Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

[Limebazil]

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

Agree there is a lot of unsolicited pseudo medical advice on here, a lot going into great detail about the sex, complaining that a full forensic explanation of what happened wasn’t delivered in the OPs initial post, while casually making judgement about exactly what happened and weather it was all appropriate for a first date, all delivered with a head tilt. The misogyny is disgusting, the guy proved himself to be an abusive arse within 24 hours of the date and still people find a way to be judgmental of the women. I hope they are proud of themselves.

I was undecided about this, but the underlining of the whole post absolutely convinced me you're right.

IMO the guy proved himself to be a ‘judgmental arse’ well before the date when he made a comment about her body at the cinema. This is a major ‘red flag’ to me. I agree she had a lucky escape. However, I don’t agree with putting other women's opinions down either and labelling them ‘misogynistic’. There should be a category specifically for people who only want to hear opinions that fit in with their own. Insulting other women and calling them names is not nice.

If you express a misogynistic view, expect to defend it or be challenged on it.
Tolerance doesnt mean blindly nodding along to harmful views.

I don’t agree women expressing that they find truthfulness and openness with sexual partners can be classed as misogynistic. IMO it is empowering and enables the women to have confidence to talk openly with their sexual partners about what they desire in the future and if this includes a certain diet or showering or whatever it really is a personal preference. I would also welcome a sexual partner being open with me if he felt I had a strong taste or smell in my vagina so I could make an informed decision about how I wanted to handle this rather than just discount it. However, I do respect that some women do not find this type of open discussion with sexual partners comfortable and I don’t judge them for that either. I don’t think labelling the women on here who opened up about their own preferences deserve to be mocked and called ‘dick pandering’ or ‘misogynistic’. I also agree the OP should not be judged at all either. Like I said I’m a very non judgmental person who finds other women putting down other women just because they have a different point of view abhorrent.

Of course It's not misogynistic to welcome a sexual partner who values openess but it certainly is misogynistic to respond to a woman who is asking a question about a comment which she feels is a potential red flag that SHE is the problem.... automatically it was "well he's just being honest" " you need to change your diet and drink more water". "You prob taste like straddle piss"
It's exactly the same as if a guy said to a girl the first time they had sex "you need to exercise more I don't like your flabby tummy"..... some people might appreciate the honesty but most of us would see this as the glaringly obvious red flag of misogyny that it is.
Given the texts and emails which followed this encounter and the gaslighting comment that the OP saw in hindsight I'm pretty confident this guy wasn't just being open and honest.... he was trying to belittle and insult the OP because that is what he does to all women.

If you feel in your gut that something is a red flag it probably is.

*stale

Of course I agree anything aimed personally at the OP in an insulting way is not acceptable. However, IMO the women commenting on how they would handle the situation in their own lives is different. They were just offering a perspective from their point of view. It’s like some of the women who responded opened up and disclosed personal intimate details about their own lives only to be mocked and called ‘dick pandering’ and ‘misogynistic’.

If you're referring to @TheLadyofShalott1 She was most certainly a dick pandering misogynist. In her first post she insults the OP calling her sarcastic and defensive before inquiring about the colour of her urine and gives unsolicited health advice advising the OP to drink more water. In her follow up comment she infers that the OP lied and that the email wasn't real and even if it was real he was just embarrassed because the OP overreacted. If that isn't dick pandering misogyny I don't know what is.

It's interesting how some women wouldn't see this as a red flag. I'm quite shocked by that really. I'd be mortified and angry in equal measure, and I'd never want to see him again. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what percentage of women agree with you Op, because if you find it off putting, that's all that counts. Personally, my walls would have shot up. I'd never want to have sex with him again, and certainly not oral sex, so the relationship would be doomed either way. Any guy with half a brain would know that wasn't a good thing to say. So he's either thick/insensitive/trying to being you down a peg....all sackable offences. Well done for having healthy boundaries. Couldn't read his e-mail - too blurry.

I’m not prepared to pick through every post and comment on each individually. Suffice to say I have read them all and I feel some women (not all I agree some were too personal in relation to the OP and did not stick to the facts as they were divulged) opened up about their own lives in an attempt to give the OP an insight into how they would handle this situation. I believe they were also vulnerable themselves sharing these intimate details and then instead of a non judgmental I disagree with you they were actually mocked and called names like ‘dick pandering’ and ‘misogynistic’. Like I said other women putting other women down like this is abhorrent.

Reading many of the replies here I'm left a bit confused. At the risk of revealing too much about myself and my own ignorance... I don't really understand why the discussion turned to her secretions or even the fermentation stage of his fluids within. I thought oral was tongue stimulation of the clitoris, which is well clear of the vaginal opening, not turning his tongue into another appendage (that is more disappointing in proportion than the original). I didn't think men were guzzling fluids down there like parched triathletes. Why would he have to taste anything other than her skin? And that would normally taste at "worst" a bit yeasty.

Ok I have read through the entire thread and cannot find any example of that. The ones that I see that are being called dick pandering and misogynistic are like the example above @TheLadyofShalott1.

