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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no?

186 replies

Blossom97 · 29/04/2022 21:57

Hi,

I have recently started chatting to a guy. We have arranged to meet up but have not met in person as of yet. He told me used to live alone but has recently moved back into his mums house. We are both 25. I am a single parent with a 3yo who is with me.

He has messaged me just now to say that his mum has made him leave because of an argument and that he is homeless for the night. He is asking to stay at mine for the night and keeps asking for my address. Aibu to say no as we haven’t even met in person yet?

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2022 13:06

PumpkinsandKittens · 30/04/2022 13:00

Yeh maybe you are not quite ready for dating until you are more confident in saying no to people? and working in your boundaries, good that you told him no but the fact you was unsure...

I agree with this OP, I think you need to do some more work on boundaries and safeguarding before dating as while it's good this alarmed you, it's worrying it was something you were even pondering.

Original poster
Blossom97 · 30/04/2022 13:22

Thanks everyone. I do agree. I should add he also put to me last night before I blocked him ‘I am quickly running out of patience with everyone and everything’ and that ‘everyone is testing him’ quite worrying

OP posts:
SpindleInTheWind · 30/04/2022 13:29

Oh @Blossom97 he sounds awful. You did the right thing, good for you.

CorsicaDreaming · 30/04/2022 13:37

I'm glad you are okay @Blossom97

He sounds a right charmer!

Definitely block and avoid x

reesewithoutaspoon · 30/04/2022 14:00

Hobosexuals is the perfect descriptor

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 14:01

I really, really hope this freak doesn't know where you live.

FlowerArranger · 30/04/2022 14:12

Blossom97 · 30/04/2022 12:49

Hello everyone. Thank you for everyone’s responses. This definitely wasn’t a wind up unfortunately. I’m glad I have found out what he is like early on! He was definitely trying to guilt trip me saying he was on the streets. He put ‘I need you’. I told him he should get a hotel and he said he has no money but he said he would get a taxi if I told him my address so he obviously had some money. I’ve blocked him now as definitely don't need somebody like that in mine and my daughters life. The thing is I am used to being walked all over and being a ‘push over’ because I do find it hard to say no. I realise I do need to stand up for myself especially now I have a child!

I'm glad yout are safe, and I'm sorry I doubted you. However, I hope you realise how totally extraordinary it was for you to even consider letting this man stay...... and having to ask on MN.

You are very young, but you have a child, so you need to get more clued up, or you might get hurt. Two books might help you:
The six pillars of self esteem
Women who love too much

Both books will teach you about valuing yourself, refusing to let others take advantage of you, and basically looking after your own - and by implication your child's - interests.

NewandNotImproved · 30/04/2022 14:13

It shows a worrying lack of safeguarding that you’d even considered bringing a literal stranger off the street in to your kids home. I agree with a PP who said something like this showing your judgement is so poor it would be exposing your child to huge risk, and just not date for a number of years.

You need to prioritise your kid before cock, every single day. Good that you’ve blocked the freak, but disturbing that you’d even engage with him to begin with.

AWOL66 · 30/04/2022 14:22

Don't EVER say yes as you will be putting you and your daughter at risk. You should only feel guilty if you say yes for letting an odd man in the house with your child! If you found him internet dating I'd tell the website and call 101 to tell Police there's some manipulative man on the internet piling pressure on women he's not met to stay at their house. Extremely suspicious. The Police will almost certainly have a record for him already. I reported to a dating website odd behaviour once and they agreed the man's messages were odd and removed him from the site straight away!

BemoreDerek · 30/04/2022 15:02

You weren't a pushover this time though were you OP? You said no and you blocked him, doesn't matter if you struggled a bit to get there, point is you did. Take strength from that for next time someone pushes your boundaries, it gets easier to stand up for yourself the more you do it Flowers

Original poster
Blossom97 · 30/04/2022 15:14

Hi everyone. I have received a message from him as he has found my Facebook. I didn’t think to find his profile and block him on there. He has said that he’s a wreck and everything has gone wrong for him that he just wants to find someone to ‘play happy family’s with’ as he doesn’t like his own. He then slagged his ‘baby mum’ off 😬and his mum. He said he still ‘wondering round a park like a weirdo and doesn’t know where to go’ and just wants to ‘look after me’. Can’t believe him!

