Or is friend batshit?

[userxkkyrdhkhv]

I have had a friend for 4 years.
I met her a few times before covid hit.

I began meeting her again some weeks back and we took her child and my child out together.
During these outings friend argued with everyone everywhere we went. In shops, train stations, restaurants, activities, in the street. She argued with them for things like putting too much sauce in a burger and talking on the phone in a taxi.

Friend asked if she could stay 2 nights last week. I said she was more than welcome and if she was still here on x date then could she look after dc in the park next door whilst I got my hair done.

All was fine until I cleaned the bathroom (they had sole use of it as we use en suite). There was urine on the toilet seat and around the Base. I began using a bleach spray, friend started coughing loudly and said, "this is why I use natural products."
Friend left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. When I'd finished cleaning their bathroom I went to the kitchen. Friend demanded I opened the French doors as she was about to "pass out" due to my use of bleach in the bathroom.

Whilst she was here we went on several outings where friend continued to argue with everyone from a Starbucks employee misspelling her name to a teenager standing behind us on the bus.

The day before she left friend attacked a woman for apparently nudging past one of the dc at a busy tube station.

On the final night dc was constipated (chronic) so I had to give multiple medications whilst massaging and pushing their stomach to help them go. Friend asked a question, "is that too much?" To which I replied,"no. This is what dc's consultant advised.

I went to wash my hands in the bathroom when I saw poo in the toilet. This was my trigger point as I have OCD.

Friend went out to smoke a joint and I spoke to my cousin. I arranged to go and see cousin for a night as she has a newborn that I'm yet to meet.
I informed friend via WhatsApp but advised we could still go ahead with our plans that day but she could go home after.
Friend seemed very annoyed and when she came in went straight to the room without saying a word.

Friend was supposed to leave at 08:30am the next morning. I needed to leave between 10-11am however I stalled as friend was clearly not ready. At 12pm I said to friend "we need to leave soon. Should I pack your food items into a bag to help out?" Friend aggressively said,"I cannot leave as you didn't wash or dry my clothes and now I need to borrow money from someone to take a cab home."

I put items in a bag including vegan milk, butter and a pizza. These were the only perishable items and were in the fridge.

15 minutes later friend storms in and mutters very loudly, "she's done this out of spite. If she wants to spiteful I'll be spiteful."

Friend pulled mine and her clothing out of the washing machine onto the floor and proceeded to put her trousers into the dryer.

Friend then left without saying a word.

I locked the door and came back inside to find several of my frozen food items on the floor.

I had to pay my cleaner to return as the room they stayed in was messy and stunk.

In the end the smell was so strong it went through 3 mattress protectors and 7 sheets and we had to throw the entire mattress away.

I then received a text from friend informing me she left several items in my home and telling me to post them to her. I responded saying I was not going to post them after her disrespectful behaviour but she was more than welcome to come and collect them or arrange a postal courier.
There were a few further text engagements before friend blocked me.

I then received this message a few hours ago:

Dont mess with me when it comes to finances, as I will mess with the finances you shouldn't even be receiving, right back. You also owe me for the cream that you didn't use, alongside the clothes that you washed that were nowhere to be found. And the oil £5 aswell. I expect that in my account today. You are also short on reimbursing for your food order, and owe me £15 for the food that perished due to your behaviour.

You crossed a lot of lines with me and your incompetence as a mother and an adult impacted my child on far too many occasions so do not call my phone again as I have no desire to hear anything you have to say to me. Feel free to deduct the £2 for the items you are aware your child is intolerant to yet still force her to consume that was left out of your freezer due to your disgustingly spiteful behaviour.

Aibu or is she batshit?

She stayed for 5 days where she used my toiletries, food, water, electricity, towels etc. She also broke one of my items worth circa £25.

MN deleted my previous thread by mistake.

Posting again as I feel I will need further advice in the next few days as I think she will contact further.

You did nothing wrong. She outstood her welcome by staying an extra 2 days. She was rude to others. She wasn't being clean. She triggered your anxiety and old. Never have another guest over again. Do not pay her any money. If she comes to collect, then yes give her belongings.

This! In spades!

The comments on here are shocking, sometimes it feels like we’re still in the dark ages where people think that it’s ok to treat people with mental health struggles and learning difficulties with such mockery and contempt. Bizarre, insular people.

OP - Please learn to trust your own instincts - you have been incredibly accommodating and forgiving to someone who has no concept of gratitude and kindness.

