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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Comment after oral sex (this may be TMI for some ppl)

655 replies

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 16:06

I am seeing a guy the last few weeks we are both early 30s. He seems like a nice guy, and things were going great. Last night we slept together for the first time, it was great he was very generous in bed but after he had gone down on me he said "I think you should drink more water you taste kind of strong". This was really hurtful to me, I'm sure he didn't mean it to be hurtful and maybe I'm overly sensitive but why would you say that when it is widely known that women/ girls are paranoid about how they look/ smell/ taste down there. He's not a gynaecologist so the health advice was not appreciated. He could see he had upset me and tried to back track saying "he didn't mean it like that" and "I'm crazy about you the last thing I want to do is offend you I was just trying to help" but now I'm just seeing it as a red flag. AIBU?

OP posts:
SpilltheTea · 01/05/2022 15:04

His fragile ego has been absolutely destroyed, all because he didn't like the taste of his own cum. You've handled this so well.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/05/2022 15:27

TheCatteral

but honestly if you knew you tasted a bit ‘full on’ and knew it was a possibility as you dont drink enough water - why would you not want things to improve.

Water consumption has minimal if any effect on the taste of vaginal secretions, they would be more effected by your hormones, PH level and recent sexual activity. The fact that some idiot neggy man used this put down on his partner at her most vulnerable moment together (naked, just orgasmed) is an obvious red flag and a good indicator of his nature, but that grown ass women are on here, head tilting while validating his pseudo science diagnosis and clean living solution beggars belief!

OP you sound like an absolute legend, I hope you and your girlfriends had a good laugh over this last night.

SomersetONeil · 01/05/2022 15:43

Wow - this thread is a complete eye-opener.

I can’t believe how almost personally some women on here are taking it, that another woman would swiftly dump a man for something they did not want to tolerate. 😳

Really, really enlightening as to how some women just look at red flags head on, and ignore them.

This has been such a refreshing read, and so different from most other threads on here where someone comes on to question the behaviour of the person they’re seeing.

It doesn’t actually matter one little bit of random old you would be OK with this (as it turns out) complete whack-job’s comments. The OP is not, so that’s the end of it.

fuckoffImcounting · 01/05/2022 15:46

Let's hope his dick goes crusty and stinky. Well done mate - good instincts.

LakieLady · 01/05/2022 16:59

Chikapu · 30/04/2022 20:48

You think she should let her friends go down on her so they can form an opinion on how she tastes? That's interesting.

😂

This not only made me lol, but I'm still sniggering 10 minutes later.

Anyway, OP, the guy's a fuckwit and you desreve better.

LakieLady · 01/05/2022 17:10

Fit50 · 30/04/2022 22:14

Admittedly I’m new to mumsnet so I’m not aware of the meaning of the word ‘merailing’. It certainly wasn’t my intention to upset or offend anyone. However, it seems that some of you on here feel it is acceptable to bully, berate, belittle and try and hound a person out of a thread. I hope mumsnet administrators pick up on this bullying behavior.

Blimey! That was just people disagreeing with you. Maybe once you've seen a proper MN pile-on, you'll realise that was pretty gentle.

Hatinafield · 01/05/2022 20:11

I bought fresh pineapple today. I blame you all 😂

stiritwithaknife · 01/05/2022 20:54

Well considering he just emailed me calling me a "c@#t" I think this guy is actually is a villain

He called you that? Well, OP I think you've got to the bottom of it! He clearly just doesn't like vaginas.

Cliftontherocks · 01/05/2022 22:36

Oh Lordy. I’d actually log this with the police. He’s vile

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 01/05/2022 22:42

Cliftontherocks · 01/05/2022 22:36

Oh Lordy. I’d actually log this with the police. He’s vile

Yes he's vile but there is nothing to 'log' with police. He hasn't done anything illegal.

Tantrika80 · 02/05/2022 05:50

@Limebazil You are right.
After doing all these and commenting on your odour down is bad.
Your feelings are valid.
Did you enjoy the sex?

britneyisfree · 02/05/2022 06:59

Hatinafield · 01/05/2022 20:11

I bought fresh pineapple today. I blame you all 😂

Me too. Got some coming today along with some other 'acidic fruits' thanks to @Fit50 Wink

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 07:13

Should make pizza order pineapple and asparagus. Russian roulette.
Perhaps ask the pizza boy for his professional opinion.

