Or is friend batshit?

[userxkkyrdhkhv]

I have had a friend for 4 years.
I met her a few times before covid hit.

I began meeting her again some weeks back and we took her child and my child out together.
During these outings friend argued with everyone everywhere we went. In shops, train stations, restaurants, activities, in the street. She argued with them for things like putting too much sauce in a burger and talking on the phone in a taxi.

Friend asked if she could stay 2 nights last week. I said she was more than welcome and if she was still here on x date then could she look after dc in the park next door whilst I got my hair done.

All was fine until I cleaned the bathroom (they had sole use of it as we use en suite). There was urine on the toilet seat and around the Base. I began using a bleach spray, friend started coughing loudly and said, "this is why I use natural products."
Friend left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. When I'd finished cleaning their bathroom I went to the kitchen. Friend demanded I opened the French doors as she was about to "pass out" due to my use of bleach in the bathroom.

Whilst she was here we went on several outings where friend continued to argue with everyone from a Starbucks employee misspelling her name to a teenager standing behind us on the bus.

The day before she left friend attacked a woman for apparently nudging past one of the dc at a busy tube station.

On the final night dc was constipated (chronic) so I had to give multiple medications whilst massaging and pushing their stomach to help them go. Friend asked a question, "is that too much?" To which I replied,"no. This is what dc's consultant advised.

I went to wash my hands in the bathroom when I saw poo in the toilet. This was my trigger point as I have OCD.

Friend went out to smoke a joint and I spoke to my cousin. I arranged to go and see cousin for a night as she has a newborn that I'm yet to meet.
I informed friend via WhatsApp but advised we could still go ahead with our plans that day but she could go home after.
Friend seemed very annoyed and when she came in went straight to the room without saying a word.

Friend was supposed to leave at 08:30am the next morning. I needed to leave between 10-11am however I stalled as friend was clearly not ready. At 12pm I said to friend "we need to leave soon. Should I pack your food items into a bag to help out?" Friend aggressively said,"I cannot leave as you didn't wash or dry my clothes and now I need to borrow money from someone to take a cab home."

I put items in a bag including vegan milk, butter and a pizza. These were the only perishable items and were in the fridge.

15 minutes later friend storms in and mutters very loudly, "she's done this out of spite. If she wants to spiteful I'll be spiteful."

Friend pulled mine and her clothing out of the washing machine onto the floor and proceeded to put her trousers into the dryer.

Friend then left without saying a word.

I locked the door and came back inside to find several of my frozen food items on the floor.

I had to pay my cleaner to return as the room they stayed in was messy and stunk.

In the end the smell was so strong it went through 3 mattress protectors and 7 sheets and we had to throw the entire mattress away.

I then received a text from friend informing me she left several items in my home and telling me to post them to her. I responded saying I was not going to post them after her disrespectful behaviour but she was more than welcome to come and collect them or arrange a postal courier.
There were a few further text engagements before friend blocked me.

I then received this message a few hours ago:

Dont mess with me when it comes to finances, as I will mess with the finances you shouldn't even be receiving, right back. You also owe me for the cream that you didn't use, alongside the clothes that you washed that were nowhere to be found. And the oil £5 aswell. I expect that in my account today. You are also short on reimbursing for your food order, and owe me £15 for the food that perished due to your behaviour.

You crossed a lot of lines with me and your incompetence as a mother and an adult impacted my child on far too many occasions so do not call my phone again as I have no desire to hear anything you have to say to me. Feel free to deduct the £2 for the items you are aware your child is intolerant to yet still force her to consume that was left out of your freezer due to your disgustingly spiteful behaviour.

Aibu or is she batshit?

She stayed for 5 days where she used my toiletries, food, water, electricity, towels etc. She also broke one of my items worth circa £25.

MN deleted my previous thread by mistake.

Posting again as I feel I will need further advice in the next few days as I think she will contact further.

Sounds like you attract narcissists - read up about the character traits and try to avoid this type in future. There are also vulnerable narcissists (or covert) who aren't as easy to spot so just be careful who you mix with. Everything you've described sounds like she's potentially one or at least showing strong traits so definitely avoid! Best of luck with it all - it will blow over and she'll move on and find someone else to be pissed off with very soon no doubt. Oh and ignore her silly threats - let her call the DWP! (Highly doubt she will)

I would transfer her £0.02.

How long did she stay? 2/5/7 days?

I wasn't going to post the condition she says she has out of fear of being outed. But she says she has DID? I've never heard of it but she starts talking in different voices and saying she's switching personalities. She says one personality won't remember the events that another personality has experienced hence why she doesn't see how she comes across I guess.

@ChloeHel apologies but that really pissed me off. My OCD can get really bad and it's no joke when I end up in hospital.

Were you on holiday with friend?

