Parents in law and holiday bill - please tell me who is in the wrong!

[spandauballet]

Husband and I get on well with his parents (mum and step dad). They live in Cornwall, we go down regularly, they come up to London to see us etc. They are lovely, generous, very hands on with our kids etc.

In Jan we agreed we'd all go on holiday together this year. We went to Majorca together in 2017 which was lovely, so decided to go again this July and also include my dad who gets on well with them too. In March MIL found 5 accommodation options and sent them to us, saying we can choose out of those, they don't mind. We chose a 4-bed apartment, consulted everyone, and I booked and payed (£2400), with us all agreeing to split costs (40% us, 30/30% parents).

Over Easter we went down to Cornwall for a week and whilst there DH had a disagreement with his stepdad. Nothing to do with holiday whatsoever but ended in very heated discussion and MIL getting upset. (Neither were right or wrong just different opinions and they should have just agreed to disagree). Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday”. She also decided without discussion that what we had booked is not big enough.

When asked, she stated they would not pay their share of the one I'd already booked. This leaves us with £750-ish added to our holiday bill without any consultation. I am livid. Neither of them seem to think this is bad since we are "getting use of an extra bedroom". I don't need an extra bedroom - our kids are 5 and 2 and will share.

AIBU to think you can't just decide not to partake in an agreed holiday without paying your share? If I had already got their share, she would not have booked a new place! What do I do now?

I’d cancel too. Doesn’t bode well for the rest of the holiday does it?!

Cancel and arrange something else, either in Majorca with some distance between you or somewhere else entirely different. You could put it down to not wanting to pay £750 for accommodation you don't need and not being able to find something suitable at short notice.
Personally it sounds like a recipe for disaster staying with them.

Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate it. I wondered if I'm mad here.

The policy is 50% refund only. I have sent an email to the property owners to see if there's anything she can do regarding a better refund but obviously can't count on it as that is the policy. I am so angry about it and absolutely have no drive to go on any holiday with them after this so if it was a more favourable policy I would cancel and book something with just husband kids and dad, no problem.

Husband is not happy, and feels completely let down, but is generally slightly more placid than me!

I'm just flabbergasted that PIL don't see anything wrong!

I doubt OP could afford to lose the £2400 she’s already paid either. Is there anyone else you could invite to use the extra room?

Do the property owners have any alternative smaller accommodation they can offer instead?

Can you invite someone else to have their room OP? A single sibling? Loose Aunt rattling around somewhere?

Your mother-in-law is in the wrong here. She sounds thoughtless and I would cancel the holiday.

Obviously you don’t want to say what the argument was over but were you there? If your husband was personal or aggressive I guess it would be more understandable.
Tbh 50% deposit I’d go. £1200 to not go, £1650 to go. I wouldn’t be booking with PIL again!

We went away with ils once.
Never
Again.
Cancel the whole thing. Imo it is tainted now anyway...

Tell her you're cancelling.

She's totally out of order and should be paying up the 30% whether she stays there or not. Has your DH actually said this to them? If not, he should do.

Is there any chance that the argument will have all blown over by the time you go on holiday and PIL will want to stay in the same apartment with you all again?

Your mother in law described it as ‘somewhere to go should things kick off’. Does she think they will still be having food at the other house with you guys? Using the pool with the grandchildren? Having drinks at night on the terrace? Etc.

Might make for a pleasenter holiday, not all sharing the same accommodation. Maybe agree to split the difference if you still want to go ahead with the holiday?

Can the property owners downsize you to somewhere smaller?

I would go on the holiday but I wouldn’t give pils the address and I wouldn’t see them except perhaps in restaurants.

Reading between the lines, it’ll be the step dad causing trouble and MIL is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Does she realize that he (she?) will ruin family relationships going forward if she sticks with this?

I witness an argument in my family recently and honestly it’s put me off holidaying with theme I would book a separate space but the difference is that I would tell you first.

it was horrible witnessing two men arguing

The entire holiday is ruined because of your shithead mother-in-law. I would cancel. I'd be livid if I were you.

If you can't cancel, and they won't budge then I'd go, but keep the holiday separate (from PIL) and do your own thing.

It's obviously totally outrageous from what's written here. Could you afford to cover it? If so, it might be worth trying to let it slide for the sake of familial relations. Just a thought.

Gosh, you were getting a bargain with the initial arrangement, weren't you? A week in a villa in Majorca in July for £800 for you, DH and two children. No wonder you're pissed off.

The person I feel sorry for is your father, OP, who's paying £750 for just him. How come he was billed twice as much as the in-laws?

Get your dh to deal with it. Your PIL need to pay for what they agreed. Be firm. If they won't pay I'd personally not fall out. I usually like an extra room for dc and 3 bed not necessarily much cheaper than 4 bed. If you can't afford it, you may find yourself avoiding them on the holiday because its going to upset you. She's really screwed up here.

To answer a few questions:

Yes I was there during the argument (more a heated debate)- it was about salaries in London vs the SW, with FIL saying they are better in SW in his industry and DH trying to correct him (DH is in same industry and has worked in both places). They were hugging and all fine by the next day. They are very close, get on well, but are both stubborn and are two sides of the same coin.

We have considered inviting someone else along (DH suggested his dad - MIL ex-husband haha), but I am just not in the mood to go away with them now. It is tainted. This is our first time abroad since pre-covid and I want to look forward to it.

As mentioned, we could cancel but will lose 50% of the £2.4k. I have sent a sob story email to property owner to see if I can improve that and waiting to hear back.

Also MIL has said her new accommodation also only offers 50% refund. Although it doesn't sound like she is remotely motivated to cancel hers anyway!

I'd cancel, swallow the 50% loss and try and recoup some of it by getting a cheaper property, and maybe in a different and cheaper part of the Med.

That way you're guaranteed they won't be expecting to use the pool at your villa or anything.