose her cool with DD and hurt her as well

Felicity42 · 30/04/2022 21:38

Well you've seen another side to her. Fair enough you swore but she was dismissive and disrespectful and spoke to you like a child. Was she hungover? Had they been drinking in the way home?

Salutatorydrinks · 30/04/2022 21:41

I would be concerned about degenerative changes if this truly has come out of the blue. Does her memory, mood, use of language, sleeping habits, spatial awareness and coordination all seem unchanged?

amusedbush · 30/04/2022 21:42

This reply has been deleted

This post has been removed as it's not in the spirit of the sight.

Are you joking? Slapping someone in the face is unequivocally violence. If I slapped a stranger in Tesco tomorrow, I would be arrested for assault.

Are you suggesting that family members should be allowed to physically strike each other without any consequences? What about spouses? Should my husband be allowed to slap me in the face?

elfies · 30/04/2022 21:45

what does your dad say

Salutatorydrinks · 30/04/2022 21:45

JoeGoldberg

Not everyone has their babies at 19. Op's mum could easily be 66. Parkinsons territory for one. Furthermore it wouldn't be remarkable for changes to manifest around a change in environment like a holiday which can be stressful.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/04/2022 21:52

If a woman’s 55yo husband slapped her out of the blue for swearing in response to being crudely criticised after helping out would people be so concerned it could be dementia or making all of these excuses for him?

Violence is violence. Assault is assault. It’s never acceptable or excusable regardless of who did it. OP it’s up to whether it’s forgiveable, but I don’t think it should be minimised or easily forgotten.

Benjispruce4 · 30/04/2022 21:52

You are both BU. Would never have spoken to my mum like that and she is out of order for her comment and slapping you! Is this normal for your relationship??

wishmyhousetidy · 30/04/2022 21:52

Sometimeswinning · 30/04/2022 21:23

It does depend on the relationship. If this happened to me. I'd be shocked and concerned for my dm. (But then I can see outside of my own wellbeing) There is a huge difference between a violent attack which has happened often and someone who has done something totally out of character. I'm more shocked at the need to be a victim in this world.

Show quote history

Agree with this - if you have always had a good relationship with her( have you?) then it would be utterly alien to me to cut her out of your life for something like this- if it is totally out of character I would be wondering what is going on with her. People here would seriously cut their mum out their lives for this without trying to get to the bottom of it.
Only the Op knows what their relationship is usually like.

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