TheLadyofShalott1 · 02/05/2022 09:02

Limebazil · 30/04/2022 20:00

Thanks for the unsolicited medical advice but I was never one bit concerned about how I smell or taste. For your records since you are so invested my pee is light yellow and clear.

In the OP I was asking was I being unreasonable by seeing his comment as a red flag and it turns out I wasn't being unreasonable as his follow up texts and contact after I blocked him has shown.

Hi again OP. FYI only my first paragraph was aimed at you particularly. My further 3 paragraphs were for the PPs who were denying that one's pee and other secretions are affected by how much water they drink. I was only giving that information to those who think that pee and/or secretions are not affected by how much, or little water we drink.

@Goldijobsandthe3bears I am sorry that my laziness seems to have been brought out during this thread, for otherwise I could give you countless references that explain how a lack of water in our bodies leads to nearly - if not all - bodily functions being adversely affected, including all of our secretions, relatively quickly.

There is a good reason why (depending on our own health to begin with, outside temperature, etc) we as humans can only survive up to about 5 to 7 days without drinking unsalted water - salted water can actually hasten our deaths - whereas, of course once again depending on quite a few different circumstances, we can usually survive an average of about 4 to 5 weeks without food. Some people in the right circumstances could last a lot longer, but that is not usual. Despite all of that, I will not be so rude as to either, or both, laugh at your opinion, and/or to say it counts for nothing - in fact if you are not as lazy as me, I am interested to see your references backing up your opinion. I am always open to learning, or at least contemplating, new reasonably substantiated, facts or theories.

Sorry, back to you for a minute @Limebazil I am very glad to hear that your pee is both light yellow and clear, so thank you for that information.
Please bear with me while I just give you a conclusion I have come to from reading many Opening (and of course, Original) Posts. Which is that many of us (which includes me - hence me saying "us") cannot just concentrate on the question that the OP asked, or thought she asked, in her OP.

I believe that many of us humans take in more than one piece of information at a time, and in doing so we might see a rather larger picture than the OP might have intended us too. But to be fair to those of us that this happens to, we could not do that if the OP had not furnished us with certain information in the first place.
For example, in your OP, you told us that your new sexual partner told you after he had performed oral sex on you, that you should drink more water as you tasted kind of strong (or words similar to that?), and you wanted to know if you were being unreasonable to see that as a red flag?

Now of course without giving us that information you couldn't have asked us if you were being unreasonable, but I don't think that the fact that some of your responders then felt the need to take on board his suggestion (that you may need to drink more water as he felt that that was the 'culprit' for the stronger taste) was unfair of them, as IMO they were just thinking about how their answer to you could be of most help.

However, you replied to them (and me) that you hadn't asked for advice on the medical part of his comment, unfortunately that was part of his comment, and you hadn't stipulated that under no circumstances were any of your responders supposed to, or indeed, allowed to, take the "pee being strong" part into account.

I can obviously only speak for myself here, but when giving my vote, I also took into account the fact that before he made that comment, you said that the sex was great, and he was very generous (presumably sexually) during it. So maybe some of the 30% who voted that YABU, also took that into account, and maybe some of them thought like I did, that if you are comfortable enough with someone to have sex with them - whether it is the first, or one hundredth time - then either of the participants should feel close enough to the other one to make a comment that might help either, or both of them, to enjoy themselves even more next time.

It could/should also mean that the other (sexual) partner to whom the comment was made, would then feel even more comfortable in telling their partner if there was something that they felt a little uncomfortable with, or would prefer a different way.

I hope it is obvious that I am not referring here to definite one-night stands. I am also not saying that you shouldn't have felt embarrassed - in fact, just right now, I can't think of many feelings that we shouldn't have, as most humans, including me, have either no, or little control of their feelings. Of course you were entitled to feel embarrassed, he was probably embarrassed too, but it sounds as if he really liked you, really enjoyed the sex and closeness to you, and really thought you would be doing it a lot more.

