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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be flattered? Or is this strange?

369 replies

sleepfortheweek · 25/04/2022 23:29

Walking my dog this evening. I was walking through a local park, as were many other people.

I had my headphones in listening to my audio book but out of the corner of my eye I saw a man crossing the park towards me. I didn't think much of it and just kept walking but then I noticed he was walking directly towards me.

When he was close enough I could see he was saying something to me so I took out my ear buds and I didn't catch the first bit but he basically said sorry for being so random but he really like my fashion (I was wearing jeans, boots, an hoody and a body warmer 🤣) and wanted to say hi.

He introduced himself to me and shook my hand. I had no idea what was going on, and I told him my name. He was just kind of smiling at me and making conversation. Asked what I liked to do to relax etc. It was a very normal conversation but in very strange circumstances.

He then asked if I was taken.I said yes, I have a husband and two children. The conversation ended not too long after, with him apologising again for being so random. He said cheerio and off he went on the opposite direction to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Does this kind of thing actually happen in real life or do you think he was on drugs?? He didn't seem drunk.

I live in a tiny town, and he said he was here for work (even told me what work).

Should I be flattered? Or should I be looking over my shoulder from now on?

This has NEVER happened to me before, it's not like I'm a beauty queen that men fall over themselves to speak to 🤣

The strangest thing was that the part of my audio book I was at was a man and woman who barely knew each other went for a coffee together and I was literally thinking how that never really happens in real life then BOOM I'm accosted by a stranger 🤣

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 26/04/2022 20:01

This used to happen to me all the time in my 30's and 40's. Especially when dog walking. Seemed normal at the time - though I suspect it's quite telling, that it doesn't happen now, in my 50's 🤣

AHungryCaterpillar · 26/04/2022 20:03

FloraPostePosts · 26/04/2022 20:00

Okay.

Some I can recall:


  • invited to a party by a friend, met someone there who she didn’t know but her friend, whose house it was, did;

  • someone who worked in the same large organisation I did, but in a different division;

  • someone I met at a private view at an art gallery, where I knew the owner;

  • a friend’s former flat mate, met at a party she held at her new place;

  • DH worked in the same company as me, but not together, got talking at a works drinks.


There were plenty of others, none of whom tried to pick me up in a park when I was clearly not looking for company and was doing something else. Maybe I’ve really missed out…

Show quote history

So basically everyone you dated had a connection to someone you know, sounds like hell to me I like to date totally random people that my friends and family don’t know! And yes I’ve met men by giving them my number, no different to old only you actually know it’s the person and not a cat fish

AHungryCaterpillar · 26/04/2022 20:05

FabFitFifties · 26/04/2022 20:01

This used to happen to me all the time in my 30's and 40's. Especially when dog walking. Seemed normal at the time - though I suspect it's quite telling, that it doesn't happen now, in my 50's 🤣

Because it’s totally normal but MN is weird and a parallel universe sometimes!

BadNomad · 26/04/2022 20:07

FloraPostePosts · 26/04/2022 20:00

Okay.

Some I can recall:


  • invited to a party by a friend, met someone there who she didn’t know but her friend, whose house it was, did;

  • someone who worked in the same large organisation I did, but in a different division;

  • someone I met at a private view at an art gallery, where I knew the owner;

  • a friend’s former flat mate, met at a party she held at her new place;

  • DH worked in the same company as me, but not together, got talking at a works drinks.


There were plenty of others, none of whom tried to pick me up in a park when I was clearly not looking for company and was doing something else. Maybe I’ve really missed out…

Show quote history

Were you looking for company at the art gallery? And all those times when alcohol was involved?

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 20:18

I've been reading your very varied replies, and I've had time to reflect, play over the scenario in my head...and also Google PuA as I'd never heard that term before 🙈.

Again, it's a small rural town. There were loads of other people in the park, many of whom I knew. It was daylight. In an unknown city, at night, alone would be different of course.

I had AirPods in and my hair was down - there was no way he would know I was listening to anything.

He was a similar age to me, with a similar accent.

He didn't seem confident or self assured at all, in fact quite the opposite. He was quite awkward.

It didn't look like he spent an awful lot of time on his appearance or clothes. He wasn't well groomed or stylish (although also wasn't scruffy or wearing an old paper bag)

It's as if he went on line and googled 'how to pick up a girl. Possible ASD? He was very direct in his questions, more than I think most people would be when speaking to someone they like.

