To think life is utterly boring

[josil]

Please hear me out, my life is actually filed with lots of fun things yet I still find life boring!

I'm not looking for 'life is what you make it' trust me I make an extra effort to do fun extravagant things and keep busy but I still feel...bored.

I'm not suicidal may I add so please don't shift this to the mental health section.

I try to the gym most evenings or watch some good tv but I cannot shake the feeling.

I'm very busy and active person, the busiest I know - but I still feel really, really bored. I'm waiting for the feeling to pass but it's been here couple weeks now.

I'm not really looking for solutions I guess just empathy from others who feel/have felt similar.

The things is though....... that elusive 'thing' that can bring greater meaning to your life isn't magically going to fall into your lap... You need to take steps to find it, try out new things, including difficult things, things you think you might not enjoy.

TED talks and other stuff on YouTube can be quite inspirational. Coursera have courses that can be done online. Volunteering can be very rewarding and can lead to meeting interesting people - both volunteers and recipients - whom you might not meet otherwise.

Challenge yourself. Try abstract art, listening to opera or jazz, start growing peonies, tap dancing, join a book club, read the Spectator and the New Statesman, make a garden sculpture out of driftwood, join an amateur dramatics society, become an volunteer usher at a cultural venue........

These are just things that randomly popped into my head, but the list is potential endless. But anything you try has the potential to enrich your life.

It happens as you get older I am sorry to say.

Youth is full of adventure, fun and excitement and then you hit mid thirties onwards and a treadmill life seeps in and for some people (myself included) this is truly terrible and I can feel my life energy draining out of me. As people have aged around me, it became even worse because even they became tedious and boring to me. I could feel this restlessness in my heart, and a wish to literally feel some adrenalin.

For me the only solution was working to save up and travel, going to distant lands and feeling that rush of newness and intrigue. I cut out almost everything else in order to do this, and meeting new people, and pushing myself further. Defining my ambitions and dreams. I love driving fast, and flying. You can do all of these things at the weekend.

I met new friends that were more rowdy and now I have my young girls nights back, we drink cocktails and cackle all night. You can reproduce excitement but it takes time and effort. I don't believe it is a child based thing, it is your character.

Stop going to the gym, go and do a sky dive and meet some young friends that have life kicking about. There are others like you, you just need to find them!

@Swayingpalmtrees age is definitely something to do with and it's crushing to me that everyone around me has become so boring and seems accepting of it too.

Plan to leave, and go and live somewhere exciting and work somewhere different. You don't need to put up with it. I would be gone if it were not for dc, and I am already planning my way out now in readiness as they are teens, I can not wait to grab my suitcase and stretch my horizons. People like us would have been the Captain Cooks of the world, or currently Ben Fogles. Needing adventure and new thoughts/cultures etc. Don't get ground down, start planning.

The pandemic nearly killed me with the utter monotony and entrapment, but we are now free. Explore and discover and feed your spirit. I intend to, and in the meantime I organise something exciting every single month to keep me going. I spend a lot of time and thought planning my next adventures. My next trip is to Tonga! My poor kids get dragged everywhere, but I hope it is teaching them something too.

We have one life. Thats it. We need to try and make every day count.

I know the feeling OP. And you're right, kids won't solve it, infact being on maternity, feeling like a vessel here just to serve baby makes it 100x worse. Are you married? Are you tied to where you live? Could you up sticks, new country, new career? Sometimes I watch below deck and wish I could do something like that.

One thing that struck me was that you said it comes in waves. Have you ever tried tracking those waves and seeing whether they tie into eg menstrual cycle?

Other than that, could you give your life a complete shake up. Going to work, watching TV and going to the gym...if it's making you bored, can you do something completely different? A different job, different country? Let your house out and go and work abroad (VSO or similar) for a year? Not sure whether you said you had a partner- does he or she feel like you do?

I feel really bad for you. Yes I've had slumps like this usually due to medication.

You need to find what you intrinsically want from life. What actually makes you happy? Once you figure that out you can start doing it.

OP, I wonder if some of this is unprocessed grief at being unable to conceive children? A feeling that life is pointless if you can’t pass your genes to the future, or have offspring to focus on and give life meaning?
Many women are in the same boat, but they mostly manage to find other outlets for their creative drive once they come to terms with the infertility.
Whatever the cause of your anhedonia, I think it would be beneficial to discuss it with a therapist or counsellor, and decide whether it is simply depression, requiring treatment, or grief processing as above, or whether you just need some help to discover a new interest and passion to motivate you.
Do you have a religious faith? I find that knowing God loves and values us all, and that life does not end in a pointless death, is very helpful in giving life purpose and meaning. Serving His purpose by helping others is very satisfying, whether that’s charity funding or volunteering. And focusing on the needs of others is a great way to stop ruminating on one’s own lack of enjoyment!
I hope you find happiness and fulfilment, in whatever form best suits you.

I was feeling exactly this for about 7 months. Found nothing exciting, no fun in anything. My husband bought a bike rack and said come cycle with him . Not steep awful roads with cars and traffic but canal paths , so quiet and pretty . Something small has changed my entire outlook. I now lolok forward to miles of cycling no phones kids distractions and coming home afterwards and having nice glass red wine just feels amazing . I was looking for something big to change my perspective. And actually it was the smallest thing that made me see life and the ability to be able to do those things without poor health or limitations as a true healer for the mind.