Please look after yourself and realise that she is just spewing hot air to control you, but that it’s exactly that - hot air.

Block her and try work on your own boundaries and look for red flags, like the aggression your friend was showing before she stayed, which would indicate that the same aggression is likely to be focused on you at some point.

You don’t have to put up with this.

Sending hugs.

Glad you were ok about the joint smoking tho, op.

1. This person is not your friend
2. Block her
3. Do not answer the door if she come round. If you know she is coming leave the items outside in a bag - if it is convenient to you
4. keep evidence of what she wore/texts etc in case she does maliciously report you to the DWP. If she does ask your MP for help.
5. You sound kind but also she took advantage of you. Maybe no more overnight visitors for a while?

What she wrote not wore

Your friend is absolutely vile. If anyone did something like that to me they would never be hearing from me again. Truly repulsive behaviour... they need to grow up!

But why the 7 sheets?

Just to clarify a few things.

There's a history of friend saying she has xyz without being diagnosed.

Friend said she had borderline personality disorder.

Now she is seeing a private therapist. Therapist hasn't diagnosed her with DID. Friend just claims she has it. I hadn't heard of DID but she will act in certain ways when she "switches personalities". This video displays how she would act.

Friend would change accents and kind of shake and say she was switching personalities.

Friend seems fixated on this DID thing and has said that I have it.

Friend also goes into restaurants and says her and dc have allergies. These allergies weren't as a result of any kind of testing. They ate self diagnosed if you like. She then uses said allergies to claim people are attacking her and, imo, to get free meals at restaurants.

They were not present during arguments or weed smoking. I didn't say they were.

When friend would argue in public I'd take both dc and walk onwards and distract hence I'm not 100% sure of the events that happened to escalated to arguments as I was some metres away

Just ignore her

@userxkkyrdhkhv - please stay far away, everything you describe is dangerously unwell.

Anyone who uses medical stuff to coerce and bully others into submission (whether it's you, or Cafe staff) is a very nasty piece of work. And using imaginary allergies for her children, and obsessing about DID... I know it's not a technical term, but she's barking.

I feel terribly sorry for her kids, next stop MbP (Munchausen by Proxy) or something similarly god-awful.

BUT. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

You are both I'll-suited to be friends. Recognise and move on.

Absolutely no friend. Your description of her behaviour is beyond belief and I did wonder if it was a send up at first .... an April Fool.
Have nothing more to do with her no matter what she threatens. I think she is very deranged.
Good luck with any dealings with DWP!
Forget she exists and move on.

I think everyone on this board should stop pathologising the ex-friend. Her behaviour has been dreadful, and OP deserves better treatment from both the actual people in her life and those whose opinions she had sought for advice. OP has blocked her and moved on.

This ones on you, I'm afraid.

You continued a friendship with someone who you witnessed being a vile, aggressive bully to multiple people on several occasions. You must have known she wasn't a good person and might turn on you at any moment? Or did you feel that it was fine while she was bullying and harassing others but now she's turned on you, that's suddenly unreasonable?

She's a horrible person. Let this be a lesson about who you invite into yourself and your child's life.

Thank you so much and to everyone else who has taken the time to understand and explain my autism and other things.

I'm truly grateful.

You've really brought my spirits up after reading some of the shite on this thread.

Friend has now text me, "If you continue to call my phone I will be reporting you for harassment. I have made it abundantly clear I do not wish to hear a word you have to say. Do not contact me in any way shape or form or I will be reporting it and you to the police."

I haven't contacted her at all?

When did I say she bullied people?

Why would I expect her to treat a friend in that way?

It's not on me. It's on her. This thread is evident of that.

@userxkkyrdhkhv - If she reports you, it is very easily proven at both ends that you are not contacting her. Please don’t stress.
My personal experience with people like this is that they are too labile to form stable relationships. She is terrified of losing you because you have stuck around despite her behaviour. She is trying to goad you into reacting because she is dependent upon having SOMEONE to be at the other end of the phone when she wants them. I think if you examine your communication with her, it will have probably been very heavily weighted in her favour. She is unable to authentically connect with anyone. (Hence the boundary issues, etc.)

BTW, I very much doubt that she is unknown to the local police. Her behaviour seems to be to either attract or seek attention - unfortunately in a very negative way.
Just get on with your life. If you are contacted by police (which I doubt will happen), maybe explain your Autism and show them this thread as a “diary of events” from your perspective. (You can highlight your posts in another colour in settings, making them easier to find if you haven’t already.)