Maybe PUA 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know. He wasn't physically imposing or threatening, the whole thing was just a bit odd.

Im flattered if he found me so attractive he just HAD to speak to me, and whether that's true or not I'll never know, but it's better than thinking it was anything other than that.

OP posts:
Justkidding55 · 26/04/2022 20:25

happens all the time to me- well not so much now but used to. And most of my friends. It’s not weird or sinister he chatted you up very politely, then on finding out you were married he bid you farewell and left you alone. This thread is full of very precious people

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 20:25

And actually on reflection, it was a lot less creepy than any of the times I've been approached in a pub/club when the men are full of drunk and bad intentions.

Nevertheless....DH is walking the dog tonight 🤣

OP posts:
impossible · 26/04/2022 20:28

Sounds as though he liked the look of you so tried (awkwardly) to chat you up. Take it s a positive, if a little strange.

Babyvenusplant · 26/04/2022 20:31

LittleYellowDog · 26/04/2022 00:03

Doesn't your dog miss out on interaction if you have headphones in and an audio book?

My god 😂

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 20:38

namechangetheworld · 26/04/2022 14:22

What a depressing life some of you lead, if you're "terrified" of a man approaching you in a busy public place in broad daylight to have a brief, polite conversation.

Always very sensible to be guarded around strangers but fuck me, some of the hysterics on this thread are embarassing.

Show quote history

A man and his male passenger drove along the road slowly, keeping pace with me, making obscene comments. I ignored them. I said nothing. They then drove off suddenly. I thought I was safe. Until they swung into the road I was trying to cross and tried to drag me into the car. I screamed and screamed and fought and they dropped me and drove off.

Since then, which happened 18 years ago, I would never, ever entertain the idea of speaking to a man who approaches me in the street. I feel frightened. I am wary. I don’t know why he is demanding my attention or feels entitled to it. I know that saying nothing doesn’t always save you.

There’s no way of knowing the guys who are just being friendly to the ones trying to rape you. So forgive me for shunning them all.

I do not accept that is hysteria.

Vikinga · 26/04/2022 20:38

tootiredtoocare · 26/04/2022 19:20

As long as you didn't feel uncomfortable, then it was fine, I guess. I think it's a bit sad how many women here are calling him a creep and a weirdo. A busy park, daylight, introduction, quick chat, and backed off when he knew you weren't single. Nothing wrong with that. Obviously, though, maybe just be certain he didn't get weird and follow! If you meet him again, talk about DH and your very strong, stable, happy marriage! 😂

That's bullshit. Stopping a stranger and asking them if they're single etc is not bloody normal or acceptable!

Vikinga · 26/04/2022 20:41

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 20:38

A man and his male passenger drove along the road slowly, keeping pace with me, making obscene comments. I ignored them. I said nothing. They then drove off suddenly. I thought I was safe. Until they swung into the road I was trying to cross and tried to drag me into the car. I screamed and screamed and fought and they dropped me and drove off.

Since then, which happened 18 years ago, I would never, ever entertain the idea of speaking to a man who approaches me in the street. I feel frightened. I am wary. I don’t know why he is demanding my attention or feels entitled to it. I know that saying nothing doesn’t always save you.

There’s no way of knowing the guys who are just being friendly to the ones trying to rape you. So forgive me for shunning them all.

I do not accept that is hysteria.

Show quote history

Yep been wanked at, flashed, followed and propositioned. Stopping a stranger like that isn't nice, it's predatory.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 20:44

Again - I wasn't followed, flashed, wanked at nor did he shout anything obscene or intimidating.

This isn't the same as what a lot of you are describing happened to you - and of course if any other above happened it would be a very different thread.

OP posts:
HisHX · 26/04/2022 20:45

Babyvenusplant · 26/04/2022 20:31

My god 😂

Show quote history

I feel bad about all the 10 mile walks I take my dog on now, listening to a podcast rather than chatting to him. Someone call the RSPCA.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 20:47

@HisHX it was certainly the oddest response to my post 🤣

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 20:49

Sorry, I meant to say, it was the middle of the day. In a busy area.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/04/2022 20:51

FloraPostePosts · 26/04/2022 11:34
MrsSkylerWhite
Why is it more creepy to approach a stranger in broad daylight in a busy park than in a pub at night?
Read my earlier posts - I have set this out several times above.“

I have. I just don’t agree with you. Most of the fulfilling relationships in my life have been forged from chance encounters.
I’m 59. In my youth, I was approached on buses, trains, at work, walking down the street, in shops, pubs, nightclubs. None were creeps. I think there are far, far creepier people lurking in the shadows on today’s internet dating sites but somehow that’s perfectly fine. Makes no sense to me at all.
face to face is far more straightforward. Most of us can suss a person out pretty quickly. (Or could, before we all hid behind screens)

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 20:53

sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 20:44

Again - I wasn't followed, flashed, wanked at nor did he shout anything obscene or intimidating.