She made comments (to herself) but out loud.

She had an argument with someone at an attraction that apparently ran over her foot with buggy.
She said a comment out loud and it resulted in back and forth comments but she then got in the woman's face.

It got so bad that the woman had to be escorted to her car by security.

Thank you. I'm glad the friendship ended when it did

Hope she gets the treatment she needs, as for your own mental wellbeing op, only you know what's best for you, all the best and positivity

No, not in my experience. I've never had a friend in my life who behaved like that, no one who did would have been invited to stay in my home.

I will shut up as obviously I can't speak for the OP and quite possibly she didn't read the cues.

You asked if they would inform you.. I answered the question.. so nothing 'bizarre' about my post that's for sure. Nope not taking the piss. If your doing nothing wrong then nothing to worry about. It's unlikely she would call them anyway.. she's clearly fuking nuts and using anything and everything to get a reaction out of you and scare you .. but you have nothing to worry about so let her call them .. they won't find anything will they.. Fuck drama ... delete, block & give it/her no more headspace and be thankful you'll never have to deal with her again.

Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. Her explanation sounds a little weird though. I used to have DID and I was not aware of when I was changing persona. It is caused by trauma.

but in any case, mental illness is not an excuse for rudeness, it may make her feel extremely stressed or anxious or panicked but she is responsible for how she manages that.

it sounds like a hellish encounter and I hope you have nothing more to do with her.

As I explained upthread, I had a similar experience. A friend who I had known for several years invited me on holiday and behaved appallingly. I had not seen her behave like this before though I had cringed slightly at times when we had socialised previously. But those were snapshots and most people can keep it together for short periods of time. An extended time together is more revealing and is also more likely to provoke anxiety.

Sounds like she's got borderline personality disorder tbh. She's crackers. I endured hell at the hands of a BOD sufferer. On the flip side I was with someone else with BOD who actually wanted to understand it and work around it, which was like night and day.

She sounds very much like the former.

*BPD. Damn you, autocorrect.

Weed bed sweat smells yuk! Don't ask me how I know.

@userxkkyrdhkhv you're getting a rough ride on here and I'm sorry for that. I just want to say that I can well believe your account of someone being absolutely fine with you and then totally changing over the course of staying together.

I had a very very close friend. We lived about an hour away from each other so messaged each other all the time and used to meet up at a park or at her house for the kids to play together. She was desperate for us to come for a sleepover so over one holiday we did. It was like she'd had a complete personality transplant.

Our room was basically the junk room with loads of expensive equipment I was terrified my kids were going to destroy. We had a floor mattress (ambitiously called a futon but really was just a double mattress on the floor) that I had to share with my two children. She didn't have any bedding for us and hadn't told us to bring any. Trying to find some for us was such a hassle, lots of martyred sighs and complaints.

She barely spoke to me the whole time we were there, spent most of it either moodily staring on her phone or outright talking on it to other people. Luckily I got on with her husband but even then she would be sniping and making horrible comments under her breath about him or about us getting on. We went to a big park and she suddenly seemed to brighten up and said she'd mind the kids while I went to the cafe across the road to get drinks. Came back to find her on her phone and one of my children (who was autistic and also, obvious, in a location totally unknown to me and him) missing. She had no idea where he was, she had changed her mind about looking after my kids so had just kept an eye on her own. That was a terrifying 15 minutes before he was found. She actually said she didn't see why me and her husband were making such a fuss. My autistic 6 year old was missing in a strange place far from home and she didn't care. She was meant to be my best friend

I should have left then. I didn't. I grimly stuck it out for another two days hoping for my 'real' friend to come back and of course that never happened. I also didn't say anything to her, too scared to rock the boat or have an argument

I stayed friends with her for another couple of years ffs (although never stayed over again) and she was once again all sweetness and light until she dumped me pretty spectacularly and out of the blue.

I've recently come to realise that I'm probably not neurotypical (suspected ADHD) and that how I allowed this friend to treat me mirrors a lot of my romantic relationships. I expect people to treat me nicely and decently because that's what I would do, but sadly this isn't the case. And even when they show me they aren't going to treat me well I keep ploughing on hoping for them to change because again, that's what I would do and I'm a constant optimistic 'fixer'. Also have anxiety and previously diagnosed with OCD as well (not contamination though, my OCD is intrusive thoughts and being 'deserving' of things based on other arbitrary things). And yes, I seem to attract people who are more than willing to behave nastily. I'm working on it but realising even the above took me a good long while!

So (sorry I've massively waffled on) really all the above is to say that I believe you and I understand. The only thing you can be 'blamed' for (and that's a loaded word) is believing everyone is going to be as kind as you want to be to others. Which is a lovely trait but sadly means that other people take advantage. That's not you being bad, that's entirely their wrongdoing. But it would be helpful if you can find ways to guard against it happening in the future (god knows how, I'm still trying to work it out, but realising it happens if half the battle I suppose!)

