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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for feeling resentful towards my brother about his easy life?

218 replies

MartinsSquirrel · 26/04/2022 14:38

I have a 35 year old brother who recently moved back to the UK after living in California for 13 years, he recently told me that he's just retired which completely shocked me. I knew him and his wife made great money while they were in the states (they paid for me and my parents to visit a few times) but I had no clue just how wealthy he is. He told me him and his wife have over £5m in investments and just live on that now! They have no children and no plans for any so their days basically just consist of gaming and watching Netflix and playing with their dog, that's in contrast to me who has 3 children and can barely pay the bills! I love my brother and he's never been anything but lovely to me and my parents but I just can't help feeling resentful about his incredibly easy life AIBU

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 27/04/2022 14:01

You don't know how "easy" or "difficult" his life is, really

He still has all the challenges of being a human being to face.

Cantstandbullshit · 27/04/2022 14:08

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 27/04/2022 14:00

I couldn’t do a tech job. I’ve no head for that sort of thing. So I couldn’t earn a “big tech salary”. People far cleverer than me can do that and be fairly paid for that skill set.

The alternative is that we start paying the lawyers and the retail workers the same. Or the doctors and the receptionists. But then why would anyone ever take on the stress of the lawyer or the doctor job? What would be the the point?

@WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno I wouldn’t conclude you don’t have the head for tech, there are many different types of roles so not everyone has to be a software engineer.

Love your username btw

AmberGer · 27/04/2022 14:12

My younger brother is much wealthier than me too. Not retired yet.
He has a lovely, detached house, two cars, several holidays a year.
In comparison to what I have he is leagues above.
He's worked very hard to get where he is and I'm very proud of the man he's become and he deserves everything he has got.
If you're not happy with what you have you could ask him for tips on how to make it better.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 15:49

PLaurel · 27/04/2022 11:58

Im not loaded but when I’ve have/had extra money I’ve helped my sister out. If I was that loaded it wouldn’t be just hols I’d be paying for - I’d pay for kids schooling / a new car if needed / a house extension anything they can’t afford . Of course there’s resentment when someone that loaded and close to you chooses not to see real needs. 5m and he wouldn’t set up an education fund etc for his nieces / nephews ??

@PLaurel

rich relative doesn’t equate automatically to private school for neices/nephews, that’s v entitled. The education of the kids is the responsibility of Op and her partner, no one else. If private school was something that was really important to her she likely would have had one child and not three in order to afford it

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 15:52

BoredZelda · 27/04/2022 12:24

Not that I have £5m or am likely to, but I do have a list of things I would do with it hypothetically, and raising other people's children is not on that list or anywhere near.

Spending money to help your family isn’t on that list? If I had £5m, I wouldn’t see my family struggle.

@BoredZelda

id help out with essentials like food and electricity if they needed it, but not private school for three kids, no. Fuck that. Going without private schooling does not equate to struggling

HowIsItMarchAlready · 27/04/2022 15:52

Good for them. I am full of admiration for people who become successful and manage to lead the exact life they want.

whumpthereitis · 27/04/2022 15:57

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 15:52

@BoredZelda

id help out with essentials like food and electricity if they needed it, but not private school for three kids, no. Fuck that. Going without private schooling does not equate to struggling

Show quote history

It’s amazing. You choose not to have kids and one of the perks of that is that you don’t have to worry about being financially responsible for them, or paying for their education. Turns out some people are still determined to land you with it though.

I think the fuck not.

HowIsItMarchAlready · 27/04/2022 16:19

Exactly - you make your own money, you choose how to spend it and who to spent it on. If you choose to blow it all on yourself, that is absolutely your prerogative!

Youdoyoutoday · 27/04/2022 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

This with bells on!

I can see why you would be envious but resentful is a bit much, he must have worked for that and invested well, fair play to him.

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 16:55

I’m the only one in my family with children and my siblings all have multiple properties and have made a lot of money as landlords. But no children.

I do feel bitter sometimes. But my dc said to me recently: “All those houses just full of empty rooms. It’s really sad.”

It gave me a totally different perspective!

