Parents in law and holiday bill - please tell me who is in the wrong!

[spandauballet]

Husband and I get on well with his parents (mum and step dad). They live in Cornwall, we go down regularly, they come up to London to see us etc. They are lovely, generous, very hands on with our kids etc.

In Jan we agreed we'd all go on holiday together this year. We went to Majorca together in 2017 which was lovely, so decided to go again this July and also include my dad who gets on well with them too. In March MIL found 5 accommodation options and sent them to us, saying we can choose out of those, they don't mind. We chose a 4-bed apartment, consulted everyone, and I booked and payed (£2400), with us all agreeing to split costs (40% us, 30/30% parents).

Over Easter we went down to Cornwall for a week and whilst there DH had a disagreement with his stepdad. Nothing to do with holiday whatsoever but ended in very heated discussion and MIL getting upset. (Neither were right or wrong just different opinions and they should have just agreed to disagree). Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday”. She also decided without discussion that what we had booked is not big enough.

When asked, she stated they would not pay their share of the one I'd already booked. This leaves us with £750-ish added to our holiday bill without any consultation. I am livid. Neither of them seem to think this is bad since we are "getting use of an extra bedroom". I don't need an extra bedroom - our kids are 5 and 2 and will share.

AIBU to think you can't just decide not to partake in an agreed holiday without paying your share? If I had already got their share, she would not have booked a new place! What do I do now?

[Countdownis35]

@TiddleyWink

Cancel the holiday. It’s bound to be a disaster. She has committed and pulled out leaving you out of pocket. The consequences is no holiday with her grandchildren.

Have you got a text or email where she offeeed up this accommodation and said she was happy? I’d be pulling that out to wave at her when I told her exactly why the whole thing was cancelled.

This.

This is the downfall of family holidays it can all get a bit much. Take heed and stay in your own seperate accommodation. Tbh I would rather go with my own little family anyway OP

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Yes mil should pay her share

i do think you have a very good deal though , half the bedrooms for £960

while parents both pay £720 at 30% each

a fairer split would have been 50/25/25

but obv you were all happy with this

inviting her ex, dh dad may not help the situation as unless very good friends they won’t want to spend time together even if she stays elsewhere



maybe go round and see if can sort things out

many say things in the heat of the moment

[Unsure33]

If you can afford the 750 and can’t get a a better refund I would just go . At least you don’t have to spend the holiday in each others pockets so to speak . You can just do your own thing . Perhaps it’s for the best . There obviously was upset about the argument and it might happen again.

[MichelleScarn]

@Ponoka7

"Husband is not happy, and feels completely let down, but is generally slightly more placid than me!"

As you age you cope less well with arguments. That might have been enough to keep her awake for a few nights. Your DH should have respected that he's in someone else's house and let it go. How bad would it get if he was on neutral ground? Does his Dad have an equally good hands-on relationship with your children and did you visit him and stay over Easter? You seem to want to punish your MIL. Your DH should be speaking to them. Another kick off would ruin the holiday and it would be £2400 wasted. It would be stupid to cancel and lose more than their share, as much as you are egged on, on here.

So you are placing full responsibility with ops dh? Absolutely don't agree with conceding just because one party in the argument is older or its their 'territory'!

[Branleuse]

Id ask to change the dates rather than only get a 50% refund. Definitely wouldnt want to go at the same time as them

[Bignanny30]

You don’t want more bad feeling in the family. I’m sure it’ll be possible to cancel and rebook something smaller or transfer your booking to a smaller place for your family, rather than have another family dispute that might ruin the holiday.

[TurquoiseSwirl]

I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with them now, if you get your money back book a different country or different date. Sounds like your MI had a paddy and now won’t back down.
when they want to visit next day you can’t afford it as you’re still in debt for the holiday

[cansu]

She is out of line. If this impacts on the cost (which it does), she is very unreasonable to have essentially pushed up the cost of the holiday for others due to this argument.

[JudgeJ]

@Theunamedcat

I woukd see if I could change the accommodation and possibly the dates as it woukd be too awkward now

I would, if I could, change the accommodation but keep the dates so I could ignore them every time I saw them! Can you not ask another couple to join you, it sounds a good deal for August.