Anyway I wanted to post and say I believe you and can easily see how this situation could have happened to me. Plus even if I'd felt uncomfortable halfway through the visit I'd have felt so scared of confrontation I'd probably have gritted my teeth and carried on-not sure if that rings true at all for you?!

Give her a definitive time and place to pick up her stuff and make clear that it's unnecessary for you to reimburse her because you've offered to return it, keep all messages etc as evidence just in case then block and move on. The DWP thing is a worry, I'd be worried and I know full well that nothing I claim is fraudulent but all you can do is deal with that as it comes. I suspect if it doesn't happen straight away then she's not going to do it. And if she does then you have the txts etc as pretty clear evidence that she's said she wants to report you maliciously.

I'm sorry you're going through all this OP. I hope that you can block and be able to move on from it all pretty soon and feel a load removed from your life

Were the kids not all really distressed during all this arguing and weed smoking?

Please highlight where I said children were present during arguing and weed smoking.

Sorry OP that sounds like a horrible thing to go through. I really hope it was an empty threat re the DSP, surely if she is falsely claiming something using your address then she needs to be careful saying anything that might draw attention to that.

I think some PPs dont understand that actual OCD is not just wanting a clean and tidy home and you're getting some very harsh responses as a result.

Try not to let it play on your mind though, way easier said than done of course! Do you have any activities etc that you do in order to calm your anxiety and maybe it will help distract you from the situation for a while

No offence, but you must be at least a little bonkers to even have to ask whether her behaviour is reasonable.

At the risk of upsetting you OP, you seem very easily offended by those who question or don’t wholeheartedly agree with you. It makes me wonder about this situation, but as you’ve told it, your friend isn’t anyone you need in your life!

I have to agree with the comments about the way you're responding to people here, OP. Yes some are being too harsh, but you're getting very angry and quite rude to some people who are making quite reasonable points.

I'm not hurt or angry. I'm not that in touch with my emotions enough to be offended by comments from strangers behind a screen.

Came to say exactly the same thing after RTFT. You are getting some harsh replies but you are also being unnecessarily rude to some people who have taken the time to respond to you or offer advice. I appreciate you have OCD and autism, but that doesn’t excuse rudeness. And yes, I have a lot of experience (siblings and children) with autism before you claim I don’t understand.

Some people have asked for clarification as your posts are a bit difficult to read, so they’re not taking the piss etc. Eg, your friend, you said was staying for a couple of days but stayed for 5. What’s the story there? If you don’t mind sharing.
Your friend left in a hurry. Was she die to leave that day or did she leave earlier than planned due to you going to meet your cousin?
The smoking weed. I assume was when the children were sleeping?
Did the children get upset when they witnessed her behaviour? Eg when she was irate with someone for pushing a pram into one of the DC, I’m assuming the DC were present. I’m assuming they were present when she was packing her bags etc? It must have been difficult for your little one if they’re not used to seeing such behaviour.

Not saying this is what happened with you and your friend, but could have your behaviour towards cleanliness made her feel so uncomfortable that she now perceives you as a bad host? Example. My dad had OCD and I always felt on edge when I was around him. If I ate a biscuit and dropped a crumb, he would immediately get the vacuum out. If there was ever a bad smell, he’d get the air freshener out and go overboard spraying it, completely unaware my newborn’s (and my) lungs were completely not used to it and I’d end up with headaches and choking on the fumes. Bleach does that to some people too. Each time my children and I would visit, we really just felt too on edge to relax despite him and mum providing great food and company. It wasn’t enjoyable but I’m sure my dad would have claimed he’d been the most accommodating host. Maybe that is what she meant?

As for the benefits thing. If you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to worry about. Let her report, let them investigate. If you’re not claiming anything you should not be then you’re all good, no worries.

Owing her money. You don’t, so forget it. Ignore.

I know it probably feels like this is huge right now while you’re living through it, but
in a few years time you’ll likely look back and roll your eyes at the situation. Try not to feed the drama. Block her and ignore her. If you ever feel your safety is compromised then call the police. Don’t interact if possible, it will just keep feeding the drama and the situation is likely to escalate.

As with your OCD. Well done for finding ways to manage it. I’m diagnosed with OCD too (cheers dad!). I know having guests in my home for over a couple of days will just be hell on earth for me so I don’t have any. I know what you went through was difficult, you have your safe space back now. I hope you’re able to move forward. You did your best and we’re very generous inviting this woman and her child into your space X

Batshit is far saner...and more useful, for that matter. Block her. Oh, and write up an itemized list of what she cost you...just in case. If she sues, counter-sue.