To think life is utterly boring

[josil]

Please hear me out, my life is actually filed with lots of fun things yet I still find life boring!

I'm not looking for 'life is what you make it' trust me I make an extra effort to do fun extravagant things and keep busy but I still feel...bored.

I'm not suicidal may I add so please don't shift this to the mental health section.

I try to the gym most evenings or watch some good tv but I cannot shake the feeling.

I'm very busy and active person, the busiest I know - but I still feel really, really bored. I'm waiting for the feeling to pass but it's been here couple weeks now.

I'm not really looking for solutions I guess just empathy from others who feel/have felt similar.

Do Others bore you? I ask because my own boredom comes from lack of social stimulation. I have friends, we socialise, but they bore me. In turn life just feels boring.
I notice how differently I feel on the rare occasion I have been in good company.

I get it OP. I usually have a high threshold for boredom. Doesn’t take much to entertain me however the last few years I have been utterly bored. I know some of its depression and loneliness. Sometimes it makes me very tearful. Not sure what to do about it but push thru.

The routine of life can be mundane. If you have no children you have more freedom to do anything. Look for some adventure! Do things that challenge you and give you an adrenaline rush. I bought myself a new motorbike last year and it's really dug me out of a hole.

I don't ever experience boredom OP, but DH and I often joke, when we're doing something nice: "There you go, another bit of the void filled until we die"!
Would it help you to switch to joking about it like this too?

I think life is boring. The boring monotony, going to work, to pay the bills, to pay off your mortgage, that then gets used to pay nursing home costs. What's the point?

Standing there in the supermarket, every week for 40 years, about to do a weekly shop : thinking I feel completely uninspired. And if I need to eat another spaghetti and meatballs or steak pie and 3 steamed veg, again, I'm gonna vomit!

I don't do much other than work part time, look after ds's, mumsnet, pop round to friends to drink wine, and plan a long weekend in Dubrovnik or Berlin for my girl friends.
It's all pleasant enough. I don't crave a new hobby. But really, is that IT?

That feeling of ‘is that it? ‘, 4 years of awful stress have just passes, and while I treasured the boredom for a while, it’s back. I’m not a natural joiner any more, quite insular, but I need to interact with more people….that energises me …

I understand people saying stop the gym but last night for instance I went and dragged myself there because I felt so bad and down and then after an hour treadmill session felt significantly better - so it's adding to the monotonous cycle I agree but also chemically is helping.

Also I have depression but it is treated or so I thought. I would not consider increasing the dosage.

I find the gym incredibly boring. Also routine really gets me down. It’s hard to avoid if you’re working 9-5 but going out running or cycling, exploring nature, would be much more interesting.

It can be boring though I think it depends on the person, their outlook changes how much they enjoy things.
Some people are miserable and see fault in everything or genuinely need a shake up.
Life doesn't stay the same for long, it's forever changing, I try grab the good parts as they surface.

You have depression? Well that will be a big part of your outlook

you do not mention ANY relationship. Partner? Friends? Family?

I recall you from another thread and sure enough

I have really reduced my friends hair circles and can count on one hand how many I have. And even they are a let down a lot of the time so I also feel having friends can be overrated 😭

what strikes me about this thread is that you don’t once mention ANY human interaction.

It is from human interaction that many of us derive the “fun” in life whether that’s sharing a good meal with someone, having a giggle about something, or just debating a book, or meeting up for a coffee and a catch up.

do you do anything like this ever?

You don't mention doing anything creative? I always find that "feeds the soul".
I would seek out a good therapist in your position, to help you find meaning/enjoyment in your life.

If you're only taking drugs to treat your depression, then you're not treating it, you're managing it. Have you had any therapy? It might help you to explore with a really good therapist what's going on for you.

Filling your time with busyness is not a sign of good mental health, particularly when you're not enjoying the activities, it's more a distraction from the void.

Without knowing more about you, it's impossible to work out what's at the root of it but it's interesting that you don't mention much about doing things for others. This isn't having a go at you, it's just that people often find purpose and meaning from helping others rather than just pleasing themselves.

I must admit I found it hard around your age because things felt meaningless, but I was lucky enough to have my children then, which very much gave me purpose. But if I hadn't had them I think volunteering would have given me some of the same validation and meaning.

Also I wonder if you have got much intimacy in your life. It sounds like you know lots of people but do you really share things with them and feel like they 'get' you. And do you feel like you really get and value yourself.

Just a couple of observations - I may be completely off the mark but I hope you find something that gives you what you need.

Also, you mention doing loads of fun things, but are they things you actually find fun or things that you think you should find fun?
eg I hate parties but would be in my element doing lego.

I identify with the feeling of coming and and going in waves, for me I do consider it to be a depression. I liken it to being stuck at sea trying to keep float with nothing on the horizon to look forward to. The waves have peaks and troughs and I also wonder if it ties in with my hormonal cycle.

however I’ve been thinking, after I listened to an author on a podcast talk about the notion that happiness is really not an evolutionary pursuit, about how we are sold the idea that happiness is what we all deserve and will achieve if we reach certain goals/ milestones. I wish I could remember what the author was saying word for word or what her name was ( sorry I can’t) but essentially evolution has never required creatures to be happy, happy is a concept that has little bearing on special survival and oat creatures full their lives trying to stay alive/ eat as much as they can. It is only humans who expect happiness. And it’s not necessarily our natural state. That all sounds depressing but I found it comforting. Within this she was basically saying we should acknowledge and cherish the temporary moments of happiness in otherwise boring, complex, and difficult lives. And accept sadness and boredom rather than fearing and dreading them.

Just my own experience is that the most consistent aspect of my depressive periods is anhedonia. I feel exactly as you describe.
Bored, listless, can't see the point in anything, have no ambition to do/try anything. Everything is dull, monotonous, never ending. Can't see it ever changing.
People kindly suggesting goals and distractions just doesn't have any impact or interest me.
So I do wonder if you should see your doctor as a change of medication or an increased dose might be helpful.

Well-being research across the world has identified five components of well-being.
Connect with others, Get Active, Be Mindful, Keep Learning, Give to Others.

Im guessing one of these (at least) is missing in your life.
Instead of an hour on the treadmill what if one evening a week you got your hour at a running club, with likeminded people, and helped out sometimes with beginners?

Theres no magic answer but these five pullers are strongly evidence based. Have a Google of “new economics foundation”

neweconomics.org/uploads/files/five-ways-to-wellbeing-1.pdf

I get it op.

I don’t necessarily find life boring, but I definitely don’t enjoy it. I haven’t been “happy” for at least 20 years. I do some stuff to try and gain enjoyment/confidence but it doesn’t really help.

I know my lifestyle is stagnant, but it can’t be helped. It’s what I signed up for so I will persist as I have to.

Early 40s now so possibly another 20 years to go until it’s over (I can’t bare to think of it any longer then this!) and I just don’t know how it’ll improve in that time. Totally stuck. But I think I’ve adapted and just learnt now that I have to deal with how it is rather than think thing will get better “one day”.

Could be untreated depression. Do a phq9 online.

Could be standards are too high and you are looking for euphoric, intensely engaging experiences, which for most people may only come about a couple of times in a lifetime - lottery win, skydiving, birth, graduation, etc.

You could go on a meditation retreat. No phones, books, talking, distraction. Really sit with the boredom. I bet it would shift things.

For me, I need my brain stimulated and my sense of purpose beyond my immediate family/job role.

What are you active in? Are you mentally challenged? I think you have to look beyond the normal hobbies, friends things.

This feeling is definitely depression for me. It is alleviated in part by spending time outdoors - specifically in natural areas - and magnesium. No idea why and easier to say that do, as always.

Hope it passes for you soon

Do you have a pet? I find they bring me lots of joy, a small amount of stress, and something to talk at when I'm alone.

I agree. How much time do you spend in nature? I find the combination of outdoor exercise (even just brisk hiking) and a beautiful location helps enormously to nourish me.

Yes I have a pet and I don't do massive amounts in nature because I hate cold weather. I only like summer months of which there aren't many in the UK but when there are I love it.

I honestly don't think there is a solution to any of this. None. So I will keep plodding on and hope something changes.

I just think life is boring drudgery for most people.