CounsellorTroi · 27/04/2022 17:30

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 16:55

I’m the only one in my family with children and my siblings all have multiple properties and have made a lot of money as landlords. But no children.

I do feel bitter sometimes. But my dc said to me recently: “All those houses just full of empty rooms. It’s really sad.”

It gave me a totally different perspective!

I presume you chose to have children though, and zI presume you are happy with tha5 choice, so why be bitter?

HowIsItMarchAlready · 27/04/2022 17:54

Nothing wrong with empty rooms - they can be filled with friends who come to visit or who stay after a party. Or you can have rooms dedicated to different activities e.g. a dressing room, a painting studio, a cinema room, a gym, etc.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 17:57

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 16:55

I’m the only one in my family with children and my siblings all have multiple properties and have made a lot of money as landlords. But no children.

I do feel bitter sometimes. But my dc said to me recently: “All those houses just full of empty rooms. It’s really sad.”

It gave me a totally different perspective!

@Upsizer

yeah…

…all those empty rooms and peace and quiet, and chance to decorate them however you want and have lovely stuff in them without fear of it getting trashed, empty rooms where you can have guests stay following impromptu nights out, empty rooms that don’t constantly need cleaning and tidying, rooms you can turn into dressing rooms or studies or whatever you fancy…

yeah, sounds “really sad” 🤣

sammylady37 · 27/04/2022 18:20

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 16:55

I’m the only one in my family with children and my siblings all have multiple properties and have made a lot of money as landlords. But no children.

I do feel bitter sometimes. But my dc said to me recently: “All those houses just full of empty rooms. It’s really sad.”

It gave me a totally different perspective!

It’s only really sad if the homeowner wants a house full of people and for whatever reason, can’t have that.

Otherwise, if the homeowner is happy and content, then it’s not really sad at all.

you should teach your dc that their choices may not be the same as other people’s choices but that doesn’t mean others are wrong or sad, just different.

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 18:26

I don’t think it’s really sad: that’s my point! I’d been feeling very envious of their lives but my dc made me realise that having huge houses isn’t everything. I thought they also looked at my siblings’ lives and wishes we had them too: but they don’t.

yes I did have children through my own choice etc etc. Although I doubt anyone realises just what that means in terms of finances and career. I’m just sympathising here with the OP.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 27/04/2022 18:39

‘I do feel bitter sometimes. But my dc said to me recently: “All those houses just full of empty rooms. It’s really sad.”

It gave me a totally different perspective!’

Wowzwrs. Do you think it’s wise to be bitching about your siblings finances with your DC? Sounds all kinds of wrong and potentially dangerous - kids have been known to blurt things out!

Upsizer · 27/04/2022 18:44

I’ve never mentioned it to my dc. Where do I give that impression?

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 18:44

@Upsizer
your dc clearly don’t really know what the word sad means if they that’s really sad. Maybe spend time with them talking about people’s choices and how we’re all free to make our own choices and that they themselves don’t have to have children in order to have fulfilling life which is not “really sad”

Popsicle33 · 27/04/2022 18:46

Perhaps if you'd planned your life better and worked as hard as he must have, then you could have had his lifestyle.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 27/04/2022 18:47

‘I’ve never mentioned it to my dc. Where do I give that impression?’

Why would your kids talk to you about your siblings houses with empty rooms to make you feel better if you hadn’t said anything to them?

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 27/04/2022 18:48

Toddlerteaplease · 27/04/2022 12:33

How boring to be retired at 35! I can't think of anything worse!

Go on, tell us what your job is. I bet you're just kidding yourself how amazing your job is.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/04/2022 18:49

@Toddlerteaplease

you can’t think of anything worse?!? Really?! Illness, death, poverty etc etc
get a grip!

whumpthereitis · 27/04/2022 18:59

Nice, tidy and quiet spare rooms not filled with people you don’t want. Plenty of space to do what you want with.

Sounds ideal tbf.

Toddlerteaplease · 27/04/2022 19:00

@YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj imma paediatric nurse. I love my job!

Toddlerteaplease · 27/04/2022 19:02

@LuckySantangelo35 I have MS and I'm a nurse. I'm fully aware of other issues thank you.

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