To be flattered? Or is this strange?

[sleepfortheweek]

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

Yes I get that but that wasn’t my point, my point was some women like it and enjoy being chatted up, like I said it’s how my sister met her ex by following him into a shop in the hopes he would chat her up, and he did so to suggest it’s always unwelcome is wrong.

Huh? I haven't said it's always unwelcome by all women or all men and I don't think anyone else has at all?

What people have done is share their personal experiences and many have said they personally would always find it unwelcome.

You telling people to 'calm down' or ignoring them explaining their reasons for feeling the way they do, is dismissive particularly when many posters have shared clear (and often traumatic) reasons why they would personally find it dismissive.

It's sad that men have harassed women so much on the street that we have to think of men as creeps in the first place.

This was meant to say:

You telling people to 'calm down' or ignoring them explaining their reasons for feeling the way they do, is dismissive particularly when many posters have shared clear (and often traumatic) reasons why they would personally find it frightening / unwelcome / unsettling etc

I’ve had posters horrified I would actually give my number to someone that’s chatted me up, it’s hardly a big deal, loads of people I know have met this way, if you don’t like them then say no thank you, but lots of people met this way before OLD took over. Just because a man is talking to you doesn’t mean it’s threatening, nothing in the op was threatening, I forgot women are only suppose to talk to men they know or are related to 🙄

Just because a man is talking to you doesn’t mean it’s threatening, nothing in the op was threatening, I forgot women are only suppose to talk to men they know or are related to

Wow this is so fucking dismissive. Lots of women including me have shared experiences with men who’ve approached them in a public place, the outcomes range from feeling intimidated to verbal, physical and sexual assault.

Of course all men aren’t like this, but when you’ve had an experience like that you change and become guarded, knowing that not even people in a train will step in when you’re being assaulted (I haven’t shared this yet but that’s happened to me).

So excuse me if I don’t instantly drop my guard and chat to every random man who approaches me. And no I don’t feel sorry for them, they’ve brought it on themselves. Moaning about how you can’t chat to a girl these days, we’ll wonder why that is!

And no one said you had to.... ive only ever seen this attitude on MN tbh, back in the real world men and women talk if you don’t want to then don’t but it doesn’t make it wrong either

😂

My dog humours me with a bit of “fetch” at the start of walks but then he’s off sniffing out the gossip and I can’t get a peep of conversation out of him.

With respect, I honestly don’t think you understand.

A learned experience from many women is that if you don’t respond or comply there’s a high chance of verbal abuse. It’s engrained in us to be polite and submissive to protect ourselves against a possible hostile situation.

If you don’t understand the above then I’m actually, genuinely, happy you haven’t had any of these experiences.

But some of us have.

Imagine living in a world where no strangers spoke to each other ever incase they get accused of being creepy, threatening, predators, going to sexually assault you....

Doesn't your dog miss out on interaction if you have headphones in and an audio book?

This is the most pure question on here 🥰

I hate it when men ask if you're "taken". The implication is that if a woman is single then she will definitely be interested in him.

That didn’t happen in the op though did it, you are twisting the thread and making it all about you, the ops situation is what we are discussing, and it’s funny how he managed to be polite and not sexually assault the op after she turned him down. Not everyone is a predator.

Yes it would be shit but like I’ve said I’ve had some bad experiences and won’t engage now, even in a public place for reasons in my previous posts.

😐 Because this is a thread that has now widened to a broader discussion. I’m sorry if it hurts your established world view, but here we are.

@Changechangychange not sure if you’re implying that I found it to be a turn on simply because I said I’m not phased…

I’ve had two pregnancies back to back and have been chatted up about 5 different times from men. I’m not phased at all because men will speak to anything that blinks. My point is, is that the man in the OP was very respectful yet people are acting like he’s the devil or something

Wow this has gone off a bit but OP please please have your wits about you when you walk your dog, this man might have been chatting you up but he might also have been making you at ease so the next time he approaches you he can grab your dog and disappear.
It happens, frighteningly often and you will be taken completely off guard.

People are getting creative with dog stealing and this is an easy way of getting what they want - your dog!

What a depressing life some of you lead, if you're "terrified" of a man approaching you in a busy public place in broad daylight to have a brief, polite conversation.

Always very sensible to be guarded around strangers but fuck me, some of the hysterics on this thread are embarassing.

Nothing wrong with speaking to strangers

Quite another trying to pick them up when they weren’t out looking to get picked up.

As for asking what you do to relax that sound 🤮🤮🤮
And Are you taken.
That just sounds weird as though you are someone else’s property

This did cross my mind. He didn't seem to show interest or ask any questions about her but who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️. There were loads of other dog walkers there though

@namechangetheworld , I'm not terrified of them, i find it annoying.

I do not wish to be approached by a man telling me I am attractive/pretty/beautiful and would i like to go for a coffee/drink/back to mine.

We should be able to go out and about without being hassled.

I don’t think you can infer that, really.

The implication is that if you’re single, they might try to find out if you’re interested, not that you automatically will be.

There is a lot of minimising on this thread.
Op was safe, handled it well and it was okay, this time.

For many women it did not have a good ending, and we are right to take care. It is all about context. Talking to lone women with head phones in a park that has showed you zero interest or eye contact is brazen, brazen men are usually trouble. Most women are not desperate and would not enjoy being picked up in a park whilst out for a walk. Unwanted advances are not ideal and yes many experienced thieves do this in large cities, one will distract whilst the other steals your phone/purse etc. It is a very slick operation and you would not even guess it was happening. Man drops something in front of you and then thanks you, job done.
The extreme naivety makes me question the motives of some of the posters on this thread, I am not sure it is good practice to encourage women to put themselves in danger and not question men approaching them out of the blue and what they might actually be doing/planning. That is just plain stupidity.

The men often aren't single themselves

Yes op. Where the hell was your 5 foot electrified cattle prod? Women have to carry one AT ALL TIMES to keep EVERYONE away! I can’t believe you allowed ANYONE to stand near you and make conversation! Are you insane?!

I'm with @pedropony76. How do you think people used to meet? I've been asked out at a bus stop, chatted to in the supermarket and at a bank. This guy seemed fine to me - once you said you were not available he left you alone.
The one time I did feel uncomfortable was when I was followed out of the tube and the first thing the guy said was 'I'm not going to hurt you'.
If someone comes up to you that makes you feel uncomfortable just give them a look and move on or say 'I'm not interested'. This guy paid you a compliment. He may have been a creep , but so could that guy down the pub or in a nightclub or local pottery class.