Or is friend batshit?

[userxkkyrdhkhv]

I have had a friend for 4 years.
I met her a few times before covid hit.

I began meeting her again some weeks back and we took her child and my child out together.
During these outings friend argued with everyone everywhere we went. In shops, train stations, restaurants, activities, in the street. She argued with them for things like putting too much sauce in a burger and talking on the phone in a taxi.

Friend asked if she could stay 2 nights last week. I said she was more than welcome and if she was still here on x date then could she look after dc in the park next door whilst I got my hair done.

All was fine until I cleaned the bathroom (they had sole use of it as we use en suite). There was urine on the toilet seat and around the Base. I began using a bleach spray, friend started coughing loudly and said, "this is why I use natural products."
Friend left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. When I'd finished cleaning their bathroom I went to the kitchen. Friend demanded I opened the French doors as she was about to "pass out" due to my use of bleach in the bathroom.

Whilst she was here we went on several outings where friend continued to argue with everyone from a Starbucks employee misspelling her name to a teenager standing behind us on the bus.

The day before she left friend attacked a woman for apparently nudging past one of the dc at a busy tube station.

On the final night dc was constipated (chronic) so I had to give multiple medications whilst massaging and pushing their stomach to help them go. Friend asked a question, "is that too much?" To which I replied,"no. This is what dc's consultant advised.

I went to wash my hands in the bathroom when I saw poo in the toilet. This was my trigger point as I have OCD.

Friend went out to smoke a joint and I spoke to my cousin. I arranged to go and see cousin for a night as she has a newborn that I'm yet to meet.
I informed friend via WhatsApp but advised we could still go ahead with our plans that day but she could go home after.
Friend seemed very annoyed and when she came in went straight to the room without saying a word.

Friend was supposed to leave at 08:30am the next morning. I needed to leave between 10-11am however I stalled as friend was clearly not ready. At 12pm I said to friend "we need to leave soon. Should I pack your food items into a bag to help out?" Friend aggressively said,"I cannot leave as you didn't wash or dry my clothes and now I need to borrow money from someone to take a cab home."

I put items in a bag including vegan milk, butter and a pizza. These were the only perishable items and were in the fridge.

15 minutes later friend storms in and mutters very loudly, "she's done this out of spite. If she wants to spiteful I'll be spiteful."

Friend pulled mine and her clothing out of the washing machine onto the floor and proceeded to put her trousers into the dryer.

Friend then left without saying a word.

I locked the door and came back inside to find several of my frozen food items on the floor.

I had to pay my cleaner to return as the room they stayed in was messy and stunk.

In the end the smell was so strong it went through 3 mattress protectors and 7 sheets and we had to throw the entire mattress away.

I then received a text from friend informing me she left several items in my home and telling me to post them to her. I responded saying I was not going to post them after her disrespectful behaviour but she was more than welcome to come and collect them or arrange a postal courier.
There were a few further text engagements before friend blocked me.

I then received this message a few hours ago:

Dont mess with me when it comes to finances, as I will mess with the finances you shouldn't even be receiving, right back. You also owe me for the cream that you didn't use, alongside the clothes that you washed that were nowhere to be found. And the oil £5 aswell. I expect that in my account today. You are also short on reimbursing for your food order, and owe me £15 for the food that perished due to your behaviour.

You crossed a lot of lines with me and your incompetence as a mother and an adult impacted my child on far too many occasions so do not call my phone again as I have no desire to hear anything you have to say to me. Feel free to deduct the £2 for the items you are aware your child is intolerant to yet still force her to consume that was left out of your freezer due to your disgustingly spiteful behaviour.

Aibu or is she batshit?

She stayed for 5 days where she used my toiletries, food, water, electricity, towels etc. She also broke one of my items worth circa £25.

MN deleted my previous thread by mistake.

Posting again as I feel I will need further advice in the next few days as I think she will contact further.

By accident ?🤔

Please highlight where I said children were present during arguing and weed smoking.

You said she came to stay with her kids and there is kids food on that receipt.

It's obvious throughout your post that there were kids around. What a weird response honestly

Did you manage to get your haircut though?

Is that you Janet?

@50ShadesOfCatholic

And when it came time to board the flight home, she disappeared. I continued boarding and her daughter approached me to tell me that she and her mother had paid to switch seats (away from me). Which was actually nice for me because I got 3 seats to myself

What happened on landing? Did you have different cars, travel separately on public transport, etc. 🌹

Is that you Janet?

😂

Who is Janet??

In answer to your original post - yes your friend is batshit, and yes, you are as well. Move on - QUICKLY

Yeah that was interesting. I had my car at the airport so she phoned me frantically upon landing as she and her daughter wanted a ride. We had to wait a little while for the parking service to bring keys and they both moaned incessantly. While it was tempting to leave them there, I wanted to stick to the agreement rather than stoop to her bullshit.

I drove them home and they complained about my driving. The friend managed a curt “thank you” as she got out and barked at me “Don’t get out!!” I disobeyed her and retrieved her luggage from my boot 😂

Then she remembered she had asked to borrow my car next day as hers was being fixed so suddenly she was stuttering about that. Again I wanted to stick to the agreement.

