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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for feeling resentful towards my brother about his easy life?

218 replies

MartinsSquirrel · 26/04/2022 14:38

I have a 35 year old brother who recently moved back to the UK after living in California for 13 years, he recently told me that he's just retired which completely shocked me. I knew him and his wife made great money while they were in the states (they paid for me and my parents to visit a few times) but I had no clue just how wealthy he is. He told me him and his wife have over £5m in investments and just live on that now! They have no children and no plans for any so their days basically just consist of gaming and watching Netflix and playing with their dog, that's in contrast to me who has 3 children and can barely pay the bills! I love my brother and he's never been anything but lovely to me and my parents but I just can't help feeling resentful about his incredibly easy life AIBU

OP posts:
Sharrowgirl · 26/04/2022 17:18

What different choices did you each make? Three kids is the biggest one but what about education and career choices? Choice of spouse? All these things will be factors.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 26/04/2022 17:20

I wouldn’t swap my 2 kids for any amount of money. And I wouldn’t envy a childless couple even if they were minted.
comparison is the thief of joy.
he sounds generous. Perhaps you will benefit in some way - e.g. my BFF has a wealthy sister ( who works like a dog!) and who bought a holiday home that she lets family use whenever they like pretty much, and every now and then will take the whole extended family out for meals, or away for the weekend…
perhaps your DB will end up helping your kids out too if he has none of his own. DW has an uncle who lent her money, interest free, for a big project ( despite having his own kids) and without that money things would have been a lot harder.

MojoMoon · 26/04/2022 17:26

Your children have a childless, rich uncle.

No guarantees of course - but seems like if you park your resentment and build a strong relationship, your brother, who has been generous in the past, may well be of great financial benefit to your children one day.

Chaoslatte · 26/04/2022 17:34

YABU. It’s no secret that kids are expensive. You could have stopped at 1 or 2 (assuming you didn’t have triplets) but presumably you wanted the extra children more than the extra money. He opted for the extra money.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2022 17:41

Who do they plan to mix with all day? Everyone their age would be at work surely?

FairyCakeWings · 26/04/2022 17:42

Having your own children is worth way more than £5m.

livinthedream1995 · 26/04/2022 17:44

I clicked YANBU because I’m jealous lol. I’ve got 3 kids but it’s not the child free side I’m jealous of, more just having that amount of money so not having to worry about anything money wise. I work in an industry that people don’t go into for the money and unless I retrain, this is probably where I’ll stay.

however resentful is a bit strong. He’s obviously done well for himself which is something to be proud of for him.

whumpthereitis · 26/04/2022 17:45

I doubt gaming and watching Netflix is all they’re doing, or all they plan to do. Moving is stressful, and moving continents doubly so. They’re likely taking the opportunity to do fuck all and thoroughly enjoying it.

I’m sure it wouldn’t appeal to all, but equally there’s plenty of people that would look at a life of raising children to be a waste. There are people that would genuinely prefer OP’s life for sure, but there are also people that would hate it. Shockingly enough, people are different. Supporting OP does not mean having to drag her brother down. He’s done nothing wrong here.

It’s not a great idea to have designs on his money either. OP’s said her brother is a lovely man. It’s better to enjoy the relationship with a loved one without eyeing up potential financial benefits.

whumpthereitis · 26/04/2022 17:47

FairyCakeWings · 26/04/2022 17:42

Having your own children is worth way more than £5m.

Is that what they’re going for these days? Individually, or as a set?

Chaoslatte · 26/04/2022 17:49

HollowTalk · 26/04/2022 17:41

Who do they plan to mix with all day? Everyone their age would be at work surely?

What a weird comment. There are plenty of people in the country that don’t need to work (housewives, ladies who lunch types, FIRE advocates) or who don’t work 9-5 Monday-Friday (eg people who work shifts) and you don’t need to just hang out with people the same age as you either.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 26/04/2022 17:50

Most early ambitious retired people go on to find another project.

ImTheFuckOffCar · 26/04/2022 17:53

I love my brother and he's never been anything but lovely to me and my parents
This is what you need to focus on and hope he is generous at Christmas and Birthdays.

TheWitchwithNoName · 26/04/2022 17:56

It’s very hard and natural to feel jealous. A very wise woman once told me that ‘someone’s success isn’t your failure’. I try and live by that

maddy68 · 26/04/2022 17:57

No idea why you are envious. Don't you feel proud?

Libertaire · 26/04/2022 18:01

One of DP’s mates did something similar. First from Oxbridge, career in the City, massive salaries & bonuses. Worked ridiculously hard for 20 years & lived a completely normal life ; normal house, car, clothes etc. Retired at 42, now lives off his investments. Am I envious of him? No. He sold his 20s & 30s to capitalism. I (mostly) enjoyed mine. He’s reaping the benefits now. Good luck to him.

earsup · 26/04/2022 18:02

My sister hopped thro several jobs in last 20 years and picked up really good redundancy deals in all of them so now mortgage free and goes on holiday each month....dont bother me....

CatsArePeople · 26/04/2022 18:22

Your children have a childless, rich uncle

^This... maybe someday something good happens

Chikapu · 26/04/2022 18:28

claretblue79 · 26/04/2022 16:21

Agree with people who said a waste of the rest of his life. Could be doing so much with his time and wealth to help others. I wouldn't be envious, OP, he sounds completely self-absorbed

You have absolutely no idea what his future plans are, bloody rude to say it's a waste of his life.

We all make choices, yours was to have three kids his wasn't. It's just different not something to envy or resent.

Lockupyourbiscuits · 26/04/2022 18:35

apart from living off his investments
has he got a purpose in life now ?

whumpthereitis · 26/04/2022 18:38

Lockupyourbiscuits · 26/04/2022 18:35

apart from living off his investments
has he got a purpose in life now ?

Does it matter either way? What he has is money and freedom. If he’s inclined to want a specific purpose I’m sure he has the means to pursue one.

SmellyWellyWoo · 26/04/2022 21:13

I feel a bit like this towards some friends. The only reason my life is different is because of choices I made but I do feel a bit bitter which isn't logical but it is just how I feel.

DogsAndGin · 26/04/2022 21:24

Zero envy. He spends his days gaming and watching Netflix?! 😂 His life is ‘easy’ because it’s boring, dull and devoid of any interest whatsoever. What’s he doing now? Waiting to age and die? I adore my job and my busy life.

Chikapu · 26/04/2022 21:27

Does everyone know this guy personally because there's some pretty astonishing assumptions being made about him 🙄

ssd · 26/04/2022 21:31

@MartinsSquirrel , maybe your db envies you your 3 lovely children?

whumpthereitis · 26/04/2022 21:54

Chikapu · 26/04/2022 21:27

Does everyone know this guy personally because there's some pretty astonishing assumptions being made about him 🙄

It’s amazing how supporting OP means dragging the brother down to some people.

The brother seems happy from what OP has said. Having children is not the be all and end all for everyone, and not having them is the perfect state of affairs for people who don’t want them. Whether anyone else thinks gaming and Netflix is a waste is neither here nor there (and I doubt it’s all he’s doing or will do). He’s in the fantastic position where he can choose to ‘waste his life’ or not. He can sit and game today, and he could wake up tomorrow and decide to travel the world. His financial position means he has the freedom to choose to do, within reason, whatever the hell he wants to do really. He needs no purpose in life other than to enjoy it.

Guessing that he’s secretly miserable, empty, unhappy, shallow etc is based on nothing other than envy tbh, and a desire to see him as such because he’s got the audacity to have the things he does.