Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared my partner will be taken from me

362 replies

Derrymare · 29/04/2022 21:46

Please don't judge me but I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a Pakistani national he has been in the country 10 years.
We have lived together 5 years and we are very close. He supports me emotionally as I suffer from depression adhd etc I can't imagine life without him.
The homeoffice refused him any kind of stay and its going to appeal but I'm so worried that the judge will refuse.
We was refused because they say our relationship didn't start at least 2 years before he seeked asylum and that he hasn't been in the UK 20 continuous years.
We don't have any children to help our case and I don't meet the financial requirements.

OP posts:
Gettingthereslowly2020 · 30/04/2022 11:17

And yes, I know he can't legally work because, well he's here illegally but my point is that if he'd sorted all this out years ago and done things properly and honestly, he would be able to work and contribute to you and society. The fact he hasn't suggests to me that he doesn't want to, he just wants a free ride. He only started going through the processes when he knew he was at real risk of deportation. He's not a man of moral character from what you've said so far OP.

viques · 30/04/2022 11:23

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 10:47

It was a very confusing time for us as they would have deported him he was placed in detention and I travelled 185 miles twice a week to visit him.
They was about to deport him but we wanted to stay together so he was advised by a immigration officer to claim asylum. He was eventually released to me and they took 2 years to do his screening and let us become closer in the 4 years it took them to do his main interview. In all that time he honoured his reporting obligations.

Well yes, of course he will honour all the reporting conditions, not because he is an honourable person but because having been really close to deportation he has played his last card and put down the claiming asylum trump card. He knows if he doesn’t report , disappears and is then picked up again then a) he will be held b) his asylum claim will be weakened even further c) the claim would probably be fast tracked d) he would be deported . The HO has his passport, there would be no problem sending him back to Pakistan. He has no choice but to keep reporting. The only reason he was released from detention is that the process is generally very slow and keeping people in detention is expensive.

I can’t comment on your relationship OP, but I think if that is what he is relying on after 10 years of living in the country illegally then his case is weak.

JanisMoplin · 30/04/2022 11:25

How on earth can he claim asylum? He is not a genuine asylum seeker. He is not Malala fgs.

SpilltheTea · 30/04/2022 11:28

He's done nothing to demonstrate that he deserves a chance. He's going to be deported.

Sortilege · 30/04/2022 11:33

JanisMoplin · 30/04/2022 11:10

I am Asian. As a previous pp said, so many red flags in this relationship....

Show quote history

Yes, I’m part Asian and I can’t see it either. Take the immigration aspect away and this is what received MN wisdom always calls a cocklodger.

I think PP is projecting hugely.

saraclara · 30/04/2022 11:34

Ok sorry OP, but I really can't see this working. Presumably he only applied for asylum when the Home Office discovered that he was here without the necessary documentation. That immediately puts a question mark over his intentions and the story that he tells about his safety in Pakistan.
He really doesn't seem to have any grounds for appeal, as far as I can see (my voluntary work is with asylum seekers but I am in no way legally qualified, this is purely from my experience of supporting people who have made asylum claims, and seen their outcomes).

I'm really sorry about your situation. I can only suggest that you look online for organisations in your area that support asylum seekers. They will understand.

LightEveningsAreBack · 30/04/2022 11:36

I worry that he's got with you thinking you are his meal ticket. An illegal immigrant gets with someone who sounds quite vulnerable and acts in love promising the world. You fall head over heels, he then manages to get your friend's and family on side and hey presto he's sorted accommodation and living costs and then uses these people's backing to try and apply to stay legally. Red flag red flag red flag. My mum worked with someone who was very similar, quite vulnerable, she started a relationship with an illegal immigrant, she was only in her 20s and so naive. He moved into their family home (she still lived with her parents) and lived with them before marrying her after they had managed to apply for the paper work. They actually went to the papers about them trying to deport him, it was so embarrassing reading the story as you could see what was going to happen. A few weeks after they married he disappeared into the night never to be seen again. He was with her several years but got what he needed in the end.

NoviceNetwork · 30/04/2022 11:39

Oh op, I hope for your sake that his claim is rightly rejected. He is clearly using you. He would NEVER have acted in the way he has if he wasn't.

People like him make me so mad, they make it so much harder for genuine asylum claims to be seen, and contribute greatly to the stigma around it all.

Marvellousmadness · 30/04/2022 11:43

It sounds like he is your mental support. Not a soulmate tbh :*(

Louise0701 · 30/04/2022 11:47

@tootiredtoocare I hardly think they’re asking for much! £25k to support a family isn’t a massive salary.

RosesAndHellebores · 30/04/2022 11:48

Let's take immigration out of this and look at the basic/background facts.