I put it off for a long time and wish I'd done it sooner .

It's the drudgery that brings us down. You have to step away from that for your well being. However small it is. Xxxx

At different times I feel this. The last when I realised that whilst I mattered to family and friends, they didn’t need anything from me. I couldn’t contribute to their efforts and goals either their work or their hobbies or their education as I had a few years ago. When at a more senior job I was always training people. The children I helped or advised on their education.

We all need to be needed, filling the time even as a volunteer or learning a language at a class does not give me the level of involvement to answer the questions I have.

Yeah, I know what you mean and I think it's normal. You can't feel happy / excited / content all the time. It needs to be a contrast so you appreciate it. So like when you're busy before Xmas, lots of parties etc, and really appreciate an evening in front of the TV.

Felling that sense of ennui also motivates some kind of change, even if that's just a discussion on MN.

I'm finding that since covid and WFH my life is much less variable and more routine. Sometimes I miss the travel and meetings all over the place, but then I remember I was fed up with that life too.

I've been feeling like this on and off for a few months.
Its the awful monotony of the working week for me...it just feels like i am waiting for the weekend so almost wishing my day's away!
I enjoy the things I do for fun but can't shake the boredom when it comes and I get cranky and this does cause silly arguments with my other half.
I asked him if he got bored and he said no he was too busy to be!(Not so I would notice ha)
So maybe I actually need to do more...trouble is after tea etc I simply cannot be bothered then the whole boredom feeling starts over.

Try something completely of your comfort zone, volunteer in a country on the other side of the world, go on an ayahuasca retreat, become a public speaker etc

Join a writing or poetry group. That would probably put you outwith your comfort zone. Start a novel? I keep seeing ads for books recently produced by some celebrity or other - well, they seem able to find time (though probably get a lot of help). It's fun and other ordinary people's work can be fascinating.

Please stop being offensive @lightand

What's your job? Is that not something that gives you purpose?

Despite having bouts of depression, I enjoy my life. What gives me purpose are my children (granted you don't have that), my partner and my job which involves helping other people. My pets make me happy too.

Travel and planning travel really gives me joy too. If I didn't have children and school holidays to consider I'd do a lot more of that.

Get out into the countryside if you can, look at something beautiful, discuss how you feel with friends (they often feel similar). These things all help me when I'm fed up.

@MandUs it should give me purpose but it doesn't.

I don't want to say what I do because it's outing but it's very high pressured. Pays well but it is a lot of responsibility

You sound more like you have burnout, not depression, to me.

Tbh, I can see why a few posters have tried to push religion on you, as your posts ooze the sensation of pointlessness - you have more or less said yourself it’s not what you do, as you claim to do a lot of “fun things”, it’s why the hell do you bother doing it, what’s the bloody point in any of it?! It’s kind of hard to find anything interesting or exciting if you are just seeking a random sensation that your body has become too accustomed to and which is not linked to any kind of value system, as you are really just chasing an overly-familiar physical sensation of altered blood flow, hormones, nerve endings, if you don’t feel any strong sense of purpose.

Sounds like you could have low level depression - that can leave people feeling very flat without being obvious.
I would forget about the gym in the evenings and get outside - run, bike, walk a dog ( borrow my doggy.com) swim in the sea or a river - connect with nature.
getting an animal like a dog is good - gives you something else tk
tbjnm about other than yourselfZ
try some volunteering…
TBH at your age with no kids I’d give myself a good boot up the whole and go travelling for a year or more.

‘ I probably should reach out to people I know more but even that bores me. ‘

this above? This is classic depression, the good old fashioned sort where you can Chuck yourself full time into a busy, demanding job thatbsaps your time and energy, without you even realising, and can’t find the motivation to connect with people outside of work.
younshould speak to your GP…
inwould
also highly recommend volunteering with kids or in a role with people who need helpZ

It happens as you get older I am sorry to say.

I don't agree with this.
I am probably an 'older Mumsnetter' and I certainly don't find life 'utterly boring'.
I know a 95 year old who has been taking advice from his musical friend as to what instrument he might be able to take up as he has never played an instrument and wants to do something to keep him occupied since his wife died.
I know someone who did a PhD after retirement. I know two retirees who have chosen to do degrees. I know another lady who decided to learn how to ride a bike, who now rides many, many miles a month. I know plenty of folk over 65 who spend many hours a month in numerous volunteer roles, doing 1001 different things - many of them quite challenging. I could go on and on.

One thing I've come to terms with is that it's OK to be bored. As pp said above, boredom is not only, well, boring, but it can cause anxiety. You can start worrying why am I feeling this way, I shouldn't be, I'm missing out on something, how long will it last, I'm getting older, etc. I think you have to move past that and just accept that life can be boring sometimes. When you feel that way, either try to do something (might be an effort though) or just relax.

Its like being a little bit hungry. OK obviously having a shortage of food is horrible. But just being a little peckish between meals? Its fine. Nothing bad will happen. It's forgotten about in a few minutes.

There are some wonderful ideas on this thread. It’s making me question my own work and lifestyle.