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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say no?

186 replies

Blossom97 · 29/04/2022 21:57

Hi,

I have recently started chatting to a guy. We have arranged to meet up but have not met in person as of yet. He told me used to live alone but has recently moved back into his mums house. We are both 25. I am a single parent with a 3yo who is with me.

He has messaged me just now to say that his mum has made him leave because of an argument and that he is homeless for the night. He is asking to stay at mine for the night and keeps asking for my address. Aibu to say no as we haven’t even met in person yet?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 30/04/2022 09:19

I think he’s trying to make me feel guilty for not allowing him to stay!

Well spotted. Under no circumstances allow a stranger into your home.

Lovemusic33 · 30/04/2022 09:20

Well op hasn’t been back so I’m guessing she may have allowed this stranger into her house 😬, I really hope not.

OutDamnedSpot · 30/04/2022 09:20

I hope you’re okay OP.

I would genuinely block him over this:
1 - such a huge row with his mum isn’t attractive
2 - not having any friends he can turn to in a crisis
3 - not having any kind of emergency funds for a travelodge
4 - expecting a woman he’s never met to put him up for the night
5 - not respecting that woman’s (very sensible and normal) boundaries

Rainbowshit · 30/04/2022 09:21

OutDamnedSpot · 30/04/2022 09:20

I hope you’re okay OP.

I would genuinely block him over this:
1 - such a huge row with his mum isn’t attractive
2 - not having any friends he can turn to in a crisis
3 - not having any kind of emergency funds for a travelodge
4 - expecting a woman he’s never met to put him up for the night
5 - not respecting that woman’s (very sensible and normal) boundaries

All of this ☝️

Blockity block

Shortpoet · 30/04/2022 09:24

I know the night has passed, but was testing your boundaries to see if you are a pushover. Please read “The gift of fear”. And “Why does he do that?”

Its good that you said no. It’s not good that you feel guilty for it.

CheeseBoard2022 · 30/04/2022 09:25

Please just block him, major red flags here.

Maray1967 · 30/04/2022 09:29

If it’s possible I would report this bloke on whatever site you met him on. He’s putting pressure on a single mum whom he has never met to let him into her home. Other women need to be warned about him.

Elfblossom · 30/04/2022 09:31

GIANT RED FLAG!!!!!

DELETE

BLOCK

PonyPatter44 · 30/04/2022 09:59

@Blossom97 are you ok this morning?

Yaya26 · 30/04/2022 10:00

Don’t give in. V v dodgy. Block block block again

in

Tiredmummy123456 · 30/04/2022 10:01

OP. Are you ok? Could you update.

ManateeFair · 30/04/2022 10:07

He’s a fucking predator, ffs. You’ve never even met him. You don’t even know if he actually is who he says he is. You would literally be giving your home address, the address where you live with your small child, to a complete stranger, and inviting him into your home. Overnight.

I can’t believe you’re having to ask for advice on this. Get rid immediately.

FlowerArranger · 30/04/2022 10:12

PonyPatter44 · 30/04/2022 09:59

@Blossom97 are you ok this morning?

Of course she is.
Posted late last night to wind us all up.
And succeeded...

BlueOverYellow · 30/04/2022 10:55

Tell him not to contact you again.

No sensible guy would think this was an acceptable/reasonable request. You are essentially a stranger to him with a vulnerable 3 year old in your home.

Onwards22 · 30/04/2022 10:56

Posted late last night to wind us all up.
And succeeded...

I have met a couple men like this though so it’s not a definite lie.

One had me feeling really guilty and I’m not that type of person.
I assume it’s a way to have sex without just coming out with it.
One even asked to borrow £40 so they can get a hotel room.

I don’t know if they’re unhinged or think they’re so good looking that women will fall for their sob stories.

Im always glad when things like this happen though because it shows you who they are so you don’t have to waste your time meeting them.

SpaceFarce · 30/04/2022 11:22

It’s mad that you even need to ask.

BirdWatch · 30/04/2022 11:26

Tell him the number of a hotel then block him.

funinthesun19 · 30/04/2022 11:27

No way! And his mum kicking him out is surely a red flag about the type of person he is.

Gudbrand · 30/04/2022 11:30

I hope you didn't let him stay last night or that this is some kind of wind-up thread.
If you did let him stay that would have been very dangerous. You have no idea who he is.

In case this is genuine, for the future, anybody going on like that gets told no and gets blocked.
There are hobosexuals around who have some kind of "accommodation emergency" shortly after meeting/chatting to a new potential boyfriend/girlfriend, before you know it they've moved in. The "homeless for one night" turns into a series of disasters (none of them the hobosexual's fault of course) - lost their job is normally one of them, or they manage to rent a place but within a few weeks the evil landlord is trying to evict them for no reason etcetc. And then they turn into cocklodgers.

MadameMachin · 30/04/2022 11:53

Block him!
It's all a scam.
There's no mother. There's no "thrown out for the night".

I hope you and your DC are safe OP.

FatFart · 30/04/2022 11:57

Hope you are ok @Blossom97

StooOrangeyForCrows · 30/04/2022 12:02

viques · 30/04/2022 09:05

It’s morning.I’m sure we are all eagerly hoping for an update.

But, then again, the sun is shining and it’s a BH weekend.

This. It's sunny. I have just filled the paddling pool and I have heard a Cuckoo.

Yay!

Original poster
Blossom97 · 30/04/2022 12:49

Hello everyone. Thank you for everyone’s responses. This definitely wasn’t a wind up unfortunately. I’m glad I have found out what he is like early on! He was definitely trying to guilt trip me saying he was on the streets. He put ‘I need you’. I told him he should get a hotel and he said he has no money but he said he would get a taxi if I told him my address so he obviously had some money. I’ve blocked him now as definitely don't need somebody like that in mine and my daughters life. The thing is I am used to being walked all over and being a ‘push over’ because I do find it hard to say no. I realise I do need to stand up for myself especially now I have a child!

OP posts:
PumpkinsandKittens · 30/04/2022 13:00

Yeh maybe you are not quite ready for dating until you are more confident in saying no to people? and working in your boundaries, good that you told him no but the fact you was unsure...

MardyOldGoth · 30/04/2022 13:03

'I realise I do need to stand up for myself especially now I have a child!'

You made a bloody good start by blocking this creep!

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