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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is friend batshit?

193 replies

userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:07

I have had a friend for 4 years.
I met her a few times before covid hit.

I began meeting her again some weeks back and we took her child and my child out together.
During these outings friend argued with everyone everywhere we went. In shops, train stations, restaurants, activities, in the street. She argued with them for things like putting too much sauce in a burger and talking on the phone in a taxi.

Friend asked if she could stay 2 nights last week. I said she was more than welcome and if she was still here on x date then could she look after dc in the park next door whilst I got my hair done.

All was fine until I cleaned the bathroom (they had sole use of it as we use en suite). There was urine on the toilet seat and around the Base. I began using a bleach spray, friend started coughing loudly and said, "this is why I use natural products."
Friend left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. When I'd finished cleaning their bathroom I went to the kitchen. Friend demanded I opened the French doors as she was about to "pass out" due to my use of bleach in the bathroom.

Whilst she was here we went on several outings where friend continued to argue with everyone from a Starbucks employee misspelling her name to a teenager standing behind us on the bus.

The day before she left friend attacked a woman for apparently nudging past one of the dc at a busy tube station.

On the final night dc was constipated (chronic) so I had to give multiple medications whilst massaging and pushing their stomach to help them go. Friend asked a question, "is that too much?" To which I replied,"no. This is what dc's consultant advised.

I went to wash my hands in the bathroom when I saw poo in the toilet. This was my trigger point as I have OCD.

Friend went out to smoke a joint and I spoke to my cousin. I arranged to go and see cousin for a night as she has a newborn that I'm yet to meet.
I informed friend via WhatsApp but advised we could still go ahead with our plans that day but she could go home after.
Friend seemed very annoyed and when she came in went straight to the room without saying a word.

Friend was supposed to leave at 08:30am the next morning. I needed to leave between 10-11am however I stalled as friend was clearly not ready. At 12pm I said to friend "we need to leave soon. Should I pack your food items into a bag to help out?" Friend aggressively said,"I cannot leave as you didn't wash or dry my clothes and now I need to borrow money from someone to take a cab home."

I put items in a bag including vegan milk, butter and a pizza. These were the only perishable items and were in the fridge.

15 minutes later friend storms in and mutters very loudly, "she's done this out of spite. If she wants to spiteful I'll be spiteful."

Friend pulled mine and her clothing out of the washing machine onto the floor and proceeded to put her trousers into the dryer.

Friend then left without saying a word.

I locked the door and came back inside to find several of my frozen food items on the floor.

I had to pay my cleaner to return as the room they stayed in was messy and stunk.

In the end the smell was so strong it went through 3 mattress protectors and 7 sheets and we had to throw the entire mattress away.

I then received a text from friend informing me she left several items in my home and telling me to post them to her. I responded saying I was not going to post them after her disrespectful behaviour but she was more than welcome to come and collect them or arrange a postal courier.
There were a few further text engagements before friend blocked me.

I then received this message a few hours ago:

Dont mess with me when it comes to finances, as I will mess with the finances you shouldn't even be receiving, right back. You also owe me for the cream that you didn't use, alongside the clothes that you washed that were nowhere to be found. And the oil £5 aswell. I expect that in my account today. You are also short on reimbursing for your food order, and owe me £15 for the food that perished due to your behaviour.

You crossed a lot of lines with me and your incompetence as a mother and an adult impacted my child on far too many occasions so do not call my phone again as I have no desire to hear anything you have to say to me. Feel free to deduct the £2 for the items you are aware your child is intolerant to yet still force her to consume that was left out of your freezer due to your disgustingly spiteful behaviour.

Aibu or is she batshit?

She stayed for 5 days where she used my toiletries, food, water, electricity, towels etc. She also broke one of my items worth circa £25.

MN deleted my previous thread by mistake.

Posting again as I feel I will need further advice in the next few days as I think she will contact further.

OP posts:
userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:44

PickledElf · 26/04/2022 21:40

Glad you packed vegan milk.. I’ll sleep better knowing it wasn’t any other milk. But seriously why did clean the bathroom with her standing over you, leave the cleaning items in the bathroom and perhaps she’d have done it herself. I wouldn’t be seeing her again, she sounds like a nightmare

Vegan milk surely doesn't have the same properties as dairy milk so wouldn't act the same being left out the fridge.

I asked her to clean the bathroom. She said she couldn't. So I had to clean it.

OP posts:
motherofchihuahuas · 26/04/2022 21:44

I've missed a lot of a time to die reading this.

custardbear · 26/04/2022 21:45

Deleted your post 🤯
I thought she was bananas

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 21:46

How come you reposted? Did the other thread hit 1K or something

userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:47

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 21:46

How come you reposted? Did the other thread hit 1K or something

HQ deleted by accident.

OP posts:
VerifiedBot2351 · 26/04/2022 21:49

It’s all a bit far-fetched.

Pixiedust1234 · 26/04/2022 21:49

The guests clean if they are that bothered. Just make sure they have the cleaning items. Or get the cleaner to do it. The one you actually pay money to clean toilets. As I said it all seems so bizarre (from start to finish).

Just block, delete and move on. You aren't compatible as friends anymore. It happens.

luckylavender · 26/04/2022 21:49

Batshit

ImInStealthMode · 26/04/2022 21:50

I'm sorry OP, I can't get past the Woman who argued with everyone about everything on a day out being 'more than welcome' to stay [at least] 2 days.

Did you see no red flags on the day out??

How did she end up staying an extra 3 days?

Why did you WhatsApp her when she was standing outside your house?

Why were her clothes in your washing machine at the time she was supposed to be leaving?

3 mattress protectors?!?