  1. He became an illegal immigrant 10 years ago when he over stayed. He could have returned and applied to come to the UK legally via sponsorship - student or employee.
  1. What are his family relations like in Pakistan, is there regular contact, are they hard working people. Have you seen them.on zoom, etc?
  1. What is he trained and qualified to do vocationally and professionally. Did he work regularly and for an employer back in Pakistan?
  1. What is his highest qualification?
  1. Has he at any time been able to transfer funds from Pakistan to help finance?

I think OP I would look at the true and honest answers to those questions. I think a decent chap would have returned to Pakistan, got a job with presently his now very good English and would have sent you some money from time to time whilst making arrangements to come legally to the UK. You would have been able to visit him in Pakistan while he was doing that.

Taking immigration out of the equation I'd call him a cock lodger I'm afraid.

Get your ADHD sorted op, get some therapy lined up to help you deal with this and start living your life and spending your money on yourself. You may be surprised how much better you feel when stress subsides as this cut off the weight of this albatross from around your neck.

Gudbrand · 30/04/2022 11:50

What sort of visa was he on when he came here? He then overstayed?
After that he got together with you and has been here illegally ever since?
At some point he put in a claim for asylum after being here for a while?

It doesn't sound good OP. I'm sorry but I think you have to be prepared for the fact he will be deported. There doesn't seem to be any reason why he should be allowed to stay.
They are very skeptical about relationships in cases like these.

JellyfishandShells · 30/04/2022 11:53

Have you met the friends he stayed with before meeting you ? Have you met any of his friends and family in India via zoom, FaceTime, Skype etc - they can’t all have been on the other side of this land dispute ?

UniversalAunt · 30/04/2022 11:56

’Let me guess, if OPs partner was say, a white Australian, you'd not think this was a scam…’

Actually, I would.

Having known white Canadians & Australians who long overstayed their residency rights & sought to marry British citizens so that they could stay - a plan to scan the Immigration rules. A few did not satisfy the investigation & were deported from the UK after living & working here for many years as well as being married

OfstedOffred · 30/04/2022 12:06

This one isnt likely to go anywhere op.

Unless he has some skills or qualifications that may put him in a position to apply to get here legally, eg via a work Visa, he stands sod all chance. I've got quite a few friends and colleagues from Pakistan, they visit regularly, my work has an office there too. I sincerely doubt an asylum claim from their stands any chance of success.

Original poster
Derrymare · 30/04/2022 12:08

Well the appeal is also about our human rights so we shall see.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 30/04/2022 12:11

Your human rights? What human rights? He is an illegal immigrant who has broken the law and not entitled to claim asylum.

LIZS · 30/04/2022 12:12

How does it affect your human rights? He chose to overstay his (student/work?) visa and get involved with you. He is not escaping persecution or vulnerable himself. You live in a country with a health and welfare system.

Rinatinabina · 30/04/2022 12:13

Sortilege · 30/04/2022 11:33

Yes, I’m part Asian and I can’t see it either. Take the immigration aspect away and this is what received MN wisdom always calls a cocklodger.

I think PP is projecting hugely.

Show quote history

Same, OP take care of yourself first, you have been taking care of him too long while he’s been fine seeing you struggle on.

NoviceNetwork · 30/04/2022 12:15

@Derrymare you really need to start facing reality soon.

He does not have a human right to illegally remain in the country.

His human rights don't negate the fact he has been acting illegally for the last decade, despite having a choice.

And he does not have a chance in hell of being granted asylum from Pakistan, none. He was not forced to leave the country, and he could have easily moved away from the dispute. I hope no legal representative has told you otherwise, or you are being financially scammed by more people than just your partner.

Gilmorehill · 30/04/2022 12:16

Derrymare · 30/04/2022 10:26

He tells me he just wants to work and pay his way and do something for me as well to be able to visit his country again and take me with him and come back to our life here.
He suffers badly with stress due to his situation and now we have come too far for me to turn away.

If he’s willing to return to his home country, it completely undermines his claim that he’s not safe there.

ilovebrie8 · 30/04/2022 12:18

Human rights ! He’s a scammer that overstayed and is illegal...and has lives off you OP....take the blinkers off and get rid !

MountainDewer · 30/04/2022 12:18

I have ADHD, also have a skilled worker visa and DP is British soo no racism etc here.
But he’s been using you OP. I’m sorry, I know what it’s like to have tunnel vision (had a couple of guys do similar, except it was my money they wanted).

Unfortunately by reporting to the HO etc he’s probably ruined his chances. Very few people here actually get deported, it’s why so many economic migrants prefer the U.K. over rest of Europe (easier to disappear into the underground economy).

SausagePourHomme · 30/04/2022 12:19

I think it's time to prepare yourself for him going back, and put in place what you need to cope after that.

Pakistan is not a dangerous country for a young man. There's no grounds for him to claim asylum over what sounds like a personal dispute.

SausagePourHomme · 30/04/2022 12:22

a personal dispute 10 years ago at that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread