Annoyed at the Opticians.

[johnandsally]

My 10 ASD child had an appointment at the Optician for a routine eye appointment.

Before the appointment, she was really stressed out and was really worrying that her current frames had been discontinued. She has worn the same style frame for 5 years. She loves these frames!

Before the appointment we went and checked that they were still available, they were, all was good.

After the appointment, we always look at the other frames and she will maybe try on another 2-3 pairs, at this point I was certain, she would be choosing the same frames as before. Whilst trying them on, I was praising her and how lovely the alternative frames were etc.

This is a process we have adopted over the 7 years she has worn glasses and works well.

Out of nowhere a member of staff appeared and said really loudly "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

We carried on trying on the glasses and we were talking each pair through.

Then again, the member of staff appeared and said "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position again and said nicely and calmly "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Five minutes later.... back they come.... "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body AGAIN into a stop position and said "I know, but we really are fine, thank you" Staff member then said "Well an optician needs to check and they will tell you they are too big and can't have them"

At this point, my daughter began dancing on the spot and was clinging onto me for dear life and I very sternly said "I know, we are working through a process here and you are not helping"

They finally left us alone.

I feel really guilty that I got so arsy, they were only doing their job, but seriously, AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

I actually think next time, I’d probably call in a day before (or ring them) and let them know that your daughter has to follow a specific process and clue them in so this can be avoided.

Yeah that's obscenely rude to be fair.

I've just tried it and I think if I were the assistant I would interpret it as a bit rude and dismissive tbh.

Don’t do the ‘stop’ hand gesture to shop assistants. It will make you look like a rude entitled bitch and get their backs up.

I don't know what that means either

It seems REALLY rude to me

You actually did that to another human being? You are so unreasonable. No one deserves treating like that. You should have explained; not raise your hand like you are talking to a dog. Shameful behaviour to somebody just trying to do their job. You treated her terribly and I bet you made her feel awful and ruined her day.

YABVU. You were incredibly rude and she was quite right to tell you that you were trying on frames that were too big, either for her face or for the lenses and couldn't be used. You were adding to their workload by trying on frames that you couldn't have anyway and gave her no actual information as to why you were doing so.

I assume she did that (hand gesture) because her daughter was getting stressed by being approached. It seems perfectly reasonable to me given they have politely said they were fine (i.e. they didn't need help).

The hand gesture thing is weird, almost meme-like. Why would you do that, do you generally treat people like dogs?

The assistant was just doing their job, likely have been berated by equally entitled and demanding customers furious to be told frames were too big after they'd selected them. A simple 'I know thanks, we're just working through our process and that advisor is helping us' would have told them all they needed to know and not made you look so rude and weird.

She did it on the first approach though.

I think you could have explained better and done fewer hand gestures

But an opticians assistant is not like a normal shop assistant. Part of their job is to advise on suitability of frames, talk through the options. The suitability of the frame size is not always due to the size of the face it can also be an issue with the lens. I’m very short sighted and was even as a child so had to have small frames so the lenses were not too thick. As an adult I spend a fortune on specially thinned lenses so that I can have a choice of frames. Have you considered an online frame seller that you pick a choice of maybe 3 frames and get them sent to your house to try on in the comfort of your home would that be easier for your daughter? I’m sure that you are already aware that you can take the result of the eye test to any other glasses supplier if you don’t want to feel rushed to get them there and then.

I think I know what you mean with the gesture - a casual, but clear, lift of the hand to signify that you were ok without help, rather than a firm thrust outwards as some posters seem to be inferring. I think ... maybe I'm wrong!!

In saying that, a quick explanation would have worked better when you were initially approached. The person may have been getting on your nerves and was perhaps being a bit over zealous, but they were just doing their job.

i can't beleive how abelist some of the comments on here are. Your hand signal was perfectly appropriate in the situation when you needed to be careful what words were used. The assistant needs more training. (I spent many years working in both retail and FOH.)

It's interesting that people are assuming you were being rude and threatening to a woman with your body language. If someone's unwanted interference was upsetting my child I'd be stopping them too.

With disability in the family I can empathise and understand that you were absorbed in what you were doing and the importance of following the process that works, but to an outsider you would have appeared rude and a bit strange!

It’s important to remember even when struggling that no one can read your mind (as I remind myself) and I think it would have been much more helpful to explain straight away that the other adviser is helping you and knows what you are doing. A sunflower lanyard would also help here I’m sure. I find I have to often ring places beforehand to ask for help or let them know about any special requirements.

I think the adviser could have been more polite though so it sounds like a clash of two people whose social skills had taken a day off.

The assistant sounds rude and overzealous. She probably didn't want lots of extra glasses to clean up. Some of them can be pushy and insistent. She was prioritising her needs over yours and treating you like you don't know what's best for your daughter.

I'm curious, what was the assistant assigned to you doing while all this was going on?

You sound really rude. Why didn't you just explain that your daughter is autistic?

And I cannot tell you how much I hate people doing that hand thing.

Ok, everyone is getting carried away by the hand thing, I wasn't storming around the store with my arm outstretched threatening individuals personal space or likening people to dogs.

I held my hand up, open palmed and said, whilst smiling, in a friendly manner ""I know, but we are fine, thank you". The optician knew what we were doing, our assigned assistant knew what we were doing.

As for everyone saying I should of said about hidden disability, why? Why should I disclose this? The relevant people were aware of the situation. We weren't causing a problem, we weren't generating extra work, we were doing what everyone else was?

Why should my child wear a lanyard, if she doesn't want too?

I said we were fine, why wasn't that enough?

I am genuinely interested in people opinions on when you say you are fine, you know, you're ok, why you have to overly explain, why is "I know, thank you" not enough on it's own?

So where was your assigned assistant?

Because her daughter's condition is private and nobody else's business maybe...

I said we were fine, why wasn't that enough?

Because you said you were fine then continued looking at inappropriate frames, which suggests you weren't actually fine because you didn't actually know what you were looking at as far as the assistant was concerned.