To be flattered? Or is this strange?

[sleepfortheweek]

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

That guy was appalling and it's quite different from the OP's experience.

No you swap numbers and chat to them on the phone obviously 🙄 no one is going off with anyone that approaches them on the street when you think about it it’s actually better than old as you know it is actually the person you’ve swapped numbers with and not some cat fish using others pictures of putting there best ones on there from 5 years ago..

I have dated upwards of thirty men before I married, perhaps more, and NONE and I repeat none started whilst I was walking in a park and someone approached me out of nowhere and shook my hand and commented on my hoodie. I have met men in bars, festivals, offices even on flights - and one memorably was a fire fighter to my house! But never has some weirdo approached me out of nowhere and asked me what I do to relax? I would assume he had problems and steer well clear.
That kind of brazen approach will always cause suspicion. I don't need dating lessons from you thanks, I would rather stay safe and away from the nutters (having had my fair share of those too, following me in parks, on tubes and down streets) Women today have to be on their game, and can not afford to not be careful. Look at what happened to Sarah.

If he is/was genuine, then the kind of friendship you speak of would usually build up gradually. A hi when they are passing quite a few times over a period of months whilst walking, smiles and greetings and then a longer conversation when it feels comfortable etc. Not an ambush so to speak.

Oh of course!

I was just using it an as example of men demanding woman’s attention in agreement with a PP. He turned on me as soon as I rebuffed him. Which is why a lot of women just placate them by being polite and certain men know this and use it to their advantage.

Was a bit of a tangent but you never know if s man is going to turn. My example has happened to lots of women I know.

I think it depends on context. I live in a nice quiet area, walk dog with headphones in and randomly chat to people I meet in fields out and about. I’d have been thrown by handshake but random man chatting wouldn’t bother me.

This! I’m starting to think the only reason I see no problem with this is because I live in London and men approach you all the time. Just two weeks ago some guy came up to me on the street asking me when my baby was due and if I could go on a date with him before I had my baby🙃 completely doesn’t phase me but the guy in the OP really did nothing wrong

He wasn't just chatting, he was hitting on op dixie slightly different I would say.

I don't know when society degraded to the point that striking up a conversation with someone else was considered an unreasonable demand but it's a bloody sad state of affairs.

Absolutely

Men to be honest. They ruined it for everyone.

Mumsnet is getting awfully dogmatic these days. Instead of accepting our diverse experiences, some posters seem to insist that you can only have their view, and that the contrary experience you just shared is not in fact true.

I do find this weird. Especially when I have headphones in, it's the international sign to leave me alone, yet more than once I've been stopped by men (one even touched me because I didn't respond) to tell me something 'random'. Jog on.

I hate that men think that this is ok to do (women don't do this), but I guess if some are flattered by it they think it's ok

Delicate little flowers? Do you know the stats for violence against women and girls?

I think I’d better bow out of this discussion.

I’m trying to imagine a world where a woman accosts a man forcing him to take their earphones out as what they have to say is so groundbreaking they just can’t keep it to themselves and have to impress said man with a witty observation.

Would make a good comedy sketch 🤣

And you hit the nail on the head flora

Violence towards women is at record levels, intimidation, rape, date rape drugs put into drinks, stalking, indecent exposure, unwanted touching and staring it does not come out of nowhere, although sometimes it does rarely. It comes from inane conversations like this. I was nearly dragged into a car by some men asking for directions when I was 22 - it was terrifying.

It is this kind of thing, means we can't all be jolly and carefree when it comes to men approaching us when we are alone in the park. I don't suppose Sarah thought she was going to come to harm from a policeman.

Anyone that shows disregard for their own well being and assumes all men are well intentioned and kind are probably going to be victims at some point, with a level of trust that has not been earned or is deserved, any decent man would know that and act respectfully and accordingly.
I speak from experience. As do others on here. Some have clearly sailed through life without the horrible experiences we have had, and don't see the harm (or at least won't until it happens to them) I am not sure I even believe the women that live in London, I lived there for ten years and it was endemic.

I also had men accosting me on the street and asking me if they could fuck me while I was heavily pregnant, and I found it absolutely grim - it was quite clearly the pregnancy which they found appealing.

I suppose if some pregnant women find it a turn on too, that is why they continue to do it.

You do know some women do it to right? My friend gives men her number in public if she finds them attractive she’s written down her number and gave it to them!! It’s a normal way for people to meet. Calm down

I think it sounds like he liked you a politely tried to make a move. You declined so he politely respected that and left. It’s lovely really
bit would freak me out as it’s not typical.

You do know some women do it to right? My friend gives men her number in public if she finds them attractive she’s written down her number and gave it to them!! It’s a normal way for people to meet. Calm down

But the difference in sexes is absolutely key here - the statistics of female violence against unknown men versus male violence against unknown women aren't even comparable.

And in any case, w man is highly unlikely to feel physically threatened or frightened by a woman doing this because it's vanishingly unlikely he wouldn't be able to overpower her.

We can't know which men are the nice ones and which are the scary ones. That means that for some of us, we risk assess based on the worst case scenario to be as safe as possible.

It's sad, yes. But it's only necessary because of the massive issue of violence against women, perpetuated by men. Not all men, no. But we don't know which ones. Its a perfectly valid, non OTT, personal choice to risk assess based on the possibility of being assaulted or harassed.

He may not be threatening (or he might) but either way, for me, this is a threatening situation. That’s because I, like many other women, have experienced this before. As soon as it starts, I know what’s going to happen. If I’ve tried a quick exit, I’ve been verbally assaulted (standard “fucking ugly bitch”). So there will be a request for information (SM contact details) and a meet-up. I would say no (because they are a complete stranger/I have a partner/that’s not how I want to start a relationship with someone etc.). The no will be refused. I'll feel compelled to share a real/fake partner. Then I'll be verbally assaulted. So you pick, the quick verbal assault or the protracted verbal assault. And I know I’ll just have to take it on the chin because I’m not in a position to incite further aggression by insulting him back (plus, I wouldn’t). Then I get to spend the rest of the day feeling crap because someone insulted me and I just had to suck it up.

I know every interaction doesn’t go like this, but it happens so often that I’m wary. It’s nice that he went on his merry way but having read a bit about pick-up techniques, it's still deeply unpleasant. So no, not flattering - a pick-up game from the pick-up manual and you’re the target. And as has been said up post ‘I love you style’ is the top “day game” opener… And yes! You’re allowed to ask people out but PUA techniques are pure misogyny, not, I like you and I want to get to know you, more how can I get as many women as possible to sleep with me. It’s sad that I’d come out of this scenario thinking, “well, at least he didn't insult me”…

Its a perfectly valid, non OTT, personal choice to risk assess based on the possibility of being assaulted or harassed.

Also though the OP was there and detected no threat but is being repeatedly told that she was wrong or assessed badly

I can't speak for others, only myself, and I haven't said that about her.

I've just explained why I believe it's wrong of some PP to be dismissive of women who say they would feel threatened by this.

But how are women supposed to know who are the ‘nice guys’ and who are the ones who will call you an ugly cunt, spit in your face and follow you home shouting obscenities, or worse…

Finding it scary is totally normal when you’ve experienced both (mainly negative) and have no way of knowing which men are which. Fuck sake.

Exactly.

Yes I get that but that wasn’t my point, my point was some women like it and enjoy being chatted up, like I said it’s how my sister met her ex by following him into a shop in the hopes he would chat her up, and he did so to suggest it’s always unwelcome is wrong.

She followed him. It’s right there in your own post. How are you not seeing the difference?