OP posts:
SpindleInTheWind · 30/04/2022 15:17

How very tedious of him

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2022 15:22

FFS, make sure he is blocked on EVERYTHING. Do NOT respond to him.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2022 15:26

Is there any way he could know where you live OP? Block him on every platform you can.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/04/2022 15:26

Blossom97 · 30/04/2022 15:14

Hi everyone. I have received a message from him as he has found my Facebook. I didn’t think to find his profile and block him on there. He has said that he’s a wreck and everything has gone wrong for him that he just wants to find someone to ‘play happy family’s with’ as he doesn’t like his own. He then slagged his ‘baby mum’ off 😬and his mum. He said he still ‘wondering round a park like a weirdo and doesn’t know where to go’ and just wants to ‘look after me’. Can’t believe him!

Have you replied to any of this? I'm concerned you might still be engaging in conversation with him.

BobHadBitchTits · 30/04/2022 15:31

Yeah. If you let him in he's not leaving again.

Skyeheather · 30/04/2022 15:48

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3583326/Conman-duped-single-mothers-saying-scuba-diving-Princess-Diana-bodyguard-ex-SAS-Michelin-starred-chef-ordered-judge-use-real-name.html

Read this article, block him on everything, make sure there is nothing on your Facebook that could indicate where you live and consider yourself to have had a lucky escape.....

Gudbrand · 30/04/2022 15:52

He has said that he’s a wreck and everything has gone wrong for him that he just wants to find someone to ‘play happy family’s with’ as he doesn’t like his own. He then slagged his ‘baby mum’ off 😬and his mum. He said he still ‘wondering round a park like a weirdo and doesn’t know where to go’ and just wants to ‘look after me’. Can’t believe him!

Yup, confirming that he is in fact a hobosexual. First drama was "homeless for the night", second drama "everything's gone wrong with him". And then the "just want to look after you" bullshit. Third drama will be "My manager at work bullies me", leading swiftly on to "I've had to quit work because my manager was bullying me".
This sort of person is practised in this and simply goes from person to person scrounging off them. No man falls in love faster than a man with an "accommodation emergency".

Do not fall for any of this bullshit. Get him blocked.
He doesn't know you at all and he's trying to move in.
There's something seriously wrong in the life of a person who is "homeless for a night" and has absolutely no where to go - no friends, no relatives who'd let him crash somewhere for a night, no workmates? And not enough money for a cheap hotel for a couple of nights?
Nope... red flags everywhere

Coldnoseandtoes · 30/04/2022 16:02

He quite clearly can't look after himself, how on earth would he be in the position to look after anyone else?!

Block him everywhere. Make sure your Facebook and Instagram are private. Ignore anything further.

Fizzyfish · 30/04/2022 16:24

Wow, can't see for all the red flags. This is not someone that would be any good for you or your child, he is trying to manipulate you because he thinks you might be vulnerable. Show him you're not. Avoid.

SpindleInTheWind · 30/04/2022 16:26

His SPAG's shit as well

MardyOldGoth · 30/04/2022 16:47

Manipulative little shitbag!

UniversalAunt · 30/04/2022 17:02

’Hobosexual’

Inspired turn of phrase.

IhaveaDHproblem · 30/04/2022 17:07

Oh my god he sounds like such a nightmare. So not your problem.

Honestly now that I am older I can see women I know who didn't say no faster enough and are just stuck with this problematic leech who is far too sensitive to work and can't quite manage housework and basically just sits in their house sponging off them and occasionally bleating about how everyone is so mean.

It's deeply pathetic.

So glad you avoided him, once he had his foot in the door you would have been in a lot more trouble.

SunnyShiner · 30/04/2022 18:30

Don't reply.