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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no?

186 replies

Blossom97 · 29/04/2022 21:57

Hi,

I have recently started chatting to a guy. We have arranged to meet up but have not met in person as of yet. He told me used to live alone but has recently moved back into his mums house. We are both 25. I am a single parent with a 3yo who is with me.

He has messaged me just now to say that his mum has made him leave because of an argument and that he is homeless for the night. He is asking to stay at mine for the night and keeps asking for my address. Aibu to say no as we haven’t even met in person yet?

OP posts:
Cocobeau · 30/04/2022 07:46

It doesn’t strike you as odd that a 25 year old man has not a single friend, family member, colleague, acquaintance that he could stay with for a night? He needs to ask a single mother with a young child, who he’s never even met. He’s oblivious a liar but it’s concerning that you’d even consider it.

RachelGreeneGreep · 30/04/2022 07:48

OP, presumably you have blocked and deleted by now. Please have a think about your boundaries in general, also bearing in mind, your young child, and the fact that they need your protection.

JemimaPiddleDick · 30/04/2022 08:05

A bit late to this but would advise you block him if he won’t take no for an answer.

Phobiaphobic · 30/04/2022 08:10

Block him and move on. If he's trying to coerce you to do something you're uncomfortable with at this stage of the relationship, imagine further down the line. Get rid.

Lovemusic33 · 30/04/2022 08:13

I would block him too, you haven’t even met this guy and he’s asking for somewhere to sleep? You have a young child in the house, this guy could be anyone and chances are if his mum has kicked him out it’s for good reason?

I wouldn’t give anyone my address until we had been dating for quite a while and I trusted him enough not to randomly turn up on my door.

block him and forget about him.

pictish · 30/04/2022 08:14

Absolutely not. The persistence is a red flag. A worthy man wouldn’t dream of depositing himself in your home like that, let alone turn on the guilts.
He’s walking the streets? Not likely.

He’s shot his load too soon, so to speak. Luckily for you.

JoeGoldberg · 30/04/2022 08:15

Hope you blocked him OP

Midlifemusings · 30/04/2022 08:15

Block him.

  1. He has poor boundaries to ask that of you. Completely inappropriate.
  2. He has no one else in his life - no family, no friends he can go to
  3. He isn't respecting your very understandable no
  4. He is working but says he will be homeless - his story doesn't add up
  5. he is fighitng with his mother and being kicked out after whatever other housing arrangement he had also fell through and he needed to move back to his mothers.
These aren't red flags - these are red flags on fire with sirens blaring. Just blockk him.
worriedaboutmoney2022 · 30/04/2022 08:16

Big red flag 🚩
Block and delete

notanothertakeaway · 30/04/2022 08:16

I'm concerned that you even had to ask on here

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 30/04/2022 08:23

Op, he is a terrible person. A good person would not try to force a woman into saying yes to something she has said no to.

also, you do not know anything he is saying is the truth.

but, even if it is the truth, what this means is he had no money despite living with his mum, no friends and is so awful in a disagreement his own mum made him leave knowing he had no money and no friends.

block him.

Xpologog · 30/04/2022 08:28

Any man pestering or pressurising you over anything is not worth getting involved with. He must have mates, work colleagues, other family he can contact.
Definitely not safe to have an unknown man in yoyr house overnight with you and your child.

Beautiful3 · 30/04/2022 08:28

He is working so has money for a hotel room for the night. He's trying to manipulate you into staying at yours. You have a child, he is a stranger to both of you. It's a massive safe guarding issue. You never let strangers stay around your child. Why doesn't he have real friends or family to ask? Massive red flags here. Bin him off.

KikiBobby · 30/04/2022 08:29

So, he is argumentative.
Stingy.
Not averse to sponging/scrounging/bumming (take your pick here)
Already attempting to guilt trip you.
These are the 'qualities' he hasn't hidden from you! Thankfully it's early days and not too much of your time has been wasted on him.

Getupoffthesofa · 30/04/2022 08:35

No and also Break off all contact immeadiately
totally inappropriate
a sea of red flags

Makemakee · 30/04/2022 08:43

Sounds like an absolute loser. You’re not even in a relationship with him and yet he is making you feel bad and question yourself, not good qualities at all. Block and move on - you and your daughter deserve better than this.

pinkyredrose · 30/04/2022 08:44

At least you found out early on that he's a wrong 'un.

Onwards22 · 30/04/2022 08:56

It’s literally just an excuse to come around and spend the night and hope it turns into sex.

Do not fall for it.

He could be dangerous to you or your child.
Some men prey on single parents and then after finding out your address will come with a group of men.

Even if he has been kicked out (which in itself is a massive red flag) you wouldn’t ask some random women for a place to stay.
How pathetic does that sound.

Just ghost him by ignoring his texts and calls from now on.
If he’s good at what he does and can make you feel guilty then just block him.

Themilkyway97 · 30/04/2022 09:01

YANBU, definitely not.

viques · 30/04/2022 09:05

It’s morning.I’m sure we are all eagerly hoping for an update.

But, then again, the sun is shining and it’s a BH weekend.

Whatsmyname100 · 30/04/2022 09:06

As a mother of a young child you shouldn't even be asking this question. You need to end it and block him and take some time out from dating. Feeling guilty shouldn't even cross your mind when you haven't even met the person and you have a small child.

reesewithoutaspoon · 30/04/2022 09:07

Please just block him. For your childs sake. you owe her. you don't owe him anything.
The fact that he is trying to manipulate and guilt you is a massive red flag. Even if he hadn't been 'kicked out' and was 'walking the streets' his behaviour is not the behavior of someone you want a relationship with.
I know you feel like you maybe know him a bit if you have been messaging for a while. but you only know what he has been telling you.
Hes obviously not a good or nice person, the fact that his own mother has kicked him out speaks volumes. His behaviour must have been awful.
The fact he has no friends or family he feels able to go too. Ask yourself why.If I found myself homeless today I could go to any of my family and they would give me the sofa for a night.
Either this guy is just trying to get sex, to is trying to move himself in and take advantage of a single mother (there are plenty of cocklodgers who target single mothers because they assume they are desperate and will tolerate their bullshit more than other women). Dont give him the chance to manipulate you further, just block him so you cant read the bullshit he is telling you. Men like this prey on caring women, because they know you have a good heart and will use that to their advantage.they will try make you feel guilty and responsible for fixing their problems. You would never get him out the house once he got his foot through the door.

Whatsmyname100 · 30/04/2022 09:08

Milomonster · 30/04/2022 07:30

Flabbergasted that you needed to ask given you have a child. That’s worrying in itself as it shows you don’t understand your own boundaries. I’d have a hard look at why you felt the need to question this.

Exactly. Too many women putting random men before their children.

ChopinBoard · 30/04/2022 09:08

Op listen to the Female Dating Strategy podcast. I don't agree with everything they say but I think they do have some good advice about setting firm boundaries and high expectations for how men should behave.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 30/04/2022 09:09

I definitely won’t let him but he keeps pestering. He is saying he is currently walking the streets and has no where to go!

^ this is manipulation plain and simple - he's trying to lay a 'guilt trip' on you.

Please, please block and delete this creepy character.

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