I cannot see one single example where someone politely shared vulnerable details about their private life in an attempt to help the OP but was instead mocked and called misogynistic and dick pandering. If you're going to give a username can you even give the page? I've looked at them all and cannot see what you're talking about.

I’m not prepared to call a fellow woman out like that! It really doesn’t matter if you judge a post to be one way and I judge it to be another. That’s my point you see and make fun of these women calling them names like ‘ dick pandering’ and ‘misogynistic’ and I view the posts as fellow women sharing intimate details about their own lives trying to help the OP with the coping strategies they would use in the same situation or have indeed used. Honestly, shame on you for trying to highlight these women's vulnerability again. Like I said calling out fellow women like this, calling them names and putting them down is abhorrent to me!

My money is on it being nothing wrong but him just needing to make a wise crack. It would be a turn off for me.

The woman that we are calling out as being misogynistic and dick pandering literally told the OP that she was lieing about the abusive email she received, and said that even if the abuse did happen it was the OPs own fault because she overreacted by ending the relationship and the poor guy was just "embarrassed".... we NEED to call out this kind of misogyny if we don't call it out then victim blaming will just continue to happen and women will continue to not be believed. The OP seems like a head strong lady but imagine if someone more vulnerable was the OP and saw comments like that. She would believe that SHE was to blame, that she should put up with abuse and gaslighting and ignore her red flag instincts.
So shame on you for defending such dangerous misogyny.

Not read the thread past this point yet, but yeah, not just where they are in their cycle, but diet absolutely affects the taste and consistency of vaginal secretions. For instance if my wife has eaten something heavy in onions or garlic that day, she will have a very strong taste. I wouldn't call it bad, or nasty, or anything like that, but strong would be a very good word. It's not that it is repulsive or anything to the point where I wouldn't or couldn't go down on her those days, but it is less pleasant than other times.

It seems fairly well known that diet affects how men's fluid tastes. Not sure why anyone would think it was any different for women.

I made it clear that I was not referring to that particular thread. I feel you manipulate the facts, disregard other peoples point of view, label, mock, call women names and put them down all to suit your agenda. As I said I do not call people names and women that do this to other women are abhorrent.

@Candour Maybe some people were joking about the lady who suggested scheduling oral sex 5 days in advance... prob not nice to mock her but in fairness it was a kind of out there suggestion and I don't think those laughing were doing it in a nasty way. Noone called her a misogynst or dick pandering they just called her out for merailing the thread because she kelpt coming back again and again bringing up her own personal issues.
The women that said the OP was lieing, those that told her she must smell bad, those who told her that she should ignore the red flags and ignore the man's lies because he's "only trying to backtrack" and its her own fault because she overreacted those people were called misogynists because they are.

No, oral sex on a woman isn’t just licking the clitoris - it can involve the whole vulval area, including the entrance to the vagina.

@Candour that thread and another similar one are the only threads where anyone was called a misogynst or dick pandering so if you are not talking about then what are you talking about?

Where did manipulate the facts? Unlike you I am actually backing up my facts by showing the exact comments that were labelled misogynistic.

Where did i disregard other peoples point of view? YOU are disregarding those of us who will call out dangerous misogyny.

Where did I label, mock, call women names and put them down all to suit my agenda?
I literally only called one poster a misogynist.... because her comment was misogynistic.

You want us to ignore the victim blaming, ignore the dangerous misogyny and say nothing?

I think there was a thread on here a while ago about a man with a smelly dick. OP was wondering how to broach the subject and the concensus was very much ‘if you are close enough to let him have sex with you, you’re close enough to tell him it smells’. Now, I know this guy turned out to be an absolute knob (and a bit deranged) but in isolation, why was his comment not ok given the advice on the other thread?

@Organictangerine Presumably the lady didn't say it to the guy the first time they had sex? She went to the bother of starting a thread to see how to say it to the guy tactfully.
Additionally the OP in this case was hurt by the comment the first time they had sex and saw this as a red flag and I think we need to be really careful before we tell women that their instincts are wrong.
In this case the OP was absolutely spot on maybe he was just being honest but given his behaviour afterwards I think it's safe to assume that there may have been something more sinister going on with his initial comment.

Please, as I said I am not comfortable highlighting vulnerable individual women's threads as I feel they have been humiliated enough. If you read my threads and the quotes I have responded to you will see ‘plural’ terms used ‘many’ times by persons mocking other women and calling them names. I believe my original response requesting that this name calling and mocking is unacceptable and did not even involve you ironically. TBH I’m not sure and this is exhausting! I’m tired now. Of course misogyny in any form is not acceptable and if you truly believe that women have displayed this then I will respect that and move on with my life. ‘Dick Pandering’ is a derogatory name calling put down and to call a woman out as being one of these or engaging in this activity (whatever it is) IMO is disgusting behaviour to another fellow human being.

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, just your comments which obviously includes quoted previous posts. I'd like to say you rock!!
That is all. 😊