Scared my partner will be taken from me

[Derrymare]

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

I hope you get help for your well being and mental health. This guy hasn’t a leg to stand on he is here illegally and that is the facts. You can’t change that and the home office will have no truck with this ... he’s not an asylum seeker, specifically now under Priti Patel...you need tho think of yourself and getting well.

@Onwards22 My brother married a Brazilian. When she was here (completely legally) before they were married, she worked for the local authority for over seven years. She paid full taxes, she had her own bank account, she paid joint rent and was on the tenancy agreement. They got married and went to live in Brazil, the plan was to have a child at some point and understandably she wanted to be near her own mother. Now, after 12+ years of marriage, for her and their children (who have dual passports) to come to this country, my brother would have to be earning over £25k to prove he can support them. Her history of living and working here counts for nothing. They moved to Europe hoping for EC residency, but obviously everything has changed about that and the same applies. She's one of the most open people I know and believes in free movement, would never condemn any kind of migrant, but she can't be one because of the bloody awful rules in this country.

It was a very confusing time for us as they would have deported him he was placed in detention and I travelled 185 miles twice a week to visit him.
They was about to deport him but we wanted to stay together so he was advised by a immigration officer to claim asylum. He was eventually released to me and they took 2 years to do his screening and let us become closer in the 4 years it took them to do his main interview. In all that time he honoured his reporting obligations.

OP - please concentrate on improving your health so you can be independent and choose what you want freely.

So you have worked, despite your health problems and paid for everything for him for 5 years .

sorry but I think you would be better off without him . And don’t go sending him money if he gets deported . He should be repaying you.

Some people will wait very patiently for what they want for as long as it takes to get it. ..especially if the waiting involves no particular personal hardships for them. Then once they've got it they're off, never to be seen again.

I agree with other posters: I think you are being taken advantage of. Autism makes people particularly vulnerable to exploitation, as autistic people assume that what other people say is exactly what they mean, with no ulterior motives. In addition, autism often involves some degree of disorder of prediction, meaning people with ASD are less likely to be able to see the possible outcome in any given situation.

The Home Office, and many of the other posters on this board, do not have this problem and are drawing different conclusions to you. I suggest you consider why this might be.

OP but it doesn’t matter who told him to apply for asylum, the fact is he was already here illegally, and had already entered into a relationship with you without telling you he was here illegally.

As for PP telling about their legitimate friends/relatives who have had problems gaining entry into the UK, those stories are not the same, and TBH it’s because of people like the OP’s partner that legitimate claimants have such a hard time gaining entry into the UK.

The more people like the OP’s partner are discouraged from coming here on the basis that they won’t be given a free pass, the more likely it is that legitimate claimants will be able to enter the UK, because the chancers and pisstakers will be reduced.

This man should have been deported 10 years ago. It’s just a shame that the OP has been taken in by him.

Unfortunately being so old I have seen this scenario so many times

He won’t leave you (that could compromise his visa) However he could put you through Hell until you instigate divorce

This isn't about race, it's about a man who was in the country illegally, living with friends with no way of supporting himself, who just happened to find a vulnerable woman at the right time who could house, feed and clothe him whilst he continues to earn and contribute nothing.

Why did he come to the UK? I know you said the was a dispute and he felt unsafe but as PP have also asked, why didn't he move to somewhere else in Pakistan? It would kind of be a bit like us moving from London to Leeds. Why did he move to the UK when he had no money and no job? Also, why didn't he sort his visa out years ago?

Your whole relationship sounds dodgy, again as PP have pointed out. He was financially dependent on his friends for 4-5 years and then when they were probably getting fed up of him scrounging off them, he suddenly finds you to take over.

It doesn't sound like a normal relationship. If he had no money, I'm guessing you never really dated him. The relationship has never been equal.

He's using you and relying on your health issues that make you vulnerable. You're in a very vulnerable position and need to find support for yourself and detach from him.

You say you're struggling but just about managing to work. If you didn't have another adult to clothe, house and feed, you might be able to look at reducing your work hours.

If the relationship is genuine, he'd go back to Pakistan himself, get a job, and find a legal way to come to the UK. In fact, that's what he'd have done years ago.

There's no way I could get in a relationship and expect the man to financially support me for years! He's a scrounger. He's taking the piss out of you and all of the other people from abroad who have worked hard to come to the UK legally.

Maybe I am deluded I don't know if my mental health is clogging up my brain maybe it is. I sincerely hope that our appeal is successful and I shall definitely see what I believe he is a genuine guy.

kennykenkencat @ 10.34 - that's an horrific story about your friend! An illegal actually damaged his DW so much physically that he had to be allowed to stay in country to be her carer?! WOW! OP beware!

He tells me he just wants to work and pay his way and do something for me as well to be able to visit his country again and take me with him and come back to our life here.

Has he worked at all in the past 6 years?

How come in 6 years you’ve not been with him to visit his country and meet his family?

Do you not think he deserves a chance he has been of good character and reported without fail.

Has he worked at all in the past 6 years?

How come in 6 years you’ve not been with him to visit his country and meet his family?

He's here illegally , if he left the country he could not return nor does he have any right to work or benefits. Basically he is living off the op.

Onwards22
He can't leave the country because he wouldn't be able to come back.

Cross Post sorry

But he avoided doing so once his visa expired. He is an illegal immigrant who has conveniently found friends and a partner willing to maintain him. It was only when arrested that he has been bothered about his status.

This is not going to end well for you. DO NOT go to Pakistan; I can't believe people are even suggesting it.

It doesn't matter all that much if he is a genuine guy. The fact is he won't be allowed to stay so you have to make a life without him.

I'm assuming because he wouldn't be able to get back to the UK. He'd have to actually work and go through the correct processes which would cost him time and money. Why would he do that when he's already living in the UK rent free with all his living costs paid for and he can get OP to pay for his appeals, etc?

Derrymare Do you know when you will start titration?

I am Asian. As a previous pp said, so many red flags in this relationship....

No, he absolutely does not deserve a chance! His chance was 10 years ago.

You need to step back from this. Google the sunken costs fallacy. Just because you've spent 5 years of time and money on him doesn't mean you should continue.

There are other men out there who will love and care for you, men who are here legally with a good moral character, men who work and pay their own way. This guy is a lazy scrounger who hasn't worked in a decade (I'm assuming not due to ill health) and who is the reason why the immigration rules are so strict.

I actually hope he is deported for the OP’s sake.

Because right now she is too close to the situation to see it for what it is.

Once he is no longer here and she is on her own she will hopefully be able to see the situation for what it is.

As for whether he deserves a chance, no he doesn’t. He’s a crook and a con artist IMO. And the sooner he’s gone the better.

This relationship does have red flags but presumably he hasn’t been able to work because he’s here illegally right?