I am sorry, but I don't actually think he was trying to gas light you, I think that his reaction to your reaction at his comment, was unfortunately one that many inadequate males will have when they think they are in trouble for something. They backtrack, they lie (hopefully not too seriously, as they are usually easily caught out in their lies), and yes, I do believe that some of them have this internal defense mechanism that makes them actually forget that their misdemeanor ever happened at all! Because I believe the above to be such a wide spread adult male failure, I think we need to come to our personal conclusions about whether we can accept their childish behaviour on odd occasions, or whether we have no interest in finding out how often that type of thing happens. No adult woman should tell another adult woman what their tolerance levels should be.

I think that I should add here that I believe as children we probably all lie on occasions, to stop ourselves from being in trouble ("he hit me first" type of scenario), but I think that as we become women, we often realise both the long term futility in telling lies, and we also learn how unhealthy and unhelpful it usually is.

As for his last email - if it was actually from him - I don't and can't condone that, even male inadequacies should not go that far. So it looks as if you are well rid OP.

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 09:32

@TheLadyofShalott1

That's a very long post. I'll summarise it for you.

Humans need water(no one is disputing that, so be rest assured)

You think the comment was appropriate.

You think his subsequent behaviour and abuse was justified because he was embarrassed.

You think the op is lying.

You could've saved yourself a lot of time by summarising thus:
Men are who they say they are and women are who men say they are. In addition men are always right. It didn't happen and if it did it wasn't that bad and if it was she deserved it.

Keep it for your future dick pandering posts. It'll save time.

Candour · 02/05/2022 09:39

If the OP had included in her original post the fact that during their first sexual encounter she had engaged in unprotected sex and allowed this guy to CUM inside her and then allowed him to go down on her (hours after) this it may have also allowed other posters to come to the conclusion that it was his own pungent festering sperm that he was actually tasting when he was giving her oral sex. Admittedly this guy seems to have reacted badly and inappropriately to being blocked. As it transpired though he also had also displayed previous ‘red flags’ which were only mentioned later on in the thread too.

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 09:59

Candour · 02/05/2022 09:39

If the OP had included in her original post the fact that during their first sexual encounter she had engaged in unprotected sex and allowed this guy to CUM inside her and then allowed him to go down on her (hours after) this it may have also allowed other posters to come to the conclusion that it was his own pungent festering sperm that he was actually tasting when he was giving her oral sex. Admittedly this guy seems to have reacted badly and inappropriately to being blocked. As it transpired though he also had also displayed previous ‘red flags’ which were only mentioned later on in the thread too.

So it's not ok for a vagina to taste like a vagina.
But if a vagina tastes like his cum, you can excuse it for having a taste.

Public service announcement. Vaginal juices are natural and keep our bodies healthy. If you douse yourself in perfume or pineapple pieces you'll likely end up with a UTI(and your vagina will still taste like a vagina, because, guess what? It's a vagina)

Candour · 02/05/2022 10:16

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 09:59

So it's not ok for a vagina to taste like a vagina.
But if a vagina tastes like his cum, you can excuse it for having a taste.

Public service announcement. Vaginal juices are natural and keep our bodies healthy. If you douse yourself in perfume or pineapple pieces you'll likely end up with a UTI(and your vagina will still taste like a vagina, because, guess what? It's a vagina)

Definitely agree with you about the perfumed products but I’m a believer in the theory that eating a balanced diet and drinking lots of water affects how we smell generally including sweat, vaginal fluids, semen etc. I’m not sure why you are so offended by this? I respect your beliefs why can’t you also respect other women's beliefs if they are happy in the way they conduct themselves sexually? The point is under ‘AIBU’ the OP asked for opinions. If all the facts were presented on the original post this may have informed other posters and given them an opportunity to comment accordingly when all the facts were known to them.

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 10:32

Candour · 02/05/2022 10:16

Definitely agree with you about the perfumed products but I’m a believer in the theory that eating a balanced diet and drinking lots of water affects how we smell generally including sweat, vaginal fluids, semen etc. I’m not sure why you are so offended by this? I respect your beliefs why can’t you also respect other women's beliefs if they are happy in the way they conduct themselves sexually? The point is under ‘AIBU’ the OP asked for opinions. If all the facts were presented on the original post this may have informed other posters and given them an opportunity to comment accordingly when all the facts were known to them.

