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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents in law and holiday bill - please tell me who is in the wrong!

272 replies

spandauballet · 27/04/2022 17:28

Husband and I get on well with his parents (mum and step dad). They live in Cornwall, we go down regularly, they come up to London to see us etc. They are lovely, generous, very hands on with our kids etc.

In Jan we agreed we'd all go on holiday together this year. We went to Majorca together in 2017 which was lovely, so decided to go again this July and also include my dad who gets on well with them too. In March MIL found 5 accommodation options and sent them to us, saying we can choose out of those, they don't mind. We chose a 4-bed apartment, consulted everyone, and I booked and payed (£2400), with us all agreeing to split costs (40% us, 30/30% parents).

Over Easter we went down to Cornwall for a week and whilst there DH had a disagreement with his stepdad. Nothing to do with holiday whatsoever but ended in very heated discussion and MIL getting upset. (Neither were right or wrong just different opinions and they should have just agreed to disagree). Without consulting us MIL booked separate accommodation for July, saying she needs “somewhere to go should things kick off whilst we are on holiday”. She also decided without discussion that what we had booked is not big enough.

When asked, she stated they would not pay their share of the one I'd already booked. This leaves us with £750-ish added to our holiday bill without any consultation. I am livid. Neither of them seem to think this is bad since we are "getting use of an extra bedroom". I don't need an extra bedroom - our kids are 5 and 2 and will share.

AIBU to think you can't just decide not to partake in an agreed holiday without paying your share? If I had already got their share, she would not have booked a new place! What do I do now?

OP posts:
BlueOverYellow · 27/04/2022 18:12

Invite DH's dad, yes! And tell MIL and step dad that they put you in this position so obviously you won't be seeing them as much on holiday as you'll be staying with your 2 dads.

Blossomtoes · 27/04/2022 18:14

We have considered inviting someone else along (DH suggested his dad - MIL ex-husband haha), but I am just not in the mood to go away with them now

You’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. Find someone else for the extra room and go. And I think your split is unfair, if you’re using two out of four bedrooms, you should be paying half.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2022 18:15

Your MIL has been awful here-I’m amazed you had to ask.

I would hope you can get a refund but if not, cancel and tell her you will never be going on holiday with her again.

BreathingDeep · 27/04/2022 18:16

Oh OP it's so shitty when things escalate like this and there's no obvious way back as people back themselves into a corner.

I'd be tempted to tell your MIL, directly or via your DH, that you as you hadn't factored that additional £750 cost into your holiday planning, you're now negotiating with the owner about going at a different time when it's more affordable as the new arrangement no longer works for you.

Booboobagins · 27/04/2022 18:20

Hi OP, can you sell it on? Get your money back or more of it back that way? I agree, it's a horrible thing to do when you've committed and paid.

WTF has your FIL done about it though?

WimpoleHat · 27/04/2022 18:21

I’d cancel but go, if that makes sense? Tell MIL the “together” holiday is off, but I’d still go and use the accommodation. Go with your dad and, yes, see if someone else wants to go too. But I wouldn’t be holidaying “with” people who had done that to me.

Ohmybod · 27/04/2022 18:21

I would make it very clear to the IL’s that you won’t be socialising with them, doing day trips or entertaining from your holiday home as you cannot afford it due to the extra cost. Let them know that you will be having a very quiet holiday on a tight budget with your Dad and that you hope they also have a nice time.

Go on the holiday and suck up this cost but keep them at arms length and let them lie in the bed they have made.

thing47 · 27/04/2022 18:22

What a pathetic issue to have fallen out over! Honestly, OP, I think you have dodged a bullet here. I'd be making it very clear to DH that you will never consider going away with them again as you can't afford to lose £100s because they have a hissy fit.

DiscoBadgers · 27/04/2022 18:23

If you can’t cancel just change the dates and go by yourselves.

Ponoka7 · 27/04/2022 18:23

"Husband is not happy, and feels completely let down, but is generally slightly more placid than me!"

