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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed at the Opticians.

226 replies

johnandsally · 27/04/2022 10:04

My 10 ASD child had an appointment at the Optician for a routine eye appointment.

Before the appointment, she was really stressed out and was really worrying that her current frames had been discontinued. She has worn the same style frame for 5 years. She loves these frames!

Before the appointment we went and checked that they were still available, they were, all was good.

After the appointment, we always look at the other frames and she will maybe try on another 2-3 pairs, at this point I was certain, she would be choosing the same frames as before. Whilst trying them on, I was praising her and how lovely the alternative frames were etc.

This is a process we have adopted over the 7 years she has worn glasses and works well.

Out of nowhere a member of staff appeared and said really loudly "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position and said really calmly and nicely, "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

We carried on trying on the glasses and we were talking each pair through.

Then again, the member of staff appeared and said "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body into a stop position again and said nicely and calmly "I know, but we are fine, thank you"

Five minutes later.... back they come.... "You can't have those, they are too big" I raised my hand to the top of my body AGAIN into a stop position and said "I know, but we really are fine, thank you" Staff member then said "Well an optician needs to check and they will tell you they are too big and can't have them"

At this point, my daughter began dancing on the spot and was clinging onto me for dear life and I very sternly said "I know, we are working through a process here and you are not helping"

They finally left us alone.

I feel really guilty that I got so arsy, they were only doing their job, but seriously, AIBU to think that we should of been left alone the FIRST time I asked!!

OP posts:
Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:15

@ClinkeyMonkey I think I know what you mean with the gesture - a casual, but clear, lift of the hand to signify that you were ok without help, rather than a firm thrust outwards as some posters seem to be inferring. I think ... maybe I'm wrong!!

THIS! Perfect description!

OP posts:
BlackberrySky · 27/04/2022 11:21

In my opticians the children's section cover from toddler to teens, so there are obviously frames in the section that won't be appropriate. Is yours like that OP? In which case I can understand why the assistant was trying to advise you, as that is indeed their job. Something for you to bear in mind as your DD is now 10 - once they hit about 11/12 they need to move to the teen size frames, so you may need to prepare your DD in advance that she will have to have a different style as they often don't do the same as for younger kids but just bigger, they are different styles.

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:22

Our assigned assistant went to sort out some paperwork the first and second time. The third time she was stood next to me and just looked at him.

@girlmom21 We tried on 3 pairs, we were pointing at and discussing other frames. Which we can do. No different than in a clothes shop and pointing and talking about an outfit you love but will never wear!!

OP posts:
Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:24

BlackberrySky Yes, she told me last night, she wants the bigger pair, so hoping her nose grows in width by 1mm before her 12 month recall to get the pair that caused this drama in the first place.

OP posts:
Rosehugger · 27/04/2022 11:28

The OP wasn't rude, she was direct. She didn't owe the shop assistant a more full explanation- when she made it clear the first time they didn't need any help they ought to have backed off. The shop assistant after that was just being a busybody. Poor customer service.

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:30

@BlackberrySky Yes it's the same, but we were looking in the correct section, the glasses. She absolutely could of had the "too big ones" if she wanted too, she has a tiny face but likes big frames, her current are big but thin framed and the others were big but thick framed. It was more how they looked than how they fitted as 1mm was an "ok" fit discrepancy. But it didn't really matter as at the time she was sticking firmly to the same as before.

OP posts:
Eggshelly · 27/04/2022 11:32

For all they know she is trying on unsuitable pairs for no reason and you are there encouraging her. Without any sort of explanation you would appear to just be larking around. You know you aren't she didn't. So you need to make it clear without aggressive shhing hand gestures.

MarilynValentine · 27/04/2022 11:35

I feel for you, but you should have used your words. The hand gesture means a lot to you but might have been read as over the top/aggressive.

I think the assistant didn’t feel heard and didn’t understand your process, because you didn’t explain anything. They should have backed off but they were given incomplete feedback.

Perhaps next time say, “Yes we know, it’s a necessary process we go through that makes DC feel secure, we’ll let you know when we need help. Thanks.”

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:37

@Eggshelly Ok

OP posts:
MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 27/04/2022 11:38

YANBU OP. It was a man then, assigned to monitor the door, probably got bored, so went make himself 'useful' by pestering a woman by arguing the toss when she'd clearly told him she was fine. If a customer says they're fine, that's usually code for leave me alone.

If your assigned assistant just looked at him the third time, sounds to me like instead of doing the job he's been asked to, Mr Important Know It All does what he wants to do, despite being told twice to back off. He got his fingers burned the third time though!

Original poster
johnandsally · 27/04/2022 11:41

@MarilynValentine Ok. Thank you for your feedback.

Although, he couldn't of found me aggressive or he wouldn't of done the same thing 3 times. Everyone who needed to know, did know. The optician, my assigned advisor.

We were not larking around, we had 3 pairs of glasses. I had 9 when I was there the day before for my own appointment. No one would of thought we were larking around. We were having serious conversations about each pair along with others on the display.

