Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents in law and holiday bill - please tell me who is in the wrong!

272 replies

spandauballet · 27/04/2022 17:28

Husband and I get on well with his parents (mum and step dad). They live in Cornwall, we go down regularly, they come up to London to see us etc. They are lovely, generous, very hands on with our kids etc.

In Jan we agreed we'd all go on holiday together this year. We went to Majorca together in 2017 which was lovely, so decided to go again this July and also include my dad who gets on well with them too. In March MIL found 5 accommodation options and sent them to us, saying we can choose out of those, they don't mind. We chose a 4-bed apartment, consulted everyone, and I booked and payed (£2400), with us all agreeing to split costs (40% us, 30/30% parents).

Over Easter we went down to Cornwall for a week and whilst there DH had a disagreement with his stepdad. Nothing to do with holiday whatsoever but ended in very heated discussion and MIL getting upset. (Neither were right or wrong just different opinions and they should have just agreed to disagree). Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday”. She also decided without discussion that what we had booked is not big enough.

When asked, she stated they would not pay their share of the one I'd already booked. This leaves us with £750-ish added to our holiday bill without any consultation. I am livid. Neither of them seem to think this is bad since we are "getting use of an extra bedroom". I don't need an extra bedroom - our kids are 5 and 2 and will share.

AIBU to think you can't just decide not to partake in an agreed holiday without paying your share? If I had already got their share, she would not have booked a new place! What do I do now?

OP posts:
Testina · 27/04/2022 21:03

See if the owner will change the date without charging, then invite your FIL. Screw MIL.

Snowiscold · 27/04/2022 21:07

Well, it’s all gone a bit pear shaped now. But you were on a good deal before, so I might be tempted to swallow it. Seven people were going, and four were your own family unit, so you should have been paying 4/7 of the cost, which is a lot more than 40%.

forrestgreen · 27/04/2022 21:10

I agree you were getting a good deal. As pp said you should have been paying half for your two bedroom. Cancel or rebook.
But don't book anything again without people sending you all their share.

Ohmygoshyoudontsay · 27/04/2022 21:10

If you can afford to pay the £750 I would go rather than lose 50% and your money for the flights. It will be nicer to not have 2 extra adults there all the time. I would not meet up with the PILS on the holiday or spend any time with them when over there as they have let you down. They can want their own space. They can get their own space. But you have booked and paid for accommodation for them and they need to pay you the money they owe you, the cheeky fuckers.

Eightiesfan · 27/04/2022 21:11

Because I am evil and can carry a grudge, I would invite DH father and his partner if he has one and have a great time on holiday letting PIL stew on their own in their separate accommodation. Let them experience the consequence of their selfishness.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 27/04/2022 21:13

spandauballet · 27/04/2022 18:09

To answer a few questions:

Yes I was there during the argument (more a heated debate)- it was about salaries in London vs the SW, with FIL saying they are better in SW in his industry and DH trying to correct him (DH is in same industry and has worked in both places). They were hugging and all fine by the next day. They are very close, get on well, but are both stubborn and are two sides of the same coin.

We have considered inviting someone else along (DH suggested his dad - MIL ex-husband haha), but I am just not in the mood to go away with them now. It is tainted. This is our first time abroad since pre-covid and I want to look forward to it.

As mentioned, we could cancel but will lose 50% of the £2.4k. I have sent a sob story email to property owner to see if I can improve that and waiting to hear back.

Also MIL has said her new accommodation also only offers 50% refund. Although it doesn't sound like she is remotely motivated to cancel hers anyway!

I would be very tempted to invite MIL ex. How would she feel about that?

Darbs76 · 27/04/2022 21:13

Your MIL is out of order. She can do this but she needs to honour the cost, as that’s totally unfair. If she wants to spend more money for new Accomodation up to her but she should still pay her share

MichelleScarn · 27/04/2022 21:38

Just re reading op and with this bit Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday” so are they wanting to spend time at the expensive accommodation you're renting then bugger off to their own accommodation? (When things need tidied, cleared up?)

MichelleScarn · 27/04/2022 21:38

Just re reading op and with this bit Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday” so are they wanting to spend time at the expensive accommodation you're renting then bugger off to their own accommodation? (When things need tidied, cleared up?)

