Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no?

186 replies

Blossom97 · 29/04/2022 21:57

Hi,

I have recently started chatting to a guy. We have arranged to meet up but have not met in person as of yet. He told me used to live alone but has recently moved back into his mums house. We are both 25. I am a single parent with a 3yo who is with me.

He has messaged me just now to say that his mum has made him leave because of an argument and that he is homeless for the night. He is asking to stay at mine for the night and keeps asking for my address. Aibu to say no as we haven’t even met in person yet?

OP posts:
Oliveandbay · 29/04/2022 22:35

Wow - this is so scary. Protect yourself and your child and don't let him anywhere near you. How much do you actually really know about this man? It sounds like the perfect story to get access to you/your child imo.

PonyPatter44 · 29/04/2022 22:35

Just going to add my two-penn'orth and implore you to block him ASAP. I very much doubt he is walking the streets. Does he know you have a young child?

CorsicaDreaming · 29/04/2022 22:37

Yes I agree with PP - especially at this time of night, this is a classic pressurising tactic and definitely would be a red flag for me.

Also if he has fallen out with his mum so badly that she has chucked him out on the street in the middle of the night then what must he have done or said for that to happen?

It all sounds really worrying to be honest.

Notimeforaname · 29/04/2022 22:39

If you're not going to block him , send him a link to booking.com

Hes a freak.

PumpkinsandKittens · 29/04/2022 22:49

I’m amazed you even need to ask this? And that you are still talking to him? Are you sure you are ready to date? You seem to have really poor boundaries

AxolotlEars · 29/04/2022 23:02

No mates with a sofa?!

AnAfternoonWalk · 29/04/2022 23:28

Do not give him your address no matter what. He is a total stranger. A stranger who lives with his mother and just got kicked out because of an argument and is insisting that you give him your address. You resist so he is intentionally trying to make you feel guilty, make you feel you’re not a nice person, and give him what he wants, whatever that is.

I read a book years ago about stalkers and predators. It had real life examples. Hopefully I can remember this accurately. One was about a woman carrying groceries up the flights of stairs to her apartment. A man had slipped in somehow with her, as if he lived there or something. He was good looking and charming. First he asked her if he could help carry the groceries. When she said no, thanks, he told her he would help carry the groceries. She demurred again, and he acted offended as if she were being mean. So, she gave in and he helped her carry her groceries in. He then raped her. He got up and said he was leaving. However she sensed he was lying so as soon as he left the room, she jumped up on impulse and ran naked out of the apartment. It saved her life because he was in the kitchen getting a knife to kill her, which he had done to other women and hadn’t gotten caught yet.

I’m telling you this because you must trust your instincts and logic and not let a predator manipulate you into giving him (or her) what he wants.

nocoolnamesleft · 29/04/2022 23:41

More red flags than a Soviet era Moscow Mayday parade. Block.

LondonQueen · 29/04/2022 23:43

For the safety of you and your child, it's a no. Block him for peace of mind.

Seraphinesupport · 29/04/2022 23:44

definitely block. red flags, you got a kid.. cant be letting strange men into the house whats he thinking???

sammylady37 · 29/04/2022 23:46

You actually have to ask? Really? And you’re in charge of a vulnerable young child? Jesus.

Mandodari · 29/04/2022 23:50

No decent guy would pester like this, especially when they know you have a child in the house. Block him.

Tomatoblush · 30/04/2022 00:09

Oh no please don’t. You are worth so much more than a man child with no money for a hotel who is begging a total stranger for a place to stay. Just no.

Ticksallboxes · 30/04/2022 00:39

Oh God! Absolutely NO!!

sst1234 · 30/04/2022 00:41

What do you think OP?

SammyScrounge · 30/04/2022 00:47

Big coincidence that your first date coincided with the big row with his Mum. I don't believe in coincidences. This man means you no good. Stay well clear of him.

Monty27 · 30/04/2022 00:50

Block him. Now.

Vispa · 30/04/2022 01:03

OP he could be absolutely ANYONE. He may not be 25 or live with his mother. He is a bad person for pressuring you, at worst he could be extremely dangerous. BLOCK HIM!!!

CJsGoldfish · 30/04/2022 01:55

I honestly don't understand why you are even asking OP?

A 25 yr old who can't even organise a room at a the local Premier Inn is a non starter anyway but one who would even suggest staying with you at this stage would not be someone I'd give the time of day to again.

Superhanz · 30/04/2022 02:35

Not no but fuck no!

You really needed to ask? You have a child at home, I'd rather gouge my eyes out before I'd let a strange man into my house to stay the night while my child was there.

The fact that he is pestering you like this is such a red flag, no decent man would behave like this.

The fact you didn't come back to this thread is concerning.

timeisnotaline · 30/04/2022 02:42

The only reply is what do you mean you have nowhere to go? There are many hotels in this town, you have a job and can pay for a few nights at a hotel.

MardyOldGoth · 30/04/2022 02:57

Oh my god, block this man! Makes unreasonable requests, doesn't respect boundaries, sulks and guilt trips to get his own way... and who knows why his mum chucked him out. All this before your first date? Boy, bye! 👋

BritWifeInUSA · 30/04/2022 05:24

More red flags than a North Korean military parade!

I was going to suggest sending him the link to booking.com with a comment like “find your own place to stay” but just block him and move on.

Pickabearanybear · 30/04/2022 05:38

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TonkaBean22 · 30/04/2022 05:54

AnAfternoonWalk · 29/04/2022 23:28

Do not give him your address no matter what. He is a total stranger. A stranger who lives with his mother and just got kicked out because of an argument and is insisting that you give him your address. You resist so he is intentionally trying to make you feel guilty, make you feel you’re not a nice person, and give him what he wants, whatever that is.

I read a book years ago about stalkers and predators. It had real life examples. Hopefully I can remember this accurately. One was about a woman carrying groceries up the flights of stairs to her apartment. A man had slipped in somehow with her, as if he lived there or something. He was good looking and charming. First he asked her if he could help carry the groceries. When she said no, thanks, he told her he would help carry the groceries. She demurred again, and he acted offended as if she were being mean. So, she gave in and he helped her carry her groceries in. He then raped her. He got up and said he was leaving. However she sensed he was lying so as soon as he left the room, she jumped up on impulse and ran naked out of the apartment. It saved her life because he was in the kitchen getting a knife to kill her, which he had done to other women and hadn’t gotten caught yet.

I’m telling you this because you must trust your instincts and logic and not let a predator manipulate you into giving him (or her) what he wants.

This is from The Gift or Fear right?