As you age you cope less well with arguments. That might have been enough to keep her awake for a few nights. Your DH should have respected that he's in someone else's house and let it go. How bad would it get if he was on neutral ground? Does his Dad have an equally good hands-on relationship with your children and did you visit him and stay over Easter? You seem to want to punish your MIL. Your DH should be speaking to them. Another kick off would ruin the holiday and it would be £2400 wasted. It would be stupid to cancel and lose more than their share, as much as you are egged on, on here.

whynotwhatknot · 27/04/2022 18:28

shes overacting booking somewhere else she knew she owed you money. hope you can cancel

diddl · 27/04/2022 18:28

Why not ask your FIL if you would all get on well enough?

I agree with a pp that not going would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

If you like the area & the accommodation surely you'll have a nice time?

Tonkerbea · 27/04/2022 18:28

MIL is so unreasonable, but why weren't you paying 50% initially?

Ellmau · 27/04/2022 18:29

We have considered inviting someone else along (DH suggested his dad - MIL ex-husband haha),

I like this one :)

perimenofertility · 27/04/2022 18:29

There must be more to it than that one argument. Do they definitely get on with your dad? Perhaps they feel awkward that you invited your dad along when it was supposed to be "their" holiday?

Phobiaphobic · 27/04/2022 18:30

Go. Take someone else whose company you'd enjoy and who might help with the kids. Ignore your nasty, unreasonable PIL and resolve never to let them get you in this situation again.

Hercisback · 27/04/2022 18:33

I'd tell them you weren't going then go anyway.

britneyisfree · 27/04/2022 18:35

I'd be fuming. No way would I be hanging out with them on the holiday f that

EscapeTheCastle · 27/04/2022 18:40

Change the date (if you can do so) with villa owners. Don't tell the PIL. Ha!

friendlycat · 27/04/2022 18:41

Gosh what a difficult situation. I can quite see why you don't want to go now, neither would I want to as the holiday is already somewhat tainted.

Truthfully I think the original split of money was actually weighted really well in your favour and really badly for your father. Really you require two rooms anyway so should have been paying half the cost £1,200 with the others paying per room so £600 each.

Can you negotiate with the owner for the same apartment during a cheaper period for your family and just your father?

It's obviously not on of your MIL to suddenly decide to back out of this agreed arrangement (without settling their share of the bill) and she's obviously put you in a very difficult position. Unless she changes her stance on this I can't see how you can suddenly sweep it all under the carpet and look forward to a pleasant family holiday as the simmering resentment will surely just boil over.

fetchacloth · 27/04/2022 18:44

I'm wondering if MIL wanted a separate holiday all along and didn't know how to broach the subject maybe?
Or maybe MIL wasn't keen on babysitting on holiday, again not wanting to admit this to you.
Whatever the reason though, this is unacceptable behaviour this late in the day and leaves you seriously out of pocket. If I was you I would consider cancelling.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 27/04/2022 18:50

Cancel it, suck up the loss and book something else, somewhere else and never arrange to go on holiday with MIL again. And tell her so she maybe gets an inclinging of how petty she's being and the impact it will now have on your relationship.

HellyR · 27/04/2022 18:51

Doesn't really matter what the argument was about. No-one can say they'll pay £x for a holiday then change their mind once it's booked! It's outrageous.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 27/04/2022 18:53

If it was me, I’d go on the holiday and enjoy it. However, I would not be socialising with ILs when away. If they ask to see you, explain that it’s best to avoid each other to ensure nothing can “kick off.” I’d suck up the extra cost because you have been given the gift of seeing how petty your ILs are. Their actions won’t be easily forgotten and they have a natural consequence for their actions.

I think the split BTW, was fine. I’ve gone on long weekend with 2 other families and just done a third split each, despite the fact one family needed 2 bedrooms, one needed 3 and we paid for 2 but ended up using only 1.

Bobnotpop · 27/04/2022 18:57

Invite someone else along. Your PIL will feel left out if there are three sets of people plus your dc in your villas, so they’ll either join in but be separated or just not be around much. Either way you’ll have a nice holiday, you’ll have reconciled or you won’t, but as you’re not staying in the same space it won’t matter.