To think that introverts don't need "bringing out their shell!" 🙄

[MrsVillanelle]

Hi,

So this is something that has really irritated me recently. I don't really see myself as an extrovert or introvert tbh. Maybe somewhere in between. However, my dp is definitely an introvert, but a confident and successful one, which shouldn't really be seen as surprising or contradictive, but in our society, loud and extroverted characters, seem to be viewed as the ones who make it to the top.

I was watching an episode of Four in a Bed the other day and a couple of the contestants were dancing around and singing. One of the women looked happy enough, but didn't want to dance....which should be fine, but this other couple were saying quite seriously, as though she really needed their help "she's lovely, but we need to bring her out her shell a bit". I just thought, erm..why?! You actually hear that sort of thing all the time, but when you step back and think about it, how rude is that?! People don't need to be shouting, doing karaoke and dancing around to be "out their shell". These people may very well be out their shell and perfectly happy as they are.

Not sure I'm explaining very well why this annoys me so much 😂 but does anyone know what I mean?

It's such a bizarre way of thinking.

wanting to dance or not isn’t anything to do with introversion/extroversion.

Really... did she put a huge downer on the night? Did anyone try to actually engage her in conversation?

I was invited to a gathering where I only knew the host. Everyone else already knew each other, and it was nigh on impossible to make any conversation with them. At one point, I made eye contact with one person and smiled. He had a go at me and asked why I was smiling when I didn't know what he was talking about. Now, that was fucking rude.

I also hosted a party, and a friend came who did exactly as what the person you described did. Spoke about 4 words the entire evening, but said told me she had a lovely time. She was in the middle of a mental health crisis (was under home treatment team), and she pretty much goes mute then. I would have looked very poorly on people who would have judged her for that.

I had some social anxiety until late teens when someone introduced me to the concept of ‘fake it until you make it’. Make up a list of 10 or so conversational starters that would suit the event you are attending, put on a mask of someone super confident at this sort of thing and plough on in. It sounds a bit deceptive, like you are not being true to yourself, but actually it was a lot of fun.