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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared my partner will be taken from me

362 replies

Derrymare · 29/04/2022 21:46

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

OP posts:
Original poster
Derrymare · 29/04/2022 23:19

My condition is awful at the moment I am really struggling with everything but no carer.

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 29/04/2022 23:28

I agree with a pp that his asylum claim doesn't meet the tests. Pakistan is a massive county and he could have gone and lived elsewhere when he had his issues.

They'll be suspicious that his relationship with you will end as soon as he gets status (it happens an awful lot). How far away are you from meeting the income threshold to get him a spouse visa?

Fishwishy · 29/04/2022 23:30

Pakistan is a massive country and certainly isn't one you need to run from. I'm not surprised his asylum claim isn't holding up.

Sortilege · 29/04/2022 23:58

As PPs said, sadly for both of you, they only judge the appeals on the law, not on how keen you are on each other.

Im normally quite happy to blame the Tories for anything, including the weather, but I don’t think there has ever been a time when getting into a relationship with a failed asylum seeker was a guaranteed win, regardless of income.

Can you start putting some alternative support in place for yourself in case the worst happens?

Testina · 30/04/2022 00:10

When did he start his asylum claim?
It doesn’t sound like he had a valid reason.
Will you be able to move to Pakistan?

dottypencilcase · 30/04/2022 00:22

Sorry, probably not what you want to hear but this scam written all over it.

CJsGoldfish · 30/04/2022 01:51

To be honest I don't feel I will be able to carry on without him

THIS is what you need to be most concerned about. It doesn't sound like he fits the criteria and you sound like an easy mark tbh. But either way, you should not be SO dependant on him that you can't go on if he's not around.
Even if this is a genuine relationship, you being dependant on him should not be a reason to grant asylum.
I guess that your options are to seek help for yourself or be prepared to move with him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2022 02:02

In civilised countries two years of a cohabitation is common law for immigration. Living together 5 years doesn't scream scam.

I'm sorry OP, I've been through immigration and been told my relationship wasn't good enough and I know it hurts. I feel like sending immigration an anniversary card every year. Bastards.

figtrees · 30/04/2022 02:10

Op do you claim any disability related benefits? Pip? I only ask you mentioned him being a carer and you being unwell. I'm not sure if this applies in your situation but for spousal visas if you are in receipt of disability benefits you are automatically exempt from the minimum income threshold.

'If the UK based sponsor is in receipt of a disability benefit of a type that is specified in the Immigration Rules, you are exempt from the default financial requirement no longer applies.'

You will have to search to see if it can be applied to your specific situation but even if it can't, you may be able to use this in your appeal as it is a clear rule set by UK visa and immigration. You may find that if you are disable the minimum income rule may be discriminatory.

Hope this helps. Good luck

RitaFaircloughsWig · 30/04/2022 03:13

Derrymare · 29/04/2022 21:53

He is a decent person never committed any crime very polite just wants to work and pay his taxes.

Does he work and pay taxes? Is he actually illegal?

PupInAPram · 30/04/2022 03:28

OP literally said "I don't have any children to help".

Marty13 · 30/04/2022 03:31

"Living together 5 years doesn't scream scam."

That is no proof of that. I have seen cases where the guy married a european woman and stayed with her for a decade, then as soon as he got citizenship through marriage, divorced her and remarried the ex-wife he'd left back home to get her to settle in Europe with him and any children under 18 they had.

I'm not saying this is what's going on here but immigration officials are skeptical because they've seen it happen time and time and time again. More often than not the European spouse is sincere in their feelings, and indignant if denied a visa, and I guess they get quite disillusioned when it becomes apparent it was all a scam.

OP, the fact that you are so dependant on one person in the first place is a bad sign. You can't depend on someone else for happiness, it needs to come from within.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't appeal and/or do what you can to regularize his situation but that doesn't preclude working on your own needs and independance at the same time. That will make you happier in the long run, whether he stays or goes.

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 03:37

So he’s been there 10 years. Started a relationship 6 years ago.
what was he doing for the remaining 4 years instead of seeking asylum?

Unfortunately it’s clear cut. He has no right to stay.

Has he got any qualifications that can land him a visa sponsored job?

Onlyrainbows · 30/04/2022 04:32

You should join the "I love my foreign spouse group" on Facebook. That being said TO ME (and I had to go through immigration) his case is not an asylum case.

Nightlystroll · 30/04/2022 04:36

It didn't take the Home Offuce 10 years to turn down his application for asylum. So did he come on a visa and it expired or something? How has he been supporting himself?

I used to work with asylum seekers and if they were in committed relationships, they were often, ultimately, allowed to stay so maybe that will be the same for you.