[kiwiandcherries]

Can you move the holiday to a different time? That way you don't lose any money but don't have to go with them and can invite someone else who can contribute?

[LookItsMeAgain]

I couldn't imagine being on the same flight with them even if they have decided to move to different accommodation @spandauballet so if I were in your shoes, not only would I be pleading my case to the accommodation owner about downsizing to be able to take you, your DH, your kids and your dad, I'd be looking at getting a different flight too.

She really has thrown her toys out of the pram, your MiL, hasn't she??? She wasn't even involved in the discussion by the sounds of things and she has single-handedly pulled the rug out from under everyone.

I'd be giving them plenty of distance to cool down and let them make the first move to get back in touch at this stage.

You look after you now. Pay no attention to them until you get yourselves sorted.

[Ahgoonyegirlye]

I’d invite a friend/s instead. That way you also have someone else to hang out with.
not much you can do other than suck it up. And never go on holiday with them again.

[Cameleongirl]

I agree with either changing the dates or inviting other people along.

[findingsomeone]

I'd invite someone else and say to PIL you think it's best you steer clear of each other for the duration of the holiday.

[Inertia]

If your fathers get on, inviting your FIL might be a good option. Or maybe another family member as company for your dad.

If the company has other accommodation, you might have more chance of a change than a refund.

Either way, it’s not going to work to have them coming round to the apartment they refused to contribute to- just keep telling MIL she’s right about everyone needing space.

[MarchXX]

OP, it sounds like a mess. Suck it up or cancel and get 50% refund and book something else, elsewhere away from them. This reminds me of a dream holiday we went on with another couple, good friends, which degenerated into a nightmare I can never forget four years later, I'm still upset. If I could go back and cancel the bloody holiday I would have. Being in close quarters will only amplify differences. Don't do it!

[WaspStingsAreAwful]

Family holidays all in the same accommodation gives me the shivers. Rarely works out well.

I think for the sake of future harmony (I know.... the FILs are wrong), I would go and enjoy my own accommodation without them. I realise you will be out of pocket, but it is either that or lose the money anyway from what I am reading.

I get a spidey feeling that MIL might just have been coerced by her husband to do what she has done. Has that thought crossed your mind?

Being together in the same resort/town whatever will either make or break you. Time to find out....

[Herejustforthisone]

I’d cancel the whole apartment and leave them to it. She’s stitched you right up.

[Scianel]

OP don't let the posters on here wind you up to the point of the nuclear option. It's your DH rellies, I don't think it's worth a permanent rift over as much as they haven't covered themselves in glory here.

[Alwayspaintyournails]

@JudgeJ

I would, if I could, change the accommodation but keep the dates so I could ignore them every time I saw them! Can you not ask another couple to join you, it sounds a good deal for August.

No one would enjoy a holiday passive aggressively playing ignore the in laws.

[HumourReplacementTherapy]

Seems a bit odd!
Do you think she'd been brewing it as she wasn't happy with the percentage split?

[MaggieFS]

Taking this at face value - but it's weird such a 'minor' debate has had such repercussions - I wouldn't want to be anywhere near either of them for a holiday!

Do MIL and FIL not get on? Hopefully not in which case he's the ideal candidate to take the room and keep her away.

[MyCatIsAJerk]

You don’t pay, you don’t stay. Easy peasy.
Exclude them.

[EmeraldSpo]

I would still go, as it sounds like it will cost you even more to cancel and then rebook somewhere else. Plus why should your dad have to pay even more when he's already paying a pretty big chunk for one person?

I would still spend time with your PIL while you're away too. Sure it may be a little awkward, but you'll be able to avoid them in the morning/evening if they aren't staying with you. I think changing the date or telling them you won't see them will cause more damage. I think a lot of posters here and forgetting there are two young children going on this holiday, who would probably be quite upset by not getting to spend it with grandparents anymore.

In regards to getting the money off your MIL, I say guilt trip them into paying it back bit by bit in treats and other bits for your children. Sure you won't have the cash back, but it's something at least.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

They are. I wouldn’t want to go with them after such an unpleasant exchange.