This isn't the same as what a lot of you are describing happened to you - and of course if any other above happened it would be a very different thread.

We’re not saying it is the same as what happened to you. We’re defending ourselves against the posters calling us ‘precious’ and ‘hysterics’ for finding it unusual/intimidating/frightening/creepy etc based on our own, very negative, past experiences.

As I keep saying, the bad guys look just like the good guys.

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 21:43

MurmuratingStarling · 26/04/2022 19:00

@Swayingpalmtrees

It is not normal of either sex to go up to strangers in parks when they are happily listening to music and walking their dog alone, and start asking them what they do to relax and whether they are married etc?! This is not normal behaviour. I find it stranger still that anyone would defend advances like this given the women that have been murdered in exactly this way.

Exactly this! I can't believe that SO many women on here (claiming to be women anyway,) think this is OK. I call bullshit actually. I think some posters are pulling our leg. I don't know one single woman, married or single, young, middle-aged, or of the older generation, who would find what the man in the park did acceptable.

Not in a million fucking years does any WOMAN think this is OK. Pull the other one eh?

Soooo unnecessarily dramatic.

If the OP said she felt super uncomfortable or she tried walking away and he followed her or blocked her path etc then I can absolutely see the problem. There is nothing wrong with a man chatting up a woman. It may be an awkward or unwanted encounter yes. I’m sure most woman would rather carry on with their day. It doesn’t mean men speaking to women in an attempt to get to know them is wrong. In this situation the OP was more than able to say ‘i’m not interested’ and walk off yet people are acting like he cornered her saying she must give him her contact details or else.

Seriously, have none of you ever been approached in the street before? Bloody hell

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 22:10

Seriously, have none of you ever been approached in the street before? Bloody hell

Yes. We have. That’s the point. Some guys are nice, some call you an ugly cunt when you don’t appreciate their ‘attention’, some try to rape you. If you’ve never had that, then great. But don’t poke fun at those whose negative experiences make them view this differently Pedro.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 26/04/2022 22:12

I think it's quite normal for people to approach people they are interested in, strike up a conversation and ask about their relationship status to gauge interest.

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 22:17

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 22:10

Seriously, have none of you ever been approached in the street before? Bloody hell

Yes. We have. That’s the point. Some guys are nice, some call you an ugly cunt when you don’t appreciate their ‘attention’, some try to rape you. If you’ve never had that, then great. But don’t poke fun at those whose negative experiences make them view this differently Pedro.

@Herejustforthisone who was poking fun at anyone?? Yes of course that’s true but that was not the OPs experience AT ALL so what’s the need to bring up those examples??

Herejustforthisone · 26/04/2022 22:22

pedropony76 · 26/04/2022 22:17

@Herejustforthisone who was poking fun at anyone?? Yes of course that’s true but that was not the OPs experience AT ALL so what’s the need to bring up those examples??

Show quote history

Gah. As has previously been stated, in reply to all the posters calling us hysterics, precious, dramatic, etc, for not being at all comfortable with a man approaching a woman randomly and enquiring as to her marital status, even when it has become obvious she doesn’t want to engage because she out her earphone back in. Christ almighty.

Some people might find it harmless, some might fight it exciting (there’s a few posters it seems) but some might find it hugely creepy and worrying, likely based on past experiences. These posters are being called names because they instinctively fear the worst. A fear that isn’t usually based on fuck all.

daisymade · 26/04/2022 22:27

Dunno. Started reading this thread thinking harmless but if my daughter was a teenager and she came home to tell me this id be genuinely very concerned.

I think I’m too trusting and take things at face value.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 26/04/2022 22:32

@daisymade I'm perhaps the same - too trusting.

I also wouldn't feel comfortable if a grown man approached my teenage daughter I the same fashion.

However, is she was a grown woman in her 30s and a man or a similar age approached her in the same manner, that's different.

OP posts: