To be flattered? Or is this strange?

[sleepfortheweek]

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

@Herejustforthisone everything you’re saying is correct, I’m not disputing that. However it seems that people are drifting off and starting to generalise. I am simply talking about the man in the OP and the OP’s experience. She has said she did not feel uncomfortable. Yet people are still calling him a creep etc. Nothing about what he did was creepy. People not wanting to be chatted up due to past experiences is their own choice but that literally doesn’t have anything to do with this man… not sure if you’re getting my point but we can leave it there as I’m not trying to dismiss anyone’s experience. I’m simply focusing on the man in the OP🤷‍♀️

Haven’t read the whole thread but I’m astounded by peoples responses. Getting chatted up in the street by men has been pretty standard for me for the past few decades. There was nothing creepy about the way he stopped her and once he learned she was not single, he left it. Really not a big deal 🤷🏿‍♀️

I would instantly think it was some kind of distraction technique and wonder what he is after.

It's relevant to the OP who asked if it was normal or strange. And different women are replying differently, based on past experiences.

Unlike OP, I don't want to make it that far into an encounter with a strange man in the park to be able to retell it here.

If I see a man I don't know making a beeline for me in the park I'll be thinking of Sabina Nessa.

I've had almost exactly that happen a coue of times when I was a bit younger. Totally unthreatening and I just explained I was in a relationship smiled etc. No problem.

@swayingpalmtrees, thanks for a laugh, dear.
You really do not need to concern your lovely 🙄 self about my mundane affairs. As a matter of fact I did meet my husband in a random encounter, rather dramatic and romantic. What fun!
The hysteria over men on this site is amusing. How do you manage your day-to-day life without demanding constant police presence to keep the men/creeps/weirdos away, is beyond me.
Disclaimer: the women, and sadly there are unfathomable number of them, who are abused by men, need all the help society can offer and the law must be fully enforced to punish the abusers to the fullest.
However, vast majority of men are not abusers, nor creeps or potential rapists.
They are average chaps, trying to get by, just like vast majority of women.
To assume that every man is a potential criminal is ludicrous.
People do meet in random circumstances and live happily ever after.
It is entirely possible that the chap who approached OP had an epiphany when he saw her and thought she is the one he's been looking for all his life ( you know, a la Hollywood 😍) and thought that he simply must find a way to meet her, before she runs out of his life forever. 🫠

@swayingpalmtrees, thanks for a laugh, dear.
You really do not need to concern your lovely 🙄 self about my mundane affairs. As a matter of fact I did meet my husband in a random encounter, rather dramatic and romantic. What fun!
The hysteria over men on this site is amusing. How do you manage your day-to-day life without demanding constant police presence to keep the men/creeps/weirdos away, is beyond me.
Disclaimer: the women, and sadly there are unfathomable number of them, who are abused by men, need all the help society can offer and the law must be fully enforced to punish the abusers to the fullest.
However, vast majority of men are not abusers, nor creeps or potential rapists.
They are average chaps, trying to get by, just like vast majority of women.
To assume that every man is a potential criminal is ludicrous.
People do meet in random circumstances and live happily ever after.
It is entirely possible that the chap who approached OP had an epiphany when he saw her and thought she is the one he's been looking for all his life ( you know, a la Hollywood 😍) and thought that he simply must find a way to meet her, before she runs out of his life forever. 🫠

You are very welcome val

Well OP is asking if she should be flattered, surely that’s up to you OP, how did the encounter make you feel? Sounds like you were ok with it, so no one can tell you what you should feel but you.

I personally would feel a bit accosted, as you expect casual chit chat out and about but someone actually making a ‘bee line’ for me from far away and (what sounds like) pre-prepared lines. I’d be worried that it was a distraction attempt. But that’s just me (and I’m going on previous experience too)

This just screams a PUA to me. I'm nearly 50, dated a lot in my time and met men in all sort of circumstances but never like this. Only a certain type of guy would do this and it's a kind of guy who is not looking for a serious relationship or who has overcome by your beauty that just can't help himself 🙄So naive!

I lived in London a long time too (up to my late 30's) and was never approached like this. Not even when I was pregnant (as it seems to be a thing??). Apart from the catcalls from passing cars or builders, I was never propositioned by random men on the street or park.

Having said all this, I have a friend who used to get this all time though. He's gay, naturally very feminine and quite delicate looking. He was approached by strangers everywhere and all of them wanted just a shag. Non of them were boyfriend material which he was ultimately looking for.

Yes, predatory men are everywhere...

It's a regular occurrence for me too.

There is no way I'd stop.to engage with a stranger who accosted me in this way and I certainly wouldn't tell him.my ne or what I liked to do to relax!

However, vast majority of men are not abusers, nor creeps or potential rapists.

However, the vast majority of creeps and actual rapists are men

However, vast majority of men are not abusers, nor creeps or potential rapists.

Unfortunately the minority who do act in this way is large enough to cause problems for women on a daily basis, so there much be a sizeable number of men who fall into this category.

I think your gut feeling is important.

The two details from your OP that stand out to me as a bit “off” are praising the “style” of bog standard dog walking clothes, and asking what you do to relax. Neither of those things sound very natural or sincere to me.

Social norms do change over time. Maybe you have to be over 40 to remember a time when chatting people up in public was pretty normal. My 18 year old was horrified when I described the old “Impulse” adverts to him and had the reaction that approaching someone in public was borderline criminal behaviour. I never used to mind it if it was respectful. OTOH, I hated catcalls, leering and that kind of thing.

I will not argue against logical fallacies. 🙄 It's pointless.
I am sorry though that so many women here have to live under such unnecessary stress as unless one resides in a convent, one will meet unfamiliar men every day.

I know this isn't exactly to do with your situation OP, but I'm really baffled by the posters saying it's hysterics and paranoia to feel that this sort of behaviour from men is inappropriate.

It's akin to cold calling. Surely if you were being constantly cold called on phone or your door you'd be annoyed by it rather than think "oh well, I can hang up if I want to, this person is just trying to have a nice sales pitch, no harm done, this is how people used to buy things pre internet". I get annoyed by cold calling. Some people have 'no cold callers' stickers on their doors. We should have the right to enjoy our time at home without unsolicited approaches from salespeople. Same with our time outdoors. I don't find it romantic or flattering for men to come up to me unsolicited and expect me to stop what I'm doing to talk to them.

Besides, many women know that these unsolicited encounters often end badly. I'd need a few more hands to count the times I've ignored a man who then went on to yell abuse at me, or follow me. Lots of times while I was a school girl in uniform. Very rarely have I said "not interested thank you" and he's gone on to say "that's fine, enjoy your day".

Or men could simply behave better val and stop bothering women that are exercising. It is not necessary for 51% of the population to live in a convent, it is not the medieval times you know!!

Men should stop pestering women full stop. If she was interested in him she is more and capable of letting him know. End of.

But it is creepy to walk across a park to someone and ask if they are 'taken' I cannot envisage a grown woman doing that. Its not usual social interaction, someone walking the opposite* *direction saying hi, smiling maybe even saying great look. Fine.

Expecting someone to remove earphones it better be you're lost or need help in some other way. Definitely creepy.

The fact that many women have an experience of being approached by a male complete stranger, whether neutrally or negatively, yet vanishingly few have the experience of being the one doing the approaching, just show that too many men consider women out alone in public to be there for their personal needs/whims/entertainment.

Why can’t a woman simply occupy a public space while going about her business without a man thinking she’s fair game for a pick-up? What does this kind of interaction say about how men view the women they approach? If you meet through friends, the friend can tell the guy a little about what you do, what you like (and vice versa of course) so there’s some background there as to whether you have anything in common. If you meet through work, you build up a relationship first and decide you like elements of each other’s personalities. OLD, you fill out profiles to try to match with similar people. Meet through a hobby or sporting activity, you know you both already have something in common.

But seeing you from across the park? All that says is he views you as potentially available. Is that how low you want your bar to be set? The PP who says backing off at the mention of a husband means he respects other men not the OP herself is bang on. This is the kind of man who only ever sees women in relation to himself or to another man, not as fully rounded individuals in their own right - if he did, he’d respect the fact you have every right to walk your dog in peace. The use of the word “taken” is quite telling here.

And can the PPs who insist you can instinctively filter out the bad guys within a few seconds cut it out? What is that implying about any woman who ends up in a shitty relationship - or worse, who ends up assaulted or dead from this kind of encounter? That they don’t have your super-sensitive creepdar? The bad guys don’t advertise their malign intentions, funnily enough they can often do a pretty good impression of a good guy, for a while.