Are you or do you know a traditional wife?

[Juniper68]

Just watching Stacey Dooley staying at the trad wife's home. I didn't realise there were so many of them?
I really liked the wife and dcs. The dh not so much. Choosing the wife's clothes. Making dcs wear something heavy on their back if they've been naughty 😮
I'm not against being a sahm. But him calling all the shots is so controlling.

Some very worrying responses on here

I would say I was a traditional wife (not in the documentary way though!). Me & DH met at university. Both went on to work full time in lucrative careers. DC came along and I took maternity then went back to work but hated it and hated being away from them. After DC2s birth we decided I would not go back. Almost 20 years later I have zero regrets in that area. DH was earning enough for us to have a nice life with me at home so it wasnt a huge issue. We had 2 more DC and I have stayed home and raised them. Between school runs and extra curriculum I am surprisingly busy. I do all child related things, most of the cooking and cleaning, all shopping and organising etc. I have full access to our shared bank account and all money that comes into the home. I would run large purchases past him (as he would me) but, day to day, I spend what I like. DH is very laid back so I tend to choose our holiday plans and days out. I also know everybody's wants/preferences like the back of my hand so its just easier for me to do it. This has also allowed me to help our parents out with things like running them to appointments and caring when sick etc.

You said "It's "wrath" not "wraith" BTW @MaryChild" at 12 noon today, that's you correcting my spelling.

I didn't say there were unequal, I quoted Ephesians where it talks about husbands and wives and explained why I submit to my husband. Husbands and wives and men and women are different although related things. I don't submit to other men, I also don't think men are better than me or any other women, I do think some men are better than me, e.g. any man who engages in a chaste life for God is better than me as that must be tough to do, however I'd also say that about women who become nuns. That's me being humble.

You're misunderstood my shop window analogy. One of the key aspects in criminology is risk, it's a well established principle that lowering the risk of a crime occurring will lower the number of crimes that occur. On a different note but related note, it's part of the human psyche to judge people on appearance, in fact I guarantee we've all judged someone on appearance, have you ever looked at a total stranger and thought, he/she doesn't suit that, that skirt is too short, he should put a shirt on, that top is too tight, I can see a part of that person's anatomy etc, and I don't want to see that etc. Despite my religous life I actually know quite a bit about men, I've been on enough dates, had enough of them try it on, that I have an idea of the types of men that exist. What if I told you certain types of men are more attracted to women in certain types of clothing? The more you've got on show, the more you'll attract their attention, especially if they just want causal sex. I didn't always dress particularly modestly at least not by my current standard, however I observed that when I did change how I dressed, a certain type of man for the most part stopped bothering me as they assumed I was frumpy etc. Beforehand, a certain type of man would try it on, most of them were harmless, a few had wandering hands however this was nearly 20 years ago, so there were few accusations of sexual assault back then. After I changed my appearance, most of those men stopped bothering me and then occasionally a man would ask me for a drink/date/meal etc. rather than just trying to get me into bed and that's how I realised how you dress makes a difference to how men perceive you. I know you and others think this is victim blaming but how you dress really does defines how others perceive you.. My hypothesis is that how you dress increases the risk factor. It's not the only cause, it's probably one of many factors involved however it's enough to concern me. It's not the only reason I dress modestly however I definitely don't want people looking at me as a sex object. I hope I've explained this well enough even if you disagree.

No, it was me @MaryChild , not @crwnhgow You used it twice, it wasn't a typo.

It is interesting that I've honestly asked your opinions several times on this thread and you pick up on that, though. What is your view of the authority of the theologians at Vatican 2? Because they were part of the 2000 years worth that poured over Scripture, too. I am genuinely interested.

My childhood was idyllic and I wouldn't change anything about it. I was taught to love people and try and see the best in them. I'm sure you are much better person than what you've just said.

I should also apologise, I really don't correct typos and grammar, I make enough mistakes. I'm afraid "wraith" in that context was hardly fitting and jarred. Sorry.

That was not me. Maybe try looking at the username next time. By the way I have also never called you a crackpot weak or stupid if thats what you were implying.

You believe that wives have to obey their husbands but not vice verca. Therefore you believe that men and women are not equal. Therefore you are a misogynist.

Do you have any actual evidence about that your "hypothesis" that women who dress immodestly (like showing their gasp bare shoulders) are more likely to be raped? And more to the point why should women's choice of dress be dictated to by rapists? You are victim blaming. Someone who is raped or sexually assaulted is never responsible for that attack. That includes men by the way, who can be raped. Do you impose dress restrictions on your husband, not letting him show his arms in case it makes someone rape him?

I was taught to love people and try and see the best in them.

What went wrong? You clearly don't see the best in women, or gay people, or rape victims, or people who don't share your particular interpretation on scripture.

Apologies to all concerned, this thread has been a bit too active to keep with. And I do know the word is wrath, for some reason my fingers didn't.

Vatican II per se was actually quite good, the problem isn't what came out of it, it's what was done in the spirit of it. Almost all the Bishops involved took part in Vatican II with the best of intentions however at the time, there was a small but influential movement to make the Catholic Church more Protestant and using the outcome of Vatican II to force it through, it's led to effectively a split within the Church. The introduction of hymns, using the vernacular and not Latin, lack of reverence for the Lord especially during consecration, communion in the hand etc. all of this combined with poor teaching has led to the watering down of what Catholics believe. If you know about Vatican II, you also know the statistic that only 20% of American Catholics believe in the physical presence of Christ in communion, that's scary. Sadly, we are now on the path to more division.

Why does your husband have this financial burden for the both of you?
Nor having kids is a private decision of course, but why should he be responsible for supporting you financially like this?
Unless you have access to other money?

