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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a late night / early morning rant about how no sleep is ruining my entire life?

307 replies

Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 01:54

Lying here unable to sleep as have toddler with me. He refuses to go in his cot.

I have a three hour window (you can almost time it to the minute) when he goes to bed where he will sleep. Usually 730-1030. Then he wakes and that’s it.

I can either try to sleep myself then, or get all the other shit done. Either way I’m exhausted but if I sleep I am in chaos. If I don’t I have literally no sleep.

I can’t see friends, have a glass of wine, there is no enjoyment or pleasure in anything at all.

rant and moan and misery, pure misery.

i wish I had never done this.

OP posts:
BobHadBitchTits · 29/04/2022 02:01

Do you have a husband or partner to help?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:03

No.

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 29/04/2022 02:22

Definitely nbu. Has it been going on long enough to see a GP and tell them you need help? Don’t know if you need to see the sleep clinic for something like melatonin or if the GP can prescribe it.

No sleep is bloody awful.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:24

I’ve thought about that but from what I’ve read melatonin is for getting them to sleep, which isn’t a problem here. It’s just he won’t sleep without me. Even in the same bed he has to be physically on me, and it makes me bitterly resentful. I’m fed up of being grabbed, yanked and so on all night every night and I am sick to death of no fucking sleep.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 29/04/2022 02:34

Your toddler sleeps for three hours and that’s it?
How old? Still waking for milk?
That’s not right! Is he napping in the day? He’s meant to be getting way more sleep than that. No wonder your exhausted. What do you do when he wakes up?
We were always lights off, no chatter, just shushing, unless DD was in pain or something was wrong).

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:37

I don’t think that is quite what I said.

he sleeps for three hours before waking and refusing to sleep without me.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 02:41

How old is he? How is he in the daytime? Does he go to nursery?

You sound exhausted and it sounds awful 💐Have you spoken to your HV or GP?

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:47

He’s at nursery during the day, which I do think may be one of the problems as he’s seeking to reconnect with me at night.

It’s been horrendous lately and going from previous trajectories I have another two months or so, and I hate it. Last time I was so depressed.

OP posts:
12yearsinazkaban · 29/04/2022 02:54

oh my love, you just need a bit of time. do you work in the day?
if not I would get up now and use this time to do chores so you have time to sleep in the day. if you do work then please oh just hold on a little longer. these horrid patterns usually sort themselves out and ehen they do ypu forget them. giving you my strength x

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:55

I’m not clear what you mean by hold on a little longer. I do work in the day. My life is unrelenting misery and I am tired of it.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 02:57

@Notsleepingandnotcoping I’d speak to your GP or HV, I think. And is there anyone who could help you out? Sleep deprivation is the worst, and things always seem awful in the dead of night (says the woman on MN at this hour😃)

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 02:59

Well, but there’s nothing they can do, is there? I don’t mean that in an arsey way, just sort of resigned. I haven’t heard from the HV since October anyway.

OP posts:
12yearsinazkaban · 29/04/2022 03:01

oh so you get absolutely no break. I meant these patterns usually just end and your child will magically, with no training, just start sleeping all night and you just have to 'push through' this part . it does end though.

I always said to myself 'do you ever see a grown man still keeping his mum awake at night? or never sleeping through? no! it had to end, even If it doesn't feel like it.

WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 03:01

Think about it tomorrow. I hope you get some sleep, very hard when it’s just you

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 03:03

Think about what tomorrow?

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 29/04/2022 03:04

Maybe speaking to your doctor, that’s all

MsInsomniac · 29/04/2022 03:05

Get up, do your chores, in the morning take him to nursery call in sick to work and go to bed, all day. At least then you’ll have had some sleep to decide how to tackle it. If you aren’t exhausted and all touched out perhaps co sleeping with him will be the way forward? It won’t last forever.

12yearsinazkaban · 29/04/2022 03:08

agree with Ms insomniac
if you can afford it pull a sticky. technically it's not a lie.

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 03:09

Just banged the light on and screamed my head off at him. I fucking hate him.

OP posts:
Mummamama · 29/04/2022 03:20

If you actually do hate him then I think you need to ring the health visitor or gp and tell them this so you can get some extra support.

Is it that you can sleep while he is sleeping with you? I have a toddler too and know it can be uncomfortable! Will he stay asleep if you moved him back to his own bed after he's been asleep a little while?

Mummamama · 29/04/2022 03:23

Sorry that should read 'can't sleep'

Original poster
Notsleepingandnotcoping · 29/04/2022 03:23

But there isn’t any extra support. This is the issue. I’m really upset with myself for that rant and I just screamed at him which is absolutely awful and really who does that, but I don’t know what to do.

When he sleeps with me - and after around 10/11 o clock at night that’s the only way he’ll sleep - he still wakes up constantly and kicks and thrashes around, I get no sleep. Tried retuning him to his own bed and he just gets hysterical. I just tried leaving him and it didn’t work and that was when I lost it.

I know that it’s normal for kids not to sleep through and I was prepared for that but I wasn’t prepared for getting 2 hours max nearly a year and a half after having him.

OP posts:
givethatbabyaname · 29/04/2022 03:23

It’s sucks, it’s shit, it’s miserable. But it doesn’t last forever. You’ll know this as an obvious truth when you’re out of this phase, even though right now you can’t see making it through to tomorrow morning in one piece, let alone all the way to the end of a phase.

I shouted at my boy once, in the middle of the night, because I just couldn’t take it any more. It was awful (he was totally fine). Years have passed and I still feel so deeply guilty. That one episode has absolutely informed all my subsequent choices when it comes to boundaries between me and my DC, recognizing my limitations etc. It was my lowest point as a mother, but it was what it was. I was about to break.

of course you know it’s not his fault, you’ve basically said as much. It doesn’t need to be anyone’s fault for it to still be shit. But, something has to change because neither of you should continue like this. Only you can decide what needs to change, and truthfully only you can change anything. He’s just a baby.

I’m sorry for you, I’ve been there. Don’t feel lonely. Try to have hope. I promise, things will improve.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/04/2022 03:24

OP please take a breath- it’s better he’s in a cot crying than you get angry at him.
No sleep is torture!
do you not Co sleep well together? How old is he, can he climb out of his cot?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/04/2022 03:25

Eventually he will sleep by himself in a cot- it may take days or even wks with a stubborn child but controlled crying consistency is the way to crack this.