BrightonBunny · 27/04/2022 21:49

Will the accommodation owners give you a better deal on cancellation fees if you change the dates and don't tell ILS

They have behaved very badly. There is NO WAY I would go on holiday with them.

BOOTS52 · 27/04/2022 21:49

They should give you the money as that is not fair and then you can be grateful you do not have to see their faces first thing in the morning. If they do not pay that will change the whole dynamic of the holiday and make it unpleasant and uncomfortable for everyone, can they not see that you need that cash and it is their doing that has caused it all, very selfish indeed. See if you can book a smaller place instead from the same holiday co.

5zeds · 27/04/2022 21:53

So £2400 in total.
if you cancel you lose £1200
if you carry on you pay (70%) £1680 and are forced to holiday with them?
😱

Cameleongirl · 27/04/2022 22:08

BrightonBunny · 27/04/2022 21:49

Will the accommodation owners give you a better deal on cancellation fees if you change the dates and don't tell ILS

They have behaved very badly. There is NO WAY I would go on holiday with them.

Imagine they get to the airport and realize that you're not on the flight...oh sorry, we're going in August now...Grin

Ohmygoshyoudontsay · 27/04/2022 22:24

"Imagine they get to the airport and realize that you're not on the flight...oh sorry, we're going in August now..."

Love this. You could say you changed the flights in case it all kicked off on the plane. 😆

DontPickTheFlowers · 27/04/2022 22:27

Just don’t go on holiday with them again

MichelleScarn · 27/04/2022 22:32

EmeraldSpo · 27/04/2022 20:56

I would still go, as it sounds like it will cost you even more to cancel and then rebook somewhere else. Plus why should your dad have to pay even more when he's already paying a pretty big chunk for one person?

I would still spend time with your PIL while you're away too. Sure it may be a little awkward, but you'll be able to avoid them in the morning/evening if they aren't staying with you. I think changing the date or telling them you won't see them will cause more damage. I think a lot of posters here and forgetting there are two young children going on this holiday, who would probably be quite upset by not getting to spend it with grandparents anymore.

In regards to getting the money off your MIL, I say guilt trip them into paying it back bit by bit in treats and other bits for your children. Sure you won't have the cash back, but it's something at least.

Why should of and dh etc have to pander to his parents and their flounce?

Fredshred · 27/04/2022 22:43

forrestgreen · 27/04/2022 21:10

I agree you were getting a good deal. As pp said you should have been paying half for your two bedroom. Cancel or rebook.
But don't book anything again without people sending you all their share.

Seriously this. Don’t think the initial share sounds fair at all. Maybe they were resentful and looking for a way out. No way could you get a friend to take that split…

a1poshpaws · 27/04/2022 22:44

Bloomin' heck. What a low thing for your MIL to do. She must be aware that £750 is a lot of money (unless maybe you're stinking rich? I certainly couldn't find even £70 above my budget for a holiday, never mind £750!)

I would not holiday with them. Even if you end up staying in your first booked accommodation, just go your own way. Don't include them in any of your plans or outings, and yes - asking your husband's biological Dad, if they get on well, is a great idea. Not only because it would be a lovely way for them to spend time together but also because it might make your MIL realise that the world doesn't actually revolve around her, which it seems she currently believes to be the case.

Booklover3 · 27/04/2022 22:59

Awful behaviour of your MIL. I’d see if his dad wanted to go.

Sswhinesthebest · 27/04/2022 23:24

Change the dates and flights. Invite his dad.

me4real · 28/04/2022 01:11

I just wanted to say this is awful OP. Angry

Pickabearanybear · 28/04/2022 03:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

TeamFreeWill · 28/04/2022 06:54

.

WildCoasts · 28/04/2022 08:03

If MIL objected to the split she should have just used her words to communicate that. I wouldn't holiday with her either. Even if you end up doing so this time around, I wouldn't ever again.

mum11970 · 28/04/2022 08:12

Are your flights already booked? I would try and move the dates of the holiday if possible. At least you wouldn’t have to spend the time with mil that way.