I'm a feminist. I represent all women. Not just the clean eating dick Panderers.
Absolutely support you in your lifestyle up to the point where your views are damaging other people. And insisting that women have to have a certain diet to make their natural juices taste different reinforces that women should change themselves for men's preferences.
If it was damaging things like drugs or alcohol that caused a 'strong' taste then maybe you'd have a point, but we need food to live and given so many women and girls have eating disorders I think it's fucking crass to impose yet another rule on them.

And furthermore, who decides what clean eating is? I don't eat meat so could consider your diet not clean enough if you do.

If men are allowed to eat McDonald's and booze and not think of how it makes them taste, women should be able to do the same.

Candour · 02/05/2022 10:37

IsabelaMadrigal · 02/05/2022 10:32

I'm a feminist. I represent all women. Not just the clean eating dick Panderers.
Absolutely support you in your lifestyle up to the point where your views are damaging other people. And insisting that women have to have a certain diet to make their natural juices taste different reinforces that women should change themselves for men's preferences.
If it was damaging things like drugs or alcohol that caused a 'strong' taste then maybe you'd have a point, but we need food to live and given so many women and girls have eating disorders I think it's fucking crass to impose yet another rule on them.

And furthermore, who decides what clean eating is? I don't eat meat so could consider your diet not clean enough if you do.

If men are allowed to eat McDonald's and booze and not think of how it makes them taste, women should be able to do the same.

I appreciate you taking the time to clarify this for me. Thanks 😊

NalPolishRemover · 02/05/2022 10:51

I agree that OP only gave some of the information in the opening post, making it difficult for people to respond appropriately.

I don't think I'm alone in wondering why OP didn't point out the fact that he was actually tasting their combined fluids by the time he gave her oral sex when she texted him to tell him she didn't want to see him again?

Or why she didn't say it at the moment when he connected on it? I'm all for uninhibited sex but surely it's no surprise to OP that if you have unprotected sex & the guy ejaculates inside you and then you sleep for several hours before having oral sex- it's going to be more than a bit ripe down there? I personally would only be up for that with someone I really trusted as it's very intimate & i'd nedd to know my partner was truly into that. It's not first night sex for me. But we're all different.

And it would seen the op had a lucky escape in the end given the subsequent behaviour

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 11:05

@NalPolishRemover it's the guys own fault. Even if I had dated someone for years... I wouldn't want someone to finish in me and then go to him giving me oral. No way! I think OP should of explained this to him but he should know.. himself

NalPolishRemover · 02/05/2022 11:13

@Norush4 some people are actually into that - oral sex after PIV but I think first night sex was too early to establish this.
If the OP went to 'clean up' after the first sex but this was a wipe up as opposed to a wash or shower but she did this privately in the bathroom so he won't have known either way, I think it should have been mentioned as he went to go down on her later.
In that situation I most definitely would have said hang on we've not had a shower since last time & you came in me...allowing him to decide
In essence there was poor communication on both sides imo but again i don't find this surprising given it was their first time together.

Norush4 · 02/05/2022 11:25

NalPolishRemover · 02/05/2022 11:13

@Norush4 some people are actually into that - oral sex after PIV but I think first night sex was too early to establish this.
If the OP went to 'clean up' after the first sex but this was a wipe up as opposed to a wash or shower but she did this privately in the bathroom so he won't have known either way, I think it should have been mentioned as he went to go down on her later.
In that situation I most definitely would have said hang on we've not had a shower since last time & you came in me...allowing him to decide
In essence there was poor communication on both sides imo but again i don't find this surprising given it was their first time together.

Some people may be into it yes. I think you would be aware if one was going to shower though. I don't mean to be crude but having intercourse and someone's sperm inside will have a scent and yes it can be quite strong when it mixes between 2 people. As adults perhaps the issue is that the man should not of been so willingly to do such things... I put it on him as OP was the reciever since he was doing it... well.

GabriellaMontez · 02/05/2022 11:37

Lucky escape. Well spotted.

Stunned by the (?)women on here who continue to insist that you pay more attention to your diet and fluid intake. Even after that final email where he really showed himself.