I apologise if I got you mixed up with someone else however I know you didn't accuse me of being crackpot etc. that's the general theme of the thread though. you have accused me of other things which are clearly not true and you still haven't got over your prejudice.

I really want to give you a cuddle as you've gone off on your extremes again.

It's a hell of a lot more than a "few" Mary. The absolute atrocities carried out by the church in my country is absolutely unforgivable. Pretty much all victims were women and children and you're advocating handing over your daughters autonomy to the Church and men. VILE.

We're not talking about crimes committed by a handful of people who happen to be Catholic, this goes right to the top, some of it very recent. Even today the RC Church is still doing damage. They campaign to prevent acces to contraception and abortion and to prevent equal marriage from being legal. They want to impose their so-called values on everyone.

They want to impose their so-called values on everyone.

To be fair this is true of all the major patriarchal religions. They all fail utterly to respect the beliefs of others. They all presume that those of other faiths or none are bound for Hell, and they all presume that those who have no faith are incapable of having strong morals. And while it's true that there are also atheists who are like that (the ones who go on about 'sky fairies'), on the whole those of us who do not have faith tend to live and let live. Note: that isn't the same as approving or condoning - I vehemently disapprove of raising any child in any faith. I disapprove even more of raising any child to believe they should submit to the authority of someone of the opposite sex, or to believe that they have natural authority over someone of the opposite sex.

We are not a religious couple and I wouldn't say I submit to my husband as default as some have described on here. However, there is the concept where my husband comes from that men are the protectors and maintainers of women. Even if not religious, this runs deep on a cultural level and it's a sense of responsibility men carry. It may well go towards explaining the way our marriage has panned out in that I haven't worked for almost 30 years and the finances have been his responsibility. To be fair, he has been very successful and I know very privileged in that respect. He fuss too give me an allowance, I just spend from the current account and he doesn't question that. I have access to all the money I need and I'm very grateful for that.

I've been happy to be more focused on the children as that is what I felt compelled to do. This has been 20 years and we have a very strong marriage. In terms of decisions - it just depends. I leave the financial stuff to him, but he leaves the kids stuff, schools, decorating, probably most decisions on most things to me. It's been a non-issue between us really. I'm not 'trad' in the sense I'm massively housework focused (to be honest, I have a cleaner in). I do cook dinner for the family mainly, but we also eat out a fair bit so so I don't feel like that's a massive burden.

We don't argue much. He's definitely not bothered about me covering up or any of that kind of thing, but I do nearly always wear dresses or skirts rather than jeans and casual and make quite an effort with my appearance and it's hard to say if that's just me or because I've internalised his preferences over the years. He does a lot of sports and I also have my hobbies and we're mutually supportive in that way. But not religious because his family fled a fundamentalist regime and once you've experienced that, there's no going back.

Sorry, that should have read - I haven't worked for almost 20 years (not 30)!

• doesn't give me an allowance (should have read before posting) - apologies.

@MaryChild

And the primary question is do you live your life in God's image

i can’t lie, from what you’re posting on here and the way you’re going at folks on here, and the things you’re writing, you’ve a long long way to go before you’re living your own life in gods image.

like a loooong way. You certainly aren’t living your best life on here right now, are you?

@MaryChild

im also going to add the seven holy virtues of Catholicism are humility, charity, chastity, gratitude, temperance, patience, and diligence

i can honestly say your responses and stance shows a total lack of humility, charity, gratitude, temperance, patience and any form of diligence for considered answers.

id honestly have thought anyone so religious would demonstrate these in some small amount?

it’s ok to talk the talk, but you’ve got to walk the walk and behave according to what you’re saying.

I don't think MaryChild has behaved the way you describe Summersolargirl. She has tried to describe her particular lifestyle. It's not my lifestyle and I totally understand people such as yourself could be angered by it. But, in the scheme of the wider world, would you be equally appalled by Muslim women in the niqab? Or Orthodox Jewish women? What about men who have two or more wives? Just trying to give some context really. I have friends from Pakistan who refer to their husband as head of the household Judy in passing conversation. These are educated, expat families and very Westernised really, yet they still arrange marriages for their daughters and it has to be a Muslim man (whereas the sons can marry anyone as they will be 'head of the household' so any wife will have to go with his religion anyway). In comparison to huge swathes of the world, what MaryChild describes is nothing remarkable at all if you think about it.

But, in the scheme of the wider world, would you be equally appalled by Muslim women in the niqab? Or Orthodox Jewish women? What about men who have two or more wives?

I am appalled by any subjugation of women using patrarchal religions as a tool. I'm totally consistent in that. The fact that religious subjugation of women isn't uncommon shouldn't be a reason for us to think it's OK or to shrug our shoulders - it should be a reason for us to fight all the harder for all women to choose how they live their lives. That starts by arguing that no child should be raised in any faith - instead of pratting about with gender neutral kids, we should be focusing on faith-neutral kids.

Interestingly, I've just started watching 'Keep Sweet, Pray and Obey' on Netflix.

It's a series all about the FLDS who used that exact Ephesians verse that @MaryChild has based her marriage on to justify the forced marriage and subservience of very young women.

So because women are treated like shit all.over the world we shouldn't call out misogyny when we see it? And yes I am appalled by women's treatment at the hands of organised religion. I don't think it's controversial to say that in 2022 is it?

Do you think people won't call out shitty behaviour if they think it will offend a person's religion? I couldn't give a fuck about religion, all it does is cause wars and allows the abuse of women and children In the name of some god. Honestly I'm shocked at the shitty attitudes on this thread, it's scary.

I watched that too. It was so sinister.

@MistyFuckingQuigley I fully second that. The world is still full of fucking handmaidens and handmaiden wannabes.