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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be flattered? Or is this strange?

369 replies

sleepfortheweek · 25/04/2022 23:29

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

OP posts:
Agrudge · 26/04/2022 00:19

Lightstoobright · 25/04/2022 23:35

Errm yes men ask women out in the street. It happens.

It's sad people cant try to meet new people without being labelled a creep

Pawtriarchal · 26/04/2022 00:24

worraliberty · 26/04/2022 00:06

I'm sure she gave the dog tummy time when they got home 😂😂

Show quote history

After Mummy and Me Rhyme Time at the library!

I’m worried about my dog’s lack of eye contact on walks now though, he always just wants to smell other dogs pee. I might ask the health visitor about it.

Judithand · 26/04/2022 00:24

He found you attractive or interesting, approached, chatted then left.
I do not seem the harm there, he wasn’t creepy or persistent.

I am approached by men a lot and when I was single I appreciated it. Now that I am married I say from the start that I am taken and stop the flirting.

before OlD this was how people found each other. It’s really not a big deal.

ittakes2 · 26/04/2022 00:26

I think you need to chat with your hubby about him giving you more attention! I get things up to a bit but when you started having a conversation about how you liked to relax...come on surely you felt this was overstepping a boundary - if a strange man asked me how I like to relax just about then I would be mentioning I had a husband not after you told him! I would be worried he was distracting you to rob you.

fallfallfall · 26/04/2022 00:28

but when people are single and want to meet others isn't this exactly what people tell them to do? put yourself out there and say hello?
honestly i think it's nice, broad daylight in a public space.
walks and grocery stores.

Xpologog · 26/04/2022 00:35

“Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.”

Thats the creepiest part and not a normal conversation in the slightest.

Fizzyfish · 26/04/2022 00:40

Don't see what is so weird about this, op didn't feel threatened, it was in public and he left her alone after she said she was taken

aurynne · 26/04/2022 00:48

Did the man have an accent? This approach is common in other countries, although uncommon in the UK.

I would trust my instinct. Sometimes a situation like this can be nice and endearing, others it can be threatening. It really all depends on context, demeanor, and especially in how it made you feel.

On another unrelated issue, I find a woman saying she is "taken" creepy. I may or may not have a partner, but I am never "taken".

Aquamarine1029 · 26/04/2022 00:53

Xpologog · 26/04/2022 00:35

“Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.”

Thats the creepiest part and not a normal conversation in the slightest.

Exactly. It boggles my mind that anyone on this thread thinks this interaction was in any way normal or appropriate. The man is a fucking creeper.

Pawtriarchal · 26/04/2022 01:16

MissStarry · 25/04/2022 23:31

Sounds like a PUA testing his luck

It does a bit. The very direct contact, singling you out.

AnAfternoonWalk · 26/04/2022 01:22

I think it’s weird behavior. Years ago I was in a park walking early one morning and no one was around, and a boy in a car swung around and stopped right next to me and put his head out the window and said “you look really good” I was so taken aback plus he looked like he was ten years younger than me and also he looked a lot like the son of a neighbor. I think I said something like, what are you doing, and quickly kept walking. Luckily he did not persist.

A man who is a stranger walking up to you to tell you he likes your (ordinary) outfit and wants to know what relaxes you...sorry, that is a weirdo! Stay away!

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 02:23

Sounds awful but would have felt uncomfortable with hand shake and wonder if some kind of ESN
Would be wary but not threatened with people around.
Only person to offer to help me with luggage once was guy who obviously had a learning disability!

Sweetpea1532 · 26/04/2022 02:29

@sleepfortheweek
Was your dog upset about the encounter?
Usually a dog will pick up on any creepy vibe someone is giving off and will react to protect their owner.

Downunderduchess · 26/04/2022 02:31

What stood out for me in this exchange is how pliable you seemed to be to what he wanted. You were out walking minding your own business with headphones in. A random man sees you & decides he will speak to you. Then shakes your hand.

It would have been a no from me. I don’t like strangers (typically men) thinking they have a right to make me talk to them & touch them.

I’ve been accosted many times by men doing this. I don’t interact. I get to choose who I engage with.

I say no thanks & keep moving. I don’t care if they think I am rude. I don’t think it’s flattering.

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 02:48

Hand shaking is very inappropriate.
Not sure what I would have done. As so unexpected.
Hence SEN?
If people around would probably have gone along with it. Rather than escalate.
Wouldn't have had the presence of mind to think of other strategies

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 02:55

It's almost scripted behaviour. My brother who is autistic, non verbal, has been taught to shake hands. Possibly a bad move.
Shakes hands when I see him. Has no idea of context.

Kennykenkencat · 26/04/2022 03:00

Definitely not a normal conversation.

And you gave him your name and a lot of other information.

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 03:02

Some of the comments on here, bloody hell!

So a man isn’t allowed to start a conversation and ask someone out anymore? And if he does that makes him a creep?

Maybe because I live in SW London and my friends and I are approached all the time that I don’t see the problem. This man kindly made conversation, the OP didn’t feel threatened at all, he was still respectful once the OP said she wasn’t available and he left her alone with no problem. Someone tell me what’s wrong with that? You may not agree with his style of talking to a woman (shaking hands, asking what interests she has etc) but he really didn’t do anything wrong to label him a creep.

It’s funny because I see threads where women ask where they can meet people and comments often say, ‘join a club, you may be lucky and meet someone out in a pub/bar or in public.’ How are women meant to do that if it’s creepy when a man approachs them? Unless women are the only ones who should be approaching men now…

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 03:04

When I visit him it's obvious that verbal residents have some script.
Eg I'm x etc

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 03:09

Shaking hands after seconds meeting a stranger is not appropriate. In a park, not a social venue eg a youth club, pub etc.

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 03:13

And tbh who shakes hands anymore? With a complete stranger?
Just strange chat up style.
And nothing wrong with chatting people up.

PlainJaneEyre · 26/04/2022 03:18

I've had several men chat to me in public places when I was single in my late 50s and yes it probably was an attempt to get chatting. There was no hand shaking though. It happens.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 26/04/2022 03:28

Happened to me once and I was equally taken aback. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no gargoyle and I’ve had plenty of inebriated gentlemen hit on me on the dance floor of a Lloyds Wine Bar in my day (I married one of them) and I’ve had my share of super creeps hit on me in broad daylight too. But on this one occasion, just as you say, a totally usual-seeming and clean-looking (I would even go as far as to say a good looking) man stopped me on the street in Shoreditch to say I was dressed well, looked cool and would I like to go out for a coffee sometime. He seemed very nice and I was literally looking over my shoulder for the camera or his mate laughing or something, because it was so out of sync with (sadly) the kind of unsolicited attention one usually gets from men.

I wasn’t single and I said that I was very flattered, but had a husband and he said “oh I’m sorry to hear that!”, smiled broadly and we both carried on walking in opposite directions. It’s a sad state of affairs that in the five or so years since it happened I’ve looked back on that incident with more astonishment than the time I was stood on the escalator at Angel tube station and the man behind me had his knob out.

Marmite17 · 26/04/2022 03:45

Yep. It wouldn't usually start my name is x.
More likely shows interest in dog. IdeaI conversation starter. Is that a Newfoundland etc.
Weather. Great to see daffodils.Or you wouldn't think it was summer.
Random question. Do you have the time? Need to get to x by y.

Pickabearanybear · 26/04/2022 03:53

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