OP posts:
Clymene · 27/04/2022 11:57

MarilynValentine · 27/04/2022 11:35

I feel for you, but you should have used your words. The hand gesture means a lot to you but might have been read as over the top/aggressive.

I think the assistant didn’t feel heard and didn’t understand your process, because you didn’t explain anything. They should have backed off but they were given incomplete feedback.

Perhaps next time say, “Yes we know, it’s a necessary process we go through that makes DC feel secure, we’ll let you know when we need help. Thanks.”

Yes I would have done this. All they can see is you potentially choosing a pair of glasses that are unsuitable. If you'd explained the first time, they would have gone away.

I have an autistic child. Sometimes it's helpful (as in this instance) to explain to NT people why you are doing something.

ManAlive24 · 27/04/2022 12:17

TangledUp789 · 27/04/2022 10:47

Don’t do the ‘stop’ hand gesture to shop assistants. It will make you look like a rude entitled bitch and get their backs up.

The assistants are there to help. Saying the same thing 3 times is not helping, clearly.

yellowsuninthesky · 27/04/2022 12:20

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 11:15

I said we were fine, why wasn't that enough?

Because you said you were fine then continued looking at inappropriate frames, which suggests you weren't actually fine because you didn't actually know what you were looking at as far as the assistant was concerned.

How shocking that the OP continued to look at something that the assistant had decided she shouldn't be looking at. Remind me who's the customer here?

ManAlive24 · 27/04/2022 12:21

AIBU is so weird at times. If I worked in a shop and a customer did what OP did, I work bugger off and leave them to it, not insert my opinion repeatedly. Assistant was clearly making a point.

yellowsuninthesky · 27/04/2022 12:21

I think the assistant didn’t feel heard and didn’t understand your process, because you didn’t explain anything. They should have backed off but they were given incomplete feedback

they didn't need feedback, they were told the OP was fine. That's all that was required.

yellowsuninthesky · 27/04/2022 12:23

Rosehugger · 27/04/2022 11:28

The OP wasn't rude, she was direct. She didn't owe the shop assistant a more full explanation- when she made it clear the first time they didn't need any help they ought to have backed off. The shop assistant after that was just being a busybody. Poor customer service.

Exactly this. This is the problem with shopping generally - either being hassled all the time, or you can't find anyone to help. Rarely the happy medium.

weneedtotalkaboutezra · 27/04/2022 12:25

That member of staff is an idiot and next time when something doesn't work twice say something else. 'Can you leave us alone please? We are going through a process for my child'

Can't really expect someone so dim to take a hint. You weren't very clear.

oioimatey · 27/04/2022 12:27

Seems to me as though you were clear enough all three times.

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 12:27

How shocking that the OP continued to look at something that the assistant had decided she shouldn't be looking at. Remind me who's the customer here?

You're one of the 'the customers always right' brigade, aren't you? Spoiler alert: they're not.

alltheteeshirts · 27/04/2022 12:28

I don't understand why you were encouraging her to try on frames that were too big for her as part of your process?

If they were the same frames as last time - well, her head won't have grown smaller. So they were inappropriate then.

If they were a new pair of frames you were trying out - you shouldn't have let her try them on.

Sometimes the size of the frames and the shape of the frames will not work with a particular prescription, and the whole point of buying frames in store is so an optician can stop you from selecting an inappropriate pair. I think the advisor in this case was trying to help you and you couldn't see it, because you were busy focussing on the best pair of frames to keep your child calm, as opposed to choosing the best pair of frames for her eye needs.

(People are overreacting to the hand gesture though.)

ManAlive24 · 27/04/2022 12:31

Everyone here saying the OP wasn't clear obviously has the social skills of a walnut. I shudder to think how you all go about your daily lives with such poor observational skills.

Yy to the poster who said it was a man coming to interfere with the women. Spot on.

Also, larking about? Do me a favour. They weren't two teenagers screaming with laughter while trying on frames and snapping selfies.

Comefromaway · 27/04/2022 12:32

With all due respect alltheteeshirts, you clearly do not have a child with autism.

PriamFarrl · 27/04/2022 12:32

ManAlive24 · 27/04/2022 12:21

AIBU is so weird at times. If I worked in a shop and a customer did what OP did, I work bugger off and leave them to it, not insert my opinion repeatedly. Assistant was clearly making a point.

But this isn’t the same as working in a regular shop. It’s not like passing an opinion about the style of a dress.
With children’s glasses there are certain fitting rules that you have to follow. It’s not just a ‘these feel ok’ thing. You are not allowed to dispense glasses that don’t fit correctly for children.

TheOriginalEmu · 27/04/2022 12:33

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 10:28

If someone raised their hand in the 'stop' position to me I'd expect them to be the kind of person who'd also insist there must be the same glasses in a suitable size blah blah.

If you'd have just been reasonable and explained she'd have left you alone.

You sound rude and entitled.

She did explain. ‘I know but we’re fine’ is plenty of explanation. IF she had then tried to say what you assumed (which is a weird assumption) then the assistant could have explained.