To think that introverts don't need "bringing out their shell!" 🙄

[MrsVillanelle]

Hi,

So this is something that has really irritated me recently. I don't really see myself as an extrovert or introvert tbh. Maybe somewhere in between. However, my dp is definitely an introvert, but a confident and successful one, which shouldn't really be seen as surprising or contradictive, but in our society, loud and extroverted characters, seem to be viewed as the ones who make it to the top.

I was watching an episode of Four in a Bed the other day and a couple of the contestants were dancing around and singing. One of the women looked happy enough, but didn't want to dance....which should be fine, but this other couple were saying quite seriously, as though she really needed their help "she's lovely, but we need to bring her out her shell a bit". I just thought, erm..why?! You actually hear that sort of thing all the time, but when you step back and think about it, how rude is that?! People don't need to be shouting, doing karaoke and dancing around to be "out their shell". These people may very well be out their shell and perfectly happy as they are.

Not sure I'm explaining very well why this annoys me so much 😂 but does anyone know what I mean?

It's such a bizarre way of thinking.

Also I've met extroverts who freely admitted that being loud and talking non-stop was their way of dealing with a lack of confidence and insecurity. So that can lead to being loud as well, not just reticence.

Not at all.

But the world is made for extroverts and so introverts just need their space where they can chat with those who understand them.

Just because someone is championing introverts, doesn’t mean they’re hating on extroverts.

I mean, the OP doesn’t mention extroverts. Just an observation on how it feels to be an introvert.

We could say, oh here’s another extrovert, chiming in on an introvert thread 😉

I do think the world is more geared up for extroverts. My quiet and very anxious DD had to stand up and give a 10 minute presentation of her dissertation at university today in front of a room full of people. She barely slept a wink last night from anxiety. It doesn't seem fair that a degree classification could be dependent on a person's personality type.

I think that's a false analogy though. You don't have to be an extrovert to be able to give a good presentation. The world may be geared towards people who are good at talking in front of others, but it's not the same as being an extrovert, it's being good at presentations, which is a skill that can be learned.

Chatting about misconceptions and how the world views introverts as having ‘something wrong with them’ isn’t a ‘pity-party’ it’s real lived experience.

What don’t you like about introverts sharing their experiences? Why bother coming on this thread if it doesn’t relate?

The world may be geared towards people who are good at talking in front of others, but it's not the same as being an extrovert, it's being good at presentations, which is a skill that can be learned

Exactly this. I’m excellent at presentations… I have been doing them professionally for years. I no longer feel nervous about them, as I have had so much practice and know I’m good at them.
I’m still an introvert.

Yanbu

We live in a culture that celebrates extroverts which is a massive shame as introverts have good qualities you.

it's being good at presentations, which is a skill that can be learned.

It's a pity they don't teach this skill at university - or they didn't at DD's university.

I saw this recently.

This thread is in danger of turning into a thread of introverts who hate extroverts.

Why can't we all accept that everyone is different?

Or are the self proclaimed introverts a teeny bit jealous that extroverts don't tire of other people's company the way they do?

Anyone being presumptuous enough to think THEY are the ones to "fix" others, are the very embodiment of a type I would avoid.

Real know it all, PITA's with zero self awareness.

You can’t say we need to accept everyone is different and end that with ‘maybe introverts are jealous’ 🤣🤣🤣

I am really annoyed by those equaling introvert to shy. I am an introvert but definitely not shy. When I need to speak up I bloody well do. I just need some me time to recharge and am not interested in being "on" all the time. Hell on Earth. My daughter has quite a personality but still gets told, she should participate more, well when she has something to say, believe me, she will say it.

Well yes, but no. I mean...They did apply to go on tv, so if anything, your example is the one place it's acceptable to question someone's exuberance (or lack thereof).

In general however, it is silly. Just be yourself.

@StorminNorma Actually, YABU to confuse the concepts of introversion and extroversion with Myers-Briggs personality type analysis, which is a completely different thing that happens to refer to introversion and extroversion among many other things.

To say that introversion and extroversion don't exist because Myers-Briggs is bollocks is a bit like saying that the constellations are not real because horoscopes are bollocks.

OP doesn't mention extroverts. But other posters do. There's always an underlying snobbery on here that introverts are superior because they are more "deep and meaningful" than the extroverts who are just shallow and talk all the time about frivolous things.

And threads are there for anyone to comment on.

'Accepting that everyone is different' is all that the introverts here are really asking for, though - the point being made is not 'extroverts are awful', it's 'people shouldn't push introverts into behaving like extroverts'.

Ironically, your comment here is a grand example of that:

Or are the self proclaimed introverts a teeny bit jealous that extroverts don't tire of other people's company the way they do?

You're assuming that everyone secretly wants to be like you. They don't. So get over it and leave them be.

Shy and quiet isn't what introversion is. If you are shy and quiet and struggle with public speaking that has nothing to do with introversion.

You're assuming that everyone secretly wants to be like you. They don't. So get over it and leave them be.

Eh?
Of course I'm not.
Stop projecting.

@WoodenClock

I do think it's rude when people are so "shy" they can't make conversation.

Why?

Ironically, it's extraverts who are the ones who whinge and bully the introverts, so if there's any "hate" it's from the extraverts.

I just need some me time to recharge and am not interested in being "on" all the time.

I haven't met a person in my life that wouldn't agree with this, to some extent.

It's divisive and ultimately just serves to "other" people. It could be argued that "extroverts" are portrayed as pushy, vacuous and snide when really we all share traits that could be considered introverted or extroverted, across different life stages and experiences.

People here really seem to be confused about introverts and extroverts. I'm an extrovert and the idea of giving a presentation to people is my idea of hell. Extroversion doesn't mean you love the limelight and all eyes on you all the time. It means that being around other people energises you.

I totally agree, and l personally would much rather be around an introvert than an extrovert. l get irratated by loud people who talk endless rubbish and never know when to shut up.
I will never understand the negative spin on being introverted, same goes with being quiet and shy.

I put YABU just for the assumption that a shy person is an introverted person. You can have people who want to 'get out of their shell' but are eaten up be insecurities. If the woman in question was happy then YANBU but I don't think you have proof that was the case?

‘Loud people who talk endless rubbish and never know when to shut up’ isn’t the definition of an extrovert though. Being an extrovert just means that someone gets their energy from being around other people. Plenty of introverts also talk endless rubbish and don’t know when to shut up. Being an extrovert/introvert has nothing to do with the volume of your voice or how much you talk.