Kennykenkencat · 30/04/2022 04:49

Derrymare · 29/04/2022 21:59

He left his country due to been attacked over land and property we had to attach our human rights to his asylum claim and they refused the lot.

Having an argument over land no matter how violent it got isn’t reason for an asylum claim.Nor is being a hard working respectable individual without money going to get you residency

What made him come to the U.K. in the first place and how has he been supporting himself if he has no right to live or work in the U.K.

Being able to go and live in pretty much any country in the world you will have to jump through hoops and adhere to the rules of the country regarding living there permanently and fill out paperwork and pay out money for the privilege

On a separate note

What meds do you take for your depression and adhd?
Do you need stronger meds or your anti depressants adjusting.

Or was the depression diagnosed first before the ADHD diagnosis as sometimes women especially get diagnosed with depression but the pills don’t work because they actually have ADHD

AlternativePerspective · 30/04/2022 05:05

Did you know he was here illegally at the time you got into a relationship with him?

There is a vast difference between a refugee an illegal immigrant and he is the latter. And to be frank, trying to seek asylum when he has been dodging the system for 10 years is an insult to genuine refugees who are fleeing genuine persecution, which having a row with the family really isn’t.

You have been taken in by this man OP. Even if your relationship is genuine, he isn’t. He’s prepared to break the law to get what he wants, and you have no idea whether he plans to leave you if he gets his visa, it absolutely does happen, even years and years down the track.

So are you supporting him financially right now? Because he currently won’t have the right to work in the UK.

I would look to go back to Pakistan with him. TBH I would bring this up as a possibility and see what his response is. Because really, he’s been using the system here and it wouldn’t be wrong to deport him at this stage.

All countries have immigration policies which must be followed. I couldn’t decide to move to Australia on the basis of a row with my family and claim to be an asylum seeker. TBH that takes the piss somewhat and he’s lucky not to have been deported sooner.

AlternativePerspective · 30/04/2022 05:10

And it concerns me that you say you have no-one else, are totally reliant on him and can’t go on without him.

Has he made you reliant on him?

Has he used your depression to make you depend on him and is now going to use that to uphold his claim for a visa.

Any relationship where a woman has become totally reliant on the man without any other support screams alarm bells IMO, and even more so when that man has a motive as your partner does.

I would seek further help from your GP, and seek some therapy in order to help you further. I would also seek to widen your support network. You absolutely can live without this man, and IMO you should, but even if you don’t want to right now, you need to seek further support for yourself. Being reliant on one person isn’t healthy.

Iwonder08 · 30/04/2022 07:00

Home office are indeed bastards, but your story doesn't add up. You say you've been together for 6 years, but he has been in the country for 10. Did he apply for asylum 10 years ago? Did he come here with no/inappropriate visa? If he is asylum seeker your relationship status has nothing to do with that..
OP, the visa situation sounds complex but most importantly you need to seek treatment for your mental health, some of the thibgs you say are worrying.

Swayingpalmtrees · 30/04/2022 07:02

Start a life elsewhere together. The middle east offers lots of good options. If you can't be here together, there are many other options you can consider.

I am not sure why you would ask us not to judge you, you are able to enjoy a relationship with anyone from anywhere without judgement.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 30/04/2022 07:08

He's got no right to stay here, he's been here 10 years, why didn't he try to claim asylum before?

AlternativePerspective · 30/04/2022 07:09

I don’t think the home office have done anything wrong here. In fact I think they haven’t acted quickly enough.

He wouldn’t have a legitimate case to claim asylum from Pakistan, especially given he had a dispute over land and then started crying human rights wen that one didn’t fly.

I am more concerned that the OP is in a coercive relationship here, and that he is using her depression as a reason to claim he should stay here. In fact that he has made her deliberately reliant on him.

OP have you always had serious MH issues or has this only come about since you’ve been with him?

LIZS · 30/04/2022 07:24

Did he come on a short visa and overstay? You sound very dependent on him, are you sure he is not exploiting your vulnerability to support his claim? You need to expand your support network in case he is forced to leave.

SavoyCabbage · 30/04/2022 08:10

You need to start focusing on the facts of your case and not on how you won't be able to manage without him.

What is the actual visa he has had previously and what visa is he trying to stay here on?

There are so many British people in similar situations.

I married my dh in the UK where he was legally living and working. We had two children then we left the uk and lived abroad. Then I couldn't get him back in. We had been married for thirteen years by this time. We had a British born eleven and a nine year old. Dh had a really good job and three degrees. But because I as the British person didn't earn over the £18,500 I couldn't get my husband into the country.

Unfortunately, it's not about how much you love or need him. It's not about fairness. It's about rules and laws.

StScholastica · 30/04/2022 08:44

SavoyCabbage
Good grief, that's terrible.
I hope you got him here eventually.

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