ConfusedConfusedConfused

Krustykrabpizza · 26/04/2022 21:50

So much of this makes no sense. Why was she staying at yours? Presumably she doesn't live that far if you meet up with kids in the park. Why was she watching you clean the bathroom? Why were you doing her washing! Both batshit in a batshit situation that makes no sense. Why would you be friends with someone so unpleasant and unstable?

user1496146479 · 26/04/2022 21:51

TerryChoc · 26/04/2022 21:37

Ok firstly bless you as you’ve took the time to re-post this it’s clear it’s a massive bother to you. A lot to unfold here but basically, yes she’s in the wrong and sounds massively like a spoilt brat. No friend at all. Please just don’t send any money and block her, have a cry about her being a cow as you’ll need, take a lesson learnt and give yourself some breathing space
while thankful she’s gone out your life

Was thinking that I had already read this exact thread earlier! Thought I was losing it! Wink

WhoWants2Know · 26/04/2022 21:53

Don't underestimate he impact of a malicious report to DWP. If you're receiving benefits, then this could create some real problems. Do you have a plan for if your benefits suddenly stop?

userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:53

ImInStealthMode · 26/04/2022 21:50

I'm sorry OP, I can't get past the Woman who argued with everyone about everything on a day out being 'more than welcome' to stay [at least] 2 days.

Did you see no red flags on the day out??

How did she end up staying an extra 3 days?

Why did you WhatsApp her when she was standing outside your house?

Why were her clothes in your washing machine at the time she was supposed to be leaving?

3 mattress protectors?!?

ConfusedConfusedConfused

A few of the times I only experienced her arguing but not what she was arguing about. Other than that, I turned a blind eye because there's not much I could do nor is it my business.

We've been friends for years, she asked a favour to stay for 2 nights and I allowed her to. My autism presents in a way where I may not see how bad people are till I'm personally exposed.

She wasn't outside my house. She walked off somewhere 20 minutes away to smoke.

OP posts:
userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:54

WhoWants2Know · 26/04/2022 21:53

Don't underestimate he impact of a malicious report to DWP. If you're receiving benefits, then this could create some real problems. Do you have a plan for if your benefits suddenly stop?

Would they inform me if someone reported me?
No, I have chronic illnesses. There's no other option. My PIP was recently reviewed so it's not as if I'm due for an assessment.

OP posts:
sazza76 · 26/04/2022 21:55

I think other posters have given good advice by suggesting block her and don’t engage with her again.
I wonder if it is stressful for you having people to stay when you have OCD and Autism and with her behaviour on top I can see why it was difficult. The smell of weed really gets into everything.
Maybe she has her own issues as well. Considering you don’t enjoy her company anyway I would just write it off and ignore any messages from her.

userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:56

Krustykrabpizza · 26/04/2022 21:50

So much of this makes no sense. Why was she staying at yours? Presumably she doesn't live that far if you meet up with kids in the park. Why was she watching you clean the bathroom? Why were you doing her washing! Both batshit in a batshit situation that makes no sense. Why would you be friends with someone so unpleasant and unstable?

I'm kind hearted. She brought a ton of washing here and I wanted to help her out by doing it.
She didn't want to clean the bathroom after I asked her to so I cleaned it whilst age stood there until I used bleach when she started acting strange.
She lives an hour or so away. She needed to stay for a personal reason that I won't post about but I was doing her a favour.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2022 21:56

You can ask for the thread to be reinstated op. I think there were some useful replies.

Georgeskitchen · 26/04/2022 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you the "friend"? 🤣

userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:58

sazza76 · 26/04/2022 21:55

I think other posters have given good advice by suggesting block her and don’t engage with her again.
I wonder if it is stressful for you having people to stay when you have OCD and Autism and with her behaviour on top I can see why it was difficult. The smell of weed really gets into everything.
Maybe she has her own issues as well. Considering you don’t enjoy her company anyway I would just write it off and ignore any messages from her.

Thank you.
Yeah, it is difficult to have certain guests over. The reason I allowed her to stay is because over 4 years we've had so many conversations about our cleanliness and it's one attribute we share but as she started smoking weed on day 2 here I wasn't expecting it.
I unblocked her to give her the chance to arrange collection of her items. She's now saying I should pay her the costs of the items she left here.

OP posts:
userxkkyrdhkhv · 26/04/2022 21:59

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/04/2022 21:56

You can ask for the thread to be reinstated op. I think there were some useful replies.

I

Or is friend batshit?
OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpy · 26/04/2022 22:01

I have so many questions as a lot if this makes no sense.
The day before she left friend attacked a woman for apparently nudging past one of the dc at a busy tube station. What she attacked someone and you let her stay why ?
In the end the smell was so strong it went through 3 mattress protectors and 7 sheets and we had to throw the entire mattress . I just can’t get my head around this .
I had to pay my cleaner to return as the room they stayed in was messy and stunk. Wtf 😳
I went to wash my hands in the bathroom when I saw poo in the toilet. This was my trigger point as I have OCD.
i don’t understand .

op you admit you have anxiety and it does sound ott and I really wouldn’t have anyone to stay again as unless she’s a filthy pig I don’t understand the smell and a ruined mattress after 5 nights .
saying yes she sounds mad if not for the whole arguing and attacking the other stuff makes no sense to me .

sazza76 · 26/04/2022 22:01

PIP assessments are pretty thorough and they would have seen medical evidence of your conditions. There’s not much you can do to stop her being malicious, so its not worth getting yourself really anxious about.

WhackingPhoenix · 26/04/2022 22:05

Three mattress protectors and seven sheets?! Who was staying, the princess and the fucking pea???

All sound nuts tbh

tabletipper · 26/04/2022 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Deleted by MNHQ: post breaks Talk guidelines

Theunamedcat · 26/04/2022 22:08

You need better friends

Block her again