Annoyed at the Opticians.

[johnandsally]

My 10 ASD child had an appointment at the Optician for a routine eye appointment.

Before the appointment, she was really stressed out and was really worrying that her current frames had been discontinued. She has worn the same style frame for 5 years. She loves these frames!

Before the appointment we went and checked that they were still available, they were, all was good.

After the appointment, we always look at the other frames and she will maybe try on another 2-3 pairs, at this point I was certain, she would be choosing the same frames as before. Whilst trying them on, I was praising her and how lovely the alternative frames were etc.

This is a process we have adopted over the 7 years she has worn glasses and works well.

Out of nowhere a member of staff appeared and said really loudly "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

We carried on trying on the glasses and we were talking each pair through.

Then again, the member of staff appeared and said "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position again and said nicely and calmly "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Five minutes later.... back they come.... "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body AGAIN into a stop position and said "I know, but we really are fine, thank you" Staff member then said "Well an optician needs to check and they will tell you they are too big and can't have them"

At this point, my daughter began dancing on the spot and was clinging onto me for dear life and I very sternly said "I know, we are working through a process here and you are not helping"

They finally left us alone.

I feel really guilty that I got so arsy, they were only doing their job, but seriously, AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

The optician is not a theme park or an entertainment venue! This behaviour isn’t correct, aside from the hygiene, you’re far better getting the functional aspect of the glasses stuff done and leave the start to it.

covid IS still a thing and many places do want to keep things sanitised and you can’t just ‘play dress up’ in the opticians!

why not order some Try at Home glasses from glasses direct? Only costs a couple of quid and you could have her choose frames to try on at home and return them

That is a vague waving. A stop position is ✋

specsavers?
A member of staff at the Halifax branch verbally abused my ASD daughter and called her "obstructive, manipulative and defiant" because she was frightened of having eye drops out in and asked for me repeatedly and cried. I complained and was told I was wrong, it hadn't happened. I complained to the MD who told me he would remove the branches right to hold a franchise unless they apologised (I had video evidence and threatened social media) and they did apologise. Awful awful behaviour and all blamed on 'covid'.

And actually the OP clarifies that she not only raised her hand to him but moved her hand towards him like a bloody traffic police officer

I raised my hand so it was level with my shoulder, palm outwards and then when he looked at it, I moved it forward and said "I know etc etc"

Do you really do that to someone who is offering to top up your wineglass?

The assistant was annoying and should have left you alone. From their point of view it appears you haven't listened/understood them and perhaps need further information/advice on why you can't have them.

I think you should have given the assistant the additional information of part of a process and directed them to the other staff at the first approach.

@Clymene And actually the OP clarifies that she not only raised her hand to him but moved her hand towards him like a bloody traffic police officer

I absolutely did not do that. It was a slight movement not an exaggerated, forceful one.

You make the same rude hand gesture to waiting staff?!

They WERE NOT inappropriate glasses. If she wanted them, she could of had them. The assistant, in HIS opinion thought they were too big for her face. From a STYLE perspective NOT a fitting perspective.

The assistant who shared his opinion, was not our assigned assistant. He was just standing monitoring the door in the same vicinity as us.

So your more of an expert in the fitting of glasses than the experts?

Is you mom non-verbal? That's the only way it's not rude.

I held my hand up, open palmed and said, whilst smiling, in a friendly manner ""I know, but we are fine, thank you". The optician knew what we were doing, our assigned assistant knew what we were doing.

The OP did say she was fine - I'd have been narked to be bothered a second time after saying we were fine.

Only possible additional information that she might have added is that if they did need help they'd get their assigned assistant.

It was annoying behaviour from the unwanted assistant possible well-meant or result of some management dictate but still annoying.

It's hard to explain, but I will try to clarify, I raised my hand so it was level with my shoulder, palm outwards and then when he looked at it, I moved it forward and said "I know etc etc"

That's really patronising

I was just about to say that "You can't have these!" seems like a very strange thing to say to a paying customer. Advising someone that a certain style may not be suitable for whatever medical reason is obviously fine, but this was rude and very clumsy service. You also don't come back four times when the customer has made it quite clear that they don't require assistance or a second opinion yet.

Agreed.

It's not just about how wide the frames are, but about how wide the bridge is... It's not so much of an issue with metal frames as they come with adjustable nose pads, but with the plastic frames, the bridge is fixed, so if it's too wide, the glasses will constantly fall down the face.

And this is something that's trickier to see, unless you're a trained optical assistant...

POV: From someone who has worn glasses since she was 6 and sadly has too narrow a nose to wear trendy plastic frames, even those from the teenaged section. Also, whose daughter has worn glasses since she was two, and whilst I do now have a pretty good idea of fit, still defer to the experts...

OP you did nothing wrong. It's hard enough getting children's glasses fitted at the best of times without an interfering busybody getting involved without knowing the whole picture.

We have the opposite problem - many glasses styles swamp DS and his face is petite and difficult to fit. All the opticians we go to work with me and DS to find the best frame for his face and let DS try on as many as he wants, even the ones that are falling off his nose, because they all know that half the battle is letting kids chose a frame they are comfortable with within certain parameters. You also have to allow for growing room. It's tricky and I would've been cross too in your situation

@Sirzy So your more of an expert in the fitting of glasses than the experts?

No, the optician had already said they were fine. The advisor assigned to us had said they were fine.

@Clymene you wave like the queen do you? Or would your palm be open and front facing like 🤚?

Yes I might move my hand forward, depending on the situation. If someone is approaching from afar my hand might be more forward. I might not wave 👋 I might just ✋ quickly, especially if I'm busy with something else.

Idk how people have read OP and assumed she was doing the supremes dance routine in the opticians instead of assume she meant the no thank you gesture. What a leap.

It's because of cleaning regulations around Covid. The optician staff have to make sure that you aren't trying on loads of frames and just putting them back.
Why didn't you just tell her you were fine and you'd let her know if you needed help. Why all the drama with the weird 'stop' motion? People will just think you're very odd for that.

I sincerely doubt he would have said she can't have those from a style perspective.. They are trained to know by sight how well a pair of glasses fit and it's not just to do with the width of the frames, but the width of the bridge. If they're the plastic frames, they have a fixed bridge (unlike the adjustable nose pads on a metal pair) - if the nose is too narrow, the glasses will just keep slipping down the face.

And to PP you cannot get try at home glasses for kids.

OH! SO SORRY! I misunderstood I thought it was like a technical thing. In that case that is well rude. No one asked for their opinion. Rude hand gestures much deserved.

This type of overbearing behaviour displayed by the assistant is exactly why many people prefer to buy things online these days. It is so much nicer to try on glasses at home in peace without anyone giving unwanted opinions or trying to push a sale. If this is the kind of service you get in physical shops, frankly the high street deserves to die.