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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at the Opticians.

226 replies

johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:04

My 10 ASD child had an appointment at the Optician for a routine eye appointment.

Before the appointment, she was really stressed out and was really worrying that her current frames had been discontinued. She has worn the same style frame for 5 years. She loves these frames!

Before the appointment we went and checked that they were still available, they were, all was good.

After the appointment, we always look at the other frames and she will maybe try on another 2-3 pairs, at this point I was certain, she would be choosing the same frames as before. Whilst trying them on, I was praising her and how lovely the alternative frames were etc.

This is a process we have adopted over the 7 years she has worn glasses and works well.

Out of nowhere a member of staff appeared and said really loudly "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

We carried on trying on the glasses and we were talking each pair through.

Then again, the member of staff appeared and said "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position again and said nicely and calmly "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Five minutes later.... back they come.... "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body AGAIN into a stop position and said "I know, but we really are fine, thank you" Staff member then said "Well an optician needs to check and they will tell you they are too big and can't have them"

At this point, my daughter began dancing on the spot and was clinging onto me for dear life and I very sternly said "I know, we are working through a process here and you are not helping"

They finally left us alone.

I feel really guilty that I got so arsy, they were only doing their job, but seriously, AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

OP posts:
iheartmybeachhut · 27/04/2022 10:07

Staff member sounds a bit of an arse, and needs some customer service training. I feel for you and dd.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 27/04/2022 10:10

AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

While I agree with you, and it's annoying and intrusive (and I'm sure in their mind they were trying to be helpful), it doesn't sound like you did ask to be left alone.

Maybe next time try to be clearer that you don't need their assistance yet, and when you do you'll ask.

Having said that, I don't think ywbu.

BuanoKubiamVej · 27/04/2022 10:14

You're not being unreasonable and you weren't rude but you did wait till the 3rd time to actually give the arsey staff member any information to go on. Yes she should have left you alone anyway but either the first or second time you could have added 'please just leave us to it, I know what I am doing but it wouldn't be appropriate to explain all the details to you right now' - your hand signalling wasn't enough to communicate to her. I tend to overshare to explain myself which meand people often know far more than they really need to but this seems to be the opposite end of the scale.

Eggshelly · 27/04/2022 10:15

I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position I don't know what this means sorry. Is it one of the opticians where they have to clean every pair you have to try on? I think the 2nd time they asked you could have said something like "my daughter likes to try on a few pairs but we know the smaller ones are over here".

Brefugee · 27/04/2022 10:16

You should have said the first time "we don't need any help, we will approach you if we do".
You are speaking from your position of experience, but so was the other person.

LizzieMacQueen · 27/04/2022 10:17

It'll be a covid thing. You are adding to their work load with your process.

And did you actually out your hand out like this?

Annoyed at the Opticians.
Efortyjive · 27/04/2022 10:19

Why not be more assertive the first time? Or before you try any on explain to the staff.

Eggshelly · 27/04/2022 10:19

Brefugee · 27/04/2022 10:16

You should have said the first time "we don't need any help, we will approach you if we do".
You are speaking from your position of experience, but so was the other person.

Yes something like that, "we are ok thank you though -we'll ask if we need your help." Also not sure what the hand signal was but could it have been seen as a kind of "shh" sign which might have got their back up a bit.

crackingreward · 27/04/2022 10:19

I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position

Like a police officer stopping traffic?

I'm sorry OP but if you want staff to leave you alone when their job is to advise you really do need to explain why, otherwise they will persist because it's their job to ensure you don't choose frames that don't fit. That's a waste of everyone's time. Nobody is going to recognise your weird 'stop position' either, it may be what you do at home but outside of your world most people would just be a bit 'WTF'

Haus1234 · 27/04/2022 10:23

I don’t think you were that clear to the poor assistant actually. I hope you don’t plan to complain and get them into trouble!

iheartmybeachhut · 27/04/2022 10:24

I too, an curious about the hand thing, op please put us out of our misery. Smile

FlowerArranger · 27/04/2022 10:25

Would it have hurt to ask the assistant to show you some similar glasses in an appropriate size?

As for raising my hand to the top of my body into a stop position........... Really??!!!! 🤔

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 10:28

If someone raised their hand in the 'stop' position to me I'd expect them to be the kind of person who'd also insist there must be the same glasses in a suitable size blah blah.

If you'd have just been reasonable and explained she'd have left you alone.

You sound rude and entitled.

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:29

It's hard to explain, but I will try to clarify, I raised my hand so it was level with my shoulder, palm outwards and then when he looked at it, I moved it forward and said "I know etc etc"

You are given a tray to use after you have tried on glasses, it was 3 pairs maximum and this was far less than the majority of others in there at the same time.

OP posts:
Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:32

@girlmom21 No, not at all.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 27/04/2022 10:33

Raising your hand to someone like that is incredibly rude and could be seen as threatening.

As pp said, due to covid, every frame that is tried on has to be cleaned thoroughly before they're put back on the shelf, which is why, at the moment, most opticians are staying with you when you are choosing frames so that they can be put aside to clean and not put back on the racks uncleaned.

She was doing her job and no doubt trying to stop you handling every frame in the shop by advising you that what your child was trying on was not suitable.

You would have been better to have fully explained your situation to the member of staff rather than waving your arm up in the air at her and repeating yourself several times.

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 10:33

Is this what you did?

Annoyed at the Opticians.
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 27/04/2022 10:35

Why did you feel the need to raise your hand up like that? I would see that as quite rude and aggressive.

You should have just said you'll ask her if you need help.

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:36

The advisor wasn't the advisor assigned to help us, it was the advisor assigned to monitor the door. We were stood at the section nearest to the exit, where they were.

We weren't trying on random glasses, we were in the children's section, the frames were too big for her face, due to the style. She could of had them if she wanted them, but petite face, big style glasses.

The advisor assigned to us, knew what we were doing.

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 27/04/2022 10:37

I think it would have helped if you'd said the first time something along the lines of "I know, it's ok, this is just part of our process".

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/04/2022 10:37

I think you communicated badly. You didn’t respond with any information and just expected them to know what you were doing. Their job is to ensure children’s glasses are appropriate and they were trying to help you with this. Could you not have done your process with the correct sized glasses? Your hand gestures sound rude. You could have just said we have a hidden disability here or said your DD has ASD or wore a sunflower lanyard. They can’t mind read and your actions were odd and confusing.

PAFMO · 27/04/2022 10:38

You were very rude and gave no relevant information to the assistant. And she had a point. Why should you play around with the goods that you aren't going to have?

StrangeCondition · 27/04/2022 10:39

Yeah, the hand raising thing is very strange and very rude, you could have just told her without putting your hand practically in her face

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:40

@girlmom21 My hand was like that, with my fingers bent slightly, lower and closer to my body. Anyone other than the advisor would not have noticed. It wasn't in a STOP NOW way as your image depicts.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/04/2022 10:41

I understand what you mean with the hand thing I do it myself 😳 its a clear back away signal she should have backed away