I dropped it to her house next morning and texted to say keys were in the console (I didn’t want to see her)

She obviously felt bad (good) because she had the car cleaned and filled with petrol before returning it. Again I told her to leave keys in the console.

You probably wonder why I drove them home and lent her the car?

Because I felt like she was trying to provoke a fight and I didn’t wa to get drawn in. She does this thing of pissing people off badly to the point they retaliate then she’s full of stories about what a terrible person they are. I didn’t want to give her that. You can just imagine she would tell everyone she’d “taken me on holiday and I’d not even given her a ride home” 🙄

Within a couple of days she obviously felt guilty and started texting/calling, wanting to meet up. I didn’t so made my excuses. I wanted her to sit with her unhappiness about her bad behaviour rather than take it on.

After a few months I decided to give her another go and we had several OK outings. But then she slipped again, once by making a big show of asking me to dinner then handing me her laptop and instructing me to do her CV while she watched TV, and next by inviting me and a mutual friend out, then texting me a photo of them out without me. So odd, I mean, why would you do that?

At that point I stopped answering her calls/messages except to say no She kept messaging for months and even sent her daughter around with a Christmas present 🙄 which I was tempted to return but instead donated. She has now stopped trying to contact me.

Long winded response, sorry!! I guess I just wanted to maintain some dignity and leave her with her mind games.

@50ShadesOfCatholic

Thanks for the response. I would like to think I'd have behaved in the graceful way you did (though I honestly doubt it!). I think you are completely right, however, in making yourself unavailable to someone who thinks nothing of treating you so badly - even when she wants something from you.

I can't see that you are losing much, if anything, by not having someone like this in your life. 🌹

Thank you for saying that, that’s very kind.

Tbh I have been working on becoming more assertive for a really long time as I have a history of allowing people to treat me badly. So it feels like a huge achievement to tell her no and feel no guilt.

I think for people who are naturally assertive it can be difficult to understand how people like me (and the OP) get themselves into these situations but if you’ve been brought up with abuse, you’ve learnt to say nothing for fear of making things worse and it takes a lot to undo that.

Smoking weed is making your friend paranoid and psychotic. If she already had mental health issues it’s exasperating them. People seem to think that cannabis is harmless and just chills you out, it’s simply not the case especially with someone who has poor mental health.

block and ignore her, and keep a record of all the messages she sends and report her to the police. Or you could send her a message back and warm her that you will report her to DWP as she has no mobility issues….

Yes she's batshit, but OP while I know it's hard with your autism you need to work on recognising red flags and reaffirming your boundaries.

You’re batshit for letting her anywhere near you. And she is clearly batshit.

i agree with others who say you are not a good match. Yours and her mental health conditions seem to be at complete odds with one another - I assume you met online originally where the ‘match’ made more sense (as you say you met 4 years ago but have only seen each other a few times).

Some of the story doesn’t make sense to me esp the bit about the bed - what did she do on the bed?!

Anyway, Don't pay money, walk away & block.

If you'd RTFT you see that OP shared a screen shot of the message from mnhq explaining that they'd deleted it by accident and had been unable to restore it.

If you do a see all, op has posted a MNHQ email explaining. An issue with the site updates.

In the nicest way possible... if you can't handle possibly receiving both positive and negative responses, why post on a public forum?

She reports you , you report her for doing drugs around minors. Batshit she’s barking

I tried posting on your thread yesterday but it must have been deleted at the same time as I was trying to post.

My advice is to bag up whatever belongings of hers she left with you and tell her that she has until the night before the next bin day to collect them or you'll be putting them out with the bins.

Don't allow her to use your address for anything. None of her post/mail should be sent to your address. She doesn't live there and you should return to sender if you get any mail that is addressed to her but at your address.

That's my advice on this situation.

You don't sound witty or clever. You're just mocking soneone with a neurological disorder that has a chronic mental health illness

Yet you have no issues calling someone with DID/other condition "batshit".

This is a toxic friendship, walk away.

That's not a friend. That's the local nutcase usually found yelling at the floor under a bridge with a can of Strongbow. Don't invite such a creature into your home or they'll, well... shit and piss everywhere, it would seem.

Next time pick a friend who can get through the day without attacking people?

Wait are you seriously wondering whether or not she is batshit and whether or not you are being unreasonable for thinking so?

Honestly I'm seriously asking if you are being serious because I am genuinely unsure.

People are being really unpleasant - you might have got more helpful responses on the ND Mumsnetters board. You are far from the only autistic woman who doesn't see red flags until disaster strikes.

I doubt that she would go to the trouble of reporting you to the DWP. She is deliberately trying to scare you, because she knows that it might work. You know that your PIP appeal was determined by a tribunal - that's not an arbitrary or administrative decision. You also have the text from her threatening it unless you give her money. A decision maker should be able to recognise this as blackmail.

Block her and give her nothing - otherwise it may quite likely escalate with more 'expenses' that she 'suddenly realises' you owe her.

Janet was on the Sharon thread ......

The dead fly.